La Tua Cantante
by christiep
Summary: Edward's self control fails him, and he bites Bella the day they meet. How will Bella,Edward and the Cullens deal? What dangers will they face? E/B and the usual pairings.
1. Introduction

La Tua Cantante

_Sometimes fate becomes more than just some theory or excuse that people use to try and explain away things about their lives that can't be understood and don't seem to be changeable. Sometimes fate is a real, tangible fact of existence- a force that makes itself known suddenly, completely and irrevocably changing the course of an individual's life. I'm proof of that._

_Unfortunately, fate isn't all about finding the love of your life or finding your place in the world or discovering your calling. Fate is too wild and unpredictable to be contained in that way. When it happens to you, there is no way to know what may happen, except to know that it is out of your control, and that the sort of changes pushed into motion by fate will touch every bit of you. The way you see the world and experience life, who you interact with, who you fall in love with, become friends with, form a family with- even death- it all changes from the moment the cosmos interfere._

_All that's left to do once the universe interrupts your carefully laid plans is to go with it, see what happens, and make the best of it. Personally, I wouldn't change a single thing about my destiny- even if the powers that be decide I'm to die racing through these woods, chased by him, with his cruelness radiating out of black eyes and unworldly beauty. Even if I'm ultimately torn to pieces because of it, fate has never done anything more admirable than to give me love, and I'm ok with whatever repercussions may be required._


	2. Chapter 1

Bitten

**A/N: This is the first story I've ever just written on a whim- meaning I didn't really sit down and plan out a basic sequence of events, or spend a few days pondering it over in my head. Inspiration hit, and I took it, despite the mounds of reading I should be doing for class right now. Maybe this has been done tons of times before- I wanted to give it a shot though. As with everything I ever write, your opinion matters. Review, let me know what you think, or the story stops. Thanks- and I'm not quitting or even slowing the pace on **_**A New Harmony- **_**just wanted to write this one too ********.**

**Disclaimer: Definitely not SM, thus I don't own any of this…**

Even the quietest of people become really uncomfortable when deep, awkward silences descend. That was exactly what had happened on the hour ride from Port Angeles to Forks. I've always depended on others to carry on conversations- not because I'm shy, but because I like to think things over and observe before jumping in. Thus, my extremely tacit dad, Charlie, was not the most compatible conversationalist for me. That was why we hadn't said a word to each other in over thirty minutes. After about ten minutes of polite exchanges about Phoenix, my flight, my mom, Renee, and the weather in Washington, there just hadn't been much to say.

Reasonably, I felt the smallest release of tension when Charlie broke the silence.

"Bella…" he started, waiting to make sure he had my attention. I turned away from the green blur of forest outside my window to look at him, noticing how his brown eyes were the exact same color as mine.

"I know you wanted to get a car here, but with you starting school tomorrow, I didn't think you would have the time to go before you would need something to drive…"

Oh lord- he was about to offer me the police cruiser- my dad happens to not only lives in the rainiest, coldest, and possibly smallest town in the United States, he's also the chief of police there. I cringed, waiting for him to finish.

"…so, I went ahead and looked around. I found the perfect thing for you."

I felt myself simultaneously relax because I wouldn't be driving the cruiser, but also become suspicious with a dozen questions.

"What do you mean, 'for you'? What kind of car is it?"

Charlie stared straight ahead. "Now Bells…" I stared him down. "Well, I got a great deal from Billy Black. You remember him, right, from the reservation?"

I vaguely did, but Charlie hadn't answered my question.

"Ch- Dad," I began, catching myself before I called him Charlie to his face- he would flip if I did that. "What kind of car is it- and what year is it?"

"It's a Chevy pick-up- the engine's brand new."

"But how old is the truck Dad?"

"Billy bought it in the late 80's…" I gave him a look and waited for the real answer to my question.

"Its from around the early 60's, late 50's, maybe." I crossed my arms over my chest, and sighed. "Don't worry Bells- they don't make them like that anymore, and it runs great. Plus, I got a great deal on it- and I kind of wanted it to be a welcome present."

Well, that did matter- I had some money saved up for a car, but it wasn't very much. And I was touched by the gesture, because even though Charlie wasn't great with expressing his emotions, his actions always spoke loudly.

So, with that, I let the matter go- couldn't beat free, anyway. Not that any of that mattered once we pulled up in from of the house. There was the bulbous once-red-now-faded-to-orange truck, beckoning to me in the driveway. I loved it- it may have been a beast, but it had loads of character.

I climbed out of the cruiser and closed the few paces between me and my new baby. I ran my hand down the door, turning around to see Charlie looking at me from where he stood, ready to unload my bags from the cruiser.

"I love it Dad! Thank you."

He smiled before gruffly responding. "You're welcome Bells- now help me unload these."

It only took us one trip to unload my bags- I hadn't brought very much stuff, due to my limited winter wardrobe- tanks tops had consumed more of my closet than sweaters in Phoenix. Once all my luggage was situated in the room, Charlie had lingered for a moment by the door. Obviously, he hadn't been entirely sure of what to do and seemed uncomfortable.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, already poised to leave.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just going to unpack."

He nodded and retreated, his footsteps slowly fading as they went past the one bathroom in the house, his own room, and down the stairs. A moment later I heard the low drone of the TV he must have flipped on.

Finally alone, I unpacked everything- not surprisingly, it didn't take long. When I was done, I went and cleaned myself up and changed into some old sweatpants and a t-shirt, acclimating myself to the new bathroom. Once I had padded back down the hall, I let myself take in the room that was mine now. It didn't take long- little was different from the summers I had spent here as a child. Other than the new bedding Charlie had apparently bought, probably with the help of a salesperson, everything was the same. Pale yellow lace curtains dating to my babyhood, dark wood paneled walls and beige carpet- it was all familiar. At the same moment though, it all felt so foreign, and the weight of emptiness hit me as I realized how much I missed Phoenix. Even more than the sun, I really missed my mom. It was funny how I never resented being the adult in that relationship- Renee was just who she was- crazy, scatterbrained, and my best friend. With thoughts of her on my mind, I felt the tears begin to fall and was thankful that Charlie hadn't stuck around and hovered. Exhausted physically and emotionally from the long day, I pulled back the covers and lay down, despite the fact it was early. Beneath the covers I let the tears fall, hoping that Charlie wouldn't here my sobs that I worked hard to choke back. It would be hours before I would fall asleep, my tears and the driving rain against the roof keeping me awake.

The next morning, I forced myself out of bed, down the hall, and into the shower. I allowed a few moments under the hot water to get myself together before stepping out and wrapping my towel around me. I dressed quickly, went downstairs, and scanned the cabinets for anything that I could eat. I found nothing but cereal, but that was fine with me. I ate my breakfast alone, knowing that Charlie was already at the station.

Eventually, deciding that I couldn't put it off any longer, I rinsed my bowl, grabbed my bag, keys, and brand new rain coat before running out to the truck. I climbed in for the first time, and was hit with a wave of vanilla, peppermint and tobacco smoke, apparently remnants left behind after extensive cleaning. I didn't mind it too much though- in some ways it was comforting.

Despite not knowing where the high school was, I headed toward the main part of town, remembering the way from my childhood. Soon enough I saw the sign for Forks high, and turned to the left. I looked around, realizing that this school looked nothing like anything I had ever seen before. Brick buildings were scattered around, barely carving out a patch of land from the encroaching too-green forest. I saw one building that was labeled as the front office, pulled the truck up in front, and headed inside.

At the front desk, a kind motherly sort of middle-aged woman greeted me with a knowing smile. She had obviously known I was coming. I barely had to introduce myself before she had pulled out my schedule, a slip of paper for each of my teachers to sign, and a map, which she commenced to highlight paths to each of my classes on. I smiled my gratitude at her when she was done, then went back out and started up the truck again, this time following the arriving line of cars to the student lot.

The roar of my truck drew much unwanted attention, and I shut it off quickly- I really wanted to fly under the radar today.

By lunch time, I had realized avoiding attention in a small town was impossible as the new girl. It was also obvious that everyone had been awaiting my arrival, and that Charlie had been talking about me- everyone already knew my name, and they were calling me Isabella. I had to correct everyone I talked to.

Despite the large number of people I had met, I could only remember a few names- Mike, Eric, and Jessica. Jessica was nice enough, and it had been good to have someone to talk to in a couple of classes. Mike and Erica had been a little strange- like they were competing over something. Still, they had both been really helpful, and I was thankful to have someone to sit with at lunch.

I went through the line with Jessica, and we set down our trays at a table that included Mike and Eric, plus two other girls and another guy whose names I didn't know, but faces I recognized from earlier in the day. As chatter began, I scanned the cafeteria, just to check out my surroundings. Nothing seemed that different from home in here, other than it being substantially smaller. This building was more modern than the others. The same stainless steel contraptions held the less-than fabulous food, and institutional white was the only interior décor. Booths and tables were spread out, and the usual cliques could be seen. I was just about to return my attention back to my table, when I caught sight of _them_ off to one corner at the table farthest away from the heaviest concentration of people.

There were five of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. On one side of the table sat a breathtaking, perfect-in-every-way blond- a true bombshell. Next to her was a huge guy with dark brown curls. He was burly, and looked like he could play linebacker in the NFL. On the other side of the table was another tall blond, a guy, who resembled movie stars from the silent film days. Sharply contrasting him was the tiny sprite of a girl who sat next to him, her dark brown hair spiking out in every direction to frame her childlike features. At the end of the table was the one with the youngest appearance- the rest of them looked like they could be in college. He had gorgeous bronze hair, and looked smaller than either of the other two guys. Despite how distinct they each were from each other, they all had the palest skin, and dark circles under their eyes. It was odd how they all seemed so similar and different at the same time- not to mention the grace they each had, even in the strange stillness they each remained in, looking off in different directions, not eating from the full trays in front of them.

"Bella, what are you staring at?" Jessica interrupted my thoughts, and making me jump. Being clumsy, I almost fell out of my seat. Really, I'm nearly disabled.

The whole ordeal made me snap back to reality and remember my surroundings. "Who are they?" I asked, nodding in the table's direction.

Jessica gave me a knowing smile, before proceeding to tell me all about the Cullens, how they were adopted, lived together, but Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett were still together as couples. I continued to look in the Cullens' direction, my mouth uncharacteristically moving before I thought.

"Who's the one on the end, with the reddish hair?"

I heard a brief smirk from Jessica before she answered.

"That's Edward. But, don't even think about it. Apparently he's too good to date anyone here- or even pay attention to them." She stated, a bit of something like bitterness in her voice.

I blushed at her insinuation before assuring her that wasn't why I had asked- truly, it had mostly been curiosity.

Thankfully, the bell rang soon after, and lunch dismissed to our fifth periods.

Mike walked me to Biology, which he also had. He dropped me off at the front of the class before smiling sheepishly as he went to sit down. Obviously, everyone had assigned partners. I went through the usual process and the teacher signed my slip of paper before giving me my book and syllabus, then told me to sit in the spot in the third row.

I turned from his desk, and began walking toward the third row. I looked up to see where the empty seat was, before my breath caught in my throat. It was him, Edward, sitting there, staring off into space. I felt my face heat up, and my heart beat just a little faster, as I approached the table. As I arrived at the seat, a light breeze ruffled through my hair from the heating vent I walked past. Trying to smooth my hair back behind my ear again, I became distracted, my foot caught on the corner of the desk, and I fell, rather than sat, in my seat. I blushed harder yet, but turned to introduce myself to him anyway. That's when I noticed that his body language had changed. He was no longer nonchalantly looking off towards the front corner of the room- he was staring straight at me, body rigid, hands clenched in fists around the edge of the desk, eyes black with…hate, anger?

My mouth formed a small "o" in a combination of shock and fear, my eyes locked into his. Why was he looking at me like that? I quickly averted my gaze, swinging my hair around to cover my face. I busied myself with arranging my textbook and notebook, feeling strange emotions course through me- hurt, frustration, and confusion- over his reaction. I was entirely baffled by the way he looked at me, and was unsure of what to do. Fortunately, Mr. Banner quickly started class.

For the remainder of the period, I sat in bewilderment, wondering why Edward would have reacted in such a way. Surely I had done nothing to offend him- how could I have? Yet he had shifted his chair away from me and his hands remained balled into fists on his knees. He never moved, no matter how many times I glance through my hair at him. Finally, toward the end of class, I noticed that his hands began to relax a little. I felt a small wave of relief over this, before I felt the tingle of his gaze upon me again. I burned under the eyes I couldn't be entirely certain were upon me, but felt anyway. The remaining few minutes of class dwindled away, until class was dismissed with the ring of the bell.

I stood up, thankful to be able to escape, and began to pack my things away, aware that he was still there, but unwilling to look up at him, out of fear and indignation at the way he had looked at me. I hadn't done anything to deserve that!

But all of that soon faded away, when I heard the silkiest, most velvet, and beautiful sound in existence.

"Bella?" his voice questioned. I felt myself shocked yet again by him, and couldn't help by look up. When I did, I saw that his unfathomable black eyes, set in his angel-like face, were just mere inches away from mine. Awed, it took me a moment to answer him, even after he moved slightly away.

"Yes?" was all I was able to croak out, despite wondering how he knew to call me Bella.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself before class, I'm Edward Cullen."

"Umm…nice to meet you."

His grin widened, lopsided, almost devilish, but in an absolutely breathtaking way.

"Where are you going next?" he asked, as he looked into my eyes, as if searching intently for something.

"Gym, unfortunately."

He looked at me quizzically. "Unfortunately?"

"Well, I mean, I trip a lot. I mean, I'm clumsy. It doesn't really mix with sports- or even walking for that matter." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I felt my heart hit a fever pitch, just as a deep blush hit my cheeks. When I managed to shift my gaze back up again, I could have sworn that his eyes had just gotten even darker, and definitely more intense- like a fire was blazing within them. It would have been frightening if he hadn't been so beautiful.

"Maybe I should walk with you then?" He asked. Funny, it almost seemed like he thought I should say no, even though this weird look of hope was on his face.

"Sure- that would be great." I answered- the murderous glare he had given me just forty-five minutes before was completely forgotten with the look he gave me now, as if I was the most desirable thing in the world.

We walked out the classroom, and started down the concrete sidewalk towards the gym. He had gone oddly silent for a few moments, and every time I looked at him, it was like he was in deep contemplation over something. Suddenly, he stopped, mid-stride. He stared into my eyes again for a moment, deep concentration furrowing his brow. A long second later, he spoke, right after a flash of frustration washed over his face, only to disappear again.

"I'm sorry, I've forgotten something in my car I need for my next class, would you mind walking with me to get it?"

The two kinds of hope along with fierceness were on his face again. My gut reaction told my entire being to not go with him, to continue on to the gym that was just around the corner. I started to tell him that I should go ahead to class and not be late, but his eyes drew me in, and I agreed to go along.

He smiled, and as we walked I no longer saw the look of deliberation on his face. It wasn't very long before we arrived at his car in the deserted parking lot. Not a soul was around as Edward opened the door to his silver Volvo, rummaging around for a few moments. I leaned against the back door on the driver's side, spacing out as I waited on him. Before I had realized what happened, the front door was closed, and Edward stood in front of me, arms on each side of me against the car. I looked at him, ready to question his actions, before I felt that strange daze come over me again, as I smelled his sweet breath, and looked into his terrible black eyes.

The intensity of his gaze was unbearable, and for the first time, I realized there was something to be frightened of. Somehow I knew it wasn't just that I was alone in this parking lot with a boy- there was something terrifyingly otherworldly about Edward in this moment. Suddenly I realized that the hope mixed with want earlier had not been those two things at all- rather it had been apprehension battling against deep desire.

I saw all of this in a moment, right before he uttered the last words I would ever hear before my death. His eyes softened for just one split second with remorse as he almost inaudibly breathed "I'm sorry Bella." Then he leaned in, his lips touching my neck. I felt their marble-hard, ice cold smoothness give me shivers, right before a sharp pain pierced my neck, smelled a rusty saltiness, and felt consciousness slowly lose its grip on me, leaving with my blood.

**A/N: Please review :)- they really do matter. So tell me if you hate it, like it? This may have been a bit rough becuase I wrote it quickly- I'm not completely happy with it, and think last bit, from Biology on are really the best parts- but that's just me. Let me know what you think! **


	3. Chapter 2

2. Transformation

**A/N: Why is it that Twilight takes over my life when I should be studying for the first round of midterms…happened during last semester's finals too. Oh well- here you all go- I couldn't help myself.**

Consciousness was quickly leaving me. I wasn't too worried about that. I welcomed it really- the pain was nearly unbearable and I would do anything for it to stop. The pain that I knew came from Edward's teeth piercing my jugular. The thought made me want to laugh, if that had been possible. Really, it was just ridiculous. Unfortunately, it was happening, and nothing was going to change that.

Or maybe not so unfortunately; the fact that such a beautiful being was so close to me almost made up for all of it. Then again, probably not. There was the intense pain in my neck, the sensation of life itself leaving my body, and tolerating the smell of rust and salt that was turning my stomach. Seriously- what was wrong with me? Why wasn't my life flashing before my eyes or something, instead of such trivial musings? Why wasn't I worried that all of this just happened to be occurring on my first day in Forks- tiny, boring Forks. Who would have guessed this, of all things would happen? I mean, falling and breaking a bone or something, sure- but really?

My energy was being sapped, and I was about to give in to the darkness that I felt pushing in around me. In so many ways, the darkness was comforting- all warm and heavy, like a thick quilt. On the other hand, I knew that it brought death. With that knowledge, I gave one final push, trying to follow the direction to fight that came from my brains. I weakly struggled, before making my final decision to just let go.

I felt the haze seeping through my limbs and behind my eyes, and felt a bit of peace come with it. Then, suddenly, the slow fade of my life stopped, and I vaguely felt something hard and cold envelope my body. The sudden change shook me, raising my level of alertness and I heard what sounded like a growl and a scuffle just a few feet away.

I didn't have time to figure out what the source of the noises was though before the wind began to race by. Of course, I guess it wasn't the wind racing as much as it was me- or whatever had me in its grip. The invigorating rush alerted me a bit more, and I managed to open my eyes despite the enormous weight that held me lids closed. I blinked furiously, trying to see through my blurry vision.

All I could comprehend was pale white skin and dark hair, along with the blur of trees. The speed I was moving at was phenomenal- but it only worsened my dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous state. I quickly let my eyes fall shut again. Just moments later, I realized that whomever had been carrying me had set me on a couch. And they were yelling for someone- when had the yelling started?

"Carlisle!" the unfathomably exquisite voice screamed.

I tried to hang on and try to understand what was going on, but my capabilities to concentrate on anything had suddenly become impaired. A slow deep burn had begun in my chest, like the worst heartburn imaginable. I focused in on this new sensation, unable to think of anything else but my newest problem. I thought nothing could have hurt worse than his teeth as they sunk into my flesh, but this was a hundred times worse.

Just as I thought this, I felt the pain begin to grow, in every sense of the word. Like a wildfire spreading in the driest forest on the planet, the burning began to establish itself in other parts of my body rapidly. It radiated outward from my chest, licking at my neck, my stomach, and my shoulders. From there it picked up momentum and intensified everywhere as it coursed down my arms and legs, even into the tips of my fingers and toes as well as my face and scalp.

_This is what burning alive feels like_, I thought to myself. I was about to reason out if that's what was really happening now- as if I would have bad enough luck to have my blood sucked and be caught in a fire on the same day- when I was suddenly distracted by an awful wailing.

The sound was the worst I had ever heard, a blend of the rage-filled sounds of a rabid animal and the pitiful whimpers of a wounded one. An instant later, I realized that the haunting cry was my own- when had I lost control of my vocal chords- and the rest of my body for that matter? I was thrashing around on whatever I had been placed on, wildly.

Every muscle in my body was lashing out against the fire, tensing then relaxing, tensing again. Mercifully, strong hands held me down, working hard to keep me in a semi-still state. Thankful that someone had control over my body, I tried to stop the awful noise I was producing, but only succeeded in quieting it minutely.

That tiny change was enough to allow me to hear the voice that called to me.

"Isabella, Isabella- listen to me." The Voice intoned, so smooth like the voice of whoever had carried me, like that of Edward…

Apparently, The Voice thought that I might be paying attention.

"Isabella,"

"Bella- she prefers Bella." That velvety voice broke through everything- he was here, in this room. For some reason, just by his tone- so full of remorse and brokenness, I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Even if he had just tried to kill me- I wasn't entirely sure he hadn't succeeded.

"Ok- Bella- this is Carlisle Cullen. You really need to try your hardest to calm down. I'll explain more later, but the screaming and violent movements aren't much of a help in your situation. Nothing is…but I promise it will stop soon, ok?"

It was absolutely not ok. However, it seemed that I was still alive- though I didn't see how he expected me to calm down. And I wanted a explanation now. Wasn't he a doctor- why wasn't he pumping drugs into me, or taking me to the hospital?

"Alice," I heard Carlisle address her, and it struck me that she was probably the one who carried me here. "Please go get some rags and things to clean her up with- and some fresh air- you've been holding your breath for a long time. And make sure Emmett and Jasper are managing to keep Edward upstairs- I know him, and he might just run off because of this."

Holding her breath? Edward was upstairs now? When had that happened- and where would he run to? Everything was suddenly becoming too much for my brain to handle, and I could fill my grip on reality slipping as the pain did the impossible and jumped up an octave. Giving myself over to the scorching fire that consumed me, I lost all sense of time and my surroundings.

I had no idea how long I lost touch- though I had discovered that Carlisle was right about the movement and yelling. Now I settled for suffering in silence, except for the occasional outburst when I couldn't hold it back any longer.

Despite my disconnected state, I did manage to catch a few snippets here and there.

Edward was still in the house, though he now refused to talk to anyone, except for when "it" was over. I didn't quite know what it was, though I assumed it had something to do with the torture that I was currently enduring.

I also knew that Rosalie was angry- over what exactly, except that again, it related to me, I had no idea. Alice had been the one to carry me back- apparently, she had somehow figured out what was happening in the parking lot, and Emmett and Jasper had pulled Edward off of me. Therefore, growling and scuffling.

Carlisle had cleaned me up- I assumed that meant the blood was gone. At least, I could no longer smell it. And I was currently lying on a bed in a guest room in the Cullen's house.

Other than that, I knew little. Carlisle had repeatedly told me he would explain it all when I got closer to a point where I could understand- whatever that meant. Surprisingly, though I had figured out this much, I had really spent most of my time outside of lucidity, only able to sense pain.

Though, that did seem to be slowly changing. The pain was still there, but it was a little less intense in my toes and fingers, and it was getting a little easier to focus. It was almost as if I had more room to think. Some time- however long it was- after I realized this, Carlisle came back into the room.

This was the first time I had noticed him enter or exit. I usually just realized he was there, catching some snippet of something he was saying before I lost it again. This time, was aware of his entrance, and that he was somehow on level with me- he must be sitting.

"Bella, can you hear me? If you can, squeeze my hand." Though I couldn't really feel his hand, I did my best to contract the muscles in my left one.

"Good Bella- you must be getting closer. I think I need to explain a few things to you then."

He then commenced to give me a speech on what had happened to me. The Edward-sucking-my-blood part wasn't that new to me- though I hadn't really connected it with the whole vampire thing. I would have thought I was incredibly dense, except I then considered the state I had been in, and decided it was reasonable for me to have overlooked it.

When he explained the reasons behind everything I was experiencing, it didn't really sink in at first. I was becoming a vampire. I was going to drink blood when this ordeal was over- which, apparently, should only be several more hours since I had been lying here for over two and a half days.

Not human blood though- the Cullens only drank animal blood. Except for when they slip up of course.

It was all so strange- and ridiculous. If it hadn't been for the reality of the fire and the memory of Edward sinking his teeth into my neck, I wouldn't have believed any of it. I was going to be a vampire- the Cullens were vampires.

As unfamiliar as it all was, it did make me understand why they had caught my attention today...or a few days ago actually, I guess.

I was left to think all of this over after Carlisle left me again, promising to be back soon. I wasn't alone though- I knew that. I felt the presence of someone else in the room, soon after Carlisle left. But they didn't speak, and I still wasn't capable of comprehendible words, so I continued in my anguish.

Mercifully, the anguish was diminishing. My entire hands and feet now only felt like they covered in hot coals now, instead of being consumed by white-hot flames. Some time later, I began to feel the heat recede in earnest, though it only became more concentrated in the areas it retreated to.

Soon, it was only my chest that burned, though it was hotter than ever before, and I screamed with renewed pain. It wasn't long before I heard several people enter the room.

"Carlisle?" the familiar voice of Edward asked, coming from beside me- he had been there all along.

"Yes, it shouldn't be long now son."

"Just a little more than two minutes to be exact." The small voice of Alice piped in, full of enthusiasm.

No one said anything more as the fire retreated to my heart, which I was aware of. It beated wildly in my chest, fighting like mad against the consuming fire. I was sure it would pop out of my chest.

"I've never heard anything so strong…" Carlisle hardly more than whispered.

As he finished, my heart beat a few more rapid, pounding times. Then, the fire made one last burning lick in my chest as my heart first stuttered, then stopped completely, going forever silent.

Stunned, I realized all the pain was gone. I also realized I had no desire to scream or thrash anymore. I felt relief for the first time in days.

I was also curious- could I move on my own now? Who all was in the room? My mind raced a mile a minute- more than it had ever been able to do before.

Unable to contain myself, I snapped my eyes open, ready to see what the world would be like now.

**A/N: So, how'd I do? Tell me! Sorry if this has some errors- its late, and I'm going to bed, but I want to go ahead and post. On that note, I am looking for a beta, if anyone is interested, PM me and tell me whether you can beta this story, A New Harmony, or both. Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 3

3. Awakening

**A/N: I am completely blown away guys- it's amazing the response I got to the last chapter. Thanks so much for the ten reviews (and hugs and cookies in one case and advice in a couple), and for the many favorites and story alerts, and the crazy number of readers. Y'all make me feel so proud- and a little writer-happy, meaning quicker updates!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not awesome enough to own Twilight…but Stephanie is cool enough to let us borrow her characters…**

The moment I decided to open my eyes, my lids had already lifted. My eyes focused, and I stared at the ceiling, shocked at the detail I could see. Every grain of the wooden beams, every shadow, and every shade of brown- I could see it all. I was awed at the simple intricacy. More than that, I could make out the floating of tiny dust particles moving lazily around the room, riding along on invisible air currents. Colors were suddenly more vibrant, and there was even a new one I couldn't begin to describe. It was like I had never truly seen before.

Everything that I had never noticed before was now breathtaking. Except, I didn't think I was breathing. Now that I thought about it, I was kind of uncomfortable, but not in the way I was used to. There was no pressure in my chest, no burning in my lungs, or a compulsion to inhale. But I did find that I wanted to breathe- as in the way I used to want to eat, even when I wasn't hungry. So, I took a deep breath.

The air coursed down through my nose, into my still lungs and my chest expanded. I was shocked at the medley of scents that suddenly bombarded me. There was sugar, and flowers, and cinnamon, and so many others that I couldn't find a sufficient label for. The scents were so strong- I could almost taste each of them as they came at me from somewhere near where I thought the door was. Breathing had never been so pleasant- at least not that in anything I could remember…which suddenly didn't seem to be very much, beyond the past few days. I didn't think I would ever forget any of that.

All of these thought processes only took a few seconds, and somehow I realized that the scents bombarding me were coming from something- something I should be able to see. Before I could even think, I had arched my back, pushed off the bed, and flipped back to the wall. I landed in a crouch, and surveyed my surroundings.

At the door stood Emmett and Jasper, with Rosalie and Alice positioned slightly behind them, as if they were trying to guard them against something. The sight of Jasper made me deepen my crouch and stiffen further, for reasons I wasn't sure of. All I knew was that his arms and neck were covered in crescent shaped scars, white against white. Fear gripped me, just as my eyes locked with his, and his mouth moved to form a minute smirk. Then, curiously, the fear faded a bit as an out of place sense of peace and security hit me. It was just enough to allow my gaze to shift away, and I looked to Alice.

She looked like she might be jumping up and down a little bit, or at least bouncing on her toes. Her eyes sparkled with excitement, and she smiled hugely at me. She reminded me a kid on Christmas morning, overjoyed at the new toy she had to play with. Emmett also looked a little friendlier than the superiorly serious Jasper. Though his body language was tense, a small bit of humor pulled at the corners of his mouth.

Rosalie, on the other hand, was just as on guard as Jasper. Her eyes were cold, her face a frozen emotionless mask. She was truly disconcerting, and seeped raw anger.

A man with hair the color of his light golden eyes and the same pale skin as the rest stood slightly in front of the first four, forming a sort of triangle with them. I drew the conclusion that he must be The Voice I had heard over the last couple of days, Carlisle. Another woman, who I could only assume was Mrs. Cullen, stood slightly behind him, hands gripping one of his arms. She too had pale skin, but her hair was the color of caramel while her eyes were the same color as her husband's- the same as all of the Cullen's. Though her body expressed the same defensiveness as the others, a kindness and concern was written across her small features. It was slightly comforting, even in the midst of the surrealistic moment.

Unsure of what to do, my analysis was interrupted by the sound of someone shifting their weight, off to my left, by the window.

Before I could possibly remember who it was- my mind was so easily distracted- I shifted my body weight so that I faced whoever seemed to be a threat. I couldn't stop myself, and a low growl erupted from my throat and I bared my teeth. Then I saw who it was.

Edward, in all his copper-haired godliness. I straightened just as quickly as I had turned to pounce on him- I knew he brought no danger to me.

"Edward," Jasper began, as if cautioning him. That's when I realized what was going on- I was the danger here. That's why the Cullens looked so edgy and defensive.

"Jasper, I know, but I'm going to handle this." His words seemed to hold a deeper meaning- like this was his duty. Then again, he had bitten me…I suppose this was his fault. Geesh...no wonder some of his family looked so angry.

With that realization, I was gripped with insecurity. I wasn't supposed to be here. For all intents and purposes, I should be dead now. Without the burning taking my attention, I felt a thousand questions and worries flood my mind.

How had Alice found me to stop Edward? Why had Edward picked me, of all students at Forks High? What if the Cullens didn't like me? Forget that- what was going to happen to me now? What about Charlie and Renee? Would I even be staying with the Cullens? What was I supposed to do? Had Edward been this beautiful before?

"Bella?" the god asked, as if unsure of how to interact with me.

I looked at him, trying to figure out what to say. Really- what does one say in the presence of a would-be-killer-but-luckily-just-attacker-vampire? Especially when he's unbearably attractive and looks like he's about to shatter into a thousand pieces from the sheer force of grief and remorse? Thankfully, it seemed that my attention was enough.

"Do you know where you are- what…happened?" he asked, croaking out the very last part. This was extremely difficult for him.

"Not really…" I began, stopping for a moment, shocked by the tinkling sound of my own voice. As quickly as the shock registered, I felt a tiny bit of reassurance touch me- from where, I had no idea, but I used it.

"…but, I assume, your house?" He nodded, but kept silent, so I continued, grappling with the words to answer his question. Now that I thought about it, it was an awkward one, considering the answer and who was asking it. And my mind kept wandering- to the way the dust particles were swirling, the sounds that I could hear from who knows where, and the various pleasant smells. It was all so distracting.

"And, well…I vaguely remember walking with you to the parking lot at school for some reason, and you were looking for something in your car…" I let my recollection drop off for a moment to sneak a glance at Edward. His eyes were closed, but he seemed to still be listening, though his entire body was as still as a statue. I decided to continue, after reminding myself again what I was saying.

"Then, suddenly you were in front of me, you apologized, then yo..you leaned in and…bit me." I glanced over at the rest of the Cullens, where not much had changed. Carlisle gave me a reassuring look, and Mrs. Cullen's expression was still kind, but it also seemed to be twisted in pain as she gazed at Edward. She fit the roll of concerned mother perfectly. Alice was still looking a bit hyper, Emmett nonchalant like this whole thing was nothing, while Rosalie and Jasper both had the appearance of being in complete disbelief at the situation and my recounting of the events.

I proceeded, trying to not dwell on the next part, since I was sure that everyone could guess what I had gone through over the last three days, what with my screaming and thrashing about.

"Then, Alice brought me back here, and the burning started." Edward grimaced. "Other than that, all I know is what Carlisle told me earlier." I still couldn't bring myself to really talk about what was happening- I didn't have the guts to recognize my new reality, changed forever. A few days ago, I had been the new girl who generally blended in except for when she fell, literally, into the spotlight. Now..I didn't really know who I was.

Just before I could go off on a soul searching- did vampires have souls?- tangent, Carlisle chimed in. "Did you understand all of that?" he questioned, filled to the brim with curiosity. I thought about that for a second- did I really understand? A thousand questions filled my thoughts, but I thought I did get the basics.

"Well…honestly…I get that I'm a…vampire…but I have a ton of questions." Like why the burning that I thought had stopped now consumed my throat, like I imagined dying of thirst must feel like if someone gets trapped in a desert- then pours sand down their throat. Now that I was focused on it, it gripped my awareness like nothing else was able. It was like the painful sensation was my entire world.

"Edward…she's thirsty." Jasper said. I whipped my head around to glare at him. How the heck did he know that?

At the mention of my thirst, Carlisle stepped in. "Bella, there will be times for questions later. For now, I think Edward should explain some things that are of immediate importance." His advice his voice full of stern, fatherly authority. Obviously, Edward didn't really have a choice right now.

"Of course." Edward stated simply, though his two words had heaviness in them.

"What things?" I asked, whipping my head from Carlisle to Edward, then back.

Everyone suddenly looked uneasy, as if unsure what to do, but Edward finally responded.

"Just come with me, and I'll explain."

I cocked my head to the side, wanting so badly to know, but worried about being alone with Edward. Not out of fear, but because I felt nervous around him. But I did have so many things I needed answered.

"Ok. Let's go." Where to, I had no idea. I did hope that it would involve stopping the burning though.

**A/N: So, I'm gonna admit it- the response made me feel a little nervous about living up to expectations- hopefully I did. Writing a newborn is hard- even if it is super-controlled Bella- really, it took me a few days to write this, instead of a couple of hours. Thus, please review and tell me how I did!**


	5. Chapter 4

4. Discoveries

**A/N**: **Under threat of having Felix set on me if I don't update quickly, here is the next chapter. Lucky for you kids, I've mastered typing with the brace on my wrist that the doctor put on for my tendinitis. I had to do it for note-taking in class, but it paid off for you guys too!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I came up with this first…**

The very first few things I learned about my new life- if one could call it that- was that I was now fast. And graceful. And strong.

I had allowed Edward to lead me out of the room that I had awakened in, then down the stairs. We walked in complete silence, and the air nearly crackled with tension. I almost asked where we were going several times, but I was too intimidated.

And not because of how amazingly perfect he was. Though that was thoroughly distracting. However, the dark cloud enveloping his very being was much more intimidating. It just didn't seem appropriate for me to speak first, even if it was superiorly strange to be following the vampire who had tried to kill you days before, entirely without qualms.

So, I walked in silence. Usually I would have done that anyway, since every ounce of my concentration would have been spent on trying to not slip and tumble down the stairs. Out of everything, it seemed that I did remember being clumsy. I guess when something is such an integral part of your being, its hard to forget.

Therefore, I tried to focus as usual, but I quickly found that it was impossible to dial in on any one thing for very long. One second I could be thinking about where to place my foot next, but then I would notice the detailed pattern in the grain of the oak wood of the stair, then the creaking noise of a floorboard upstairs, then the burning in my throat…

Fortunately, I didn't need to focus on not falling. I didn't trip once going down the stairs- a miracle.

At the bottom of the stairs, Edward turned toward the front door. I remembered then that I had no idea where Edward was taking me, and I froze.

Literally- every bit of me shut down, almost involuntarily. No muscle twitched, I didn't even blink. Edward noticed that I wasn't following him anymore, and turned back towards me.

"Bella…" he ventured, sidling closer to me, working to catch my eyes with his own. "What's the matter?"

The way he said my name- it was like it pushed a dagger into him to utter it. Now that I thought about it, his every action and word around me so far had been full of caution.

Trying to let him know that I wasn't having a breakdown, I made myself relax a little, willed my muscles to move, and answered him. "Its just- where exactly are we going?" The sound of my own voice was freaking me out again- I wondered how long it would take me to get used to the music it made.

Edward looked uncomfortable at my question, pausing before answering me, right before I saw a flash of determination cross his features.

"Well," he began, "you're throat is burning, right?" I could tell he already knew the answer to that question, but I decided to reply anyway. Now that he was mentioning it, the dry stinging in my throat was a thousand times worse with my concentration on it.

"Yes- like I swallowed a thousand jalapeno peppers and they got stuck in my throat." I croaked out.

He grimaced, not even a hint of humor coming through, despite my ridiculous simile. "That means you're thirsty- which, of course, you should be." What did any of that mean? Thirsty? For what? I shuddered a little at the thought of the only thing a vampire would be thirsty for- what I must be thirsty for. Scratch that- I didn't need to ask that question.

"And that's what we're going to take care of?" I asked, my voice tinged with trepidation and uncertainty. He must have seen the worry written all over my face.

"Yes." He answered straightforwardly. Determination still hardened his features, and the simplicity of his answer struck me. There really was nothing else to say- we both understood what he was talking about here. Rather, I understood the what. The mechanics were still entirely blurry- and scaring the crap out of me.

"What…I mean…How do we do that?"

He sighed, looking saddened and guilty. "We hunt."

Hunt? How- with what? Did vampires need weapons? I was pretty sure I didn't have fangs. I ran my tongue across my teeth, just to double check. Despite seeming extra sharp, there were no enlarged canines. What was I supposed to hunt? I already knew the Cullens didn't drink human blood, but I was freaked out about drinking any kind of blood. And that still left me wondering where we were going.

I was frustrated- I didn't have any real answers. "Could you please give me some details?" I almost screamed, overwhelmed with the level of confusion I was feeling.

The moment I let myself go, I started to feel myself losing control. Whoah- that was scary. I struggled to calm down, fighting every muscle in my body and sucking down a growl before it could escape. Where had that come from? I never used to react that way to things. In fact, I used to just cry when I was angry. I looked up apologetically at Edward, feeling a little repentant for nearly snapping at him. What I saw in him was shocking.

At my words, Edward looked more broken than he had let on so far. For the first time, I could see how much hurt he was trying to deal with. I was sort of surprised, but on the other hand, I could understand.

I wasn't exactly happy about what had happened, so I could imagine his feelings. For all I knew, he didn't want me around. It must be awful having a reminder of your biggest failure following you around. Obviously, he wasn't supposed to and didn't want to drink human blood. He had tried to kill me, and ended up turning me into a vampire. Not only had he failed, he had sort of failed at failing.

Yet, for whatever reason, what he had done wasn't bothering me so much. No matter what my sudden flying off the handle made it look like. Sure, I was upset that my life was suddenly gone- I could still vaguely remember Renee and Charlie, and even the muddled memories made me sad. But it had happened, and now I had no other options but to keep moving, at least in this exact instant. Somehow I knew the burning in my throat needed to be taken care of before anything else. Unfortunately, I had no clue how to do that, and Edward wasn't being very helpful.

Certainly, I deserved answers. He had done this to me, and he should explain it instead of moping about- that's all I had been trying to say, even if I had overreacted.

I looked up at him then, ready to demand details, but realized he had been staring at me while I had been silently lost in thought and trying to reign myself in.

He stepped closer when I looked at him, and gazed deep into my eyes, doing that thing he had done just before he had bitten me. His eyes bored into mine, and he searched me. Even now, it made me feel dazed and incapable of coherency. I was amazed at the light dizziness that hit me- before, my heart and breathing would have been racing. He stayed in his position for what seemed like a long time before pulling back. Apparently, he hadn't found what he was looking for, and exuded frustration.

"Could you please tell me what you're thinking?" he suddenly burst out.

What an odd question. Of course, at the time, I had no problem giving him a piece of my mind- except what I had been ruminating on as he had stared me down.

"I was just thinking about how I deserve some answers from you, and you're too caught up in your own problems to actually give me any."

I stared him down after that, trying to look as angry as possible. Which wasn't so hard. Suddenly my mood had spiked again, and I was enraged. I was surprised I didn't growl out the words or attack.

"I know- and I'm sorry Bella." He said sincerely. "I promise to answer them soon- just follow me."

I looked at him, a little shocked at the earnestness in his answer, but also itching to ask him where I was following him to. And he had already said that. Yet, the way he looked at me, with this determination to fulfill his promise- I felt safe and trusted him. My anger faded as quickly as it had come. So I reached out to open the door that he had been approaching before I had decided to imitate a statue. Gosh that was creepy…

I gripped the curved golden hand, and began to press down and pull it inward…. right off its hinges.

My eyes widened, as I stared at my own hand, holding the huge oak door in the air. Splinters littered the floor and a couple of brass screws glinted in the light.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…" I babbled in shock. How had I done that? There was no way I could lift something so heavy, much less pull it off the hinges.

For the first time, I saw a glint of humor in Edward's eyes. At the same time, I heard Emmet guffaw up stairs, blending in with a few snickers. How was I able to hear that?

I wasn't left long to consider my apparent brand-new super hearing before Mrs. Cullen appeared beside me. How had she moved so fast?

"She didn't mean to Esme." said Edward before I had even managed to completely process her presence.

"Oh dear, I know that Edward- I was just caught off guard."

She turned to look at me, and I realized I should apologize for my accident.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Cullen…I didn't mean to…"

"Don't worry about it Bella. It will just take you some time to get used to the strength." She said, cutting me off. She sounded entirely genuine, so I relaxed a bit. Her hand on my shoulder was pretty calming too. "And please, call me Esme dear."

She was so sweet…such a mother. But strength- I had super-strength too now? I suddenly felt like I had been turned into some kind of wonder woman instead of a vampire- enhanced hearing and strength- what was next? Were bullets going to bounce off me too?

"Uhmmm…Esme, what should I do with the door?" I had just realized I was still holding it in my hand, and I felt a little awkward, though it's weight wasn't particularly bothersome.

Edward answered for her. "Why don't you just hand it to me- I'd tell you to put it down, but I'm not sure you've got enough control of yourself for that."

I whipped around to look at him- almost insulted at his remarks. What was it with my emotions?

However, when I thought about it, he was probably right. I might bust up the perfect light khaki hardwood floors next. And it was nice to hear a little lightness in his voice instead of straight self-loathing.

I handed it over to Edward after some hesitation, and he gently set the door down just outside before darting back inside, in under a second. Of course- speed would explain Esme's sudden presence. That would be my next superhuman power, I suppose.

How many abilities did vampires have? I was already beginning to feel like I should be hyperventilating. On the other hand, it was exciting for a girl who had always felt weak and helpless. Of course, I had taken care of Renee all of those years, but I remembered being powerless to protect myself from Edward. And I was pretty sure I had been a nobody before all of this happened too- though I couldn't be entirely sure with the memory loss and all.

My attempts at recovering my memories were interrupted by Esme. "Now, you two should get going. You do have quite a few things to explain to Bella, Edward." She said it all with a smile, but, just like with Carlisle, I heard the authority in her voice.

"Yes, lets go Bella." Edward said, walking out the front door. I gave Esme one last backwards glance, then followed Edward. He walked at a normal pace around the house, but it wasn't very long before we had trekked across the lawn to the line of trees that surrounded the Cullen's house. Looking at it from the outside, I could see that it was a beautiful three story Victorian. I loved it.

We had arrived at a stream, and the bubbling noise of the water caught my attention, before the waving of the grass in the light breeze did. It wasn't raining, but the sky was overcast, and it was nearing darkness. Everything was just so amazing now that I could really see it. It would have been more amazing if I wasn't still wondering where we were going. The thought made me remember why we were out here, and I turned to face Edward. His eyes, which no longer looked like the terrifying black I remembered, caught me off guard. They were mostly topaz like the rest of the families, but they were slightly darker, and just slightly tinged orange. They were beautiful to me.

I took a moment to stop gawking and gather myself. "Where are we going?"

"Over there." He replied, nodding his head to the woods across the stream. I was surprised he actually gave me a real answer this time.

"And how exactly are we supposed to get across?" I asked. I couldn't see any bridge.

"We jump." He said. Jump? How?

Edward must have seen my disbelief. "Just watch me, then do what I do, ok?" I nodded, eyes widening as he backed up a couple of strides. I didn't have much of a choice at this point- Edward was my only option for knowledge at the moment.

Before I could think anything else, he took off quickly, and pushed off to leap across the water. The grace in the arc of his legs was amazing as he disappeared into the trees- there was no way I could actually do that.

Then again, I had just pulled a door from its hinges. Why not? I backed up a few strides more than he had- no need to be overconfident. I stood frozen for a moment, mentally preparing myself.

Edward broke though my reverie of doubts by calling out my name. People seemed to be interrupting my though processes a lot lately- was I that distracted?

"Bella?" he called out gently. "Do you want me to show you again?"

I closed my eyes, deciding to just do it- for some odd reason, I felt a defensive need to prove myself. I stood perfectly still, arms by my sides, legs shoulder-width apart. I exhaled for the calming effect alone, and forced my muscles to release every bit of tension.

I pushed off hard, running as fast as I could make my muscles move. I was enraptured by exactly how much speed I was actually capable of that I almost ran right into the water. Thankfully, I leaped up at the last possible moment and soared through the air. I knew I must be cutting through the air with incredible speed, but I was able to figure out how to place my feet on the branch that came up beneath me perfectly. It was like I hadn't been moving at anything but a normal pace.

As I landed, I heard footsteps, presumably Edward's, coming quickly. I jumped down from the branch, grinning from ear to ear. I was graceful- no one would have ever called me that before. Being a vampire apparently had some perks.

Edward came up, and looked at me curiously.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, for the second time in only about twenty minutes. He seemed to be awful nosy. Oh well- I didn't mind telling him my thoughts at the moment.

"Just that I kind of like being able to do all that- and not even fall down."

I saw him smile for the first time since that day at school. This time there was nothing sinister about it, and I loved the way it looked. Unfortunately, it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Yes- well, you can do a lot of things now."

His words made me both excited a little scared- I was excited because I liked the changes I had experienced so far, except the burning that was still scorching my throat. But I also knew why I had all of these changes- and a lot of things were still unknown.

"Do you think you could tell me what those are now? Explain to me exactly what I am now. It seems my definitions of vampire aren't really helping me out a lot anymore."

Again, a smile touched his lips for a split second. It was gone by the time he answered me, replaced with grimness.

"Run with me." He said.

"Run where?" I asked, confused by his apparent evasion of my question.

"Just run with me- I'll explain everything- all of it, when we get there."

Curiosity burned me inside and out at his words. I wanted to know where we were going. But I was also nervous with anticipation of finally getting answers.

"Ok, if this is the last time you make that promise."

He nodded, just before taking off.

**A/N: Let me know what you think! I worked crazy hard on this one, editing and re-editing, then doing it again. Hope it was worth it! ******


	6. Chapter 5

5. Running

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait- I wanted to get Edward's perspective, and didn't realize how lofty a goal that was. I've had total writer's block on this one, while inspiration for my other story, A New Harmony, was surging, so I took a break. But here it is, finally.**

_Edward's POV_

I heard her footsteps behind me as I ran. I pushed my legs to pump at nearly top speed, knowing that Bella's extra strength would help her keep up. As my muscles repetitively stretched and contracted and my feet hit the ground, barely touching the twigs and leaves blanket of the forest floor, my mind began to do its own mental sprint to match the stride of my legs. I allowed my consciousness to take off, knowing that because I had followed this path a thousand times before, there was no need to pay very much attention to the dewy branches or moss-covered trunks of the trees that whipped by.

The more I thought about it, the less I could fathom how my life had been, and was still being, transformed. Three days ago, I had been stuck in yet another cycle of high school. It had been monotonous and mind-numbing, but in many ways, that was preferable. I had been able to find ways to get as close to unconsciousness as possible for vampires, and that had meant I could escape from my terrible reality. The other upside was that at least this town had given us enough room to live our lives in a semi-normal fashion. It had been business as usual, and I knew what to expect from the future. We would all graduate from high school again, pretend to or even actually go on to college, before moving on to the next location in about six or seven years. It was boring, but it was comfortable. Not to mention, predictable, exactly the way we all liked it to be. Control was good.

Then she had breezed into Forks High. Ok, so maybe Bella never breezed anywhere when she was a human. It was more like she tripped her way in- she had literally fallen into my life in Biology.

Before that unfortunate turn of events, Bella had already begun to make changes to my existence. With hindsight, it was easy to view them as the tremors before the big earth-shattering quake. During lunch, I hadn't been able to get inside her head to do my usual reconnaissance- to make sure she wasn't suspicious of any of us. No one ever was, but I always checked. Instead of the usual dribble I found in the heads of the children that populated Forks High, all I had heard from Bella was utter silence. That still seemed to be true. From the very instant I encountered her, Bella had altered the way I viewed the world.

I couldn't continue to believe I knew everything. She had complicated any foregone conclusions I had about my own abilities and I wasn't sure how to deal with not being able to figure her out- either the human or vampire version.

And then I had smelled her blood, and the true disaster had begun. The scent of it had been entirely irresistible. I'm sure I scared her out of her mind when she had looked at me in Biology. I had heard the proof in her erratic heartbeat, the catch in her breathing before it soared ahead faster, and the mid-stride pause in her footsteps. Fear had coursed through her, not any sort of surprise considering what she must have seen when she looked at me. I knew the blackness that must have been in my eyes and the pure anger and hatred that had been on my face was intimidating, even to the most brazen of criminals. She had seen every feeling I had experienced, the warring conflict written exactly in my marble features. I had wanted her blood so badly, but I had been repulsed by the desire. The two emotions had violently clashed inside of me. Instead of being upset with myself for wanting what was forbidden, I had directed all my animosity and the energy it produced toward her.

The entire period I sat on edge, trying to fight back the demon inside of me. From years of practice, I automatically stopped breathing, but the lovely freesia was already coating my throat, consuming all the reason and goodness I possessed in the flames it set ablaze. My family, my wish to make Carlisle proud, my own conscience- none of it had ultimately been enough. No matter how disgusted I was with myself, venom continued to pool in my mouth, and my stomach clenched at the thought of blood. My hands mimicked my stomach, gripping the table to restrain me from leaping up immediately and killing everyone in the room, just to taste the warm liquid that coursed through Bella's veins.

When I had at last given in to the idea that I was going to drink Bella's blood, it had been so easy to calm myself. I had been able to put a time table on my suffering, been able to appease the monster with promises that it would be released soon, for the first time in over eighty years.

It no longer mattered that I had promised myself to never drink human blood again. It didn't matter that Bella was a complete innocent. All I wanted was her blood, and the sloshing sound of her heart beat only taunted me.

So I used my natural weapons. Without shame, I had leaned close to her when the bell rang. I knew that being that close to a human always messed with their ability to think, but the scent of her blood overrode any thoughts or remorse.

It had been so easy to coax her out with me once I had stunned her. Thinking back, I remembered asking her if I could walk with her, as if she had actually had any sort of free will in that moment. It hadn't been as easy to maintain my resolve as it had been to capture my prey. When we had hit the fresh air, it had become minutely possible to fight the demon. Reason had made a small advance in my mind as we walked. My conscience surged back into my decision making, forcing itself back to the forefront, until the monster had roared at the chance that it may be locked back up again, and the battle resumed. Ultimately, the monster won, and this time, there was no stopping its rampage.

Again, so trusting, she had just followed me to the parking lot, believing the lie the demon had concocted and whispered to me. On the walk, it took everything in me to not just lift her up, throw her over my shoulders, and run off with her. For whatever reason, I had stopped myself, just as I had earlier in the lab. I guess I wanted to give the real me, the one with morals, one last shot.

My indecision had lasted up until that very final moment. Even as I had cut off any possible escape, as if she could have outrun me, I had given resistance one last shot. I had searched her one more time- if only I could have seen what she was thinking; it may have dissuaded my actions. I might have been able to humanize her further, to see the life within her. But it was still complete silence, no matter how hard I tried to get inside her head, and even the lovely intelligence of her brown eyes was not enough to stop me. I watched as fear finally struck her in the last moments, and knew she had recognized the danger she was in. The pity I felt was only enough to give me the strength to apologize for my actions before the demon broke entirely free.

The moment my venom-coated teeth had pierced her skin, and the first drop of her perfect, delicious blood had touched my tongue, nothing could have changed my intentions. I was going to kill her, and the wondrous silkiness of human blood coursing warmly down my throat made it worth it. It was exquisite, and the beast within made me question why I had ever deprived myself of this pleasure.

Her blood was also different than what I remembered from the days I had roamed the worse parts of cities and drank for the most disgusting of criminals. Not that her innocence made the experience more enjoyable. I may be a monster, but I'm not sadistically twisted. The blood of any human, even that of those vile creatures I had hunted, was always mouthwatering. Yet her blood was above and beyond anything I had ever tasted. Her blood was the ideal, the dream, what every vampire thirsted for. She was entirely unique, and the experience was euphoric. I imagined it was what a high from some sort of drug would be. As intense and potent as her blood was, it couldn't help but think it would have to be a narcotic- heroin maybe.

I drank hungrily, feeling the life slowly slip from her body, hoping that this moment wouldn't end too soon, that she wouldn't be drained too quickly. I barely noticed the meager attempts she made at struggling. Thinking about it now, I was disgusted that I had reduced a human life to something that was to be used for as long as possible, before it was then discarded. No matter how I felt now, I still couldn't deny that was exactly what I had planned on. I had worked out my entire course of action, from misleading her, to checking to make sure no mental voices were too close, to eventually dragging her off into the woods to burn the body. All of it was working out perfectly, if one could say that about first-degree murder, before I had been ripped away from her. Enraged, at being separated from my prey, I had let out a loud growl, wanting to finish what I had started.

I tried to struggle free of what held me back, clawing and biting at the strong sets of arms, unable to reason and identify who they were. The only thing I did sense was that Bella was gone- the scent of her blood had nearly vanished.

At the realization I thrashed a bit harder, before a gust of fresh air calmed me, taming the monster. The light scent of the rain-washed forest on the wind removed the scent of my downfall, leaving only the taste and memory behind. It was enough, and I saw that it was Jasper and Emmet who I was struggling with, and let them hold me down. My want to cling to what I could of humanity came back to me, and I began to feel the first tinges of horror creep in. I also heard that Emmet and Jasper were trying to talk to me.

"Edward, will you please be still?!" Emmet said, exasperation coming through as he used his full strength to pin my left side, knees against my chest and his hands holding one of my arms down. It wasn't really painful, but the pressure was just enough to further snap me back to reality. At the same time, I felt Jasper send calming waves at me, and I let them course through me, embracing the assistance with pushing the grotesque monster back behind the bars of its steel cage.

Finally, becoming more Edward than monster, I was completely still.

"Can we let you up now?" Emmett asked, more serious that I was used to seeing him. I nodded, but he looked to Jasper anyway. Why would he ask me a question if he didn't actually want my answer. Granted, I was not proving to be the most reliable and trustworthy person right now, but it was still frustrating and demeaning.

"Most of the bloodlust is gone- I think he'll be fine." Jasper assessed.

They released me, and we all rose up. I kept my face turned down, unwilling to look at the disappointment that would be all over my brothers' faces. They had just witnessed me turning into exactly what we rebelled against being. Jasper had felt all the deplorable emotions that had been pushing me to be a murderer. I hated that he could be so intimately connected to me right now, in my weakest moment.

"Edward, you didn't kill her." Jasper said, trying to comfort me, obviously sensing my shame. That should have been reassuring- it may sound crass to anyone else, but the fact that Bella was still alive at this instant was a miracle.

Only, there were two problems with that. First, I would have finished the job if they hadn't intervened. The slight taste of Bella's blood left in my mouth made my throat burn just enough to convince me of that. Second, I knew the anger that raged within Jasper at what I had done- I could read it in his mind. Ditto for Emmett's thoughts.

To counteract that, they were both also thinking of how easy it was to fall off the wagon. They wanted me to know they understood. I didn't want them to understand- I had just acted like a monster. I wanted them to show the anger I knew they felt. Not that I didn't have enough anger for myself at the moment.

"Both of you need to stop being sympathetic, right now." I said, deadly quietness in my voice. I even willed myself to meet their eyes to convey my resolve. It only deepened my inner turmoil to gaze into their topaz eyes. I didn't want to think about how mine must be tinged with red, and how the monster had manifested itself through my physical appearance. Surely my lips were stained with the ruby red of blood too.

"I would have killed her, and you know that. I risked our entire family. I deserve what each of you is thinking right now."

"Damn right." Emmett said, as if my permission was all he needed. Jasper shot him death glares, but he continued on. "Do you have any idea how angry Rose is going to be?! Dude, could you at least not attack the new girl, the one with the entire town's attention on her? The one who's father is the Chief of Police?"

While his exact choice of reasons to chide me wasn't quite what I was looking for, at least Emmett wasn't letting me off the hook. And it seemed that it made Jasper willing to talk too.

"Look Edward. What you did is stupid, and I can't believe you would risk our family like this. But, you didn't kill her. And I can feel your remorse and pain over this. I just…" He stopped, obviously not wanting to continue out loud and risk worsening the situation and my own pain. Of course, he didn't have to ask. I knew he wanted to know why I gave in now. He wanted to know what had made me snap. I could see in his mind that he was surprised I was the one who had slipped- Jasper was supposed to be the one always on the edge of doing something like this. Naturally, my mistake was making him wonder if it was even possible to change.

How was I supposed to explain any of this to them? How could I explain the way her blood had cut off all shipments of reason to the decision factory area of my brain?

"I didn't just give in to a random girl Jasper. It doesn't excuse it, but her blood- it was just so appealing. More so than anything I've ever experienced." There really was nothing else to be said. I had no other explanation for myself.  
"La Tua Cantante" Emmett whispered, while Jasper thought about how they all smelled the same to his barely-vegetarian senses.

"What?"

"La Tua Cantante. Your blood singer- it's a term Carlisle explained to me, and I think he got it from the Volturi. Humans like that are irresistible to us when we come across them. Her blood sang to you- only you." As he said the words, pictures of two women flashed through his mind, and I saw two of the rare times he had ever slipped up, and the only time outside of his first couple of years. Both women had ended up dead. I saw his memories of the bloodlust he had felt, and how he had reacted without even stopping to consider the options. Jasper recoiled at the faded emotions of Emmett's memories.

"Was it like that?" Jasper asked, in awe.

"Worse." Both of my brothers looked at me in disbelief.

"If that's true, then I think you get props for doing it the responsible way man." Emmett said. I just stared murderously at him.

"What? Dude, if it had been me, I probably would have attacked her in front of everyone."

"Me too." Jasper agreed.

I shook my head, astounded by the crassness and ease they could discuss taking a human life.

But Jasper was right- Bella wasn't dead, and I hadn't taken her life. That fact made me extremely curious to know where she was. I already knew what was happening to her- my venom was in her system, and that led to just one outcome. And it wasn't like I was going to kill her, now that the monster was mostly back in his cage, and reason along with other emotions was commanding my cognitive functions.

I felt a lot like a kid getting caught stealing cookies, and was subsequently too ashamed to go near the kitchen anytime in the near future. Not to mention, the cookie jar was most likely being sufficiently guarded now- any semblance of trust was long gone.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Alice took her home- she called Carlisle as soon as she got the vision while she ran out here, dragging us along. We only knew what was going on from her end of the conversation." Jasper replied, after taking a moment to survey my emotions to understand my motivations for wanting to know.

Thank God for Alice. Her vision had been nearly too late, due to my indecisiveness. Still, for saving me from committing the worst crime of my life, she was the most amazing sister ever. I turned and darted away, hearing Emmett and Jasper follow.

The moment we entered the clearing around the house, I could hear Bella screaming. As the sound pounded my ears, the full weight of what I had done touched me. If I hadn't been a vampire, I would have collapsed. I had robbed this girl of her life, whether she was dead or not. Her soul was gone. I had doomed her. I had caused her pain. I had ruined an entirely innocent girl, one who had been beautiful and naively sweet. She had been a daughter, a teenage girl who was soon going to grow in to a woman. She would have grown up, gone to college, found a career, gotten married, and had children and grown old. All of that was gone now.

Inside, Carlisle was trying to persuade Bella to calm a bit, but she was not responding. Alice stood off to one corner, not breathing. I had already begun to hold my breath before I entered the house, so the scent of her blood wasn't affecting me. The sight on the other hand…I told Carlisle to call her Bella, and then left the room, unable to stay and watch her suffering or deal with the monster that still stubbornly tried to resurface, despite my remorse. Carlisle and the others would handle it.

I went upstairs, but the sound of her shrieks followed me. I decided there was no way I could stay- I had to get out of here. I knew Carlisle wouldn't let me leave without at least discussing it, and I couldn't deal with that right now. I wasn't even sure what I would tell him. I didn't know how long I would be gone, where I was going, or what I was going to do. He was busy anyway- I decided to just climb out the window.

Just as I lifted the window, the door behind me burst open, without a knock. Jasper and Emmet each rushed through the entrance, catching me red-handed. As they took in the scene, they both moved at vampire speed. Emmet moved behind me, closing the window and blocking my planned escape route. Jasper closed the door and stood his ground.

"I'm leaving." I said simply, unwilling to pretend any differently, despite the fact that I knew I couldn't take them both, even with my mind-reading advantage.

"Don't doubt yourself Edward." Jasper said. "You have to stay- you did it, now you must face up to your actions. She is your responsibility." He cut right to the heart of the matter- he was always doing that. I guess it comes with the territory of being an empath- he knew exactly what to say to get to me. The little shot of guilt he sent at me wasn't exactly fair either, but I couldn't get too angry about that, since it was only what I would have been feeling if I hadn't been wallowing in self-pity.

Of course he was right. I couldn't leave her- and they were both ready to stop me if I tried, though I knew they had stopped me in my tracks already.

I sighed, sitting dejectedly on the couch out of emotion rather than real fatigue.

"I can't stay and listen to this. What else am I supposed to do?" I argued, though resignation permeated my voice as I forced my words out through gritted teeth and clenched jaw.

Both Emmet and Jasper agreed with me in their thoughts, but remained determined to keep me here- or at least, to keep me from running away from Forks, if not in the house. They were each remembering Carlisle's orders.

"Why don't we go hunting?" Emmet suggested.

I cocked my head to the side, thinking about that. Jasper ran through the idea internally, only coming up with positives.

Emmett continued to insist when I didn't respond immediately.

"Dude, you know you'll feel better once the taste of human blood is gone, even if you aren't thirsty. And maybe it will dilute that freaky red in your eyes." Jasper glared at him for the last remark, and his overall crassness, but I just nodded.

___

After asking Carlisle if it was ok, we had left, going to hunt nearby. I wasn't thirsty, but drank until I couldn't any longer anyway. Sloshy, but with nothing but the memory of Bella's blood and a slight tint of orange in my eyes left, we had finally returned home. My mind was clearer now, and my sense of responsibility was coming back. I steeled myself to be ready for anything, even if it meant the constant screaming of Bella. After all, if she was suffering, my own suffering, though it would hardly compare, was deserved.

Surprisingly, when we walked in the front door, the first thing I noticed was the silence. The scent of Bella's blood was gone as well- someone must have cleaned her up. If I hadn't been able to hear her heart, I wouldn't have believed she was in the house. The vast change left me wondering how long we had been gone, and realized it had nearly been a full day- darkness had come and gone.

Despite the relief I imagined being able to block out Bella's cries would bring, the complete absence of her cries didn't comfort me at all. Even though Bella may have been hiding what she was going through internally, I could still remember the burning- more vividly than almost anything else. I knew that she was still feeling that- the occasional outburst from her proved that to me, even if she was staying true to herself by blocking everyone out of what she was thinking and feeling.

Worse, I knew what this was all leading to, no matter how she was reacting right now. What came after the burning was far worse. I had stolen her life, whether she was dead or not. That knowledge put me in true anguish. I also hated myself for losing control, and decided that if I was in this sort of pain for a hundred years, it wouldn't serve as penitence.

However, I resolved to do everything I could to attempt to redeem myself, somehow. I decided the first step was to get into a state where I could be functional. I had to stop breaking down and start directing my energy outward. I had to deal with my own emotions, quickly. There would be no time for them getting in the way later when there was a newborn to control. I locked myself in my room, and began trying to process everything. I knew that most of them, besides Rosalie, were more concerned about me than angry. Especially Carlisle. Though there was more than enough disappointment in his thoughts to make up for his lack of anger.

I knew there was no way I could face them yet, though we would obviously need a game plan later. For now, I put headphones in and turned up the music to drown out any sounds, including the mental ones. I knew I couldn't hide forever, but I really needed what little time I had.

At some point, after just letting emotion after emotion take its full toll, I realized that the completion of Bella's change was marching closer. I would have to face what I had done. She was going to need a lot of guidance, and I had turned her. She was my responsibility.

I had to teach her, but then it would be her choice to stay or go. Of course, we were all going to have to leave soon enough. We couldn't afford any chance of becoming suspicious in a town this small. I knew that Jasper and Emmett had gone to make it look like Bella was attacked by some sort of animal, using her bloodstained clothes. Eventually, a search party would find the evidence and draw the only reasonable conclusion, that some animal had attacked her. It wouldn't be so far from the truth.

The fake evidence would only buy us a little time, but it should give us enough to plan a graceful exit. Not that it was calming Rosalie down. She was screaming at me through her mind, letting her feelings be known through every means possible, including a few words I had never heard her utter out loud due to her training as a proper, if headstrong, lady. I was thankful that she at least had to leave and go to school with the rest, in order to make everything seem normal. I was pretending to be sick for now, but would have to return to school soon enough as well, for the same reasons, as well as to make sure no one's thoughts were linking Bella's disappearance with the fact that I fell ill and went home on the same day.

Not that any of that really mattered at this moment. The whole point was that soon, Bella would be waking up, and I had to be there. I forced myself to move, and got off the couch for the first time in over a day.

I could hear her heart beating loudly as I approached the guest room. Her body was trying to fight the venom but only pushing it through her veins faster. That was the irony of dealing with vampires- no matter what you did to fight us, you only put yourself in more danger. Bella's breathing was shallow and also matched her heart's pace. Her skin was noticeably paler than the rose and cream complexion that was seared into my memories through her blush. The loss of her humanity was already visible.

I tried yet again to peek into her mind, but was completely blocked out as usual. I wished I could know what she thought about this entire situation. I wanted to know if she understood what was happening to her. I knew Carlisle had given her the basics, but there was no way of knowing how much she had actually been able to process in her present condition. I mean, I still got a laugh out of the whole saga Emmett had concocted during his three days. His thoughts had been vivid, colorful, and invetive. However, I had to be resigned that Bella's mind was on mute, so I settled for just watching her, listening to her heart, and wincing every time she let the faintest whimper come through.

Several hours later, after what seemed like an eternity of no change, Bella began crying out in earnest, louder than when she had first been brought here. Any restraint she had been attempting to exercise disappeared, and she thrashed around on the bed. I knew that the venom must be nearly finished transforming her, and I called Carlisle.

He appeared a moment later, assuring me that she was going to wake up soon. Alice had followed him, and piped in, giving me the exact countdown from her vision. I braced myself, wondering what Bella would be like, and how she would react to the irreversible and unasked for modifications to her life.

Her heart beat wildly, just as the rest of my family came into the room, ready for whatever reaction Bella may have. Jasper was especially cautious, remembering his days working with newborns in the South, constructing a vicious army. He knew how dangerous they could be. I knew the stories of how Alice had only been able to restrain herself from a killing spree because of her visions of joining our family. I remembered Rosalie's supreme control, born out of hatred at her low-life fiancée and his friends. I remembered Emmet's exuberance, and how control of his extreme strength and his bloodlust had initially eluded him. I remembered how even gentle Esme had lost control and had moments of monstrosity as a newborn.

All of my experience told me caution was necessary until we saw how Bella would manage. The only safeguards she had were external- she had no special circumstances to rein in her instincts. The pounding of her heart grew even louder and faster, punctuating my thoughts. The sound enraptured every bit of my senses as I clung to the noise, ensuring I would always remember Bella's final moments as a human.

I tensed in anticipation of her last heartbeat before the center of her life stuttered and finally thudded to a halt. Silent expectation hung in the air, and for a long moment, Bella lay entirely still. It was long enough that I wondered whether she would get up at all.

Then, without warning, Bella back flipped off the bed, landing in a crouch. Her eyes were wild and bright scarlet. She scanned the room, and I could tell she was working off of instincts. Knowing that everyone was waiting on me to take control of the situation, I moved toward her, slightly.

Of course, I should have known to give her more warning. In the exact same instant that I shifted my weight, Bella immediately went into position to leap at me, and a growl emitted from her small mouth. The sound hurt me, as I considered that Bella was now a predator. However, her next move was very un-predator like. Though I was prepared to fight her in self-defense, she stopped herself when she saw me and straightened up into a standing position.

She was still on guard, but I was surprised she was able to prevent her instincts from taking full control. Jasper was even more out of his element, and was still mentally warning me to be careful. I told him it was fine before turning my attention back to Bella.

"Bella?" I asked, ensuring that she was listening to me, before attempting to find out if she knew what was going on.

Apparently, the little Carlisle had told her before I came to sit with her had stuck. And she had a crystal clear picture of how all of it had happened- hearing it from her lips seared me with shame, but I encouraged her onward with the occasional question when she became distracted. I could hear the disappointment and anger in my family's thoughts as they heard a full account of how the entire ordeal had went down. Though they all obviously knew I had tried to kill her, they were shocked at the methods I had used, at how I had so craftily isolated Bella. They had no idea that it was pre-meditated- it wasn't something I had been eager to tell them all.

Alice was the only one who wasn't surprised. She had seen it all in her visions, and was presently fully consumed with excitement over Bella. A flurry of visions was soaring through her mind's eye, though they were all blurry and changing too quickly for me to process at the moment.

I was preoccupied with listening to Bella recount everything she knew, reciting it with uncertainty, and constantly drifting. In a sick and twisted way, it was good that Bella could remember it all. It meant I wouldn't have to tell her.

She was drifting off from answering Carlisle's question when Jasper jumped in for the first time- out loud, anyway. His tiny mental forewarnings, reports of Bella's emotions, and interjections had been a constant annoyance since the moment he had entered the room.

"Edward, she's thirsty."

Of course she was- that was to be expected, and I was dreading how to deal with that the first time. Bella was already full of curiosity, whipping her head around to look at Jasper before settling her questioning eyes on me. I met her gaze, though I heard Carlisle telling me that I had things to explain to her.

I knew that, and only agreed, my chest filling with grief over the innocence that Bella was about to lose. It wasn't like it was a request anyway- though his voice was only suggestive, in his head he was reminding me that I was the one who carried the bulk of this responsibility, unless she decided to join our family. Then she would be one of us, and of course, every one of them would then be there to help her.

For now, I was just worried about how I was supposed to tell Bella the details she would need to make that decision.

"_Sorry, I turned you into a monster but this is how it all works?"_

_Or maybe, "I know I tried to kill you, but just trust everything I tell you. And maybe you want to stay here too?"_

I sighed, but convinced Bella to follow me downstairs.

When we reached the front door, I realized Bella wasn't following me. I turned to find her and saw she was frozen in place- apparently she was freaking out. That was the only reason a vampire would stop in their tracks like that.

I approached her, worried that maybe she had just processed that it was me, her would-be-killer, and asked her what was wrong. To my surprise, she only wanted to know where we were going.

That should have been simple to answer. We were just going into the woods- except, and then I would have to explain the reason for that. Of course, I would have to tell her soon enough anyway. May as well start trying to broach the topic.

I was about to ask her if she was thirsty, but realized she may not understand what I meant. Bella really did have no idea what was going on.

After explaining that she was indeed thirsty, I could tell that she knew exactly what I meant. She didn't even bother asking me what she was supposed to drink- she only asked me how we were supposed to take care of it. Like the coward I was, I gave her the simplest of answers by telling her we were going hunting. It would just be so much easier to show her- at least then her instincts would lead the way and it would only be later that she could be disgusted at what I had done to her.

I didn't account for her temper though- her exhibition of control upstairs had almost made me forget she was a newborn.

Not that I blamed her for the way she lashed out- I deserved it and I willingly accepted that she had every right to be angry. Surprisingly, as quickly as she let her fury loose, she shoved it all back inside. The impossibility of her control was astounding to me- though it was only causing a hurricane of confused and nearly unintelligible thoughts in Jasper. Her responses were beginning to fuel my fire of curiosity to understand her again, and more than anything I wanted to know what she was thinking.

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out the question I had been pondering for days, without regard to the fact that she had no idea I was a mind reader or the justification for the frustration I was feeling. Her honest but harsh response and demand for answers shocked me to my core, and magnified the pain I was feeling at the moment. I couldn't believe I was even failing at explaining what was ultimately the cost of my most heinous initial mistake. I only seemed to continue to screw up over and over again, the harder I tried.

Therefore, I was even more exasperated that Bella just accepted my apology, but I was also relieved that she began to move, and that emotion distracted me from warning her when she reached to open the door.

I watched as shock registered on her face and she stared at the door she now held, solely supporting its weight in her hands. The scene was enough to make me want to smile, though I was incapable of it at the moment.

Even more amusing was the mental reaction of Esme, more worry for the antique wood of the door in her thoughts than concern for Bella. The flash of being inconsiderate lasted only a moment, and by the time she reached Bella's side, she had switched back to caring mother.

Eventually, we finally made it out of the house after sorting out the door incident. I couldn't help but be a little relieved that Bella now knew about a couple of the changes she had gone through by demonstration, and I wouldn't have to show her or explain any of it. Still, I walked at human pace to the stream to allow for time to gather my thoughts. The incident and Bella's surprisingly moderate response gave me inspiration.

I decided to just model everything from here on in, hoping that Bella would continue to hold up. It had worked to get her into the woods. In fact, her response to the perfect grace she had acquired had been so completely opposite of what I expected, that I couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see her a little happy, even if it was entirely superficial and without any substantial knowledge of the price the perks she was experiencing were coming at.

Apprehension of how Bella's outlook might change once our very nature was laid out for her caused me to waver in my resolve to just exhibit everything for her. Rather than go straight into a hunt, I had suddenly had a new idea occurred to me, and a change in location was in order.

That was where we were now- on our way to the meadow. The sun was supposed to be out soon, and I could think of no better object lesson in how she was now different from her old self, in ways that were unnatural. Then I could show her how to hunt animals, explain the entire vampire code, and let her make her decision. There was no more putting it off, and this was the last time I could delay it. She had to feed, and this would be her first of many opportunities to make the decisions that would define her new existence and potentially change the course of my own life, in conjunction with the family's future.

**A/N: I spent a very long time on this one, and put a lot of effort into it, so I hope you all REVIEW. Even if its like...4 words :).**


	7. Chapter 6

6. Hunt

**A/N: I know I got some comments that Edward's POV was better, but I think it is necessary to switch back to Bella's. Maybe the difference is from the extra effort I put into the last chapter because I was so nervous about it- I'll work as hard on this one, and then we'll see.**

_Bella's POV_

As I rocketed through the thick, jade green forest, I wanted to shriek and laugh all at once. The Washington winter air whipped against my face and curled through my hair from roots to ends, sending it streaming in long brown waves behind me. The rushing wind wasn't icy as it should have been, or harsh. Instead, it was like the light caress of a spring breeze, and the scents of pine, rich dirt, and light rain seemed to reach out and lightly brush along my skin. The pure, unadultered speed I experienced was what I imagined soaring through the clouds would feel like, and all my cares flew in the same fashion, trailing behind me on the air currents.

The only thing that could penetrate through the pure joy at all was my knowledge that this was entirely unnatural, by any standards I had ever known, and I wasn't being given the new ones that indisputably now governed my life. But Edward had promised me answers, and for whatever reason that in any probabe reality made absolutely no sense, I trusted him.

With that promise lodged in my head, I gave myself over to the action of running, trying to soak in every sensation- the colors, the sounds of trees and air whisking by, my impossibly slow and even breathing, the feel of my muscles working but not tiring, the way I saw things as if I was moving at a normal pace. It was all miraculous, and I couldn't believe such things were possible. In every sense, except in actuality, it was unreal.

As I permitted the exhilaration to preoccupy any worries, I settled into a rhythm and was finally able to process half of everything that was assaulting my newly enhanced senses. It was then that Edward chose to come to a sudden halt.

I pulled up short, just behind where he stood motionless, in deep contrast to a second before. Excitement still consuming me, I looked around, trying to see where we were. Our surroundings were not so different from before, and we stood underneath the canopy of trees, their leaves casting a dim emerald glow. Ahead, I was able to see that the light was brighter and that the trees thinned out. I was at a loss for the reason we would have stopped here, and though I tried to wait for an explanation, my curiosity bubbled over, and I couldn't stand to wait on statuesque Edward any longer.

"Why did we stop?"

Edward didn't turn around, or even move, but he answered, voice flat. "You see that light ahead? The sun is out, and there is a clearing up there."

I continued to stare at him, wondering what was important about the information he gave me. I couldn't see its relevance, but the way Edward said it let me know that this was a crucial moment.

"And that matters because?" I posed my question, before a ridiculous thought flitted through my mind and straight out my mouth, not pausing to pass through a filter. "Wait. Do vampires actually burn in the sun, or turn to stone or ash or whatever?" I asked. Perhaps there was one stereotype Hollywood had actually managed to base off of fact. Maybe that was why he had stopped. Edward chuckled darkly under his breath just once before turning around and responding, his voice as somber as ever, all humor from the previous instant vanished.

"No, that's just another silly myth. I do want to show you something though." Why didn't he answer my questions? "Please?" he asked gently, eyes beckoning and waiting for me to follow him.

I couldn't really resist when he gave me that look- it made me feel like there was no other option, because I couldn't bear the idea of disappointing a being with such gorgeous, burning eyes. Out of this compulsion, I followed him at a walking pace to the edge of the tree line. From the shade of their limbs, I took in a beautiful scene. Here, in the middle of the dense forest, it was like someone had come and swept away the trees, pulling them up like weeds, leaving nothing but tall grass in their wake, swaying in the breeze. Surprisingly, the sun shone through a break in the clouds, its picturesque beams bathing the clearing in a swath of bright sunshine. It was perfectly beautiful in its simplicity.

Only the feeling that I was being watched was able to tear me away from the glorious scene before me. I turned my head, locking eyes with his golden orbs.

"It's beautiful- what is this place?" I questioned, keeping my voice quiet out of reverence to the natural sanctuary.

He shrugged. "I found it when we moved here- I like to come here to be alone sometimes."

"Why did you bring me here?"

He took a ragged breath. "Like I said, I want to show you something. Just stand there, and watch."

He stepped forward, passing the last few trees before stepping out into the open air. I watched his back as he walked to the middle of the grass-carpeted circle, waiting.

I noticed him playing with the cuffs of his white button-up - I assumed he was rolling them up, though I couldn't see to know for sure. The sun brought out the red in his hair, and I thought about how it looked like copper pennies, while my skin nearly itched with wonder at what would happen next. Finally, he turned around, simultaneously lowering his arms to his sides.

He had indeed rolled the sleeves of his shirt up, and unbuttoned the front, all the way down, as well.

Though my eyes hardly noticed the shirt, and not for the reasons that I should have been distracted by the sight of Edward's perfectly sculpted bare chest and abs. I was shocked by the glint of the sunlight off of his skin, sending fractures of light off in every direction. In awe, I realized that Edward's skin was glittering, and my mouth formed a small 'o'. A few long seconds later, I was finally able to meet his gaze. His eyes pierced me, searching for my reaction.

Unable to form words, but consumed by curiosity, I slowly moved to step out of the shade. I approached the line between light and darkness, pausing for a moment, almost terrified to take the final step into the light, to join Edward. I hesitated, paralyzed, and still able to feel his stare. I had no idea where the terror that now imbued me had appeared from, but I realized I was nervous to approach the god-like creature in front of me. I bit my lip, shook my head at the absurdity of my emotions, and forced my feet to move. I chose not to look at my own skin, but approached Edward, wanting to see him closer.

With agonizingly slow steps, I made my way to the center of the clearing, feeling cautious. I moved in front of Edward, peering shyly up into his eyes, watching his sparkling chest move as he breathed heavily, obviously anxious to know how I would react.

Cautiously, and maintaining eye contact to watch for his approval, I reached for his left hand. His eyes betrayed nothing, but he didn't remove his palm from my own, and I took his inaction for permission.

Eyes still locked, I moved his hand up, held by both of my own. I considered the awkwardness of the moment and my actions, but decided I didn't care. What was awkwardness when you were holding hands with the vampire who had attempted your murder? Slowly, I slid my gaze downward, taking in a sharp breath as I saw that refracted beams of light danced across my own skin. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but the sight was foreign. It didn't make me stop pursuing my goal, and I continued to hold one of his hands in my left, tracing the lines with the fingers of my right, watching the glitters of light from my own skin intertwine with those from his, head bent over our hands. His skin felt silky smooth as the pad of my finger glided over it, and I was overwhelmed by its flawlessness. I tilted his hand in my own, fascinated by the scintillations and trying to see their source in the lines of his palm, completely without success. Finally, words came, spilling from my lips from the swell of amazement within my chest.

"It's beautiful…like diamonds." I whispered, hoping I wouldn't break the spell. Truly, I could imagine nothing more fascinating, but I regretted that my words did just what I wished they wouldn't. The moment I uttered my declaration, Edward's hand vanished, shattering my entranced reverie. My hands remained frozen in mid-air, as if his hand was still nestled between them. I caught myself longing to still be touching his palm, but forced myself to lower my arms and looked up from the empty air. Edward had taken a quick couple of steps back.

"Bella- don't you understand?" he asked, rueful. "This skin- your skin- it's the symbol of a killer." Edward's voice shook, strained with intensity and fierceness. I stared at him, unsure of how to respond to his blatant statement.

He continued on, hardly pausing to notice as I lowered my head again and bit my lip.

"Bella- we're predators. You are a predator- everything about you is different now. Even your skin. We are designed to kill- by any means necessary."

Now I was confused. "But how does our skin matter?"

He shook his head, a wry, cynical hint of a laugh emitting from his mouth.

"Don't you see? We're built to attract our prey in. You remember the parking lot?"

I nodded my head; the reality of what Edward had done hit me yet again. I did remember- I remembered his charm, the effect the simple smell of his sweet breath and a singular look in his eyes could have on me. The way I had fallen for a lie, and been lured out all alone, despite my better judgment and the fear I felt. Now that I thought about it, I knew there would have been no escape even without my mistakes. I had seen the kind of agility and strength Edward possessed- no human could stand up to that. Edward saw all these considerations written on my face, and knew that I understood.

"I was able to draw you out and corner you with such ease- and it's all part of what our kind is- you've seen it all. And now that is exactly what you are."

His body language and obvious remorse evoked pity in me, as I let the implications sink in. However, those emotions didn't course through me for long. I knew I would soon have to let go of the tiny reserve of bitterness I held, because I just couldn't imagine holding a grudge against the broken creature in front of me for an extended period. Yet, the question that had been eating me up inside finally erupted, and I forgot my attempts to retain a semblance of trying to maintain my regard for Edward's feelings. If he could be harsh, so could I.

"Why did you do it?"

His jaw clenched suddenly, his fist balled up by his sides. I was reminded of the murky memory I had from earlier on that fateful day in Biology, his posture eerily similar to what I could recall seeing as I had innocently and clumsily moved down the aisle to my seat.

"The burn in your throat, it's still there?"

I nodded, though I had nearly forgotten the scorching pain while I had been wrapped up in the vision of Edward's shimmering skin. And my own, though that was more of an afterthought. I wondered if he was going to evade my question by diverting my attention. If that was his plan, I imagined it would work. The burn was now more biting than before, and I felt that it would soon spread from my throat and consume me completely all over again.

"That's your thirst for blood- human blood." At the mention of blood, I felt my body physically react, and I knew that his words were true. Instinctively, a hand went to my parched throat.

"What you feel now is hardly a hundredth of what I felt when you walked into that lab three days ago. I've never wanted to drink a human's blood more than I wanted to taste yours. I tried to restrain myself, but you know how well I succeeded." He paused there for a moment, smirking sadly, lost in his recollection. "I couldn't resist the scent of it pulsing through your veins, and for the first time in over eighty years, I departed from the way of life Carlisle has taught us all."

A thousand questions coursed through me at his assertion, but I chose the one that occurred to me first.

"Why me?"

"Like I said- no one else's blood has ever been so potent. Usually, its only a small exercise in discipline to resist attacking the humans we intermingle with each day. You, clearly, were different."

I mulled that over, not missing the way he used the past tense to make it clear that I was no longer human. I supposed that was the point he was trying to send home. Frustrating, considering I understood that already. To prove that I did, I asked my next question, moving on from the past.

"Why do you drink from animals- because of Carlisle? How does it work?"

Again, there was another pause from him. "Carlisle is part of the reason- he's the one who changed me, but he only gave me options. He was the first of our kind, which any of us know of, to come up with his way of life. But I chose it because I don't want to be a monster."

I understood his aversion to what was supposedly his- our- nature. Though my body had reacted with such desire to the thought of human blood, I couldn't imagine taking a life.

"Carlisle changed you? When?" It seemed my questions were never-ending, but the more explanations I was given, the less I realized I knew.

This time, his explanation came quickly, though a thoughtful look took over his face, as if he was trying to recall a long lost memory. "1918. The Spanish Influenza had struck Chicago, and my entire family fell ill. I don't remember much else, except what Carlisle has told me. I'm sure you've noticed human memories are harder to remember?"

I nodded, and he continued. "Well, according to the story, my mother died, but before she did, she ordered Carlisle to do everything he could to save me."

"She loved you very much." I said, not asking. It was strange to think of the human Edward, with parents and fragile enough to be susceptible to illness. Honestly, it shouldn't have been, considering my own humanity wasn't so far in the past.

"Yes- with passion, apparently. Carlisle took her words to heart. My own death was coming quickly, and Carlisle did the last thing he could think of to save me, fulfilling my mother's, Elizabeth's order. He bit me, and the venom, another of our weapons, spread. You know what happens from there."

He looked at me then, far off in his sea of in his sea of anguish.

"Carlisle's part was much more difficult of course- it's not easy to taste human blood and then stop."

"So he did it willingly?"

"Yes. First with me, then with Esme."

"What about Alice and the rest?" Edward visually shook himself at the next in my string of questions, moving his hands to button his shirt up again and rolling down his sleeves.

"You are full of questions. I think maybe you should let them tell you their stories. For now, I should probably answer the one question I ignored."

I looked at him frustrated, and puzzled as I ran back over the past couple of minutes, trying to remember which question he had skipped.

"The burning?" He hinted.

Oh- that was what he had meant. He'd never told me how hunting worked. I gulped, nervously.

Sympathy flashed in his eyes- an emotion that seemed to be entirely caught up with his own remorse. I wish he would stop being sorry and just start taking action- this was getting extremely old.

"Come on. Don't worry, I promise, this part will be easier than trying to understand everything else."

Again, for what felt like the millionth time that afternoon, I just wordlessly nodded, doubting his assurances. I wondered aimlessly if I was becoming a mute, incapable of responding with words.

Edward took off for the second time in the past hour, and we ran northward for several minutes. The action was exhilarating, but the nervousness I was beginning to feel, mixed with the growing burn and desire tainted any enjoyment I could have felt.

It wasn't very long before we stopped, and this time we were back in the thick of a forest, having moved even further away from the house and into the wilderness.

"What now?" I asked, more boldly than anything I was actually thinking or feeling should have allowed.

"Now, you follow your instincts."

I looked at him skeptically.

"Here." He said, his hands taking my shoulders gingerly. I tingled at his touch, but didn't say a word at how close he suddenly was, though nothing but his hands made actual contact.

"Close your eyes." I did as he said, trying to ignore the fact that I could feel his breath through the hair at the crown of my head. "Ok, you need to focus. What do you hear?"

I listened, willing my ears to hear and trying to single out only audible forms of perception. I was overwhelmed at the sounds that greeted me as I placed all my attention on them. I heard birds chirping, the leaves rustling, and the howl of wind. But in addition to ordinary things, I could pick up the sounds of squirrels nibbling on acorns, the nearby stream, and other minute rustlings that should have been inaudible.

"Everything." I answered truthfully.

"Closer. Try and single out what's most important."

"How am I supposed to know what's most important?" I objected.

"You will. Just try Bella." I sighed but I followed his instructions, though I wasn't convinced by his answer and I was slightly distracted by the way my name sounded when he said it, this time one of the few instances he had done so without projecting his inner turmoil onto it.

I focused intently, trying to single out what was "most important". That's when I heard it- lapping of tongues, so suddenly and blatantly obvious, standing out from the other woodland noises for reasons I couldn't describe. I gasped lightly, and focused even harder on those sounds, now picking up on a low, quick thrum. I had no idea what I was listening to, but I knew it was what I was looking for.

"Where?" I asked, urgently, my throat set freshly ablaze at the sound I didn't even know how to identify.

"Use your sense of smell." Though part of my brain rebelled at the ridiculousness of his suggestion, I took a deep breath, trying to find the scent that matched the sound.

With the influx of air through my nose and into my lungs, I smelled it- soft and woodsy in an unappealing way, but retaining enough of a savory quality to cause me to yearn for it. My body tensed, desire flooding me as I felt a tightening in my stomach, coupled with a flood of what I now knew to be venom into my mouth.

Edward's hands dropped from my shoulders, sensing the reaction my body betrayed. For an instant, I missed the light pressure, but the distraction of wanting to find my prey overpowered any other thoughts or chance to question the feeling.

"Go." He said. I did, not questioning what to do anymore, allowing my body to take over. I sprinted quickly to the southeast, following the only scent and sound that mattered to me anymore.

As I neared the stream, the beat became louder, and the scent stronger. I stopped, crouching behind a large tree trunk. I watched as five deer grazed by the water's edge and took the occasional drink. Any thought of disgust was erased as my mind was overcome by the idea of anything warm and liquid coating my throat. Following Edward's earlier advice, I gave in to my instincts.

I pounced on the nearest deer, tackling it to the ground and sinking my teeth into its pulse point at the base of its neck. The spot naturally pulled me in as the source of the rapid pounding I had heard. The doe struggled beneath me, kicking its legs wildly, but I felt nothing but light taps as my teeth sliced through soft fur, delicate skin, tough flesh, and finally, into the artery. I heard a small moan, and couldn't even be surprised that I was the one who made the noise, or at the sharpness of my teeth. That did explain the absence of fangs.

Warm liquid poured into my mouth, and without thought, I drank deeply, feeling more rush down my throat. I relished the gliding of liquid downward, welcoming the slightest alleviation of pain. All too quickly, the deer's kicks slowed before its entire body went limp, and the flow of blood stopped, running dry.

I heard myself emit a small growl of anger, incensed that my source of the warm liquid relief had been drained so quickly, and I immediately leaped up, following the sound of the retreating herd. My actions were feral, and wild, but I wasn't concerned with appearances, overtaken by thirst that had surpassed desire and transformed into a keen need.

In moments, I caught my next prey, a much larger buck. Its struggle was no more than a nuisance either, but it lasted longer, as did the flow of its life source. After draining the carcass, I began to feel the burn in my throat lessen slightly, though far from enough to stop my hunt.

A third, fourth, and fifth time, I captured my prey, finally pausing after the last deer. I straightened myself up into a standing position, the excited frenzy slowly ebbing away. I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth, pulling away with a scarlet streak tracing a line from my wrist to the knuckle behind my index finger.

Before I could consider my next move, I had licked the red, wet line from the back of my hand. Immediately afterwards, tongue still in contact with my hand, I saw him, standing nearby, leaning against the trunk of the closest tree. My bestial side gave way at the sight of Edward watching me, I unsuspectingly felt shame and disbelief wash over me, and I lowered my hand, unsure what to even think.

The vacuum of cognition lasted only briefly before the safety mechanism failed and I was suddenly overwhelmed with a thousand emotions. Part of me was disgusted, while the other half was overjoyed with physical satisfaction without concern for anything else. I looked down at myself to see that the cashmere of the dark blue turtleneck sweater that I had at some point been dressed in was ripped up to the shoulder in one arm, and stained with dirt and blood all over, thread fraying in various places. My dark-wash jeans, looking suspiciously designer, had fared no better, and both knees now had holes and were stained as well. I imagined that my face must be in the same state, and that my hair was probably a tangled mess.

Suddenly, I wanted to cry more than anything in the world, but all I could manage was a stinging prickle in my eyes. Not that I felt remorse over what I had done- it was more that he was watching me. I understood that this was natural now, and while I found it strange and unnerving, I knew I would adjust. What mattered more was his opinion, though I couldn't understand why I assigned such gravity to his response. I supposed it was only because I felt a need to be accepted by someone in my new condition, and he happened to be there.

For his part, he stood there calmly, hands in his pockets as he watched me warily, looking at me in the same way he had back in the meadow as the sun had reflected off of his skin.

Unable to bear the weighty silence any longer, I mumbled the first thing that came to mind.

"Sorry…" I muttered, pulling at my non-ripped sleeve. When I looked back up at Edward, pure shock registered on his features and his hands now rested at his sides as he stood straight and rigid.

"Bella, what do you have to apologize for? Blame me- I'm the one who turned you into this!"

"I just..I didn't mean it like that. I didn't know what else to say. I was only apologizing for being such a wreck- I don't care about all the vampire stuff, and I really wish you would stop dwelling on it too. I just…I need some order and to know what I'm doing. At least now I've got some idea."

Edward shook his head.

"You don't care that I've made you into a monster?"

His words made me want to cry more, and I wished for some way to release my emotions.

"Is that how you see me?"

"I- of course not Bella. I just, I thought…" for once, he was without words or a comeback.

"Because I don't see myself that way- or you, for that matter."

Disbelief, again, reigned on his face.

"You don't?"

"No. I'm freaking out a little, but it's only because I have no way to deal with this and you aren't being helpful. So, just stop tripping over yourself with regret, please!"

"But I should regret what I've done!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

"Maybe so, but if you want to make up for it, you could start doing some more of the helpful things, and stop projecting your self-hatred and pity party on me. It's not helping, and I've already forgiven you, so get over it."

This time, I knew my words had utterly surprised him. He turned away, no longer looking at me.

"You forgive me for taking away you're humanity? For changing your life? Because you shouldn't."

"Well, that is my decision to make, now isn't it?" I retorted with more resolve than I felt. Though I had said I forgave him, I hadn't actually thought it through, but now that I had declared it, I felt the tiniest tinge of the truth in the words.

"You're utterly ridiculous, you know that?" he accused, a faint trace of humor in his voice as he turned back around.

I shrugged without answer.

"Do you need to hunt more?" he asked brusquely, signaling that the discussion was closed.

I considered that, but the burn was gone, replaced now by only the faintest scratch.

"I don't think so. Why?"

"I just think that I should take you back to the house- there are other things you need to know, but I think a meeting with the rest of the family is in order."

"There's more?"

"Yes. Are you ready to go? I think you could use a change of clothes too."

I would have blushed in embarrassment at his acknowledgment of my sorry state, but that too, like crying, seemed impossible now.

Though nervous at the prospect of facing the entire Cullen family now that I had some self-awareness, I agreed, and we sprinted back in the direction of the house.

**A/N: That was difficult- there's just so much to explain to Bella, and I keep forgetting she's a newborn! So, the dialogue might be awful- I spent most of the evening trying to work with it, but I'm not sure how much it helped and I can't read through it one more time or I'll go crazy. On the other hand, I had my own stomach filled with butterflies when I wrote Bella and Edward in the sunshine. Now please, please review…please :) ? I **_**am**_** resorting to begging after all…  
**


	8. Chapter 7

7. Refuge

**A/N: Lucky for you all, I have got total writer's block on my other two stories, and I felt drawn back to this one- more updates for you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it, as I'm not SM, despite one much-appreciated compliment by a very generous reviewer…**

_Bella's POV_

We arrived back at the Cullen's house in mere minutes. It had not been nearly long enough for me to revel in the freedom of running, much less to prepare myself to "properly" meet the entire family. The prospect was the most intimidating of the day yet.

As we approached the back door, I felt my body involuntarily slowing down, until I was standing about a hundred yards from the entirely glass back wall of the white Victorian house. Edward noticed my pause, and stopped, jogging back to my side.

"What's wrong Bella?" I worked to shake the feeling of déjà vu. I had to stop shutting down without giving him explanations. It just kept leading to him getting that cautious look full of pain on his face, and I hated seeing that. At least he tried to hide it this time, and for actually listening to me back in the woods, I was thankful to him.

I decided the best course of action was to give him a straight answer. "I'm nervous."

His brows knitted together, and lines appeared on his forehead. I was barely able to hold back from reaching out and smoothing the wrinkles- they just didn't look right on his face.

"There is nothing to be worried about Bella- I promise, all of them are just anxious to meet you."

"How do you know that? I mean- obviously, I'm a mistake. Why wouldn't they all hate me?"

Pain again- he was feeling guilty for my worry. Silly. If he knew me, he would know that I couldn't help but worry.

"I just know Bella- I can…I can read it in their minds."

What? He could…

"Wait- you can read minds? Like people's thoughts?!" Could he read my own thoughts? Suddenly I felt rage- and embarrassment- building. Why hadn't he told me he could read my mind? The potential intrusion into my privacy felt like the greatest offense possible. Quite a statement, considering.

He scuffed his shoe against the ground, hanging his head for a moment, thumbs hitched in the pockets of his jeans.

"Everyone's but yours." He admitted.

That caught me off guard. "You can't read my thoughts?" Was he just saying that because he didn't want me to be angry? Because he didn't want to be caught?

"No, not yours." Pure relief flooded me, as I recognized that he was telling the truth. On the other hand, I was still shocked to know he was a mind reader.

"Why not?"

"I don't know- I noticed it that first day, in the cafeteria." He said softly, bringing up that day gingerly, as if it was out of good taste to speak of it. "And I still hear nothing. It's like, you are on another wavelength from everyone else's minds or something."

Great- not only was I a mistake, but I was an abnormal mistake.

"Is something wrong with me?"

He laughed at my question. "I tell you a mind reader, after I've savagely attacked you, and you wonder if there is something wrong with you?"

Oh, well- when he said it like that, he did have a point. I felt like I could have blushed, a sensation that had been too common that afternoon, and changed the subject to alleviate my embarrassment.

"Can the rest of your family…?"

"No- its just me. But Alice- she can see the future, and Jasper can influence the emotions of those around him."

I nodded, still wondering why some of them had extra powers and others didn't, but Edward interrupted before I could ask my question.

"Anyway, I can assure you that they are all eager to get to know you- shall we?" he asked, gesturing for me to go ahead of him.

I bit my lip, almost ready to move and go inside. I looked down and gathered a deep breath, the sight of my clothes reminded me that I wasn't presentable.

"Wait- what about this?" I asked, hand waving up and down my body to indicate the mess I was in.

A small smile traced his lips. He was getting entirely too much amusement since we had returned. I almost wanted him to go back to being somber- but not quite. I liked the way his face looked when it wasn't drawn with tension- more the way I imagined it should be.

"Don't worry about that- Alice will be more than happy to help you find some clothes and clean up."

That was the only other objection I had stored up. I couldn't stall any longer, and I walked toward the house, taking my time to think and listening to Edward's steps behind me. It wasn't until I reached the sliding patio door that Edward stepped in front of me.

"You might want to let me get that." He suggested, hand resting on the edge of the glass.

"Oh...yeah." I said, almost ready to giggle, remembering the earlier scene, and allowing him to push it open.

I stepped through the entrance, Edward closing the door behind me.

"You know, I will have to learn to do that eventually." I said, my independent streak rearing its head. He grinned, and I imagined my heart would have stopped right there if it hadn't ceased to beat. It was the first time more than a slight smile had graced his face. I liked it.

"Edward! Couldn't you have prevented even a little of this? She's a wreck!" Alice's voice cut through the moment of silence, startling me.

My body reacted before I could think, and I jumped around, shifting into a crouch and emitting a short growl. It was cut off as quickly as it began, when I saw that it was just small little Alice. I straightened abruptly.

"Sorry" I mumbled, frustrated at the way my body kept overriding my brain.

Edward cut in before Alice could reply. "There isn't anything to apologize for Bella. It's expected from a vampire as young as you- you are just a newborn, and control is hard to obtain. Frankly, the fact that you didn't immediately pounce is impressive." I was only slightly cajoled before Alice spoke again.

"He's right Bella- it's fine, really. But- can I please, please get you some more clothes? And maybe fix your hair too…really, Edward- what were you thinking?"

I looked to Edward, wondering what I should do.

"Go ahead- I'll let the others know we're home." He said, exchanging a glance with Alice. I couldn't help but think she was giving him some kind of silent message now that I knew about Edward's gift, but I decided I could ask later.

He turned and ran up the stairs, moving faster than humanly possible, while I was still able to see his every movement as if he was running in slow motion.

"C'mon Bella!" Alice said, tugging gently at my arm. I acquiesced, and we went up the stairs as well, to the second floor.

"Now, we don't have any clothes for you yet, but I'm sure I can find something in my things. I just went shopping last week…"

I began to tune her out as she went on and on about clothes, occasionally interjecting something about how much the sweater I was wearing had cost and words like imported and Nordstrom's kept popping up. Apparently, Alice has a thing for clothing.

We walked down a wide hallway, its walls a brilliant white, just like those down stairs. The carpet was just a shade off, and the pale contrast was incredibly modern and timeless all at once. Eventually, we stopped at one of the many dark-lacquered wooden doors and entered into what I assumed was Alice's room. I stood by the entryway as she made her way to the closet and began rifling through rows and rows of clothes. Really, the closet was nearly the same size as the rather large room.

While she went to scavenge for my outfit, I took in the surroundings. The room was simple, a queen-sized bed in the center of room, a couple of small bookcases full of war books, and a large dresser taking up the space. For a vampire's bedroom, it looked rather normal, just like the rest of the house. I supposed I could add coffins and cobwebs to my list of bad Hollywood-stereotypes.

"Aha!" I heard Alice exclaim coinciding with my conclusion, her voice coming from deep within the piles of clothing. A moment later she came back with a new pair of dark-wash jeans and a red button-down that looked vaguely like silk. Though they wouldn't have been my top picks, at the moment I couldn't bring myself to complain, and really just wanted something clean to put on. These certainly fit that criteria- I doubted they had ever been worn before.

"Here- take these, and these." She ordered, handing me a pair of underwear and a bra after rifling through the dresser, in addition to the other clothes. "There is a shower right through there, and you probably want to wash the dirt and blood off. Clean towels are hanging inside." I nodded, head in a flurry at the energy that Alice possessed.

I followed her directions, setting my clothes down on the beige marble countertop, and stripping down.

I climbed into the shower, washed off the grime quickly, trying not to notice too much how different my body was from what I remembered. The perfection of everything was a little unnerving, and I felt a little strange about being so suddenly transformed. Almost like I had inhabited someone else's body, in sci-fi fashion. After shutting off the hot water, I toweled off and pulled on my clothes quickly, making it easier to not think about the changes.

Though I had avoided the mirror upon entering the bathroom, afraid to see my face plastered with the evidence of my earlier hunt, I wiped the towel across the mirror now, curious to see how my face might have changed, knowing that my body had been tweaked in certain ways.

What I saw stunned and horrified me, and before I could think, I heard myself shriek.

_Edward's POV_

After leaving Bella with Alice, I went to Carlisle's study on the third floor, finding the only father I knew sitting at his desk, reading a medical text.

"Ah, Edward. You're back. How did things go?"

"Alright I suppose." I replied indifferently.

"How did she take it all?" I mulled that over. In my opinion, she had taken it all too well. Easily even, declaring that the "vampire stuff" didn't bother her. She had forgiven me, of all things!

While the act incensed me in many ways, the kindness it reflected made me want to increase hatred for myself and admiration of her, each in equal measure. For her sake though, I tried to focus on the latter, working hard to follow her request that I be more helpful. I gathered that she did not consider my moping helpful, and swore to try my hardest to keep that away from her eyes.

"As well as to be expected." I answered. That was a good neutral answer. As much as I admired Carlisle, and knew that his opinion of me hadn't fallen even minutely, I didn't feel like discussing all of this with him yet.

"And she knows everything?"

"Almost." I replied. This I did want to speak with him about. "I haven't had a chance to tell her the rules- or very much about what being a newborn means."

Carlisle's face stayed serene, as did his thoughts, and he just nodded. "So she hasn't made a choice yet?"

I shook my head. "No sir. I was thinking that we- mostly I- could explain the rest at a family meeting?"

"Of course son. If that's what you think would be best- it would give everyone a chance to meet her I suppose. Where is she now?"

"With Alice, getting cleaned up."

"Good. Then you can go get Emmett and Rosalie from the garage while I go find Esme and Jasper. Alice and Bella may join us when they are ready."

"Yes sir."I replied, turning to leave the study. Then, I heard it. A high-pitched scream pierced the air, coming from the Alice and Jasper's suite. I looked to Carlisle, and he jumped from behind his desk. We both took off down the stairs, rushing to the room across from my own.

Alice stood by the closed bathroom door, calling to Bella, inside.

"Bella? Bella, can you please open the door?"

Silence. I approached from the entryway.

"Maybe we should just go in?" I questioned in a whisper, forgetting that Bella would easily hear.

The door clicked open then, and Bella appeared, looking much more put together and civilized than before, hair still wet from the shower. Where it dripped, dark spots appeared on the shoulders of the red blouse she wore.

I stepped up to her quickly, wondering what may have finally made her snap.

"What's the matter Bella?" She looked shell shocked as she stared directly into my eyes, as if looking for something. I heard more footsteps by the doorway, but I didn't turn to see who had come to investigate. I could imagine that everyone had heard her ear-piercing scream.

"Why are my eyes red?" she asked, shooting straight to the point. Oh- stupid, stupid! Why hadn't I thought of telling her about that? And why had Alice let her have access to a mirror? If Bella was going to ask direct question, it was probably best for me to be straightforward as well.

"It's from the human blood still in you- human blood turns our eyes red, and since there is still so much of your own in your system, your eyes are especially bright. It's temporary, I promise."

She relaxed slightly at my words, and I felt some of my own tensions relieve in the same instant. It was curious how inextricably linked I already was to her. Even the slightest flinch from her made my own stomach tighten, wondering if she was okay. At first I had assumed it was just nervousness she was going to have a break down. However, the more time I spent with Bella, the more I began to see how she was entirely out of the ordinary, even as a vampire. My fears, as well as the concerns my family had held before her awakening, had so far had been unfounded. I had no idea why I felt like her every emotion dictated my own, but I knew that, for now and without a foreseeable end, my existence hinged on hers.

"How long?"

"A few of months, at most. The animal blood will dilute the red slowly, until it turns golden." Horror crossed her face.

"A few months?!" I tensed again, wary of the up-and-down of her emotions. She may have supreme amounts of control, but she was still a newborn. I walked closer, remembering how that had a calming effect on her earlier, before the hunt.

I looked down into her scarlet eyes, having a hard time not missing the brown of her human eyes. Yet, I knew the same Bella was behind the red of her irises. Though I had hardly even spoken to Bella before her change, I could still sense the sweet gentleness within her, if cloaked with the inescapable realities of being one of our kind.

"Yes. But they will change slowly- I promise." She swallowed, breathing in deeply, eyes closed.

"Ok." She said quietly, eyes opening again. I smiled encouragement at her, wanting to do anything to help her along. It hurt me to see her in any sort of pain, even the emotional sort. We stood in an easy silence, and just as I began to wonder if I should back away, a throat cleared behind us.

I turned to see it was Emmett, standing with Rosalie and Carlisle at the door. Esme and Jasper were further out in the hall, peering in.

I stepped to Bella's side, feeling protective of her, knowing the anxiety she had felt about being around the entire family. Fortunately, Carlisle took control of the situation, before it could become too awkward.

"Well, shall we all head down to the dining room?" I nodded my head once, but Bella was obviously confused.

"Why the dining room?" she asked, probably considering why in the world eight vampires would be using a room designated for eating.

"We use the room for family meetings, and this is one occasion that calls for one." I said, trying to let her know there was nothing to worry about.

"Oh." She replied, whether or not she got my unspoken message. "Then let's go."

_Bella's POV_

We all descended the stairs as a group, filing down and into the dining room in the order we had exited Alice's room.

Carlisle and Esme each took a seat at the head and end of the table, with Alice and Jasper each on either side of Carlisle. Rose sat by Jasper's side, and Emmet by her. That left me to sit between Alice and Edward.

After we had all taken our seats, Carlisle brought the meeting to order by beginning.

"Bella," he started, looking directly at me. "We've called this meeting for many reasons. First and foremost, it is to fill you in on the last few things that Edward has not had a chance to discuss with you, as well as to give you a chance to ask questions, and to discuss what our next moves are. But before any of that, we would all like to introduce ourselves formally, as the circumstances, have not allowed for that as of yet."

I listened to his words, feeling the serious weight of what a family meeting meant in the Cullens's household, as well as considering whether it could actually be called a family meeting since I was there.

"I am Carlisle- we've spoken before, but I'm afraid that none of those few times were in the ideal conditions. My wife Esme, is sitting at the end."

Esme smiled at me, warm and gracious, all thoughts of the earlier incident forgotten. Carlisle paused there, waiting for the rest to introduce themselves.

"Name's Emmett. Of course, I suppose you already knew that." He said, smiling a wide dimpled grin, and offering a hand to shake. His other remained wrapped around the girl beside him. I took his hand, shaking gently, remembering my new strength. Though I doubted I could actually hurt Emmett.

The girl sighed heavily, but the anger I saw in her earlier, when I had woken up, was gone. Mostly she just looked like she really wished she didn't have to be here right now. "Rosalie- call me Rose if you wish." She said, offering the smallest smile. I nodded- not that I could imagine being familiar enough with her to use the shortened version of her name.

"And I'm Alice- I'm the one who carried you back!" she said, voice shockingly happy for discussing what seemed to be so taboo with everyone else. I found it refreshing- everyone walking on eggshells was suffocating sometimes. I noticed Edward shooting daggers at her, but she ignored him. Only Jasper broke the uncomfortable silence.

"My name is Jasper." He said, politely and with the slightest of a southern accent.

"It's nice to meet you all." I replied, unsure of what else I was supposed to say.

Thankfully, Carlisle took control again. He always knew when to step in- I supposed that was part of the reason he was the head of this family.

"Do you have any questions Bella?"

I shook my head no- I thought everything I knew to this point had already been well and graphically demonstrated. Resulting in several self-created horror movie scenes - first covered in blood, then my embarrassing screaming incident. My life was turning into different scenes from _Carrie._

"Alright then, as you can imagine, we try to keep our existence a secret."

Obviously- I could remember enough to know that the average human didn't believe in vampires- and I had never heard of anyone having proof of one before.

"If they did, it would create problems for us."

Edward jumped in there. "Living among humans so intimately makes keeping ourselves undetected even more important. Should any human find out, there would be repercussions."

"What sorts of repercussions?"

"There are some of our kind- and Italian group of vampires called the Volturi- that serve as judge, police, and royalty in our world. Whenever there is a risk of exposure, they are quick to act- to execute all parties involved."

Oh.

"We are telling you, because this is the only rule you must follow. Keep the secret." Carlisle took over again. "All other choices are up to you, but you must not take any chances that would bring up the slightest suspicions by humans."

Ok- one rule. Got it.

"But- what other choices?" Carlisle again.

"Bella, you are not required to stay here with us. You are not required to follow our way of life, or our diet. If you wish, you may leave. All tracks regarding your disappearance have been covered, so the decision is entirely up to you."

I hadn't expected that. I hadn't considered leaving the Cullens. Although, I hadn't even considered what they may want, or anything beyond the next hour or so. What if they didn't want me? I couldn't imagine leaving now- I had no idea what I was doing. I needed to be here- to have their guidance. And I knew that I would be sticking to their "diet", no matter what. The idea of taking human lives made me sick. But would I be overstepping if I were to stay? I supposed I would have to find out.

"Can I stay?" I asked, uncertain.

"Of course dear!" Esme piped in. "Isn't that right?" she asked, looking around the table, motherly persuasion in her words. Alice bounced up and down enthusiastically in response, while Carlisle nodded, but no one else moved, looking from one to another, and then to Edward.

Edward noticed, and spoke up.

"Absolutely- unless anyone has a relevant objection?" he surveyed the table, and no one said a word. It seemed they had all just been waiting on his reaction.

"Alright then- that's settled." Carlisle continued. "Welcome to the family Bella." He smiled. I smiled back, relief washing through me at avoiding rejection.

"Welcome, little Sis!" Emmet boomed, slapping the table and grinning. Alice squeaked and hugged me tightly around the neck. Rosalie smiled stiffly, Jasper tipped his head to me, and Esme's warm expression made me feel that I was really at home.

"Now then, one final order of business."

I looked up at him, expectantly, as the others quieted. Even Alice forced herself to settle for swinging her legs back and forth. "As I said, exposure is important to avoid, and your disappearance was an obvious breach of our usual protocol." I noticed Edward's head sag at his words as he played with a thread at the pocket of his jeans. I desperately wanted to reach out and rub his back, tell him it was ok again, but I refrained, trying to focus on Carlisle. It was already hard enough to do so without inexplicably becoming concerned with Edward.

"You should know that we used some of your clothing to lead the search parties to believe you were attacked by a wild animal. Rosalie, Emmet, Alice, and Jasper have all been continuing to go to school to avert attention, while we have been telling everyone that Edward is ill. He will have to return tomorrow. So far, no one is suspicious. As long as that holds, we will be staying here a couple more months to wait for talk to die down, but then we will have to move on."

All of that made sense, and I understood it was all necessary. But one question did remain.

"What about my parents?" I asked, sadness overtaking me as I reached for memories of Charlie and Renee. I couldn't really remember them, and most of my sadness was because of my lack of remembrance than actually missing them. I couldn't piece together enough of them to feel more than loss, as if they already no longer existed.

Carlisle paused, for once seeming less confident.

"They held a memorial service for you- I'm sorry Bella. You do understand you will be unable to see them again?"

Again, I desperately wanted to cry, because I did know that was true.

"Because of exposure." I recited.

"Yes- but also because it will be a long time before you will be able to be around humans and resist the bloodlust." Edward said, interrupting Carlisle right before he began to answer.

Oh- I hadn't known that.

"How long?"

"About a year- maybe two. It depends."

I took a shaky breath- there was so much to know about how my world now worked.

"Ok." I said, accepting this latest development, but still refusing to see myself as a monster, despite what Edward obviously thought of himself. It wouldn't last forever after all.

"Well," Carlisle said. "I think that is it for now- I'll begin moving forward on our relocation and keep you all up to date. You are dismissed for the night."

With his permission, Rosalie and Emmett left first, followed by Jasper and Alice. At their departure I felt a suspicious wave of calm and acceptance that I now recognized as Jasper's gift, but accepted the help as tokens of Jasper's acceptance of me. Carlisle left next, leaving just Esme and Edward.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so glad to have you as part of our family!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a comforting hug and smoothing my hair. "I'm sorry I don't have a room for you, but you are more than welcome to the guest room upstairs. I promise in the move to work on it- but, I guess you do know we don't sleep?" she asked gently.

I sighed- I hadn't known that, and I wondered when the surprises would end.

"At all?"

"Edward- didn't you tell her anything?" she chided. "Goodness- no dear, not at all."

"Alright." No big deal- it was a small thing to get over in comparison to everything else.

Esme just shook her head. "If you need anything, just call, okay?"

"Of course." I answered, smile strained. I really was just ready to be alone. Esme left, leaving me with Edward, again.

"Well- uhmm…do you need anything?"

I wondered when everyone would stop hovering- though I appreciated it, it was tiring.

"No Edward- its fine. Thank you for everything today- you can go though. I think I'll be fine on my own for a while."

He nodded, and after pausing for a moment in deliberation, left me in the dining room. For the first time since the burning, I was alone, and I wondered what I was going to do with myself all night long.

**A/N: So, that's Bella's completion of her introduction to the life of a vampire. A warning, the idea for the next chapter is already floating around in my head, and I'll probably even start it tonight- I'm pretty sure it will be fluffy, but who knows, maybe there will be an E/B development. Not sure yet. We'll see. Maybe y'all can persuade/give me ideas by REVIEWING!**


	9. Chapter 8

8. Enemies

**A/N: So, I know this one took a bit longer to post- I'm sorry- I know it's annoying. School is consuming my life, I've been feeling uninspired, and I was having trouble with this chapter. I came back to it after two weeks, erased the whole thing, and re-wrote it. Hopefully, it turned out okay, and the next one will be quicker!**

_Bella's POV_

My first night spent as a vampire was entirely uneventful. Without the rest of the Cullens around, my body finally shut itself down and went into a sort of shock. I had felt the sensation seeping into my limbs a few times today, but for the first time, I let the locking feeling of stillness overtake me instead of stifling it and forcing myself to relax. I spent the entire night, head resting on my forearms unnecessarily, at the table. I wished with all my might I could cry, overwhelmed by the emotions I felt. All I could manage was some prickling in my eyes, and I breathed heavily but quietly, gagging back sobs. There was no way anyone else in the house was going to hear my cries- I didn't want to worry any of them. I had pushed up the façade of being entirely okay, and I planned to keep that image up. Fake it till' you make it, right?

Truth was, it wasn't entirely an act. For the most part, I was doing alright, all things considered. Naturally, I grieved my old life. Despite that, I knew that in a few days, I wouldn't miss most of my human experience. For one, I couldn't really remember it. I knew there were differences, obviously, but most of them seemed like a step up to me. After all, hadn't I always wished to be strong, fast, and graceful- exactly all the things I never was? It was hard to fathom my newfound immortality as well, but I decided that was something that I could think about later. Alternatively, my new fascination with blood was a more grisly issue, and a bit more bothersome.

On some level, I was disgusted by my desire for the viscous red liquid. Especially when I considered that the deeply manifested need wasn't for the blood I had tasted already, but for human blood. The thought was repellant, and I understood how easy it would be to see myself as a monster, as Edward viewed himself. However, at the same time, I didn't really see how anyone could call the Cullens monsters- not harmless Carlisle, kind Esme, goofy Emmett, little Alice, and calm Jasper. I couldn't imagine Rosalie hurting anyone either- honestly, she may be shallow, but I saw the deeper instinct to protect her loved ones in her as well. And then there was the logical view too. Edward obviously felt remorse and didn't want to hurt others, thus he wasn't a heinous creature. The two couldn't co-exist in one person. All of these observations outweighed my horror over the deep want I felt, and I made peace with my new nature.

Therefore, I had no qualms with my lost humanity. Yet some things transcended my humanity and would always be a part of me, and my grieving for them would not be completed tonight. The vague few memories of Renee and Charlie ate away at me now that I let them, and I searched deep and hard for the smallest glimpses of them in my memories.

The act steeped me in frustration, but the little clips I conjured up were worth it. Of course, I had known that before I had dove inside my own mind. Edward had told me enough earlier in the meadow to assure me that anything I managed to remember from my human life would have to be very important. Considering all I could remember was who I was, my last day as a human, starting from my first glimpse of Edward, and shots of my parents, there was no question of how much I had loved Charlie and Renee. Perhaps if I hadn't been drowning in grief I would have stopped to consider why all my other human memories involved Edward or why movie-clip quality shots from the meadow earlier in the day kept coming up at the same time. As that wasn't the case, I forced myself to re-focus quickly- now was not the time to review and analyze the recent and current events in my life. I was coming to terms with my lost past.

In the end, I came up with about four fragments from years gone by. Most of them were extremely recent, and I supposed that made sense. The first image was of Charlie's face in the cruiser as we pulled up in front of what I knew was his house. From the perspective, I understood that I was in the passenger seat, looking at him. Other than that, all I could salvage was a feeling of awkwardness all mixed up with love. I smiled at that strange concoction, savoring the feeling of a father-daughter relationship.

The next couple of shots were both with Renee, the first a mostly indistinguishable picture of being in the desert with her. She was smiling and laughing, and happiness was apparent. The next was of her telling me goodbye in an airport, hugging me entirely too tightly as she crooned "my baby" into my ear. Though annoyance was in that memory, love and a light sadness were too.

The final memory was surprisingly much older while simultaneously exponentially more clear. I sat in a car, seat belt buckled, and a small stuffed animal wrapped tightly in my arms. Rain coursed down the windshield and the wipers _swooshed_ back and forth as the door was shut from the outside. My legs dangled limply over the edge of the seat, the shiny black patent-leather of my Mary Janes gleaming from the bluish-green light emanating from the dashboard. My red rubbery rain jacket squeaked as I craned my neck, looking to the porch just as Renee climbed in the driver's side and shifted gears into reverse. I hear her sniff quietly as she released the parking brake. Under the cover at the front of the house, Charlie stood stiffly, hands at his side. Between my own tears and the rain, I could never be sure if he was crying as the car backed down the driveway, leaving the little house behind. Heartbreak was the dominate emotion in that memory.

And that was all I had- a handful of memories to piece together in an attempt to understand my parents. I clung to them, unwilling to allow them to seep away into the murkiness of the rest of my vague human life. I spent the rest of the night reliving the four snippets over and over and over again, memorizing the simplest of details, silently sobbing over the loss.

__

By the time daylight broke and shades of gray began appearing, I had absorbed every bit of my most vivid human memories. As the hours had worn on, I had even considered crazy schemes for seeing my parents. Renee was in Phoenix, and that wasn't really an option. But Charlie- my dead heart ached at the knowledge that he was minutes away, and possibly less considering my new speed. It would be so simple to just sneak out and run there.

Except I knew it wouldn't be. I believed Edward when he told me about the blood-lust. I had visuals and vivid memories, including sensations, to tell me what would happen the second I was around any blood. If I had reacted in such a way to a foul-smelling deer, there was no way I would stop when confronted with the true object of my yearning. The burn in my throat intensified at the thought, and I swallowed the venom, chagrined because I knew I wouldn't even pause to think before ripping my own father's throat out.

No, I would and could not go anywhere near my parents, and other contact would attract attentions and suspicions I couldn't risk. No better than the idea I could kill my own parents was the thought of the law-enforcement of vampires, the Volturi, doing the same because I had given my parents too much information. I couldn't condemn Charlie and Renee.

This reasoning, by daylight, carried me through and I truly accepted the fact I couldn't relieve my parents' grief over my presumed death. A piece of me died with the revelation, but I knew I would bury it deep, and work through it. Who knew- maybe one day, I could do something. But in order for that to work, I had to get it together now, and pick up my pieces.

The first step to doing that was to move. I knew that the others would have to go to school today, since I was relatively sure it was Friday, despite being thrown off and slightly losing track of time already. It was nearly time to go, judging by the change from gray to brighter gray, the sign of day in this world shaded by the cloud cover filter. I didn't want anyone to find me here- I didn't want anyone to have any reason to worry about me. And there was no way I could explain away sitting here all night long, doing nothing. The Cullens were already doing so much for me- moving, picking up their lives and taking me along. The least I could do was not add more worries to the pile.

I scraped my chair back, only vaguely surprised that nothing hurt from hours of immobility in my contorted position. I stood, joints feeling no need to stretch or pop. Now that I was standing, I decided changing clothes couldn't hurt either, even though my clothes were still perfectly clean, if slightly wrinkled and creased. The act was just for the sake of normalcy.

I headed up the stairs to the second floor, not trusting myself to run inside the house without breaking anything. The stairs creaked quietly under my weight, and I turned left at the top, remembering where Alice's room was. I knocked, and took a deep breath, putting on my mask to prepare myself for a day of interacting again with others.

---

Alice was entirely too excited to dress me, and I took note to get some of my own clothes soon. I didn't want to risk this becoming a habit for her- no way was I going to let her play dress up with me. Honestly- I didn't need make-up anymore, so how had she managed to spend an entire hour and a half picking out my outfit and styling my hair?

I knew she would have taken even longer, if I hadn't protested vehemently and disengaged myself. Soon after, the five left for the school, Edward lingering for a moment at the door that led outside from the great room, his eyes looking unsure. I imagined that he felt guilty for leaving me alone, and shook my head slightly and sighed.

"Go." I commanded, leaving no room for argument. He didn't say another word, just turning on his heel and walking out. I shook my head again, exasperated at the guilt that was tugging at him. I knew from the expression that had flitted over his face that he felt wrong about leaving me alone, and I knew that on the other hand he was afraid to return to the "scene of the crime". Guilt was the influencing factor on every side, and even though he was trying to follow my wishes and hide it, he wasn't being successful.

Just as I made this conclusion, Carlisle walked into the living room where I sat, watching television.

"Ah, Bella. Good morning- I hope you're night wasn't too boring?" he asked.

I looked up, struck again by how gentle he looked. Carlisle had a way for putting people at peace, and it didn't fail this time. Even though I had been feeling a bit uncomfortable in the house, that all vanished when his fatherly smile broke out.

"It wasn't too bad." I answered honestly- it hadn't been boring at all.

"I'm glad." He said, still rooted to his spot, obviously sorting out how to proceed with what he had come down here to say.

"I just wanted to let you know the house is your domain. Use anything you wish- this is your home now, so please, feel free."

"Thank you Carlisle." I answered, waiting for anything else he might wish to say.

"Your welcome." He said, hesitating. "There is just one more thing- most likely this is understood, but I wanted you to know its probably best if you stay in the immediate vicinity of the house. You're no prisoner of course, and may leave if you wish. But, I know you wish to avoid any potential…risks…" he trailed off, obviously feeling bad for potentially insulting me.

Which he hardly did at all. A small piece of my pride took a hit, but I was mostly grateful for the heads up. As he said, it should have been understood.

"Of course." I said, words quick, run-together, and staccato all at once. "I hadn't thought of it yet, but you're right. Its safer here." Not that I had planned on going anywhere, but I hadn't not planned to either.

"If you need to hunt or anything, which you most likely will before we all go on a larger trip, Esme is going to work from home every day. She'll be around for whatever you need- even if its just some company."

I nodded, biting my lip. I was beginning to feel like the world's most physically capable invalid. My body was vital, yet its urges entrapped me in all the ways that were meaningful.

"Alright then." He said, obviously not sure of anything else to say. "Have a good day." With that, he walked out the door, and I was left alone in the living room. I settled in to watch the morning talk show, contemplating the paradox between freedom and restriction.

--

And so my days went for the next week. Like my first night in the Cullen household, they were mostly unremarkable. I spent a lot of the first two days watching television, but without really being there. I found it was effective cover for the grieving I still needed to do, and if Esme noticed, she chose not to say anything. Considering her motherly instincts, I bet she knew everything.

Esme, for her part, had an uncanny ability to be present but leave me my space. She never really hovered after that first night, but just checked in each morning with a few pleasantries before retreating to her small in-house office. Around noon she would emerge to neaten up things around the house that had been left out of place, and she would stop by again and check in. The sweet care she showed for me was touching, without being overbearing.

On the third day, Esme accompanied me on a short hunting trip. The dull burn had begun throbbing, and I had already begun losing my grip on civility, uncharacteristically throwing a vase when Emmet had playfully tussled my hair that morning. Apparently, my endurance was non-existent, despite my advanced ability to interact with others when satiated. I had downed a few deer quickly, and upon return, Esme had suggested I explore Carlisle's library, which also housed Jasper's books. I don't know who had told her I liked to read, or if she even had any idea, but it was a fantastic gift. I hadn't been aware the library existed since I hadn't been to the third floor, but I spent most of every day and night after that in Carlisle's study. The first day there, I had left upon Carlisle's arrival, only returning that night. After that, Carlisle had insisted I could stay, and we had taken up a comfortable co-habitation of the space in the evenings. He never pressed me to talk, and for that and my refuge I was thankful.

After several nights, I settled into a nice rhythm, and didn't mind the emptiness or the dark any more. Thankfully, the oak door to the study was thick, and muffled the sounds that became inescapable once the respect for my novelty to the house had worn off. Unfortunately, the evidence of couple-like activities wasn't entirely escapable, despite the nearly nightly piano music that wafted up from downstairs where Edward played.

Speaking of Edward, he had taken to maintaining a distance after a few days. Equal parts of me both approved of and were disappointed at this move. The side that approved felt he had paid most of his debt to me, providing the means to survive in the new circumstances he had placed me in. That side was also extremely annoyed at the constant hovering that had occurred at first, and the guilt he was unable to disguise. The other side reminisced and longed to feel again what it could only call intimate friendship and camaraderie, established that first day in the meadow. That side had no more sway than the other and a resolution to inaction was created, though the feelings of the second side were more intense, goaded on each night by the beautiful music he made. Mostly the music was full of pain, and it made me want to do something to help him, but it was full of so much horrible beauty that I couldn't imagine interrupting.

It was one night when this music stopped suddenly that my entire world was turned upside all over again.

Edward had been playing another sad but elegant piece when he had broke off in the middle, something that never happened. He never made mistakes, and though I had never seen him play, I knew that he was much too involved to pull himself out of a piece before it was complete. Already, I was alert, wondering what may have happened. I wasn't concerned, just curious.

That was before I heard his quiet voice begin calling out.

"Carlisle." He called, his steps moving up the stairs. Alarm bells sounded in my head at the tone of his voice. I rose up from the chair I sat in, tossing my book down behind me. I didn't bother sneaking into the hallway, knowing I would be heard. I walked out, remembering to gently handle the door as I had learned. Carlisle came out at the same moment, Esme trailing behind.

"What is it Edward?" he asked, serious.

"The scent doesn't carry up here, but we have company, and they intend to talk to you." He said. The words meant nothing to me, but I understood Carlisle's facial expression. There was an instant of panic, followed by anger and worry, before being replaced by rational calculation.

"Who is it?" I asked, suddenly afraid for the reasons I didn't know but could sense.

Everyone turned to look at me, as if they were just now noticing my presence.

Edward sighed loudly, before answering, if his reply could be counted as such.

"Quileutes. They…they are our enemies, werewolves."

I sucked in a breath- werewolves, enemies? Why hadn't I been warned that we had enemies? That seemed like something important to know, yet I had been kept in the dark.

I would have laughed out loud that I wasn't even concerned about the werewolf aspect, if I hadn't been so angry.

"And you didn't tell me?" I asked, obviously upset, feeling my humanity slipping away.

"There isn't time now Bella. Please, calm down." He said, edging closer to where I stood. I looked up into his eyes, struggling to maintain the tiniest iota of anger. "Trust me?" he asked quietly, reminding me exactly of what he had looked like as I had run my fingers over his sunlight palm.

Damn him, I did. The softness in his eyes forced me too. I nodded, recognizing that something important was happening and yet again I was incapable of helping. The best I could hope for was to stay out of the way, and I hated the familiar feeling of helplessness.

"Ok- I need you to stay up here in the study, door closed and silent, okay?" I nodded again, but couldn't stop my next question.

"Why?"

"Because they intend to come in the house, and I think our best bet is to lie for now about your existence. They would be angry about what's happened. If you're up here, they won't pick up your scent, as long as they are in the living room."

I was confused, but just nodded again. Why would they be angry? What did it have to do with them? These and a thousand other question battered against my mind, begging to be asked. At that moment, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet appeared in the other end of the hall.

"What's the plan for dealing with the dogs?" Rosalie asked, spite in every word.

Carlisle took over there.

"We cover up Bella's existence, stick to the story, and make peace."

"Will that work?" I asked, worried for what I suddenly realized I considered my family.

"Only one way to find out." Edward said, and they all moved to the stairs, heading down to meet the enemy.

**A/N: Yes, the beginning was slow, but it was important for Bella's character development. I was trying to respond to some reviews, explaining Bella's process with her parents, keeping her from being too suddenly okay, and then introducing the wolves and conflict. All unavoidable- next chapter should be up pretty soon. **


	10. Chapter 9

**9. Plans**

**A/N: Wow- so, over 2000 hits so far today, 350 readers..and only 10 reviews. Eh- can't ask for much considering I left you all hanging for so long. But really, thanks for the dozens of favorites and story alerts- that was phenomenal and hope all you new readers will stick around- and review next time! Here we go…**

_Edward's POV_

I clenched my jaw as we all rushed into the living room, at vampire speed. I shouldn't have been surprised that the wolves were coming- Carlisle and I had discussed the possibility days ago. We had wondered if they would buy the evidence of Bella's animal attack, and had discussed the possible game plans if they didn't. We knew that the chances were about fifty-fifty and that war was possible. We certainly wanted to avert that at all costs, and it seemed that tonight wouldn't be the night, no matter how much they believed our story. There were too many of us and too few of them.

I had been sitting at the piano, playing an old composition that I always came back to when I wanted to calm down. I had been playing it every night the past few days, because I had needed its comfort a lot lately. I knew Bella had forgiven me. I knew that she wasn't angry, and I knew she was adjusting relatively well. Still, I couldn't banish the guilt she demanded I either eradicate or at least hide.

I had talked to Jasper, and he had confirmed my fears. Despite the front she put up, Bella was suffering, all because of me. He told me about the intense grief and pain that had emanated from her that first night. He had left the house after a couple of hours of it, unable to bear it. I knew she still felt those things, though they were now weakened according to Jasper- more manageable. He told me how she felt lost, unsure, and frustrated. There was no way I could cover the shame and self-hatred I felt for causing her anguish.

That was why I was now keeping my distance from her. At first I had felt I should do everything to help her, to somehow atone for what I had done. Obviously, even then, I knew that wasn't possible. Still, I had tried, but now I had decided it was best that I stay away. She shouldn't have to see me, and she certainly shouldn't have to pity or forgive me.

For all of those reasons, I was playing downstairs, aware that Bella had taken to spending her nights in the study with the books. Occasionally I would want to go up to her, just to check in on her, because I couldn't help but worry about her despite my resolve. I knew she was lonely, and I worried about her hiding away from the entire family, barely speaking to any of us. I wanted to go and ask her if she was okay, see if I could get her to talk. It was in the middle of pushing away that ridiculous protective urge that I had first heard four extra mental voices, out of place.

Immediately, I had listened closer, my hands freezing in place on the ebony and ivory keys.

_"…wish I understood why we had to do this in the middle of the night…"_

_"….gah…too dark to be running in human form…"_

_"…stupid bloodsuckers…"_

I suppressed a curse as I understood what the voices were- the Quileutes were on their way. I could even smell them, they were so close. That was when I had bolted up stairs, warned Carlisle, and brought the rest of the family down, minus Bella.

Now, we all stood at the ready, tensed for a fight but hoping that our group presence would be enough to restrict the situation to discussion only. Carlisle was standing as the leader in front of us all, ready to be diplomatic.

"Why aren't they here yet?" Rosalie hissed.

I listened in, wondering the same thing and getting a first-hand answer.

"They are on surveillance around the perimeter while they wait for Billy- he's on his way by car." I said quietly.

"Can you get anything else?" Carlisle asked, wanting as much information as was possible.

"They are only planning for a discussion tonight- they know there are too few of them. But- why are there three of them suddenly- I thought Sam was the only one?"

"He was." Carlisle said quietly. "They must have had a couple more change recently- our presence is most likely the trigger."

I didn't have time to consider this- we all heard tires on the driveway. It would only be a couple more minutes now.

We all waited until we heard four sets of feet make their way to the door, a loud knock shattering the quiet.

Carlisle slowly stepped forward, warning us under his breath to be civil. He opened the door, pasting a welcoming smile on his face.

"Billy. Come in, please." Billy rolled in, his wheel chair bouncing over the bottom lip of the door. Behind him, three others came in. They formed a semicircle behind his chair, Sam in the center. They all were nearly identical, with deep russet skin, shorn black hair, and black deep-set eyes. The only obvious difference between the three was size. Sam was easily 6'5" and looked older, while the other two were obviously only fifteen or sixteen, and not as tall.

"Carlisle." Billy acknowledged. "You know Sam, but I'd like to introduce you to Jacob," he said, gesturing to his left, "and Embry." gesturing to his right. I noted that Jacob was Billy's son, extracting the fact from Billy's thoughts.

Carlisle only nodded in recognition. Saying nice to meet you would have been a lie. "And may I ask what brings you here?"

"I assume you have heard of the disappearance of the police chief's daughter, Isabella Swan? She had just moved here about a week ago?"

"Yes. I heard- such a tragedy." Personally, I was astounded at how well Carlisle lied, giving nothing away in his facial expressions, words, or body language. We were all good liars out of necessity, but Carlisle was easily the best. It was probably his calm nature that helped.

Billy's reaction was equally good, even his thoughts giving little away. His son, on the other hand, was obviously disgusted, and his thoughts let me know that they were indeed suspicious.

"Indeed- they say it was an animal attack. I wonder what sort of animal would have been lurking so close to town?"

Carlisle didn't answer, recognizing the real question behind the obviously rhetorical one. He waited for Billy to show his cards.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about any of that would you?"

"Billy, I must say I don't like what you are implying." Despite his biting words, only the tiniest drop of civility vanished from Carlisle's tone.

"That wasn't the question." Billy's face hardened, all pretenses gone. "They didn't find any animal tracks around the attack site. No animal that could kill a human should have been out there. The boys have been out there, and they picked up some faint scents. Why don't you explain all of that to me?"

"Billy, none of us have killed the Swan girl. That was the agreement, and none of us have broken that- you can see that in our eyes."

Indeed- there was no evidence of human blood in any of our eyes- I had taken in so little no remnants were left now after gorging myself regularly on blood of dear nearby.

Carlisle continued. " The scents could be expected- the woods are near the school and sometimes they are used by Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Edward, and Emmett to run back here. Accidents happen, and it is possible a bear or some other animal wandered through, even if it shouldn't have been there. Now, if you are done accusing my family, we would like to carry on with our night in peace."

Anger. It flared on every single one of the Quileute faces. Not a one of them believed Carlisle, not fully. They were still suspicious, and their hatred fueled their disbelief.

"If that is your story Carlisle, then we will leave for now. But remember the agreement was to not bite- not only to not kill. And we will be watching. Good evening."

Billy nodded his head at us all, before gesturing to Sam to open the door for him. He did, and they trailed out, Billy in the lead.

--

As soon as we were all sure that the wolves were long gone, Carlisle called an emergency meeting. Esme went up and brought Bella down, and we all sat around the dining room table, waiting.

"We are here to discuss how we are to proceed, as the Quileute werewolves have now become a part of the equation. I believe we must change our plans, but before discussing that, I wanted to open up the floor to any questions."

For once, Bella wasn't shy. Her irritation permeated her voice, and it allowed her to speak up without reservations.

"Can someone please explain to me what is going on? Why didn't I know about the wolves- and what the heck do they have to do with anything?"

Everyone shifted in their chairs, looking to me. I sighed- fine.

"The Quileutes have been our enemies for a long time. About a hundred years ago, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett and I lived here- Alice and Jasper hadn't joined us yet. The Quileutes had encountered vampires before- but not our kind."

Bella looked stunned, and a little afraid at the thought of other vampires coming through the area before.

"The wolves serve as protectors for Forks and La Push, the reservation. When we came, they wanted to kill us. But, Carlisle told them we were different, and our eyes convinced them to listen. Eventually, he was able to negotiate a treaty, allowing us to live here on the promise we would never hurt another human. Apparently, Billy seems to think that includes biting humans, not just killing them. Thus, they can't know about you."

"If they did?" she asked, obviously knowing the answer.

"Then they would see the treaty as violated, and a war would begin." Bella gasped.

"War?"

"Yes- but they don't have a chance with just three wolves versus all of us. There is no way they can attack now, even if they knew."

"But we don't know how quickly more of them may go through the change- there are already two more than before!" Esme rang in, clearly worried.

"Exactly. That's why we have to come up with a new plan. Who knows what they may do. They said they would be watching, and while they can't do that while we are all here, they could easily pull it off if it's just you and Bella." Carlisle said.

"What's the plan?" Emmett asked, an excited gleam in his eye. He loved this kind of stuff.

"Well, I think we will have to rush our move." Carlisle answered. I agreed.

Not too soon of course, because that would be even more suspicious. We had to ensure the townspeople wouldn't have any questions, and we also needed to leave the wolves with as little proof as possible for their theories. Yet, the longer we waited, the more likely they would gain more wolves and potentially find Bella here as well.

"How soon?" Rosalie asked, with the hint of complaint in her question, but mostly resignation.

"I think two weeks- I don't see how we can leave sooner, and that's as long as I feel comfortable waiting."

"Where are we going?" Jasper questioned, while Alice bounced up and down by his side, obviously seeing the answer in the future.

"Outside Syracuse, NY. Its relatively cloudy there as well, and we should be able to pull off mostly normal lives."

Alice squealed. "And we can make trips to New York City!"

We all rolled our eyes at Alice, and continued on. Of course that is what Alice would think about. Thank God Syracuse isn't that close to NYC- Alice would have made the run every day if it was possible.

Esme nodded. "I'll start looking at real estate right away- shouldn't be too difficult. I assume any small town in the vicinity will work?"

"Yes- we just need a small town within commuting distance- I'll find a hospital in the city to work in."

"High school, I assume?" I asked.

"It's up to you all- I don't think we will be spending long there. I was thinking we could move again once Bella is in shape to finish high school herself."

I nodded- considering those terms, I knew none of us would be attending high school. The only reason we ever did it was so we could stay in an area longer, and there was no need in this case.

"What do we do until then?" Bella asked.

"Other than the usual moving protocol, you need to stay inside the house as much as possible, and away from windows. Hunting trips must be in groups of four or more, otherwise we risk attack."

We all looked solemnly, considering the very real danger we could be in.

"Okay- what's usual moving protocol?"

"Nothing you need to worry about- but, you should know I suppose. We start letting others know we're leaving, so I can take another job. We give them a false place- I think North Dakota works well enough in this case." He said, looking at us all with this last bit of information we would need to spread.

I nodded- it needed to be somewhere we could conceivably go so that the wolves wouldn't have too many reasons to investigate too closely.

"Esme- will you see to getting their records released, and tell the school we're going to home school them?"

"First thing in the morning." She replied.

"Alright- I'll start looking at hospitals. Anything else?"

No one said anything. "All right then- you're all dismissed." At his words, they all went our separate ways, fanning out to our various corners of the house. Eventually, they had all left, in couples, leaving Bella and I- even Esme was gone, unlike the last time.

I looked intently at Bella were she stayed seated, searching her face to see her reaction to the quickened upheaval. She was toying with the frayed edge of the denim skirt Alice had given her before she looked up suddenly. I dropped my eyes, curiously embarrassed.

"What is it?" she asked.

I sighed- how many times had I asked her this question before? And why wasn't I leaving her alone as I had promised myself?

"I was just wondering what you thought about all of this."

She smiled slightly. "You ask me that question a lot."

I remained somber. "Its frustrating for me- to not be able to know what you're thinking when I can read everyone else's mind- especially when…" I stopped trailing off.

"When what?"

I sighed- I wished immediately I could just keep my mouth shut.

"When yours is the mind I want to read the most." The statement was true- I was always wishing I could understand Bella. Every time I thought I knew exactly how she would respond to a situation or something I said, she did the exact thing I would never see coming. She intrigued me in every way.

For instance, I expected her to scoff at the triteness of my statement then and walk out, but she took me seriously.

"Why? I'm not that extraordinary. I'm really actually boring." She said quietly, looking down as she had when she used to blush.

I laughed at her silliness and lack of self awareness. "You couldn't be more wrong."

She shook her head at me, incredulous, but finally answered my original question.

"Well, mostly, I'm just worried about how I'm endangering you all. I don't want any of you to get hurt."

Now it was my turn to be incredulous.

"You think you're the reason we're in danger? You're the one who is innocent in all of this- I'm the one who broke the treaty!"

"Don't start with that- I didn't tell you what I was thinking so we could talk about it- I was just answering your question."

I was amazed at her, but for whatever reason, I obeyed her wishes.

"Was that all?'

I knew immediately it wasn't. Her face told me that much- like most of the time, reading her mind wasn't entirely necessary. Right now, for instance, I knew she had been thinking something she though I wouldn't want to hear.

"No…I…I was just thinking about leaving Charlie behind. I know I wouldn't see him anyway, but still…" She was right to think I didn't want to hear it.

Her words pierced me to the core, and once again I was convinced that I was a monster. I had nothing to say in response, but in some masochistic way, wanted to hear more.

"But anyway, I think it might be better for me and help me adjust to get a fresh start. Don't worry about me."

Again, with the self-sacrifice and martyr complex. "You know I can't help it." Her face softened.

"I know- but you know I wish you would stop, and you don't seem to be trying at all- you just stay away from me like I'm the plague. I'm starting to think you wished I wasn't around at all." She said, half joking, but the tiniest tinge of hurt snuck into her voice.

I was jolted by horror, and the flood of unexpected emotion overrode all the remorse and guilt I had been feeling. Without thinking, I slid down a chair, closing the gap between us. My hand reached out for hers, taking it. I couldn't stand the idea of her believing her own words.

"No! I don't feel that way at all- I just don't want to force you into forgiving me or having to deal with me. I…I don't want to hurt you, though I seemed to have failed at that too."

She looked at our hands together before meeting my eyes with her own bright red ones. Our faces were close enough together to invade any personal bubble, and she searched me before casting her eyes back down.

"You're not a failure. You made one mistake, and now I'm here." She was whispering now. "I'm glad to know you don't hate me." She said.

I promised myself in that instance to stop with my foolish resolve to keep myself apart from her- I had to start treating her like a member of this family, or I was just going to make things worse. I saw now that I had to move one, and put my mistakes behind me. I couldn't erase the things I had done, but I could make the future better, even if I would never pay my debt for the sweet girl in front of me.

I smiled at her, encouraging her. "Of course not. I'm glad you stayed with us." I said, meaning every word. Right now, sitting across from and holding the hand of the angel, I could never mean it more.

She smiled back, before removing her hand from mine, standing up from the table.

"Well," she began, sounding a bit nervous. "I was in the middle of reading before I came down here…"

I nodded, feeling a little strange myself. How had the atmosphere gotten so uncomfortable? "I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded back, before turning on her heel, and heading up the stairs.

**A/N: I promise, promise, promise that there will be some romance in the next chapter! I just needed to find a way to get a few weeks into the future- because lets be honest- it would be really strange for Bella to immediately fall for Edward right after he tried to kill her, and equally odd for Edward to allow himself to feel anything but remorse for a while. Anyway- review!!! I know there are tons of you reading this, but only a few clicking on that nice little button down there…**


	11. Chapter 10

**10. Wrapped in Your Arms**

**A/N: Title is from the song by Fireflight- inspiration for this chapter. Sorry for the delay- my school won the NCAA title in basketball, and I've been catching up on the schoolwork I put off that weekend plus over Easter. But this chapter has a little drama and a little romance. Hope you like it. : ) **

_Bella's POV_

For the next couple of weeks, life continued in a surprisingly normal fashion. Or at least, it was as normal as was possible when one is adjusting to being an entire different species as a mythical creature.

Despite the visit by the wolves and our current danger, everyone continued going to school and work and no one acted like we were actually in trouble. Even though I knew that in itself was part of the act, in many ways the normalcy was disconcerting. It just seemed logical that everyone else should be worried as I was, considering the problems we could encounter and the deception we were trying to accomplish. If anyone else had my feelings, they weren't showing them.

Every time I brought up my concerns, they were brushed off- Alice would tell me that our futures looked fine, Jasper would send me waves of calm, Emmett laughed at the idea of danger, Rosalie offered reassurance in the form of her own determination to be fine, and Carlisle and Esme both reminded me that the family had been in similar situations before.

The only person I hadn't talked to about it was Edward, so I had no idea what he would say. I didn't really want to do anything that might inspire his brooding again, so I kept quiet on the subject.

Ever since the night that the wolves had came and we had talked, it had seemed that we had reconciled. I noticed that he never looked as depressed anymore, and I didn't catch him in moments of despair or with the look that told me he was wandering into the past and his personal sea of regrets. For my part, I felt more at ease around the house and stopped barricading myself in the study, no longer wondering if I was causing him pain by being in the same room, acting as a reminder. It was funny- I hadn't even realized my reasons for isolating myself.

Now I made attempts to be social, spending more time around downstairs, though it forced Esme to lower the metal layer over the wall of glass windows. That way no one could see inside the house, and spot me walking around. It hadn't been a worry before, because we lived so far away from town.

The first time Esme had done it, I had stood in shock and awe. I hadn't been aware that the thick metallic barrier existed. I shouldn't have been surprised- the Cullens had a contingency plan for everything. Yet, I couldn't help but wonder if this may tip off the wolves, but she assured me that we would still have deniability. They could always claim they had done it as a preemptive safety measure, in case they decided to attack, even without any proof.

In all honesty, the alibi wasn't such a stretch. It was possible the wolves could attack any time, even with only the assumption that the Cullens had been associated with my disappearance. Scouting runs had been made around the house, and each time, new trails were found, left by the Quileutes. They all had to have been made during the day- everyone still went on hunting trips out of necessity, but runs were made to check for the presence of wolves before each outing. If they were found, there was no way I could go out, because seeing me would have given them the necessary proof to declare war. Though actual wolves were never encountered, their tracks had to be made sometime. Obviously, since they were never found in the afternoons or at night, they were playing smart and only checking during the day, while everyone was gone. That was when we were most vulnerable, and when they were safest.

The constancy and ghost-like quality of the enemy presence gave a concrete urgency to the need to move on from Forks. The plan developed in the family council was implemented quickly, and Carlisle put in his notice to the hospital the next morning. Esme called the schools, handling the withdrawal of everyone else. Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward handled staging conversations around school to get the rumors of our move out, since no one ever talked to them directly. Alice looked constantly into the future, always checking to see if any townspeople would become suspicious and to make sure our futures remained intact. After missing the visit of the werewolves, she had discovered that they produced a blindspot in her vision, and took on the difficult task of looking for any new holes and gaps. Jasper kept a monitor on the emotions at the school and around town, also checking for suspicions.

I felt useless in the whole scheme, unable to do anything to help as progress was made. Though I was now allowing myself to wander the house, I was still confined to the indoors, with the exception of my only necessity. Though hunting should have been a relief for both its physical effects and because it was my solitary exercise of freedom, the act weighed on me. I wasn't allowed to go on short hunts with Esme during the day anymore, or with anyone else. Those had been bad enough, because I knew I was the pulling Esme from her work. I couldn't be trusted to go on my own, and that detracted from her time.

Now, that feeling was magnified by a hundred. Not only did I have to find someone to go with me, but everyone was required to go in groups of four or more for the sake of safety. That meant I had to drag along half the family for my frequent, and now risky, hunts, when they could have been doing any number of other safer things.

The only good that came out of the entire situation was that it forced me to build endurance. I would hold out as long as possible between each trip, forcing myself to ignore the aching burn in my throat. The first time I lasted just the usual two days, and that was only because Edward wouldn't let me try to hold out longer because my last trip had been so short. We had argued for a solid fifteen minutes before he had convinced me to go. After that, I made sure to drink as much as was possible, so that he couldn't use that argument again. I had increased my endurance by one day for each of the last two trips, and was now stretching out into a fourth day for the first time.

Edward still wasn't happy with this arrangement. The longer I waited between hunts, the more sullen he got. Presently, as I leaned against one of the arms of the couch, legs straightened out in front of me across the cushions and flipping through one of Rosalie's magazines, he was in the armchair to the right of the television. He was pretending to watch the basketball game that was playing on the screen, but I didn't miss the glares he kept shooting my way. I chose to ignore them.

While I refused to acknowledge his reactions out of an attempt to avoid another episode involving a disagreement like last time, I couldn't help but find them simultaneously hilarious and touching. That he even felt comfortable enough to fight with me and give death stares was strangely comforting, and I was happy that he seemed to be moving beyond his issues. At the same time, his brooding was comical in a lot of ways. The current look on his face pushed me over the edge- I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to keep my laugh low but I knew he wouldn't miss it. His face grew darker than I had seen it in recent days, and he openly looked at me.

"What's funny?" he asked.

"I'm sorry- its nothing. I shouldn't laugh, but your face was priceless."

He remained serious, face drawn. "Bella, its nothing to laugh about. I know you must be in pain."

I grimaced at his mention of the burning, internally angry that he had made me shatter my façade. He was right on that account. I was in pain- half the time I was hardly here at all, directing all of my attention to submerging the fire and longing that was its own sort of torture. Anything to stay in control. Take the magazine for example- of course I hadn't been reading about fashion, but no one seemed to notice it when I did things like pretend to read or watch television. No one except for Edward, apparently.

"You shouldn't be going so long without feeding. This is ridiculous- are you planning on waiting until tomorrow before we leave?" Edward continued after he took note of my reaction and I didn't respond. He was obviously using his last question rhetorically, letting it be known how absurd he thought the idea to be.

If only he knew. In fact, I had been considering it. Why not? No one else would need to go until tomorrow, before we all piled into cars and started driving cross country. Another inconvenience that was my fault- they could have flown if I was capable of being around people. It would be much easier on everyone if I just waited until in the morning. That way I wouldn't interrupt any last minute packing...

Edward saw my internal thoughts written all over my face. As was becoming more common, he had no need of his mind reading ability to know what I was feeling and thinking.

"No. There is no way you can wait that long. I won't let you." He said, voice low and deliberate.

"You won't let me?" I inquired, incredulous at his presumption of authority. "Who gave you that right?" I felt my anger level rising. Though my emotional reactions were much more my own lately, the intensity of the feelings themselves were unstoppable. It didn't help that I had gone so long without hunting. Not that Edward was right.

"No. And no one- but I might go talk to Carlisle."

I narrowed my eyes. He wouldn't. Of course Carlisle wouldn't actually force me to do anything- _he_ respected my freedom. Except, Carlisle could choose to move the hunting trip for the entire family to tonight, instead of waiting until tomorrow. And he would do that, if I was forced to explain why I wanted to wait. While he respected my liberty, he also wanted me to be comfortable in every way, and insisted that I was a valuable part of this family, not a burden. I couldn't count the number of times I had heard that. Thus, if he knew how I felt, it would force his hand to change the plans, all on my account. Which would, of course, only make me feel worse because I would be taking away time that could only be had at night from him and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie, and Alice and Jasper. As disgusting as all of that was to think about…

"Edward…" I tried to warn, while my voice came out weaker, as a less authoritative protest.

"Bella, please." He said. "You know how silly this all is- just go."

Why was it that everyone was always appealing to how weak I was? I hated it, and I hated the feeling of inferiority it gave me. The intensifying of the burn in the back of my throat as it returned to my consciousness was obnoxious too. I worked so hard to push it to the back of my mind.

"You know, if you didn't bring it up so often, I would be in less pain." I retorted, settling in for an argument. His pleading wasn't going to change a thing.

"Newborns aren't meant to go this long with feeding." He said, presenting the inescapable fact. I knew that was true. But I also knew I wasn't the usual newborn. I had gathered that much- my control was above and beyond what anyone of the Cullens had ever seen or heard of. As silly as it was, I was a little proud of my unique talent, and if anyone asked, I wouldn't be able to deny that it was part of the reason I was testing myself. Though it was only a small piece- mostly I truly did want to be less of a problem for the Cullens.

"None of us mind going out with you- I should know." He said, knowing my usual points in these discussions and appealing to his ability. "I know I certainly don't."

I closed my eyes, pushing down my anger. I noted the softness in his voice as he had added that last bit, and chalked it up to him appealing to my emotions and turning this argument more personal. I took a deep breath, and sat up on the couch, discarding my magazine on the floor as I opened my eyes.

"I know that." I answered, and I did. "But that doesn't mean I don't still feel bad that so many of you have to go with me. You can't deny that doesn't make me a burden, even if you all insist on carrying me."

His face drew together, the familiar lines forming on his forehead as he thought. A few moments later, he spoke.

"What if it was just me that went with you?" he asked. I thought about that. It was certainly better that forcing the whole family to change plans, or dragging three others out with me. But it was impossible.

"What about safety, Carlisle's rules?"

"I'll ask Carlisle of course- but the wolves never come out here at night and we leave at daybreak. There isn't any risk."

Hmmmm…he had a point.

"Don't you have anything else you should be doing?" I asked, unable to come up with any other objection.

"No- my room is all in boxes- I don't exactly have the amount of clothes Alice does." He broke into a grin. He knew I had no other defenses- he had won.

I shook my head at my defeat, though I couldn't help but notice I wasn't really that upset about it.

"Fine. If Carlisle says it's alright."

"Okay then, shall we?" he asked, gesturing to the stairs. I nodded and he stood from the chair, waiting for me at the base of the stairs as I dawdled behind him.

We entered Carlisle's office, where his door was wide open. He had heard most of our conversation. After only a little haggling, Carlisle agreed. There was no danger tonight, and we would be long gone tomorrow.

---

We raced through the darkened woods, our footsteps barely audible whispers on the layer of twigs and leaves. I breathed slowly in and out, enjoying the smell of the outdoors. The musty scent of damp earth, laced with the moistness of the moss and freshly rain-rinsed leaves was calming. I inhaled deeper, my chest expanding fully. I held my breath, savoring the scents for a long time before exhaling.

I watched as the trees and other plant life whipped by, all in shades of black and gray under the cover of night, rather than the usual vibrant green. Vines and thin branches tickled my skin lightly, instead of scratching and bruising as they would have if I was still human. I smiled at the sensation, along with the feel of the wind rushing through my hair and against my face. Running was my favorite activity these days, especially since I was becoming so accustomed to staying cooped up inside the house. It was only better because the weight of worrying about dragging unnecessary people along was relieved. I enjoyed the experience, knowing I would be stuck in a car for days in a few hours. I couldn't help but compare it to the only other time I had ran through the woods alone with Edward. Not only was it a matter of night and day, we were both different people after just these two weeks. We knew each other better, and the initial tension was easing, though it hadn't vanished. I no longer harbored anger, and he wasn't weighed down in the same way by guilt. This time I was truly flying, no longer tied down by worries, and the experience was better for both my company and my personal state. I never wanted to stop.

Though we had to stop eventually, we ran for a solid fifteen minutes, further than I had ever gone before. It was as if Edward really could read my mind, and if I didn't know better, I would have sworn he did. Finally Edward slowed and came to a standstill, and I halted beside him.

"Thanks." I said, looking at him, taking in the sight of a stray beam of moonlight escaping from behind a cloud, bringing out a gleam of copper in his hair.

He shrugged. "I knew you must have been dying to get out of the house. You've insisted on not leaving for so long." The second half of his statement was half joking, half leftover bitterness and his small, tight smile reflected the tension between the two.

I smiled back, unable to even be angry at his bitterness after soaring through the night's fresh air. "Well, I'm out now." I responded.

"Yes, you are, finally. And we should probably get on with it." he said, prodding me back toward the real purpose of the night.

I rolled my eyes before closing them, and took a deep breath. Even if it was safe out here, especially this far away from Forks, I wanted to be quick on this trip. The smell of deer, the one I had become accustomed to despite how unappealing it was, flooded my nostrils.

I took off, not waiting for Edward. He would run along beside of me, and probably hunt too, if only to make me feel more at ease. He had insisted on being on all of my trips, and I knew he had no real physical need.

I zoned in on the fluttery pulses of the herd as I drew closer, unable to focus any longer on Edward or anything else. I was on the hunt, and nothing could tear me away from the smell of blood. Maybe Edward was right, maybe I had gone just a little too long. The level of my need was slightly terrifying in its monstrosity, and I had never felt more like an animal since that first hunt.

The smell of the herd intensified as I drew closer, and I gloried at the idea of warm liquid. Oh, it had been too long.

And then, my body changed course. It was entirely out of my control- I made no decisions in the moment, I didn't even process why I had suddenly veered off further to the left. I never slowed, and only my angle changed. If anything, I pumped my legs harder, running faster than ever.

My mind hazed over as I breathed deeply, overtaken by a scent that clouded every moral and reasoning faculty I had. I was flying, and my destination was the source of the scent. It was beautiful- like nothing I had ever smelled before. Rich and thick, I sucked it in with each breath, manifesting my thirst through the only sense I could use at the moment. My mouth watered with venom, my stomach clenched fiercely, and my throat burned and produced so much pain it would have been crippling if I hadn't been so inexplicably driven forward.

I heard the pulse then, and knew I was close. I reveled in terrible joy, and surged forward with heightened motivation. It was a lower, stronger, slower thrum than that of deer. It gurgled, and my throat burned more. Yes, yes, just a little further!

But there was another sound, accompanying the beat. It came from behind rather than from ahead- footsteps, faster than mine. If I had been capable of splitting my attention more efficiently, I might have known if the swearing I heard was real or just something I added to the scene afterwards. The steps were gaining on me, getting closer. I could practically feel the presence of my pursuer, the wind changing in its flow pattern as he neared.

Finally, I was torn away from my trail, and I turned and pounced, tackling whoever it was that was following me, rather than allowing them to catch me. A low snarl ripped from my chest, its source the anger I felt for being forced to abandon the pursuit of my prey. As I processed my rage, quick as lightening, I was pinned to the ground.

"Bella, Bella! Stop it. You know who you are! Bella!"

I snapped back to my surroundings. The voice, with its velvet quality drew me back, calling to something deeper than the animal that was still snarling and struggling violently against what was holding it down. Slowly, I understood what was happening. Edward- Edward was holding me down. I stilled.

I locked my eyes with his, with Edward's. They shined golden in the filtered light of the moon, and my own scarlet ones were reflected within them. The sight was too much. Now I wanted to cry, rather than rip his throat out.

I realized what I had been about to do. I had almost killed a human- I had attacked Edward, trying to kill a human.

"I'm sorry." I breathed, unsure of what else to do.

He saw the uncertainty.

"Hold your breath, it will help." I did, stopping in the middle of an exhale.

Suddenly, additional clarity entered my head. I was aware for the first time of how close we were. His legs locked around mine to keep them still, his hands holding down my wrists, his chest pinning my torso to the ground, his face hovering just inches above mine…

"Can I let you up?" he asked, gently, rather than with the exasperation he should have felt. He saw my fear, sadness, and distress too, and was compensating for it. I felt his breath on my face, accompanying his words, and imagined how it would have smelled if I had been able to trust myself to breathe.

"I think so." I croaked. "Hold on to me?" I asked, just in case. Even though I wasn't breathing, my throat still burned intensely.

"Of course." He said, so low it was hardly louder than the gentle night breeze that ruffled his hair.

He rose slowly, cautiously. His hands remained locked around my wrists and his body was hardly further away than it had been on the ground.

"Remember to hold your breath- I'm going to pick you up, to run away, ok?" I nodded, and before I had finished the motion, he swung me up into his arms and took off in the opposite direction of where I had been running. If I was capable of humor at the moment, I would have laughed at the idea of vampires running away from a human, who was probably a sleeping camper.

The wind rushed by instantly as Edward began sprinting, but I was locked in between his arms, gripped into a cage around me with his chest as a back wall. I couldn't have moved if I wanted to, but there was absolutely no pain. It was like floating on a cloud, except I was wrapped securely inside it.

Neither of us said a word as we ran. I wasn't flying this time- everything was too heavy for me to defy gravity any long. The reality of the past few minutes sped through my mind as fast as Edward's steps hit the ground.

Just moments later, we stopped, and he sat me on the ground, next to a large moss-coated tree. I immediately hugged my knees to my chest and lay my head upon them, turning my face away from his dark-jean clad legs. I upheld no pretenses, and began to sob with no tears, eyes pricking with guilt and regret.

Nothing happened at first, and he let me cry without attempting to interrupt me. It was exactly what I needed. But his presence above me, close by and silently looking on, was exactly what I needed too. I drew my knees in closer, attempting to curl in on myself as tightly as possible. Maybe I could disappear if I tried hard enough.

Apparently not. Soon, the silence was broken. I heard rustling beside me, and felt Edward sit beside me.

"Bella." He said softly, my name rolling off his tongue, smoother than honey. I refused to turn and look at him. I was too ashamed, and bit my lip.

"Bella. It is alright. Please- just listen." He pleaded, pain that I couldn't understand in his voice. I didn't respond, but he continued.

"It isn't your fault. I should have been more careful. I was stupid. No one can expect you to react any differently- and you came to so quickly. You didn't even try to bite me." He said, a hint of humor coming into his voice at the end. I didn't see how he could look at this so lightly.

"I almost killed someone. I tried to kill a human." I whispered all my emotion and thoughts in that one phrase. It was the first time I had referred to humans out loud, as if they were something separate from myself.

"I know." He acknowledged. "But, you know, I almost did too, not so long ago." He said, all humor gone. "But I didn't. But you didn't."

His grave statement twisted my stomach. He was right. I had been right when I had said those words to him, just two weeks ago. The scene hadn't been so different as we had stood in the woods and I had uttered that truth. No harm had occurred. Edward had stopped me.

Understanding and believing this, I couldn't stop sobbing, but I turned my face toward him anyway. I needed him. "I still feel guilty." I said honestly. I had never felt more guilt in my entire lifetime- the weight threatened to break me.

He didn't answer, and only pulled me into his side and wrapped me back in his arms again, allowing me to grieve my innocence. With my head tucked under his chin, I cried.

**A/N: This chapter went way differently than I intended- took on a life of its own. But there was romance! Well, sort of- the hushed kind. Anyway, next chapter should continue moving in that direction. Now, please review! **


	12. Chapter 11

11. Departure

**A/N: Ok, just a little note- I got one review that criticized Bella crying- to make it clear (which I thought I did before, but maybe not)she wasn't crying tears- that would be impossible. But she can still go through the motions of crying. Anyway, moving on …**

_Edward's POV_

It was hours later before we returned to the house. Everything was lightening from black to shades of gray as day broke on the horizon. It was obvious that the sun would be out today- beams of light were shooting up from the invisible space beyond the edge of the sky.

The promise of light was welcome- the night had been one of the longest in my existence of darkness. I had held Bella as long as she had needed it, my heart breaking over and over again with each shake of her crumpled form. Fracture after fracture had ripped through my chest. Bella was shattered, and I felt horrible for having so few words to comfort her. I knew I had no advice to help her overcome guilt- that was something she would have to figure out on her own. From experience, I knew rising above such a strong emotion was a personal process, unique to each person. I could only hope to be there for her.

That was what I was doing by offering her a shoulder to cry on. It was the only thing I had, and she lay in my arms for the night. As her body was racked with tearless sobs, I sat motionless, forming my body to fit her delicate frame. For a while, I felt terrible for allowing her so near humans. Honestly, it was my own stupid move that had put the human in physical danger and Bella in emotional danger. Now, her spirit seemed close to broken. I let the feeling of personal responsibility and my own shame flood through me.

Yet, by some miracle, I realized I had meant my words when I said them to Bella. I had dealt with my issues involving Bella's change and I wasn't going to dig those up for anything. Even if I knew this wouldn't be happening except for my actions. Allowing myself to be taken under again would only worsen the situation. And if I wasn't allowing myself to wallow in the past, then I couldn't let myself be buried from tonight's events either. There had been no harm done, and Bella would recover from her first blatant contact with her new reality. I was convinced she would- I had seen the spark in her eyes when she had finally turned to face me. Though it was obvious she was still mostly consumed by the weight of her guilt, there had been the intangible quality of hope in her expression. She would pull herself up again- she wasn't the type to be hypocritical, and I had only given her the same advice she had given me.

After I had sifted through my own thoughts, I had turned my attention back to Bella. I rubbed her back gently as she continued to shake, and without thinking, touched my lips to the top of her head. I was amazed at how natural it felt, and I smiled at the faint smell of strawberries in her hair. It was most likely left over from the shampoo she had used to get mud out of the tangled mess it had been after the last time she had went hunting. As if she needed the shampoo- the natural freesia of her scent danced through my senses, sweet and light.

Eventually, Bella's sobs slowed and her body transitioned from shaking to slight trembling. Ten minutes later, she stilled, and slowly pulled away. I waited to see what she may say.

She only bit her lip, looking straight at me. For once, I could tell she wasn't embarrassed, knowing I understood and wouldn't judge her. But she _was_ nervous, and unsure of what to do now.

Acting on instinct, I offered my hand, pulling her to her feet, though it was unnecessary. Her eyes never left mine. For the first time, I really looked into the deep red of her irises, seeing the essence of Bella in them, even behind the purest and most shocking outward representation of what we were. I realized that it was never the color of her eyes that mattered, but the beautiful intelligence behind them. I wanted more than ever to protect her and to make sure she was always free to be herself.

"We should hunt." I suggested quietly. She silently nodded, and we ran hand in hand through the woods, returning to the hunting grounds closer to the Forks.

That was how we ended up back at the house. After Bella was done, we instinctively linked our hands back together, and ran to the house. We never spoke a single word, yet we moved together in harmony.

Our paces matched, our breathing synched together. Her palm laid smooth in mine, feeling soft despite its hardness, and warm despite the fact that it was ice-cold. We were two of a kind, easily and comfortably fitting together, as our hands did.

I shook my head to myself at this thought. _What are you thinking Edward?_ I screamed to myself internally. I was being ridiculous, getting carried away. It was all innocent- holding her earlier for comfort, holding her hand to anchor her now. That was all it was, and I wholeheartedly believed that. Why shouldn't I? It was the truth.

Of course, now I would have to explain that to Alice, since she bounded up to us, nearly knocking us over as we entered through the glass patio door.

Bella dropped my hand quickly. _See?_ I told myself. She was shuffling her feet, embarrassed as she looked back and forth between Alice with Jasper in tow and me.

Neither my brother nor sister said a word out loud, but Jasper's thoughts were deafening, while Alice's were annoying.

"_I knew it…yay! Oh just look at how cute they are! I can't wait! It's going to be…" _Alice thoughts jumbled together with her elation, as fast as her voice would be if she was speaking audibly. I could practically hear her squealing, until she reigned in her excitement. Her mental voice cut off immediately as she threw up a wall, abruptly switching over to running through the alphabet in every language she knew. I would have to find out later what she hiding from me- either she saw the glare I shot her, or she didn't want me to see some vision. Knowing Alice I assumed the latter.

On the other hand, Jasper made no attempts to hide his thoughts. _"Edward- I can feel your affection and restraint- and she's the biggest jumble of emotions I've ever felt. The confusion alone that's coming from the two of you is maddening. What's up?" _he asked.

Affection? I suppose there was no arguing with Jasper- but of course I felt affection for Bella- everyone in our family did. In the past couple of weeks she had begun winning over everyone of our hearts- even Rosalie, though she mostly felt sympathy for Bella because she identified with her. They had both lost their human lives unexpectedly. As for restraint…well, I was always restrained. Confusion wasn't so strange either- of course Bella would be confused after tonight's events, and she had every right to be emotional as well. It was the first time she truly recognized that she was different from her human self, and that was a lot to deal with. My confusion was just an extension of that- I was unsure of what to do about it.

Rather than answer his question, I just stared back at him, signaling I didn't want to talk about it. Jasper just shook his head, while Alice looked between us and then slipped to Bella's side.

As she touched her arm, Bella looked jerked her head up, as if she had been lost in her own world. Alice's thoughts came back through as she let her guard down, this time addressing me directly.

"_Edward- she's had a rough night. I'm sorry I didn't call when I saw it happening- you left your cell here…"_

"It's not your fault Alice- it was my mistake." I said, answering out loud though Alice easily could have seen what I was going to say. I wanted Bella to hear me.

"Bella, why don't you come upstairs with me? I wanted to check my room one last time before we leave."

Bella nodded, not speaking. I sighed inwardly at how sad she looked- I hoped she would recover soon.

"When are we leaving?" I asked before they could start up the stairs.

"In about twenty minutes now that you two are back. Esme is just leaving some final instructions for the movers and double checking things. Carlisle, Rose and Emmet are in the garage, figuring out who should ride with who. We're supposed to meet in there when we're ready."

"Alright." I answered simply before turning to Bella. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly, gently placing my hand on her shoulder, and ducking to look her in the eyes. For a moment I mused at how comfortable I now was around her- I never would have touched her so casually before.

She reached up and patted my hand, the slightest of smiles gracing her lips. "I'm fine." she said, speaking for the first time since before she had begun crying earlier in the night. I felt irrational relief flood through me- the tiniest hint of normalcy had me rejoicing.

I gave her a reassuring grin, then dropped my hand as Alice tugged Bella along behind her, up the stairs.

I shook my head, and ran my hands over my face and through my hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. I stood there for a long moment, bridge of my nose compulsively pinched between my thumb and forefinger and eyes closed.

Jasper finally broke me out of my self-contemplation.

His voice was determined, but quiet.

"What happened?" he asked. I read his thoughts and saw Alice hadn't told him much of anything. That was a good thing. It meant the rest of the family didn't know yet either. I wanted Bella to decide whether or not she wanted to talk about it.

Of course, Jasper already knew something was up, and I felt like he was the only one I would feel like sharing with. Alice would eventually tell him anyway, even if she didn't mention it to anyone else. The two shared everything- I envied that in a lot of ways, even when it was inconvenient like it was now.

So, I explained about Bella's mishap, running through the events of the night.

He listened intently, allowing me to relay the entire story. Probably had something to do with his psychology training- most likely he was trying to let me work out my own problems out loud. When I finished, he finally responded.

"Wow- so she didn't even attack you when you pinned her?"

"Not really- she realized what was happening pretty quickly."

Jasper shook his head- I could tell that he was amazed at her control, as he constantly was. Before he could dwell too much on his own past and own problems with self-control, I interrupted his thoughts.

"What am I supposed to do about her?" I asked.

"You mean her guilt and shame? Or the fact that you feel connected to her in a way you don't understand?"

I jerked my head up- what was he talking about?

"Edward- don't be so surprised. And don't try to argue with me either- I'm the empath here."

I continued to stare at him dumbly, and watched his features twist from expressions of smugness to those of surprise.

"Oh, you really don't know do you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Edward- you like her." He stated, matter-of-factly.

"Of course I like her. Every one of us does. I know I've been keeping my distance but…" I tried to explain, noticing the falsity in my tone as I spoke.

"Edward, I know you don't have much experience with girls, but there is no way you are this dense. The affection, worry, concern- the way you feel when you touch her? Even without my gift I would have been able to see it when you came through that door."

I did not- could not- like Bella Swan. Jasper was just misinterpreting everything I had felt because of last night, because she was someone I cared for as a part of this family. I told him as much.

"Whatever you say." He finally conceded.

"Jasper this is crazy- I'm just trying to be a good friend to her. It's as much as I could do."

"If that works for you- you don't have to answer to me." I hissed back in frustration.

At that moment, before I could lunge at him, Esme called from mid-way up the staircase.

"Edward, Jasper!" she exclaimed. "I've been looking for you. Are you ready to go?"

Thankful for the end of my conversation with Jasper, I answered.

"Yes. But Alice and Bella are upstairs…"

"No we're not!" Alice announced as she bounced back down the stairs with Bella.

I rolled my eyes at Alice's usual gift-enhanced perfect timing.

Esme only smiled. "Good- then can you all please get to the garage- I think the others are waiting."

We all followed her lead, and minutes later thoughts of last night were nudged to the back of my mind as arrangements of who was riding in what car was announced. I groaned as Carlisle told me I would be driving Rosalie and Emmet in the BMW, while the rest took the only other car with the necessary tinted windows, the hybrid Lexus SUV.

"Why do I have to be alone with Rosalie and Emmett?" I asked, shuddering at the thoughts of the things they would do in the back seat.

Rosalie answered. "Edward, don't be whiney. It just makes sense to have more people in the bigger car- more room for everyone."

"Why does room matter? We all know that you and Emmett are going to be cozy in the back seat." I shot back. Rosalie narrowed her eyes at me while Emmet chuckled as quietly as possible. She heard him and turned to smack him in the chest. His hand flew to where she had made impact and he instantly quieted.

"Ow, Rose" he said. "That actually hurt."

Carlisle jumped in then, ever the peacemaker.

"Edward does, uhmmm… make a point. Bella, would you mind riding in the Volvo?" We all looked at her expectantly.

"Of course not- wherever is fine." She said quietly. I'm sure that if it had been possible, my heart would have jumped at her words. Because she had spoken again, not because we would be riding in the same car, of course.

"Ok then, its settled. Just use the GPS in the car. You have the address. Drive straight through, and we'll meet up at the new house, and figure out everything else once we are there. See you tomorrow." We all nodded, splitting for our cars. It would only take around 24 hours to get to New York driving at the speeds we were accustomed to and without need to stop along the way.

Unfortunately, it was going to be along 24 hours with my brother and sister performing acts in the backseat that were certain to scar me- at least Bella would be there to distract me. I smiled at the idea of having her so close for so long, ignoring the nagging remembrance of what Jasper had said. "…there is no way you are this dense…". Crazy talk I mumbled to myself, climbing into the car, shutting the door, and cranking the engine to life.

**A/N: I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried, and that's why this has taken so long- and its still not what I wanted. Anyway, review…**


	13. Chapter 12

12. Ride

**A/N: I know- I'm a terrible author who abandoned her story. Sorry- finals threw me off, then it was summer and I've just been busy and had some serious writer's block. Anyway, thank Saturday's Dawn, StreetLightsFade, and KelseyJane whose awesome reviews guilt-tripped me into writing. And yes, this is short- but, I wanted to get you guys an update. But I do know what I'm writing for the next one, and I plan on working on it today and tomorrow, so it should be up within a few days if not tomorrow.**

_Bella's POV_

The car ride was…quiet. From the moment we pulled away from the white Victorian house, a heavy blanket of silence had overtaken the car.

Not that I minded. I wasn't exactly in the mood for conversation. I was too busy processing the last several hours, and was grateful for the time to think.

I knew I was worrying Edward but I couldn't bring myself to pretend that everything was ok. Obviously, after my reaction to last night's events he already knew it wasn't. On top of all that, I couldn't keep myself from being a little saddened at the sight of the white house fading away as we drove down the drive one last time. I hadn't been in Forks for more than a couple of weeks but I couldn't help but feel a permanent attachment to it. The white house had become my home, as illogical as that seemed. Charlie was still in Forks, even if I wouldn't have been able to see him anyway. And Forks had been the last place I had been human- leaving felt like letting go of a piece of myself.

Because of all of this, for the first time I was beginning to understand how Edward could think of himself of a monster. Maybe I didn't quite feel that way right now, but I could see how it would be easy to believe that. I had lost complete control of myself last night- even if I had known what I had been doing, I wasn't sure I would have been able to stop myself. I was pretty sure that being unable to stop yourself from killing someone was the definition of monster. Now I stuck with how to adjust to this new me- was I still Bella the girl, or was I Bella the vampire? Could I be both, even if I didn't really remember Bella the girl? Even if I was leaving everything that physically attached me to that human past?

These were the things I contemplated for hours on end, going around in circles as I thought about it all. After a while, despite staring out the window at the roadside landscape as it whipped past, I had nearly forgotten that I was even in a car and that others were around. That's why I was so easily startled when Edward reach out and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella?" he questioned as I jumped. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, its just that I've been trying to get your attention for a couple of minutes." He said, eyes searching my face, probably looking for what had been keeping me preoccupied.

"Oh…guess, I was just distracted."

"Yeah." He said, dropping his hand from my shoulder and turning his gaze back to the highway.

We sat in uneasy silence for a few moments, until he spoke again.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I don't know…" I said, glancing toward the back seat at Rosalie and Emmett. Honestly, at this point I was over keeping things from Edward, but I wasn't sure I wanted the entire family knowing about my failure.

"They aren't exactly paying attention to anyone but each other." Edward said, his voice as low and quick as possible. It was another one of those moments where I found it hard to believe his ability didn't work on me. However he knew what I was thinking, I believed him; the two were entwined with each other, too busy staring into each other's eyes to notice anything else.

"It's just…I'm starting to understand where you were coming from that first time in the forest."

He nodded, without even having to ask what I meant. I was pretty sure he winced a little to, but as quickly as I saw it, his face relaxed back into a calm mask, as if waiting to see if I would say anything else. I wondered whether or not he still thought I was a monster- that first day he had said that was what he had turned me into. The difference was that if he still believed that I wouldn't try to contradict him. But I wasn't going to ask him what he thought right now- I didn't think I wanted to know the answer.

"And leaving Forks right now isn't exactly helping." I added instead.

This time he looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "It's just- this is the last place I've ever been human and the only place I can remember much of anything from before the change."

"And leaving those memories is making you feel even less attached to yourself and your past?" he asked.

"Exactly. I just sort of feel lost." I said.

He nodded, gripping the wheel tightly. Moments passed.

"You know, who you are is still there. I can see it, everyday, even right now. Even last night."

I scoffed involuntarily at his last few words. He glanced over at me, and I instantly quieted.

"Just listen Bella." How could I say no when he looked at me like that, eyes intense, molten gold.

"Ok."

"All you did was make a mistake- we all do it. Its easier if you realize that sooner than later. But a weakness does not and should not define you. You are still just Bella- the most compassionate, selfless, loving, ridiculous person I've ever met. And as long as you remember all of that, you always will be."

I was speechless. How could I argue with that? Especially when I was having a hard time not grinning like a fool.

I bit my lip, considering whether or not I really believed what he had said. I wasn't sure, but on the other hand, coming from Edward, I knew that he would be the one to know about this kind of thing. And that was the reason I was so happy to take the compliment- wasn't it?

"Thanks." I finally answered simply.

"You're welcome." He responded, turning to look at me, our eyes locking briefly.

"Hey, what are you two talking about up there?" Emmett suddenly asked, his face appearing between our headrests. His booming voice was shocking after so many hours of quiet and our hushed discussion.

Edward turned back to the road and I settled back down- I had nearly jumped out of my seat.

"Geez Emmett- could you be more terrifying?" I responded, deciding avoiding the question was the best choice at the moment.

"Certainly, little sister." He answered, making his most intimidating "vampire" face.

I laughed, shoving him away into the back seat. It felt strange after spending so much time sulking, but laughing was already improving my mood.

"You are so strange." I accused.

"No more than you." He taunted back. "Now, could we get some tunes? It is way too quiet in here."

I reached out to turn on the radio, landing on the first hits station I could find. The blare of guitars and drums filled the car, and I let go of everything from the past few hours as Emmett began singing along and teasing banter commenced.

**A/N: Just so you all know, I love you guys! Thanks for reading, and please review : ).**


	14. Chapter 13

13. How do you deal?

**A/N: Yes, this took longer than I said it would- but, its quicker than I have been. I'm trying really hard guys, I promise. The next chapter is already in the works, but I don't want to make any promises.**

_Bella's POV_

By the time we pulled into the town limits of what was to be our new location, I was more than ready to be anywhere but sitting in passenger seat of the Volvo. If the first several hours of the cross-country ride had been intense and silent, the last fifteen had been endlessly traumatizing. Emmett refused to allow the music to be turned down, even when I begged, so everything was blaringly loud. Even worse, when Edward turned the station a riot had nearly broken out over a fiery debate about what sorts of music had artistic value. Even Rosalie had joined that one, and it had finally ended hours later because Edward gave up out of exasperation and Rosalie coaxed Emmett to her side. The brief peace had lasted about twenty minutes before Emmett was up to his usual antics. Even the passing period of calm had been disturbing as Rosalie and Emmett had spent most of it being couple-y together- they could be so sappy it was sickening.

When we finally pulled up in front of the light blue colonial-style house that was our new home, I nearly leapt out of the car. Anxiously, I waited through the trial of Edward's excruciatingly slow stop. I didn't try to hide my desire to get out of the car, and sat with my body turned toward the door and my hand on the handle. I was decently certain that I heard Edward chuckle under his breath, but I chose not to notice and instead focused on getting out into the driveway as quickly as possible. Once Edward, Emmett and Rosalie had joined me in the drive, the Lexus pulled up behind us moments later.

Alice bounded out of the backseat as quickly as I had, but dragging Jasper behind her and giggling like a four year old. Before I could even process that she was barreling straight for me, Alice had me in her other hand and I too was being towed up to the front door.

"Alice!" I shrieked, caught off guard. I was not in the mood for her excitement at the moment.

"Slow down!" I tried to command, while dragging my feet, hard.

I wasn't effective in either respect and Alice surprised me with her strength, moving as quickly as if I were running along with her.

"C'mon Bella- I want to show you your room!"

"Whoa, wait." I commanded, this time planting my feet with conviction while jerking loose from Alice's grip. She stopped, turning to look at me, pouting.

"Bella, stop being stubborn. I know what you're going to say."

I raised my eyebrow, doubting before I realized that she probably did know. This whole vampires-with-powers-thing was starting to get a bit annoying. The only thing I could think of to be grateful for at the moment was that no one was inside my head.

Meanwhile, Alice was continuing on with her argument. "You were going to say you don't like surprises, right?"

I sighed. "Of course Alice, as usual, you are right. I really, really don't like surprises. Why.."

Alice suddenly cut me off, before I could question her reasons for surprising me when she already knew my opinion on them. "Bella, don't worry. I promise you will like this one- I know it!"

I smiled at her enthusiasm, deciding it was pointless to argue. "Fine." I conceded, as grudgingly as was possible while on the verge of laughter.

"Yay!" Alice squealed, jumping and clapping her hands in typical fashion before grabbing my hand again. She pulled me up the white porch and through the navy front door, Jasper still attached to her other hand.

In the brief moment before I was pulled up the stair case, I could see that the inside of the house had been renovated in a way similar to that of the house in Forks. The first floor was wide open and decorated in varying shades of white. While there was no wall of glass, the windows were larger and more numerous than in a typical house.

Then, suddenly, I was on the second floor in front of a closed door, with a very anxious Alice bouncing on her toes beside me.

Warily, I looked at Jasper, who just shrugged his shoulders while looking amused.

"Open the door!" Alice said, sounding like a child on Christmas morning.

Shaking my head, I obliged her, out of fear that she may explode with excitement if I waited a moment longer.

Carefully, concentrating hard to not rip the door off the hinges, I twisted the simple silver knob and pushed the door open. I let out a sigh of relief, thankful that the door only hit the wall a little too hard. The last thing I wanted was to manage to damage something within the first ten minutes of being in the new house.

I stepped inside slowly, evaluating the room. After a glance, despite how much I wanted to be, I knew there was no way I could be angry at Alice for this particular surprise.

The first thing I noticed was that the room was huge, easily three times the size of a typical bedroom. Of course, big was to be expected in any Cullen house. The floor was covered in plush white carpet and the walls and ceiling were a rich dark blue with simple white moldings. Two large bay windows took up most of the wall opposite the door, and each had a window seat with a variety of pillows in varying shades of blue and white. Though there was absolutely no reason for it, a carved wooden four poster bed sat to the left side of the room, complete with pristine, cloud-like white bedding. To the side was a matching cherry-wood nightstand. I looked at all of this, swept away by how absolutely perfect it looked.

Then, I turned to face the other side of the room, wandering further in so I could see past a small outcropping in the wall that blocked my view. There rows of bookshelves covered the wall from floor to ceiling, holding at least a few hundred books. To complete the picture there was a small white loveseat with a small table to the side, all on an oval dark blue area rug.

I wandered around the room, taking in every coordinated, obviously well-thought out detail. When I reached the bookshelves I lightly dragged my fingers across the spines of the books, noticing the variety. There were classics, contemporary bestsellers, and many titles I had never heard of.

"Oh Alice." I breathed, amazed. "It's beautiful."

"I told you so." She said. I rolled my eyes, without being truly annoyed. "But I can't really take credit for it all. You haven't really seen my biggest contribution yet!"

"There's more?"

"Of course!" she said, taking my hand and guiding me to the door I had missed, set in the wall on the other side of the bed.

"What is it?"

"Just open it!"

Shaking my head at the enthusiasm that seemed to be able to convince me to do anything, I opened the door. Immediately, I was overcome by the smell of new clothes. Before me was a walk-in closet, entirely filled to the brim but tediously organized. In the front were things I was sure I would never wear, frilly and made from satiny fabrics. I walked slowly in, almost afraid to see if the entire closet's contents were the same. Thankfully, as I progressed further back I realized that the clothes became simpler the farther back I went, each section sorted by colors. There were even a couple pairs of sweats in the very back.

Alice bounced along behind me as I wandered back, watching as I fingered fabrics and looked at the selection.

"What do you think?" she piped.

"Ummm…." I began, unsure of how to react. I knew there was no way I could match Alice's palpable enthusiasm for the clothes, but on the other hand, it was a nice gesture, obviously done out of love. And she hadn't dragged me along to buy the clothes, and I was more than thankful for that.

That fact alone helped me finish my response. "Its fantastic Alice- thanks so much!" I said, sincerely and with a smile, even if I didn't mean it quite the way she probably took it.

"You're welcome- even though if it was up to me a lot of that stuff in the back wouldn't be there. Edward made me buy it." She said wrinkling her nose. I fought the urge to giggle at her face, while mentally taking note that I would have to thank Edward later.

"He helped you with the clothes?" I asked, a little surprised.

"Not much- he has terrible taste, you know. But he did help out a lot with the room- with the books and all. And the color- said the blue was good for you, whatever he meant by that. Anyway, I've got to go make sure everyone else's clothes are right. See you in a bit!" she said, kissing me on the cheek before darting out of the closet, leaving me alone with the clothes. I laughed softly at her sense of duty before walking back out into the room myself, closing the door to the closet behind me. I couldn't' deny I was a little grateful to have my own clothes- there would be less opportunities for Alice to play Bella Barbie now that I wouldn't have to borrow clothes every day.

However, once I turned around, all thoughts of clothes vanished as I fought the urge to pounce on the figure that stood in my room's doorway. I had completely forgotten that Jasper had come upstairs with Alice and I, and so his hovering around the entrance shocked me, nearly triggering my instinct to fight off danger.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Jasper said, voice low and eyes cautious.

I took a deep breath before answering, calming my nerves. "Oh no, don't be silly. Its fine. I just got caught off guard and should have remembered you were up here. What do you need?" Secretly, I wondered why he hadn't left with Alice.

"Well, actually, I kind of just wanted to talk to you."

"Anything particular?" I asked, now more curious than before.

"Well, just don't get mad at Edward, ok?"

Instantly, I felt suspicious. "Why would I be mad at him?"

"Well, ummm, actually…" he shuffled his feet, looking uncomfortable as he spoke slowly before his explanation tumbled out in a quick jumble of words. "I…I know what happened the other night, but I made Edward tell me because I could feel your emotions, so its not his fault."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, working hard to control my newly intensified emotions. They were getting to be such a nuisance, always crippling me or turning me into something dangerous before I could even anticipate the opening of my emotional floodgates. I was thankful that Jasper was there, calming me down and making my task of self-control easier.

I wasn't really angry- just embarrassed. Obviously Alice had seen what had happened in a vision , and Jasper would have found out from her anyway. Despite that knowledge, I had been unreasonably hopeful that I could manage to keep the events of the previous night as secret as possible. Now there was just one more person who would know about my failure

"Bella, really, I'm the last person you need to worry about judging you, so you can stop with feeling ashamed." Jasper said, breaking through my processing. I squeezed my eyes shut harder. Scratch the whole being thankful for Jasper's empathy power- it was only more embarrassing and shaming to have him know what I was feeling. At the moment I could have really used a couple of moments of privacy.

Of course, Jasper then felt that, and stood quietly by while I kept my eyes squeezed close and tried to calm down. A few minutes later I finally opened my eyes, and looked up at Jasper. His face was mostly patiently blank, with only the smallest traces of concern apparent. I decided there was no avoiding talking about it.

"Ok- so you know about my accident."

"Almost-accident. It could have been worse." He corrected knowingly and quickly, interrupting me.

Yes- well, I guess he would have known about that. "Ok- my almost-accident." I acknowledged, still curious to know exactly what he wanted to talk about.

"What did you want to know about it?"

"Well, are you okay?" he asked, as if it were the most obvious question in the world.

That wasn't what I had expected him to ask. Maybe why I did it, or requests for details, those questions I could have understood. Or even a warning to be more careful. All that would have made more sense to me. But Jasper just checking in to see if I was okay? That was just so…brotherly of him. Which, I guess, was sort of what he was at this point, but I hadn't thought of it like that very much. It was like when Emmett had called me "little sister" in the car. Or how Alice was always treating me like she had known me forever. It felt strange, but that same feeling coincided with my sense that everything fit perfectly. Now that I thought about it, all of the Cullen's had taken to treating me like family, more than I ever expected them to. Even Rosalie acted like an older sister, if a stand-offish one. I knew that was what Carlisle insisted I was, from the moment it had been decided I would stay. In the back of my head though, I had always been skeptical that I would ever truly be that. Especially not so soon- mostly, whenever I had thought about it I had acknowledgethe Cullens as family, but only in the functional sense of needing some sort of support unit. Yet, somewhere along the way, without even realizing it, I had become emotionally attached to this odd grouping of people and now I realized they had done the same with me. In so many ways, it was nice to finally see that I was welcome- even if I had been all along. In fact, the only Cullen who I had a hard time considering family was Edward. For some reason, I just couldn't think of him as a brother, even in the most abstract sense. Yet, he wasn't a stranger either- I wasn't really sure what to make of him.

However, at the moment, I couldn't ruminate on that puzzle. All of this thinking was still leaving Jasper's question unanswered. Honestly, I had no idea if I was really ok. I knew I wasn't going to fall apart any second or anything, and maybe that's what he had meant. Still, rather than give an answer I couldn't be entirely sure of, I decided to ask a question of my own.

"How do you deal with it?" I asked, the words leaping from my mouth before I could think of a more thoughtful way to express myself. Right away, I saw that Jasper had no idea what I was asking, as one of his eyebrows arched and curiousness colored his expression.

"It? I'm not sure which "it" you're asking about- you've got a lot of emotions you know." He said, half-teasing while putting a cryptic I'm-an-empath-who-knows-something-that-I'm not-sure-you-know-and-I-don't-want-to-tell-you-what-you-feel spin on it. It was like power-enhanced psychoanalysis and I wasn't sure I appreciated it.

Yet, while I felt my disapproval and was sure he would get the message, I couldn't help but offer a small smile despite his know-it-all statement. Then, I considered how to explain, and I was serious again as I realized the perfect word to describe what I meant.

"I mean the bloodlust." I answered quietly, shame washing back over me at admitting my weakness out loud.

Jasper let out a breath. "I'm not sure I'm the best vampire to ask about that." He suggested.

"That's why I'm asking you- you're the one who understands the most."

"Don't doubt the others so much- they know. They've just had a lot of practice at our lifestyle. But they all remember what it's like. In fact, I can think of one who has a pretty fresh memory of what it's like to not be able to resist."

"I don't want to talk to Edward about this." I answered quickly. Another raised eyebrow and more curiousness. Though he didn't ask, I decided to answer the question he was obviously considering.

"It's just…Edward worries enough about me. And we have talked about it a little. But he has this need to protect me, for whatever reason. Not that it matters- whether he feels in dept because he's the one that got me here or because he couldn't protect me from himself or whatever weird notion of pay-back that's in his head…"

"Wait- you think he's protective because he feels he owes you?" Jasper interrupted, blatantly surprised. It was like I could see his guard dropping, and I knew for sure now that he was feeling something from one of us that he wasn't willing to reveal.

"Yes." I said slowly, wondering why else he would be so ridiculous about sheltering me. "Why?"

Jasper smirked, before replying. "Nothing- just clarifying. Anyway, what you said does make some sense. What else were you saying?"

I was confused, but he caught me off guard, so I answered his question before I could think of what else to say. "Just that I don't want to give him any other reason to feel like he has to protect me. And I'm asking you to tell me how I live this lifestyle- I want to get on with my life as quickly as possible and I can't do that if I have to hide from the world. I can tell that Edward would just tell me to wait it out, and since I don't want to tell anyone else what happened, I'm asking for your help. How do I do this?" By the end of my short plea, I could hear my voice getting desperate.

Jasper was serious again, all traces of amusement gone as he answered delicately. "Bella, that's a complex question with a complex answer."  
"Then explain it to me." I demanded.

Jasper sighed, and wandered further into the room, near the bookshelves, stalling for time. I followed, waiting patiently. Well- sort of.

"Look- its different for everyone. Do you know everyone's stories?"

"What stories?"

"How they each became what we are." I shook my head, as I thought of the only conversion story I really knew much about.

"Just Edward's. And that Carlisle changed Esme."

"Well, I can't speak for anyone else- you'll have to ask them yourself. But you know that I'm the newest…vegetarian, right?"

"That's one reason I came to you." I answered.

He nodded his head. "But you don't know the rest of my story." He stated matter-of-factly rather than as a question before directly launching into the tale.. "I was raised as a typical mid-19th century southerner. My dream as I grew older was to be a soldier in the confederate army, anxious for battle, honor and glory. So, I did what it took to get there, and after I joined I did what it took to climb the ranks. I was always rather charismatic, able to know what to do or so to get someone to react the way I wanted. Of course, now I know that was a little bit more than typical charisma."

I nodded my head, making the connection between his gift and human talent.

Seeing that I was keeping up, he continued. "One evening, I was by myself on the road when I came across three young women. The most beautiful beings I had ever seen up to that point in my life- vampires, of course. One of them was obviously the leader- Maria. She was raising an army to take over a large portion of the south- only more hungry for power than she was for blood."

"An army? What kind?" I asked.

"Of newborns." He answered. "You know- newborns have more strength and agility. But despite their usefulness, they're also dangerous." He looked at me, checking again to see if I was with him. Satisfied, he continued on. "Anyway, she chose me that night, and changed me. After three days, I woke up to a new world. Maria took special interest in me, trained me to become a leader, rather than disposing of me after I lost my newborn abilities." I bit my lip at the word "dispose", understanding what he must mean, though I didn't know how you killed a vampire. "My life was one of pain and threat of punishment or the promise of reward, drained of all things good. It was only years later, after I escaped and met Alice that I would understand what I had been missing."

"The scars…" I whispered, realization dawning over me. I remembered how I had noticed those scars the very first time I had seen him after I had woken up, and what I had felt.

"Vampire venom is the only thing that can mark us." He answered, waiting to see what else I might say.

"And why did you tell me this now?"

"Because where each of us comes from affects how we deal with the change and how we approach this lifestyle. It's harder for me because I lived savagely for years, always killing, always taking human life and tasting human blood. Habits are hard to break Bella."

I bit my lip, overcome with sympathy for Jasper. He must have felt it, because he quickly turned the conversation.

"The point is, I can't tell you how to do this. Only you know can figure out how to handle this life. As much as I know you hate to hear it, a lot of it is what Edward would say. It takes time."

I scowled slightly.

"But," he continued, " self-control and will is the other biggest part. From what I can tell, you have a lot more of those than anyone else I know- so maybe it will take you a little less time. Until then, just be patient. Believe me, you'll have plenty of times to prove yourself later."

I smiled a little at his compliment, but sighed all the same.

"I just don't like feeling like a burden."

"I know. But I also know that no one feels that way about you- not even Edward."

I wondered at the heavy meaning he conveyed in his last few words, but decided not to say anything. It was just assurance.

"Ok- thanks Jasper." I said, feeling awkward all of the sudden. "Ummm…I don't know if vampires do this- except Alice of course- but do you mind if I give you a hug?"

He chuckled. "Of course not Bella."

I smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed that I had even felt the need to ask. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, gave a quick squeeze, then pulled away.

"Alright, so, I'll see you downstairs in later. I'm pretty sure Carlisle will want a quick meeting- always does after we arrive somewhere new."

I nodded, and he quickly stepped around me and out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

***

**A/N: Sorry for butchering Jasper's story- just didn't feel like writing the whole thing , and you all know it. This chapter is fluffy, but I've decided this entire story is basically fluff- so I think I should stop calling it fluff. Its kind of like if an entire song is dissonant, then it doesn't sound dissonant…sorry, my music class coming through there. I'll stop rambling now…please review- whether you write a few words or an essay ; )! **


	15. Chapter 14

14.

**A/N: I'm an awful author, and I'm sorry. I just have not had time to write, or the inspiration. But recently, I've discovered a little motivation, spurred by all of your wonderful reviews, New Moon (!!!), and a couple of my friends' new found love of all things Twilight. Excitement truly is infectious. Therefore, here you have it- hopefully I can atone for my wrongs with the next couple of chapters, already written and ready.**

_Edward's POV_

I moved quietly around in my room, organizing my music and books. Though most of the house had been unpacked by the movers, these boxes had been left untouched. I had made a special request that most of my boxes remain unpacked- I just felt better doing it myself and in my own way. It was while I sorted and shelved that I couldn't help but listen to what was happening in the room across the hall.

The room was Bella's. Esme had taken pity on the two of us, granting us rooms away from the bedrooms on the third floor where the three couples would be staying. The only other rooms on this floor were a small bathroom, Carlisle's study and a guest bedroom. Each of these had been shrunk to provide Bella with the most space possible, since she liked to retreat from the family at times. Even my own room, while still large, had been downsized. It only made sense that Bella have her own space, and that was why I had felt the need to help Alice with the planning. Beyond actual architecture, Esme had given control of the project over to Alice. Of course, I knew that giving Alice complete authority would have had terrible, overdone results. In turn, I also knew that Bella would not be pleased by that outcome. That was why I had stepped in and tried to bring some reason to the entire process.

Now, as I broke open the box of C-F albums, I listened to Bella's reaction briefly. Reassured that she liked the room, I began working hard to not eavesdrop. Bella valued her privacy, and though it went against my nature, I wanted to give her as much of that as was possible. Truly I didn't hear much of anything after her initial response. In fact, I was nearly done with my alphabetizing before I picked back up on the thoughts and spoken conversation in the next room.

With interest, I realized that it was just Bella and Jasper talking now. A moment later, further shock set in as I heard my name and put together Jasper's thoughts and words to figure out what they were talking about. I clenched my jaw as Jasper told Bella that he knew about the accident, and held myself back with the promise that I would yell at Jasper about how to keep things to himself later. Then, a few minutes later, Bella uttered the question I knew she would have to answer at some point or another. I listened to their entire conversation about bloodlust, any semblance of trying to respect others' privacy gone. However, by the time the conversation was over, my anger at Jasper was also gone. Instead, I couldn't help but feel thankful to him as it seemed he had really helped Bella. I wished that she would have asked me, but I also realized her relationship with Jasper was different.

I placed the last few CDs on the shelf as I heard Jasper excuse himself and head downstairs. I paced around the room for a few minutes, trying to decide whether or not to go to Bella or not. On the one hand, she seemed to have just worked through a lot, and maybe she would want to talk about it. On the other hand, I couldn't exactly tell her I had been listening. Of course, there was also a reason she had talked to Jasper. But what if she needed me?

Ten minutes later, I decided to check in without letting on that I knew anything. I stepped into the hallway, knocking gently on the white door. It sat ajar, and my knock pushed it open just enough to widen the crack between the door and its frame.

"Come in." Bella called.

I eased in, closing the door behind me.

"Hi." She said casually, though her body betrayed her newborn reflexes, tensed and at the ready. Despite this involuntary response, I noticed she didn't leap up from the white loveseat as she might have not so long before. For whatever reason, I couldn't help but feel a little excited that she was more comfortable around me.

I looked at her from the doorway, taking in the way her hair fell over her shoulders, gently cascading down to where it brushed gently against her arm. For a brief moment I imagined brushing it back from where it hung in front of her face, before shaking the thought away. I crossed the room then, noticing the two books in her hands. She looked at them intensely, as if making a serious evaluation.

"What is it?" I asked, nodding toward the two volumes.

"Oh!" she said, sitting them down on the table beside her. "Just trying to decide whether I should start with something recent or more classic."

"Hmmm….Personally, recognizing my obvious bias, I'd say the classic. Although, maybe not if its Wuthering Heights."

"What's wrong with Wuthering Heights?" she asked, surprised and defensive.

"Nothing. If you don't mind characters that have no redeeming qualities."

Indignation swept her features. "What about their love? Isn't that redeeming?"

"Not when it's a selfish love like theirs."

"Hmmmph." She said, and I was taken aback by the unbearable cuteness of her annoyed expression. Yet again, I fought back against my ridiculous notions. Where were these thoughts coming from? This was Bella, and I had no right to think of her like this.

"_You like her.."_ Jasper's words echoed in my memories, before Bella pulled me back to the present.

"You should know it's my favorite book." she said, disapprovingly.

"Actually, I already do." I answered.

She looked surprised, before recognition sparkled in her ruby eyes.

"I guess you do, seeing as you helped pick out the books for all of this." She said, gesturing to the bookshelves. "But how did you know?" she asked, suddenly suspicious and curious.

"You kept reading it from Carlisle's study- by the time you finally put it back there was plenty of new wear on it."

She shook her head. "You noticed that?" she asked in disbelief.

Suddenly I felt a little embarrassed, and I couldn't keep up the banter any longer and just shrugged my shoulders. Now that she brought it up, I began to think it was a little strange that I had noticed such a thing.

And Bella seemed to think the same, indicated by her bitten lip- her usual response to situations in which she was uncomfortable or nervous. Suddenly, it was all I could look at- her perfect, ruby red lips.

"Well, thanks. I really love the library- it's the best gift I've ever been given. And I love the blue, by the way."

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. "I'm glad." I said, genuinely pleased. "The color seems to suit you." Again, I had spoken without thinking to filter my thoughts. A small awkward silence descended as we each recognized the oddness of my response. I looked away for a quick moment, desperately gathering my thoughts and composure before focusing back on Bella.

"There is just one more thing I'd like to give you- I'll be right back." I said, deciding that this was as good a time as any. I quickly turned and crossed the hall, ignoring Bella's questioning look.

I returned just a few seconds later with a lumpy but vaguely rectangular package. It was wrapped in a layer of bubble-wrap, keeping the precious items inside safe. Bella was still seated on the loveseat, and I stood in front of her, looking at her expectant face.

Truth was, I wasn't sure how to hand over what I held in my hands. I was unsure whether their contents would help or hurt her, and I was worried about her reaction. Bella interrupted these thoughts.

"You know you didn't have to get me anything else- you and everyone else have already done so much."

I smiled slightly before joining her on the loveseat, remembering to move slowly to avoid startling her. I looked into her eyes before replying, deciding to not mention my debt to her, knowing it would upset her.

"Bella, first, this room is not a trouble at all. Esme and Alice love this stuff, and I didn't mind pitching in, and it's no more than anyone in this family gets. Second, this isn't so much a gift as it is just a return of a couple of items to their rightful owner."

With my last couple of words, I gave Bella the package. She looked from the bubble-wrapped shape in her hands back to me. Curiosity burned across her features before she gently eased a fingernail under the edge of the tape. I could tell she would need no reminder to be gentle as her tiny hands slowly unwound the bubble wrap, revealing several framed pictures.

I saw shock register on Bella's face, and waited to see how she would react. She studied the first picture for several minutes, running her fingers over the glass. She did the same with the second, then the third, and finally the fourth.

When she looked up, I saw the traces of sadness I expected. However, the overwhelming emotions etched into her features where gratefulness and wonder.

So quietly I could barely hear her, she uttered her gratitude. "Thank you, Edward." I said nothing, waiting.

Finally, after staring at the photos for several more moments, she looked up again. "How?" she questioned simply.

"Well, Alice was a great deal of help. Our last night in forks, right before the two of us left to go hunting, I asked her to go find what reminders of your human life she could at Charlie's house. She found these photos- the one of your mom was by your computer. The one with your dad from when you were younger- around twelve, if I had to guess, was in your desk. The last two were a little harder. Charlie had a family photo album stashed in a closet- Alice went through to find the ones that wouldn't be missed. There were several like the one of you, Renee and Charlie from around when you were three. The last one is from when Renee and Charlie were dating. Alice had already ordered the frames- what with seeing the future and all."

She looked at me in awe, as I gave her the details of each of the photos.

"You should probably know that the copy of Wuthering Heights is also from your old room. So is the one of Romeo and Juliet and a couple by Jane Austen. There are also a couple of pairs of sweatpants in the closet along with a t-shirt or two. I'm sorry we couldn't get more, but we didn't want to risk Charlie noticing things were missing…" I trailed off, unsure of what else to say, wondering whether I was only causing Bella more pain.

Before I could read Bella's face again, or ask what she was thinking, she leaped across the small distance between us. Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. Shocked, I wrapped my own arms around her as she squeezed, ignoring the fact that she wasn't considering her substantial newborn strength. Though her grip was a little uncomfortable, I didn't feel the need to complain.

I was justified when just as quickly as she had embraced me, Bella let go, scooting back to her side of the loveseat. She looked sheepish, and for an instant I found myself wishing she hadn't let go so quickly. I didn't have time to consider the implications of my wish before a light knock on the door caught both of our attention.

"Come in." Bella called, and Esme slipped into the room.

She gave us both a motherly smile, and I couldn't help but hear her internal approval- she was thankful that Bella and I were getting along. Yet there was some sort of hope in her mind as well, that she was clearly working hard not to think about. Instead, she was mostly repeating the message she had come upstairs to deliver over and over again. Like everyone in this family seemed to be doing lately, she was blocking her thoughts from me. It was becoming a bit of a nuisance.

"Sorry to interrupt you two," she began, her voice quiet and caring. "I just wanted to let you know that we will all be meeting downstairs in the dining room in about five minutes- just a quick debriefing."

"Oh, you're no interruption." Bella quickly responded. "Thank you so much for what you did with the room, by the way."

Esme beamed, ecstatic that Bella was pleased. "It was no problem dear. Besides, I had quite a bit of help."

Bella nodded. "I heard." She said knowingly.

"Yes, well, it's just another way of letting you know how glad we are that you chose to be a part of our family." Bella smiled, looking bashful and much like she would be blushing if possible. I exerted an extreme amount of effort to hold back a chuckle at her sensitivity, as well as to ignore how cute I thought she looked.

Esme looked between us with knowing eyes, then shuffled her feet, obviously blocking her thoughts again. "Anyway, I'll see you both downstairs in a bit." She said, before hurriedly turning and heading downstairs.

Bella had noticed none of Esme's odd behaviors. Amazing, considering that even without being a mind-reader, it wasn't so hard to know what Esme was thinking about the two of us. At least it wasn't if you knew her, which I suppose Bella was only beginning to do. Really, I considered it merciful that Bella hadn't understood Esme's blatant assumptions- it was less awkward for everyone involved. And, after all, there was nothing to feel awkward about. Bella and I were just friends, no matter what everyone else in this family seemed to think.

Like usual, Bella pulled me out of my circular reasoning.

"We should probably head downstairs, huh?" she asked. She didn't seem to have noticed my distracted state over the last couple of minutes. Or at least she didn't say anything.

"I suppose so." I said, standing and offering my hand to unnecessarily help her to her feet. She smiled, obliging me by pulling herself up. When she stood, rather than letting go immediately as she could have, she held on to my hand. With her small, slender hand nested in mine, she abruptly locked her eyes with my own.

"I know you're going to think I'm silly to say this again, but I need to say it, just to get it out there, so just listen, ok?"

"Ok." I said, caught off guard.

"I appreciate everything you have done for me. I know that you might just be doing it out of guilt, or that it at least started that way." I nearly interrupted her there, but remembered I was just supposed to be listening, and bit my tongue. Instead, I looked intently into her eyes. "The point is, it doesn't matter to me why you have done everything, just that you have. I don't know how I could have done this without you, and I just needed to express my gratitude."

I waited to see if she had anything else to say, keeping my promise to listen. And though I certainly did think she was silly because there was nothing less I could have done considering my own heinous mistakes, I didn't say so.

"You're welcome." I answered simply. "Anything else before we head downstairs?"

"Just that I have to take back what I said about the room being the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me." She said, a weighted playful tone replacing her serious one for the moment.

"Oh?" I asked surprised.

"Yes." She said, her eyes becoming glassy and voice gravelly- the closest any vampire ever got to crying. "The pictures, books, everything- I can never thank you and Alice enough for giving me that little piece of myself."

At her words, I felt my stomach twist, but not from regret or guilt. I only understood exactly what she meant, thinking of the few small things that I had been able to salvage to represent my own human life. And I would be lying if seeing her so vulnerable didn't make me a little uneasy. Unsure of what else to do, I decided to do what had seemed so natural for Bella just minutes before. I pulled her in close, burying my nose in her hair. I breathed in her sweetness for a moment, running my hand gently through her hair, smoothing it down her back before pulling away. On instinct, just as I had done in the woods just a couple of nights before, I kissed the top of her head before dropping my hands from her shoulders.

"Ready?" I asked. She nodded, and I let her lead the way out of the room and down the stairs.

--

When we arrived in the dining room, Alice and Jasper were just ahead of us, while the others were already inside, seated. Bella and I took the last two remaining seats on opposite sides of the table, each of us on either side of Esme. I couldn't help but notice that today's family meeting was tempered by a much lighter atmosphere than the previous two, despite its usual official air. Meetings were one of the few times that Carlisle was so tangibly our leader.

"Well," Carlisle began, his hands folded together on top of the table. "I promise this will be short. You are all perfectly capable of settling yourselves in, so there is no need to address that. We will also be mostly keeping to ourselves here, so it should be simple enough to fly under the radar. However, just in case, this is our story."

"Esme and I are in our early thirties- we will be leaving here in the next couple of years, so that age works fine. As usual, Jasper and Rosalie are twins who we adopted when they were orphaned eight years ago in a car crash- they are seventeen and Esme's niece and nephew. Edward is their brother, and 15. Emmet, Alice and Bella are siblings, all in the system from an early age until we found them seven years ago. We were inspired by Jasper, Rosalie and Edward to adopt, and ended up not wanting to separate the three of you. You three are 17, 15 and 16 respectively."

He paused to assure we were all keeping up, particularly glancing at Bella. I too followed his gaze, observing Bella's rapt attention. Apparently satisfied, Carlisle continued.

"Esme works in interior design from home, as usual. I will be working at the hospital in the city- I should be able to manage day shifts considering this region's weather. Like I've said, this is a temporary move, until Bella adjusts. Until then, you are all homeschooled as far as anyone else is concerned. Other than that, you are each free to do what you wish while we are here, and I hope this is a nice break from the usual cycle for you all. And of course, it goes without saying that we are, and have always been a family, and I expect you to behave as such. Any questions?"

There were none. With that, the family meeting was indeed over quickly. It was still early in the morning- just around eight. We had been in our new home all of two hours before Carlisle left to complete a few final arrangements with the hospital. Esme went with him, saying she needed a few more things for the house. Rosalie and Emmett slinked away immediately; I didn't want to imagine what they might be doing. Alice and Jasper left a moment later, leaving Bella and I alone, yet again. This situation was turning into the usual occurrence. Not that I minded so much- this was better than the more than eighty years that I had spent as the third, fifth, and most recently, seventh wheel.

Bella turned to smile at me, and not for the first time, I wondered if she could read minds too.

"This happens to us a lot doesn't it?"

I smiled back. "It does."

She cocked her head to the side, looking around the room for a moment. "Can I ask you something?" she finally said, looking nervous.

She should have known better- I owed her everything now. Of course she could ask me a question. "Certainly." I said, waiting.

She paused, as if working up some sort of courage. "Would you play the piano for me?"

I was taken aback. For whatever reason, I would have never expected Bella to ask me that. Not that I minded. It was just that Bella was always surprising me, and leaving me on uneasy footing. For the first time in nearly a hundred years, I felt like I had no idea what might come next. At least as long as Bella was around. Unfortunately, she obviously misunderstood my pause.

"I mean, it's just that back in Forks, I always heard you playing at night while I read." she backtracked. "You play beautifully, and I was just thinking…"

"I would be honored Bella." I interrupted, gently taking her hand and leading her over to the piano, without even considering the physical contact. It seemed that it was becoming the norm, though I was far from not noticing the way we seemed so natural together. I let her fingers slip through my palm as I sat down, patting the shiny black bench as I lifted the keyboard cover with my other hand. I felt Bella sit beside me, and without a thought as to what I would play, I stretched my fingers across the keys, and let them dance across the ebony and ivory.

**A/N: So, the Cullens have a new home! I hope you enjoyed this long awaited update, and I also hope you review. And not to bribe, because I will post it tomorrow either way, the next chapter is written and ready to go : ).**


	16. Chapter 15

15. Crumbling

**A/N: As promised, the next chapter. Hope you like it- and thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.**

_Bella's POV_

I sat motionless on the bench, relishing the sound of the music coming from the piano. Edward's long, nimble fingers danced over the keys, eliciting a haunting but beautiful response. My eyes drooped shut, and I allowed the sounds to meld together while my mind wandered.

I thought through the events of the day, and I was flooded yet again with gratitude for the things Edward and Alice had retrieved from Charlie's house. In my mind's eye I saw the images from the photographs yet again, burned eternally into my memory. Even without remembering the stories and experiences that should have been attached to the images, I knew I was blessed to have visual reminders of my past. And as I had said to Edward, I was blessed to have him with me in this new existence. Certainly I was grateful for all of the Cullens- they each had done something or another to make me feel welcome and to help me adjust over the past several weeks. Yet, though Edward hadn't done much more than the same, I still felt inextricably linked to him. When I tried to explain why to myself, I only felt like I was uselessly grasping at the edges of something just out of reach.

Of course, there was any number of reasons for the strong connection I had forged with Edward. First, there was the matter of convenience. It was a fact that Edward and I were constantly left alone in this family of couples. Therefore, it made sense for us to take advantage of each other's presence. Secondly, there was the easy way that we were able to be together; after our first couple of weeks, nothing could compare to the barriers we had overcome. Finally, as much as I would never want to admit it out loud, there were the circumstances surrounding why I was with the Cullens at all. Edward and I were eternally connected simply because he had changed me, despite any other factors that may come or go. From this ultimate reason, another one also stemmed- there was no question in my mind that Edward had felt, and most likely still felt, some kind of obligation to me.

Yet, despite all of these reasons for our connection, I didn't feel that any combination of them formed a complete explanation of the link between Edward and I. There was something missing, some factor that I couldn't begin to name or explain. All I knew was that whatever it was, it was why I was attached to Edward, and couldn't imagine being any other way.

Just as I came to this conclusion, I noticed that the music was winding down, and I opened my eyes as the final notes faded away. Edward continued looking straight ahead, hands resting lightly on the keys until complete silence fell. He then retracted his hands to his lap, and turned to look at me.

"That was beautiful," I said, truly appreciative. Despite my partial distraction, all of the new space in my head left more than enough room to perform multiple tasks at once with more than enough attention to each. "What is it called?"

He paused a second, considering. "I don't know." My curious expression in response must have forced him to elaborate- minutely. "I just made it up," he said, offering no further explanation.

I was shocked- I had known that he was a talented pianist, but…

"You made it up?"

"Yes," he said. I couldn't help but think his voice sounded as surprised as mine did, as well as constricted.

I disregarded these last two observances as I shook my head in disbelief, laughing to myself. The sound of tinkling bells distracted me for a moment; even after weeks, I still wasn't used to the changes I had gone through. I wasn't even sure I had discovered them all yet. I took a moment to recover, remember where I was and what I was doing, and tucked a piece of loose hair behind my ear before I spoke again. "Well, like I said, it was lovely."

Instead of immediately responding to my words, there was a long pause. The moment was pregnant with silence, and I was forced to focus more intently on Edward to understand why he wasn't replying. That's when I saw the shift. For a brief instant, as I peered into his golden irises, I saw a spark, and fire ignited. The gold turned molten as he studied my face. I saw more life in him than I had seen since that first day in the parking lot- only this time, I was sure there was no reason to be afraid. He studied me intensely, and I felt his body lean almost imperceptibly toward me. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw his hand raise just slightly, but I could never be sure. I was sure his mouth opened then shut, as if he were about to say something. But he didn't. Like someone had suddenly dumped ice-cold water on it, the fire in his eyes was extinguished. He stood abruptly, closing the piano cover purposefully, almost forcefully. It was as if he was closing something invisible inside the piano he didn't want to escape.

"Thank you," he said, stiffer than he had been all morning. He blinked a couple of times, glancing around the room before abruptly changing topics, his tone cold and formal. I was sure I even heard traces of pain, though his face was now an unreadable mask- all pleasantness and politeness, but no emotion. "I hope you don't mind, but I think I'm going to finish putting away the last few of my things- will you be okay on your own for a bit?"

Confusion. At first, that was all I felt. And it wasn't in response to his question or the sudden shift of topics. No, it was the sudden shift in Edward himself. Just moments before, Edward had been there. But now, though it may have sounded insane and unreasonable, he suddenly wasn't. I couldn't explain it, but though Edward stood just feet away above me, he wasn't there. A physical shell of Edward stood there, but nothing more. I was sure of it because this was a circumstance that was all too familiar, sending me back to those first days just a month before.

Once I made that association, the confusion passed, and I didn't care what was causing his blankness. As if involuntarily reacting to his abrupt change in demeanor, I felt my own emotions swinging out of control. I realized I had been leaning on Edward more than any of my estimations just minutes before had assumed. My rock, my mountain of support crumbled out from beneath me, and I was falling. Falling into a rushing, angry sea of emotions and instincts. The next wave of emotion to crash over me brought anger, at myself for overreacting and at Edward for giving me even the slightest reason to do so. Then, for whatever reason, more than anything I felt an immature, pathetic indignation at his suggestion that I couldn't be alone unsupervised. Of course, I knew that wasn't what he meant. It was just that I was disturbed by the way he had so suddenly turned into an entirely different person- or rather, non-person. And underneath all my newborn lack of self-control, I also knew that none of my intense feelings made sense. After all, it wasn't like Edward had actually even done anything. On the other hand I knew I hadn't either, and irrationally felt abandoned. Without my steadfast anchor, I was disoriented. I could only imagine the way I was feeling was like being a spoiled toddler, deprived of her nap. Unwilling to give in to my inner two-year-old's need to throw a temper tantrum, I realized Edward was still waiting for an answer to his question. Making sure I had some semblance of self-control, I gave him one.

"Of course I will," I said, with just the slightest touch of harshness in my tone. For the first time in weeks I saw a hint of pain flit across his face. I wasn't sure how to react to this break in his mask, but before I could give it proper consideration he offered a neutral head nod and dashed up the stairs. Moments later I heard music from the direction of his room, though I couldn't have described it if asked. I was oblivious as I stood statue still in the middle of the great room, allowing ridiculous, inexplicable emotions course through my limbs. When I was sure I wouldn't accidentally take anything out on the house and Esme's hard work, I willed myself to move. Slowly, I made my way upstairs to my own room, using all the reserve I could to not slam the door like a 13-year-old girl. I would have surely broken the door off its hinges if I had, and most likely cracked the wall as well.

Once in the room with the door shut tightly behind me, I made my way to the loveseat. I sat blankly staring at the picture of my young blissfully happy parents, realizing I had no idea what had just happened downstairs. I started to think it was nothing, but I also noticed that though the angry emotion sea within was calming, laps of hurt and confusion still broke over me, and I was still very much lost. I considered these emotions and explanations for a long time, until I finally allowed myself to stop running mental circles. Instead, I distracted myself with the photo in my hands. I memorized more details than before, noting the way Renee's head rested on Charlie's shoulder, her arms snaking around his middle from behind. I looked at the way Charlie's eyes looked at her with complete adoration, and the way the day had been one of those odd sunny days in Washington.

I willed myself to soak in even the tiniest bit of joy from the photo, however ridiculous the notion was, until a knock on the door jerked my eyes from the image. My muscles involuntarily tensed. I sighed, angry at my exceptional lack of self-regulation today, and willed myself to relax. It seemed like I had good and bad days lately when it came these things, and today was one of the worst.

"Come in," I said quietly, knowing that whoever it was would hear me.

The door pushed open, and Alice's head popped around the corner.

"Hi!" she said, in her usual Alice-like way- bubbly and full of energy- before bouncing over to sit beside me. If she ever felt the need to be cautious around me like some of the others, she never showed it.

"Hi," I replied, making my best attempt to eliminate any sulking from my voice. It didn't work.

"Bella, I already know what happened, so you don't have to pretend."

I sighed again before replying. Of course she had seen it all. "Really. Well, please, if you know about it, could you please tell me? Because I certainly have no idea what just happened."

Alice didn't seem fazed by my outburst, or the fact that my voice had risen a bit toward the end of it. As if someone had flipped a switch, Alice slipped easily into a sisterly, comforting tone, transitioning from her usual child-like demeanor.

"Bella, I'd much rather hear your version first. I may see things, but, since your mind is still just as private as ever, I have no idea what you're thinking."

I smiled at how reasonable she was and the care she was showing before launching into the story. Alice nodded along, listening quietly until I reached the end.

"I know my reaction doesn't make sense Alice, I do. But, its just," I paused, bowing my head as I came around to what I now saw was the central issue. My fingers played with the edge of my shirt as I continued. "He promised to never be like that around me again, and he broke his promise. And it's not even like there was a reason for it, not that I saw." My eyes shot back up, pleading with Alice for some kind of explanation or answer. "We were making such progress- I just don't understand, and its unsettling, and..."

I trailed off, unsure of what else I was trying to add. Alice took it as her cue.

"Well, first, I must say my brother is quite the bonehead." I giggled at her choice of words, grateful for a relief in the tension. She smiled at me gently before continuing, more seriously.

"Beyond that- well, I can't say much without violating his privacy."

"Wait- what? Did you see something that explains this?"

She didn't answer, but her pause was long enough to confirm my accusation, and my curiosity peaked. Alice too knew her mistake, and spoke again before I could leap in to try and convince her to reveal more.

"Yes. But you know my visions are subjective, and I don't really feel comfortable…"

I interrupted before she could finish.

"Okay Alice. I understand." I did, even if I was dying to know what she had seen. "But can you just tell me if this will blow over?" I had to know the answer to that question- though it had only been a few hours, the gulf that seemed to have come between Edward and I seemed as wide as an ocean in comparison to the way things had been.

Alice sat calculating for long moments. "Most likely. But that's all I can say! Anyway, that was only part of the reason I came up here. I also wanted to tell you that Carlisle wants to speak with you- I told him I needed to see you first but would send you soon."

I blinked, amazed at how quickly Alice had gotten out of explaining her indefinite answer. Yet, I also felt relief- _most likely._ That was good enough for the moment.

"Ok," I said, standing to leave the room, setting the picture down on the table in front of the loveseat. The action served as a reminder, and I turned back around and gave Alice a quick squeeze. "Thanks for the photos and things, by the way."

"Of course Bella." She said, before letting me go. "I know how much I wish I had something to remember anything about my own humanity."

My eyes narrowed and I paused. "You can't remember anything?" I asked, baffled. Even without the physical reminders, I had a few memories.

"Nothing," she said. "All I know starts from the burning." She offered a small smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes as she shook off her reminiscing. "But that's a story for another time- Carlisle is waiting."

I nodded before leaving the room, as many questions coursing through my mind than before I had spoken with Alice. Including what Carlisle wanted.

--

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long. I walked down the long hallway, reaching the large cherry wood door at the end of the hallway that led to the study. It was closed, and though I was sure Carlisle would have heard me coming and was expecting me, I knocked, remembering to be gentle.

"Yes?" Carlisle called.

I took that as permission to enter, and slowly opened the door. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, a large medical text sitting open before him. He smiled genuinely at me before standing up, closing the book as he did.

"Come in, come in Bella!" he said, walking around the desk. I stepped the few feet into the room and took a seat that Carlisle had gestured toward. He pulled up another, and I appreciated that he hadn't sat on the other side of the desk. I assumed it was his intentional way and making sure I wasn't intimidated.

Still, I couldn't help being a little nervous, just over the unknown factor of this meeting.

"Bella, I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you here." I shyly smiled my affirmation- even if Carlisle had been nothing but fully welcoming and caring, I couldn't help but feel a little awkward around him.

He smiled back. "Don't worry- nothing serious. I just wanted to see how you were adjusting. I've noticed you bonding with Edward- and the others of course- and I wanted to let you know I'm here to help you as well. I've said this before, but you are a part of this family now, and that means your well-being is a part of ours. So- is there anything I- or anyone else- can help you with?"

My mind raced at his question, considering the bevy of issues that had come up in the past few days. I decided there were several I wasn't comfortable discussing and squirmed slightly in my seat, not wanting to lie and say everything was fine either. Obviously that was not true, and I couldn't imagine betraying Carlisle's confidence when he was offering me so much. Finally, I settled on the issues I thought that he would be most likely to be able to help me with. One in particular leaped out at me, covered in guilt.

"Well, I've already discussed this with Jasper, but…something happened the night before we left Forks."

I saw Carlisle raise one eyebrow, but besides this, he remained calm. "Oh?" he asked simply, leaving me room to explain without making assumptions.

"Yes. Don't get upset with Edward- I don't think he told anyone because he wanted to respect my privacy, but…." I trailed off again, taking a deep unnecessary breath to relax. "When we went out to hunt, we ran farther away than usual. I was tracking some deer, but just before I reached them, I became distracted." I shifted uncomfortably again, but Carlisle just continued to wait patiently, attentively. "There must have been a camper nearby, and before I knew what happened, I..I was running toward this scent- toward human blood. But Edward stopped me, and nothing happened, and I don't want to kill people because I can't imagine killing someone like Renee or Charlie…" I finished my confession hurriedly, trailing off as more spilled out than I had intended. I felt my eyes prickling, tearless. "I'm so sorry, so, so sorry." I said, burying my face in my palms. Though I wasn't weighted with the full amount of pain and despair as I had been just two nights before- Edward had helped me to see that it hadn't been _all _my fault- I did feel a new measure of shame hit, particularly because I felt I was a disappointment.

"Bella," Carlisle called, and I noticed his hand was sitting gently on my shoulder. I looked up at the sound of my name, and the gentleness in his voice. He had shifted his chair next to mine, and we sat on eye-level with each other. He peered into my eyes, and I noticed there wasn't a trace of disappointment on his face, nor reprimand.

"Bella, certainly, the situation could have turned out badly. However, it is nothing more than is to be expected. Had you attacked, none of us would have thought any differently of you. While I'm thankful you don't have a human's death on your conscience, you also have to understand that what you felt was normal, particularly for your age." He paused, looking to see that I was still paying attention.

"In fact, I consider you rather advanced for your age."

"Everyone seems to tell me that." I mumbled. He chuckled softly before retracting his hand and leaning back in his chair.

"Yes, well. That is because it's true." He paused, as if in thought. "I believe I understand why you went to Jasper with this- a bit of common ground between you two, I suppose." I nodded slightly in agreement.

"If you don't mind me asking, what did he tell you? Assuming you asked for advice"

"He said it would get better, easier. That I would have to learn how to do this in my own way."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "Well, that is precisely right. Although, I can imagine that's hardly satisfying to you." He searched my face, looking for agreement. He must have seen it, as he continued. "Bella, don't think it will always be this way. It won't be so long before you will be able to tolerate humans- particularly given what I've seen."

I gaped, thinking back to how I had reacted two nights before. I knew Carlisle had experience with these things, but I also couldn't help doubt him with the vivid memory of the bloodlust in my mind. My throat burned ferociously at the thought, and I restrained myself to keep my hand from my throat. I gulped, and made a note to go hunting soon.

Noticing my expression, Carlisle smiled and elaborated. "In controlled environments of course. As Jasper said, it gets better, and easier. It can only do that with exposure though- practice makes perfect, after all. And with Alice around, little is likely to go wrong."

"What about being here a year or two?"

"Oh, well, that's still true, for now at least. I don't think you'll be ready to finish school for a while yet- though I would put our time here around a year, if I had to guess. Of course, that will all be up to you Bella, don't worry. We'll only go when you're comfortable."

I felt more at ease at his words, knowing it would be my decision, despite the fact that I had been becoming more and more alarmed as he had talked about timetables.

"So, my emotions. Will they get better too?"

"Well, why don't you describe the specific problem to me first?" he asked, ever the mindful physician.

The name Edward came to mind when I thought about problems, but I quickly flipped past that one. Edward was precisely what I didn't want to talk about with Carlisle at the moment.

"Mostly, I just feel like a petulant toddler," I said, drawing from my earlier thoughts. "Or an angsty, emotional pre-teen. Maybe a terrible hybrid of the two."

Carlisle chuckled lightly. "Ah, well, then yes, that will get better with time too. In fact, from what I remember, you are better than any of the others were."

"Really?" I asked, awed that anyone could be more emotional than I had been over the past several weeks.

"Absolutely,' he said with enthusiasm. "Emmett may be a big teddy bear now, but in the beginning he used to get angered over the slightest of things. At least one or two things got broken a day. Esme was a nervous wreck at the time."

I smiled at the thought, and sympathized with poor Esme. I remembered how upset she had been about the one vase I had broken, though she had tried to hide it.

"And Rosalie. I'm relatively certain that for the first several months she was either screaming or giving the silent treatment to Edward- they never have gotten along that well. Though that's grown into more of a sibling rivalry these days. Esme was even touchy on occasion in the beginning."

I considered that, trying to imagine Esme being touchy in anyway, though I didn't have such a hard time believing his stories about Rosalie.

"Anyway, my point is, you're perfectly normal Bella."

I sucked a breath in, before asking my final question. "Then why can't Edward read my mind?"

"Do you want him to be able to?"

"Well, no." I most definitely was happy he couldn't- I welcomed the privacy, particularly given the earlier scene.

"Then I would say you have nothing to worry about- I'm not sure why he can't, but I'm working on a couple of theories."

"Like what?" I asked, desperate for an explanation of what I saw as an abnormality, despite Carlisle's assurance.

"Most likely, you have some sort of special ability that doesn't allow his power to work on you."

I considered this, but was still left questioning. "Then why can Jasper and Alice use their powers on me?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "I can't be sure, but the only reason I can come up with is that their powers affect your body, not your mind, like Edward's."

"Hmmm," I said. I supposed that did make sense, even if it wasn't a complete explanation.

"Well, thanks Carlisle. I appreciate it all- everything."

He nodded, still smiling. "Of course. Any time Bella."

I left his office, feeling better than I had since this morning. Though that wasn't really saying much, and I trudged back to my room, mentally and emotionally exhausted. With nothing better to do, I pulled Wuthering Heights from the table where I had left it and crashed down onto the fluffy white-cloud bed to read.

**A/N: I have a renewed devotion to finishing this story, and hopefully, I'm getting there. I feel like this may be past the halfway point- or at least it will be after the next chapter. Only problem is, I feel like I've changed direction since I wrote the prologue, but I'm still committed to making that scene come true. So I need YOU!!! As always, I ask that everyone please review- however, if any of you feel like adding some suggestions for how to make that scene happen, I especially encourage you to review as well!**


	17. Chapter 16

16. The Scales

**A/N: You guys are so awesome- with the last chapter La Tua Cantante broke 200 reviews! Here's the next chapter- be sure to let me know what you think.**

_Edward's POV_

I stared at ceiling, its golden beige the slightest shade lighter than the sofa I lay on. Equally golden beams of sunlight shone through the window opposite of my door. The white frame of the glass helped the light create block shapes on the paint, overlaid by a dot pattern, produced by refracting beams bouncing off of my skin. The sheer amount of time I had been laying on the couch made me notice these trivial things, despite most of my attention being focused on internally beating myself up. Truly, the self-bashing could have been a prize fight worthy of pay-per-view.

I knew my reaction downstairs an hour or so before had been unjustified, stupid, cowardly, and the farthest thing from constructive. Yet, none of that was the main reason my internal self was suffering from two black eyes and a busted lip. Certainly, it only compounded the situation, but the real wrong was much more serious.

Everything had been fine. The morning had been going well, and I had been enjoying Bella's company. Most of all, I was thankful that she had seemed to be doing better than just a little more than twenty-four hours before. When she had asked me to play the piano, I had been more than happy to oblige. Anything for Bella. But then, I had begun to play. It was unfathomable. Everything I had been denying spilled out through my fingertips and into the keys, all transformed into something so concrete I couldn't escape it any longer. For the first time, I had let myself feel without distraction or constraint, and the feelings had taken my breath away.

Yet, even then, I was dense- much denser than what Jasper had assumed I was. It wasn't until I had turned and really looked at Bella that I had realized _what_ strong emotions I was feeling. With blinders ripped from my eyes, the glimpses I had limited myself to suddenly united into a singular whole. I saw that behind the red, her eyes still offered a look into her kind, old soul. I saw how delicate and absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous she was. I saw that she was strong and strong-willed. I saw that she was everything that defined the piece I had just spontaneously composed. I saw that the music was inspired by her, and the feelings I felt for her. Above all, I knew just one thing in my existence was exactly the same and absolutely true- Jasper had been wrong just days before. I did not like Bella. I loved her.

As ridiculous as it was, I loved Bella. I had tried to kill her, and now I loved her, in every possible way and with every fiber of my being.

Beyond that certainty, nothing else had an answer. What was I supposed to do with the irony? And how dare I fall in love with her?

Under the assault of uncertainty and questions, I was forced to take my abrupt escape. I didn't know what I might do if left to feel so intensely around Bella. It was miraculous I hadn't done anything I wouldn't be able to take back, though the reasons had very little to do with my own restraint.

Initially, I had only been caught off guard. As the last notes had faded away and I had turned from the piano, the full force of my realization had not hit. Once the facts had become apparent, shock had set in before anything else. It was only when Bella had laughed and so innocently smiled up at me through her eyelashes that the burning passion- and horror- had set in. Bella was so incredibly kind and forgiving, beyond what I could have ever deserved. I had been presumptuous, and allowed myself to hope for something that should have never even been a possibility. That wasn't a possibility. She was the lovely one, not the pale musical reflection I had produced. Suddenly, she was more appealing than on the day I had met her, even without the pull of her blood. As if stuck in a bad re-run of that first day, I felt my body physically reacting, literally drawn toward her. My hand rose, ready to cradle her cheek in its palm and I had literally opened my mouth to confess everything on the spot.

Yet, mercifully, there was no repeat performance of my lapse in self-control. Thankfully, whatever deity above granted me the discipline I had so lacked before. I stifled the desire, pushing it back deep down, as far from the surface as possible. I took back power of my body before it was too late and instantaneously leapt back from the source of temptation. I shut the keyboard lid, hoping that maybe the emotions would stay inside the piano, the only outlet I had ever deposited them in. As quickly as possible I had disengaged from the situation, excusing myself. Though I obviously hadn't left quickly enough- I saw and heard the confusion and hurt in Bella's voice. And, despite wishing it was all in my head, her pain caused me pain. I only hoped she had missed my face contorting into a wince, knowing how much it would upset her. Knowing that in that moment, I had broken the promise I had made to her and myself. Yet, I couldn't help thinking that the original promise only applied to my initial mistake and not this newer, fully conscious one. Surely I couldn't be excused for such blatant idiocy.

This all led to the current cowering in my room, unsure of what course of action to take. I tried to convince myself that I was inventing things, but my emotions weren't so different from the monster that had taken over that fateful day in Forks. Once I let them free, they refused to be placed back in a cage. I was past the point of no-return, and denial was no longer an option- I loved Bella. No amount of self-chiding, self-mockery, or attempts at dissuasion could erase that fact.

With more than enough reservations, I accepted that inescapable conviction. Even once I came to terms with this new facet of my existence, I still had no course of action. Obviously, there were a thousand and one reasons why I would never tell Bella. First, I didn't deserve her, for apparent reasons. Though this was the only one that truly mattered, plenty of supporting arguments were just as important. For instance, if she or I got past my obvious inferiority, Bella was still a newborn. There was no way I was going to further complicate her world when she was still incapable of handling the simple. And there was always the fact that I was a plain coward. There was no way Bella would reciprocate, given reason one and two. I simply didn't want to expose myself to her denial- I knew it would hurt more than never telling her.

Understanding that I could never explain my feelings to Bella, I was still left without an answer to my dilemma. I had only eliminated one possibility- which hardly counted at all, considering it had never really been a viable option. Therefore, as I saw it, there were just two other prospects. The first was to run away, not so differently from what I had wanted to do in the very beginning. For a moment, I considered this solution and deemed it plausible. Anyone, even Carlisle, would agree that I had fulfilled my obligation to Bella, as the one who had turned her. I had explained our world to Bella, and even given her much more information than the average newborn was granted. She was no risk of exposure, and certainly not because of negligence on my part- I had no more obligations to her, as far as any vampire law dictated. However, even I knew this solution and argument didn't truly hold. Not because I hadn't done my duty as defined by the Volturri. It also wasn't because I would be abandoning Bella- she would still have our family. However, I also knew that I had a deeper moral obligation to Bella for taking her human life when she had been perfectly happy and normal. If pressed, even Carlisle would agree with me.

Thus, there was only one final solution left. I would stay, and nothing would change- I would continue on as Bella's friend and confidante. Yes, I loved her- there was no turning my back on that fact. Yes, it would be torture to not tell her and be so close. Yet, couldn't my eternal friendship and protection be my ultimate expression of love? It would have to be, because it would be all I could ever ask or deserve.

--

By the time I had come to the only logical conclusion, I knew Bella was in the room across the hall. Somewhere in the middle of my personal struggle, I had heard her, though I catalogued the fact subconsciously. I didn't want to think about how I must have confused her with my actions, even hurt her. Yet it was all I could think about. I was paralyzed, unable to do anything about my wrong. I knew I needed to cross the hall and go talk to her, but I still didn't trust myself to do so. I laughed to myself at the ridiculousness of it all. It seemed that this scenario played out over and over again- Bella needed me, and I was never there when she needed me most, too weak to face my own demons in order to support her. Deciding that any action would have to wait, despite my prior determination to keep things the same as they had been, I stayed frozen in place on the couch. At some point I reached out for headphones in an attempt to drown out my own thoughts and anyone else's who might be in the house.

That is how I came to be attacked by the pixie. One moment, I was floating along on the currents of melodies, harmonies and rhythms, forcing my mind to be blank. Then, before I could react, the headphones had been ripped off and Alice stood above me, hands on her hips and a stern expression on her face. Despite her petite statute, the rage in her eyes was menacing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she hissed under her breath, obviously angry.

I looked up at her, realizing what she was asking. Of course she had seen what had happened. I sat up slowly, bracing myself for the full wrath of my sister's indignant fury.

"And before you answer," she continued, still whispering, "keep in mind Bella and Carlisle are down the hall in the study." Well, that did explain the whispering.

Matching her quiet tone to avoid being overheard, I grasped at anything I could to explain myself. A difficult task, considering I didn't want to reveal everything. Finally, I settled on ambiguity.

"Alice- its complicated. But I promise, I'm going to take care of it."

"Really?" she asked, obviously not satisfied, her anger intensifying. Apparently, vagueness was not going to work.

"Then why are there about a dozen different possible futures, most of which involve either you, Bella, or both of you miserable? And don't bother trying to hide things- Jasper already told me all about what you're feeling."

I sighed- in this moment, I had never hated having an empath and seer for a brother and sister more. I vowed to kill Jasper the next time I saw him.

After staring down at the floor for a moment, I turned my gaze up, steely eyed.

"There are no other options." I replied simply, every ounce of conviction I had coating the words.

"Edward, of all people, I know that is a bold-faced lie. There always other options." Her statement was hardly convincing, despite her abundant confidence. But then I saw the vision, replayed in her mind's eye. It was short, little more than a flash. All that I could see was Bella, but the perspective and Bella's face presented more than enough to leave me questioning. Bella was smiling, her eyes golden but glittering in an entirely unrelated way while someone gazed down on her, their view tinted with adoration and love.

I growled low, running my hands through my hair, and leaping off the couch before pacing around the room. I was overcome with chagrin, at myself for the spike of hope and longing I felt, and at Alice for showing me the image.

"Why did you come up here Alice?" I asked, at a loss.

She paused before taking my hand and pulling me back to couch. She sat beside me, her tiny hands clasping my own.

"Edward, I'm not going to tell you what to do- though obviously, I think the answer is clear." I glared at her, ready to make my point again. "But," she began again, emphasizing the word and cutting off whatever she had seen me about to say, "I only came up here because of Bella."

I gave her a questioning look, listening to the snippets from her conversation with Bella that incidentally replayed in her head.

Her voice softened, knowing I had heard. I imagined she saw the pain it caused me to know exactly how much I had injured Bella. She squeezed my hand in her own, locking her eyes with my own. They were clouded with more sincerity and earnestness than I was used to, and that was more than enough to command my attention.

"Edward, I love Bella too. She's my sister now, and whatever happens, she always will be. And that is why I'm here- I don't want those visions of her future to come true. If you want to sacrifice your own happiness, that's your own business. But Bella- just don't do anything stupid."

I nodded, knowing I couldn't bear it if I made Bella miserable. That was the point of my entire plan.

"Of course Alice. I only want her to be happy- that's the only reason I'm still here." I said, gesturing around the room. Alice understood, having seen the multitude of futures that must have been possible given what I had been thinking earlier.

"Well," she began, lightness and condescension returning to her tone, "you know how I think she would be most happy. For now I'll settle for you going to talk to her. You have to let her know everything is ok."

"There is no "for now" Alice," I said, wondering if I had really accomplished anything at all in the last ten minutes.

"Whatever you say Edward- just go."

I sighed, shaking my head at how crazy my little sister could be, and doing my best to ignore that she was blocking her thoughts from me at the moment. For once, I didn't particularly want to know what potential futures existed, considering that they may compromise my good intentions.

"I will- just give me a couple of minutes." She nodded, before skipping daintily out of the room, calling for Jasper.

She was insane, of course, even if the visions seemed to show otherwise. The scene had been out of context, and I knew there was no way I could ever make Bella authentically happy. Not in the way she should have been. The way she could have been as a human. Instead, I had taken away every possibility of complete happiness, saddling her with an eternal, eating emptiness. No matter what happened, that hole could never be filled, by anything and certainly not me. It would simply be unfair, the way she would be able to complete me. I too knew about the emptiness, but it was different for me. My human life had been over, and this was the best future that had been possible for me. But Bella would have had her entire human life in front of her. The only way I knew to even come close to evening the balance would be too deny myself the one thing that would complete me, and make sure she was given everything she could ever want or need. With this conviction, I rose from the couch for the first time in hours and went to embark on my futile attempt to balance the scales I had unjustly tipped.

**A/N: A little shorter than usual, but I just wanted to explain the other side of the last chapter.**


	18. Chapter 17

17. Time

**A/N: Thanks so much for the exceptional reviews for the last chapter!**

_Bella's POV_

Time passed, and I settled into a steady rhythm of existence. Typically, it wasn't terribly exciting. My days were only slightly different than they had been in Forks. I tired of occupying myself with mind-numbing versions of entertainment, and eventually asked- or rather, begged- Esme to assist with her interior design work. Even though it wasn't my thing, it was nice to have something purposeful to do. With quite a bit of guidance, I was beginning to feel that I was making some sort of contribution. Even better, I enjoyed getting to know Esme and I could tell she reciprocated the sentiments. She was constantly pleasant, and her motherly attention was comforting, even if it was simultaneously a painful reminder of Renee. I still mourned the loss of my parents, though the stabbing had subsided into a dull, persistent ache. Yet, the grief would occasionally flare up all over again. This happened most often when Esme did something that alluded to some memory I couldn't quite grasp, like déjà vu.

Mercifully, the distractions were plentiful, and easy to get caught up in. Since no one was going to school, the house was almost never empty. That led to more eventful days than I had become accustomed to. Even with my newly enhanced memory, I couldn't count the number of times that Emmett challenged someone to a wrestling match or some other feat of strength. Most of those were posed to me, as Emmett had a hard time finding other takers willing to face his considerable strength. Our vast difference in size led to comical displays the few times I indulged him, particularly because I always won, thanks to my newborn strength. When I refused to participate, Emmett easily found other sources of entertainment, often playing some practical joke or another. Jasper had no shame encouraging and joining him, to Rosalie's and Alice's disdain.

Yet, though most often someone else was around, there were times when it was only Esme and I. Jasper and Alice had a tendency to disappear together for hours at a time, as did Rosalie and Emmett. It didn't take me long to realize that though a deep love united the Cullens together as a family, and in times that demanded it Carlisle and Esme played the role of mother and father, the group was largely egalitarian. Even Edward took to leaving the house for large chunks of the mornings and afternoons. In fact, of everyone, he was most often gone during the day.

However, at night, Edward was my rock again, and all remembrance of the piano incident was nearly erased. That afternoon he had come and apologized for his behavior, only offering a vague explanation. It was hardly satisfying and did nothing to appease my confusion, but I decided I would rather have his company than a confrontation- though that conclusion wasn't without reservations. I cautiously accepted his ambiguous apology, but he hadn't disappointed me since. He was my constant, without being showy. Slowly, he became my best friend, the one who was always there beside me, even when neither of us was doing more than reading, listening to music, or watching trivial television and moves. Occasionally I would look up and swear that he had just been looking at me, but I never caught him in the act. Mostly, it was his quiet faithfulness that stood out from the unremarkable backdrop it was painted on. Edward consistently brought me new books, CD's, and movies whenever I seemed to have exhausted whatever I had. Impressively, he always seemed to know which ones to choose, obviously having paid attention to my passing comments about this or that.

This was how my days and nights passed, slowly blurring together. First, days became indistinguishable from each other as they turned to weeks, then weeks turned to a month. Before I realized what had happened, five months had passed in New York.

Those five months brought change so slowly it was nearly imperceptible until I looked back on it. I was finally struck by the alterations one morning when my own reflection caught my attention. I had gone on an early morning hunt, with Edward as my company. He was also my assigned babysitter for the trip if I was honest with myself, though I didn't mind it so much. His presence was as much of a protection for myself as anyone else. We arrived back at the light blue house in the gray of daybreak, and I had wanted to wash off the grime. Though I had become significantly more skilled and rarely came close to the state I had been in after my first attempt, I still had a tendency to get a little dirty. Not to mention I enjoyed the steamy warmth of the shower. After stepping out and toweling off, I had slipped into fresh clothes, pausing for just a moment to check my reflection. For whatever reason, I instantly knew I looked different, though at first I couldn't put my finger on the change. It was enough to prompt me to look closer, and I studied my own face until I saw it.

I had no idea when the color had lightened, but my irises were noticeably less red. Unless I was insane, they were now more of a deep orange color, on their way to golden. I gasped, and could hardly contain my excitement as I ran downstairs. I must have let out a few squeals along the way, because I was met by Rosalie at the foot of the stairs, with Emmett and Edward not far behind. I knew Esme had made a run to town for some color swatches, and I assumed that Jasper and Alice were out somewhere together.

"What is it Bella?" Rosalie asked, her tone somewhere between annoyed and genuinely concerned. This was nothing more or less than I had come to expect from Rose. Though we had certainly become sisters, rivalry characterized our relationship. Not to mention she was notably self-absorbed- endearingly, or course, now that I knew her.

Therefore, ignoring the annoyance, I said the two words that I assumed would convey all the necessary information.

"My eyes!" I exclaimed, widening them to allow a clearer view of my pupils while working hard to not jump up and down for joy.

I only realized I would obviously need to make further explanations when I received blank stares from Rosalie and Edward. Emmet's interjection further drove the proof of my mistake home.

"Ah, c'mon little sis. We've already been through this- yes, your eyes are a freaky color. No need to make a ruckus over it- _again_. Geez- it is only temporary." He said, guffawing the entire time.

I shook my head and laughed, not ignoring the fact that his obvious patronizing wasn't followed by my usual involuntary flare of anger. Knee-jerk emotions seemed to be becoming less and less frequent these days.

"No, Emmett, you don't understand." I replied, grinning like a fool, pausing to see if he would get it.

He didn't, and only smirked and looked at me expectantly. However, behind him, a dawning of realization broke over Edward's face.

He smiled back at me, looking almost as goofy as I was sure I did. "They're orange." He said simply. I nodded happily, not bothered by the fact that Rose just rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Is that all this is about?" she asked. "Bella, I'm happy for you, really. But…your eyes have been changing for the past couple of weeks."

I shrugged, not caring. "Well, I just noticed now."

She shook her head then turned and walked away, muttering to herself about how silly I could be. Only her smile threw her cover, and I knew she was sincerely happy for me. Emmet shrugged before following her out.

Only Edward was left behind, and we were alone- a rare occasion during the day time.

"Have they really been changing for that long?" I asked after a moment, though I couldn't care less at the moment. All that mattered to me was that they had changed.

Edward nodded, obviously amused at my expense. I laughed at my own lack of observation skills.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked. Edward's bemused smile disappeared.

"I guess we didn't realize it was so important to you. I'm sorry Bella," he said, his tone serious.

I giggled, and Edward looked at me, puzzled. Now it was my turn to be amused. "Edward, I wasn't blaming anyone. I was just curious, and surprised I missed it. I mean, they are my eyes after all."

Relief swept Edward's face. As had become relatively common, I suddenly couldn't shake the feeling that he was walking on eggshells around me. Then, as quickly as the solemnity had come it was gone, replaced by good-natured humor.

"You know, you've been changing a lot lately," he said, tucking his hands into his front jean pockets and looking up at my position a couple of stairs above his place on the first floor landing.

"Really? How?" I asked, leaning my arms on the stair rail with my fists situated beneath my chin. My hair slipped forward from behind my shoulders, curtaining around my face. I was truly beginning to wonder just how oblivious I really was.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me, apparently wondering if I was seriously unaware. After a moment of consideration, he proceeded to tick off several adjustments I hadn't been aware of, leaning forward to look me in the eye. "First, you hardly ever fly off the handle anymore. And before you just say it's the self-control, I know that its more than that because Jasper tells me that you just don't feel as strongly anymore. Second, you go out to hunt less often. I also know that's more than silly stubbornness, because Jasper thinks about it all the time and can't figure out why its getting better for you so quickly. Finally, your matches with Emmett have been getting closer- your newborn strength is wearing down. You aren't faster than me anymore either. And of course, there are your eyes."

I felt my mouth form a small "o" as I realized that he was right. I had been changing, and hadn't noticed at all. It was true that my emotions were nearly in check these days- whether it was Edward's constancy or something else, I couldn't say. Still it was definitely true. So was the second piece, though I hadn't noticed ever since I had given up on trying to actively increase my endurance. I had been following my natural cycle of need, mostly because I wasn't able to convince anyone to let me do otherwise. There were no more excuses to make now that we had relocated and left the wolves behind. I only needed one escort, and the others had all taken to a rotating schedule so I couldn't accuse anyone of not needing to go and inconveniencing them. With days all folding in on themselves lately, it was no wonder I hadn't noticed the time span widening. And as for the last one- well maybe he was right. But I was definitely still _as_ fast as Edward, and I certainly still had Emmett anytime, anywhere. Though now I wondered how long that would last…

Edward broke me out of my competitive thoughts, grinning at me. I swore he had moved back from where he had been moments before, more upright instead of leaning forward. "Though you're ability to pay attention doesn't seem to have improved," he teased.

"Sorry- did I miss something?" I asked sheepishly, wondering how long I had zoned out.

"I just said that I might talk to Alice and ask Carlisle if it's time for you to go on an outing."

At his words I froze, suddenly terrified at the thought of leaving the safety of the house and surrounding remote forest.

"An outing?" I croaked out. He must have noticed my apprehension, and his eyes softened.

"Only if you want to."

I considered this and discovered I did want to. I did. It meant If it went well, I could be less of a burden, allow them to all get on with their lives without having to worry about me. Still, my eagerness to be independent didn't counteract my fear, though the fear didn't change my mind either.

"I want to," I said, mustering every bit of courage I could scrape together. My performance was not convincing.

"But?" Edward questioned.

I sighed, standing up and leaning against the mahogany railing, crossing my arms over my chest. This was one thing that was unsettling about my relationship with Edward. The same strong tie that I had noticed months before now made us close friends- almost as close as Alice and Jasper or Emmet and Rosalie. Not in _that_ sense of course. Just in the way that it not only allowed him to know everything I needed before I needed it, but to also know every thought and feeling I had, without the use of his gift. At times, it was just as frustrating as it was comforting. Yet, considering he probably already knew or would figure out the answer to his question, I decided that honesty was the best policy.

"I'm just worried. What if I'm not ready? What if something goes wrong, like…" I trailed off, remembering the only time I had come close to taking a human life. The only time I had smelled human blood. The memory alone was enough to make my throat hurt, and I swallowed.

Edward stepped up a step, placing his hand on the railing and closing the gap between us. He was still far enough away there was no way we could touch, though his eyes locked with mine.

"Bella, there is no way I, nor any of the others would let that happen." I started to interrupt, to question how he could make such a promise, but he put his finger to my lips before I could continue.

"Shhh Bella. Will you just listen for a minute?" he questioned, voice low and somber.

I nodded my head, and he removed his finger before looking around the room for a second and continuing, all humor and joviality returning to his demeanor.

"Bella, I think you are severely overestimating your abilities here," he said, leaning smugly beside me, elbows on the railing.

"Oh really?" Of all things, that was not what I had expected Edward to say.

"Yes. Absolutely," he said, eyes dancing.

"Please, do explain then," I replied, pretend exasperation in my voice.

"Well, Bella, really. We did just discuss that you are practically a normal vampire now. I mean, you're becoming weak just like the rest of us."

"Weak?" I scoffed, caught up in his teasing.

"Certainly, in comparison of course. And honestly, if _I _could stop you at just days old…well, I'm just saying I don't think you even qualify as a challenge for all seven of us."

I guffawed, thoroughly delighted by his line of reasoning, but also nearly convinced.

"In that case, there must be only one thing left to do."

Edward didn't offer a conclusion, clearly wanting me to make the decision for myself.

"What's that?"

"We should talk to Carlisle- when will he be back from work?"

"And you're absolutely certain? I don't want to push." I only nodded in response, and Edward examined my face, as if he was now the one who needed convincing. I could only imagine that he was thinking about the incident in the woods again, most likely blaming himself. The thought forced me to try to assure Edward of my whole-heartedness. It was amazing how quickly the tables could change- almost as quickly as Edward's moods.

"I promise Edward- I want to. I have to do this sometime and now is as good as any. I mean, only so many things can go wrong, like you said. And if they do…well, I would get over it."

His face was chiseled stone, full of determination, when he replied. "Nothing will go wrong."

I shrugged. I certainly wanted everything to go according to plan and would be devastated if it didn't, but I could and would recover. "Ok." I said simply, glossing over the topic. "So, like I said, when will Carlisle be back?"

Edward glanced at the clock on the opposite side of the great room. "About an hour- that's shift change."

I nodded. "Ok- I'm going to go upstairs for a bit. Want to come with me?"

He shook his head. "No, I need to go do some things. I'll come by around six."

"Ok." I was used to this by now. Edward always seemed to have "something to do", but he always kept his promises as well. His constancy made up for his vagueness.

Awkwardly, I turned and walked up the stairs, trying not to think about whether or not Edward was watching me or not. The way I always felt like his eyes were on me, I wouldn't have been surprised to have turned around and seen him there. There was no way to satisfy my need to know without being obvious, so I didn't. Instead, I went to my room, arriving without looking back. I picked up Little Women, the book I had been reading before leaving to hunt and settled into the couch for the next hour.

--

Exactly sixty minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I smiled at Edward's precision, and slipped my bookmark in between the pages, leaving Jo and the other girls to wait.

"Come in," I called, setting the old, tattered hardback on the table. Though not a first edition, the copy's once golden gilded edges were dirtied and worn despite the volume's overall good shape. Needless to say, Edward had found it for me, adding to my now nearly-full shelves. Indeed, at this rate, in no more than two months there wouldn't be room for another book.

Edward opened the door, slipping into the room, just as I sat up.

"Ready?" he questioned, leaning against the wall by the oversized closet.

"I suppose," I answered noncommittally, but smiling. Though I was nervous about the implications of Carlisle agreeing to the proposal we were about to make, I did realize that Edward had made a good point earlier. Not to mention, Edward's presence helped to ease my uneasiness.

Edward, knowing I was determined and he could say nothing more to help, only offered a small reassuring smile and gestured for me to exit the room ahead of him. We made the extremely short journey to the end of the hall, and I paused to knock.

"Mmhmmm?" was the only response given, and Edward shrugged before turning the knob. Again, I stepped in first, and was greeted by Carlisle's surprised but pleased expression.

"Come in!" he exclaimed, waving us in and pulling three chairs together. As usual, like every other time I had ever been in his office, Carlisle sat on our side of the desk, with us rather than opposite of us.

We all took our seats, and after a moment of silence, Carlisle jumped in. Characteristically, he knew exactly how and when to put anyone at ease- I could only imagine how this contributed to his bedside manner.

"So, what has brought both of you to talk to me? I hope nothing serious? Shouldn't you both be doing something entertaining?

"Nothing like that Carlisle." Edward replied, his tone respectful.

"Of course- good. Then how may I help you?"

Edward looked to me, indicating his desire that this entire process to be my own, and not something pushed on me. I took note that Edward was fundamentally only here as moral support, and sucked in a deep breath before beginning.

"Carlisle, I don't know if you've noticed, because you are always so busy, but then again, you're also impressively observant," I began, pausing to look at Carlisle. He smiled, and like Edward, was aware I needed space to continue on my own. He said nothing to direct me one way or the other on his own foreknowledge. "The point is, it's been six months, and as has come to my attention, I've changed quite a bit."

I stopped again, looking first to Edward and then to Carlisle. Again, I received warmth and nothing more. I sighed. I was grasping for the correct words, rather than genuinely worried or nervous. Perhaps that was why both of them were so stoic, knowing I wasn't distressed. Even so, I wouldn't have minded more explicit reinforcement that they understood and agreed, particularly on Carlisle's end. Though I knew more about what Edward thought, I had no idea what was happening in Carlisle's head behind his usual peaceful mask. In the moment, I would have given anything for Edward's talent. The vexation of it all sent me into a flurried speech, my words coming quickly and without thought.

"Anyway- my eyes aren't red anymore. And I know that's not as big of deal to everyone else as it is to me, but it's just one indicator, you know? I know I'm still a newborn, but my moods and thirst seem to be moderating- according to Jasper, anyway. Basically, I think it's time I start testing myself. I need to go on an outing Carlisle- with everyone else of course."

I finished, waiting. Carlisle only nodded, quietly studying my face, serene as ever.

"Ok Bella," he replied just moments later.

"That's it? Just ok? No warnings or 'are you sure?'"

"Is there anything else? A reason for those things?"

"No, but, I just…" I trailed off, unsure of what I had really expected.

"Bella, I trust your judgment. And judging from Edward's presence, he also approves. You're also right- you have to go out eventually, and I think it may be time as well, considering. In fact, it may be good for Jasper too- I worry that he may be isolating himself too much without any obligations. I would check in with Alice of course, but I think a walk around the park this weekend would be in order."

I nodded my head, flabbergasted at the ease with which Carlisle accepted my proposal.

"Alright then," he said, standing. "Just let me know and we'll get organized."

"Thank you Carlisle." Edward said, rising from his seat. Carlisle nodded, and as I had become accustomed to, I saw a silent exchange take place between them, and did my best to disguise my curiosity as I stepped out into the hallway. Edward was just behind me, closing the door.

"To Alice?" he questioned.

"I suppose." I responded, and Edward led the way to the third floor.

**A/N: Ah, the lighter side of things : ). Please review!**


	19. Chapter 18

18. Walk the Walk

**A/N:Hi everyone- sorry this update took so long. It was difficult to write and I'm in the middle of finals, and should actually be studying right now- hope you enjoy!**

_Bella's POV_

I stood rooted to the carpeted floor in front of my bedroom door, staring into the attached full-length mirror. I was examining my short-sleeved deep blue cardigan and dark-wash jeans, wondering if they accomplished my goals for the day. They were satisfactorily non-descript, with the exception of the designer tags on each. Of all the clothing options in my closet, this was one of the few outfits I felt would best blend in. My lack of choices in this scenario was owed to Alice's unfortunate sense of flair. Thankfully, toward the back of the closet I had been able to dig up a pair of simple black flats to complete the ordinary look. Meanwhile, my hair hung naturally around my face, waves rolling down to the center of my back. All of this equated to a mostly unremarkable appearance.

Of course, there was no getting around the one facet of my look I had no control over. The slight changes in my body and facial structure no longer shocked me, but I knew that this was only due to familiarity. While I still thought of Rosalie, Alice, and Esme as more beautiful than myself, I did know that I was no longer the same plain seventeen year old girl I had been. I also knew that my pale skin and flawless features would be stunning to any human who saw me, ruining my feeble attempts at an average veneer. The effect would be identical to what I had experienced when I had seen Edward for the first time, months before. Though, if I was honest, he still had that effect on me- so maybe I was overestimating how much human vs. vampire had to do with it. Then again, it was remarkable how I had adjusted to the appearance of the rest of the family, but Edward could still catch me unaware, shocking me with his chiseled features. It was embarrassing, really, and because I couldn't figure out why I occasionally still got nervous around him, it was a nuisance. He was supposed to my brother after all, if I was a part of this family. However, I had to admit, I never could quite figure out what Edward was to me- neither the label friend nor brother seemed to fit just right.

I shook my head. My infrequent awkwardness around Edward and insecurity about my place within this family was beside the point at the moment. The reason I was considering any of this at all was in preparation for the family's trip to the park today. I knew that, as a vampire, my appearance would always cause me to stand out. With this in mind, I had been trying to find ways to tone down the effect. I doubted I had made much progress, but I was determined to make today go as smoothly as possible. Today was the day that I would walk the walk of being a "vegetarian", in the most literal sense possible.

--

After our meeting with Carlisle, Edward and I had climbed the stairs to get Alice's prescient advisement. As per usual, she had seen us coming and already had plenty to say when she opened the door to the room she shared with Jasper. She smiled and we both came in, finding Jasper leaning against a bureau next to their bed, arms crossed over his chest and one leg crossed over his other ankle. I sidled my way into the room, Edward behind me. I must have looked uncomfortable, provoking Alice to uncharacteristically begin without either of us broaching the topic we had come to talk about. Though she always knew what one of us would say or do before we did, Alice typically gave us the courtesy of waiting. Apparently that rule didn't apply in this scenario.

She took my hand, excitement oozing from every bit of her.

"Oh Bella! Everything is going to be fine. Almost zero chance of you getting out of control." She said, more matter-of-fact than her statement warranted.

"Almost?" I questioned, my voice low and uncertain. How was that supposed to be comforting? I felt the anxiety building, until a touch of calm lapped against me. I shot Jasper a half-thankful half-perturbed glance before returning my attention to the conversation.

"Yes, almost. And don't either of you give me that look," she said, hands balled into tiny fists on her hips, shooting a stern glare at Edward. The picture was almost comical, considering how happy-go-lucky I knew Alice to usually be. Edward remained silent beside me, obviously listening to Alice's thoughts and waiting for her to finish. "You both know as well as I do that I can only have visions based on the decisions of others. Of course Bella, and the rest of us, have made the decision to do everything within our power to prevent an incident. But, Bella is just beginning to transition out of the newborn stage."

"Wait- what does that have to do with the visions?" I asked, confused.

Jasper chimed in, knowingly. "You're decisions can change on the spot Bella, influence by bloodlust. Giving into temptation isn't exactly a premeditated action."

"Oh." I said, realization of what he was implying dawned on me. "My resolution may not matter in the moment."

"Right," Alice said, taking back control of the conversation. "Thus, blurry unsure visions. It really is quite annoying."

I snickered in response, and saw Edward shaking his head in disbelief to my left. Only Alice could be more annoyed by her faulty vision than by my possibly murderous future.

"Anyway," Edward said, breaking the awkward silence. "the point is that our decisions won't change, even if yours do Bella."

I bit my lip in uncertainty, but nodded my head slightly. "Ok."

--

As my memories gave way to the present, I gave one last tug at the hem of my sweater, made sure my hair would distort some of my otherworldly facial features, and took a deep solely-calming breath before opening my bedroom door. It was late afternoon, and the hallway was shadowy due to the cloud covered skies concealing the sun. Even so, with my enhanced vision I saw Edward standing by his own door across the hall.

"Hi," I said, nervousness shaking my voice.

"Hi," he responded, smiling softly, creating a tiny dimple in the stone of his cheek. I chose to focus on that, ignoring the conflicting overt concern in his eyes.

"Now or never, huh?"

The smile vanished, replaced by a thin, straight, serious line. "It doesn't have to be Bella. This is all your decision- we could wait."

I shook my head. While I appreciated the opportunity for an out, there was no way I was going to lose my resolve now. "No Edward. I'm ok- just nervous."

His head tilted downward, almost imperceptibly. "Reasonable," he conceded. "But nothing is going to happen," he added, cold certainty in his voice.

I let out the smallest of sighs. Though Edward certainly heard it, he didn't acknowledge my expression of exasperation. Over the last couple of nights, we had discussed the possibilities a hundred and one times, discussing what I would feel and how I could cope with it. Each conversation had ended in him making guarantees that I didn't feel were possible to make. I had expressed these feelings often enough, so Edward only gestured for me to walk ahead of him, down the stairs.

Though the walk took mere seconds, it felt like everything slowed for those few moments. Images of the potential outcomes flashed red-hot through my mind, one after another. It was nightmarish, and made my stomach twist in knots as I conjured up image after image, all involving my teeth in some innocent victims neck. I clenched my eyes shut, willing myself to clear my mind.

_This is silly. I'll have the entire family with me. _

Yes, that was what was important. I would have all the support I could imagine ever needing. Maybe Edward was right, and nothing would happen. Yet, I had to prepare myself for the worst, while steeling my own will to avoid the same things. I hit the first floor landing with this thought and pulled my face into a calm façade, pushing as much panic away as I could. Thankfully, Jasper quietly assisted me without alerting everyone else to how I felt, sending a deep sense of peace to me from where he stood beside Alice. I flashed him a grateful look, somehow appeased by knowing that at least one person in the room fully understood my anxiety. Carlisle entered the room just a second after Edward and I walked in, apparently just back from the hospital- he still smelled like disinfectants and terrible cafeteria food. He stopped by Esme, his arm slinking around her middle before kissing the top of her head. I smiled slightly, noting how Esme leaned into him, closing her eyes for the tiniest moment as his lips brushed her hair. It was nice to see them so in love, though something inside me itched at the sight. I ignored the hardly notable sensation, turning my attention to the room full of vampires in front of me. Emmet stood beside the couch arm, where Rosalie had perched herself, one foot resting on the couch's cushions while the other dangled gracefully in the air. They all looked expectantly at me, golden eyes filled with everything from cautiousness and worry to expectance.

I swallowed, knowing this was my cue to make. Surprisingly, I felt Edward's hand reach down to grab my own, giving it the slightest squeeze. I turned to look at him, shocked- almost in the literal electric sense- at the physical contact. He gave me small encouraging smile, eyes clouded with something I didn't recognize. For once I didn't see even a hint of pain or any other negative emotions- just a pure, sweet one that I couldn't pinpoint. I got lost in his gaze, until I heard Jasper clearing his throat. Edward smiled once more, dropping my hand after another squeeze. Almost immediately I wished he hadn't, the comfort I had felt before slowly slipping away.

Before I could lose my composure, I turned back to the assembled group, gathering up as much determination I could, channeling it into my words. "Well, looks like we're ready to go," I offered- almost immediately, my utterance broke the spell that had held the room in suspension.

Alice darted to my side looping her arm through my own, while Carlisle nodded. The family swung into action, moving toward the garage. Alice tugged me along, the movement seemingly activating her chattering.

"Bella, it's going to be fine. Jasper, me, and you are riding with Edward in the Volvo- the other's are in the BMW. It's pretty cool for late June, and it will be dark in about an hour, so there won't even be too many humans out at the park. And Bella- really. Couldn't you have picked something nicer to wear? I mean, it is your first foray back out into the world-"

I laughed, thankful for a break in the tension. Deciding that I didn't want to talk about the impending events of the evening, I took Alice's bate, launching into a debate about what I should have worn. I saw Edward smirk and shake his head as he passed us, climbing into the driver's side of the Volvo, Jasper taking the other front seat. Soon we were pulling out of the garage, and then hurtling down the road on the way to the nearest neighborhood park.

--

All too quickly, we arrived in a tree-lined parking lot. Edward whipped the car into place in the spot farthest from the park's entrances, ending our ride. For its entirety I had been allowing Alice to chatter on about clothes, while my mind raced and considered how I was going to manage this. How was I supposed to overcome my own nature? It was a preposterous idea, and became only more so the closer we got to our destination. Yet, I was set on accomplishing the feat. No matter what Edward believed, I knew the Cullens weren't monsters. Not as long as they lived this way. And I was not going to be a monster. This was one step in the process.

My intentions decided, I began convincing myself that I was just along on a family outing and moved to pull the door handle. I never got the chance. Just as I my fingertips brushed the metal lever, Edward opened my door. He offered his hand, and I took it, pulling myself out of the car. I began to slide my slim fingers out of his grasp, but his hand squeezed tightly around my own, not letting go as he closed the car door behind me. I looked into his eyes questioningly, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged, lacing his fingers through my own to further enhance his hold.

"Sorry. Precaution," he stated matter-of-factly.

Of course it was. Despite knowing that Edward was only holding onto me to keep me from pouncing on the first human we came across, I couldn't deny the comfort sweeping over me, and knew it wasn't coming from Jasper. It was nice to feel connected to someone else, to know that there was no way they would let me go. It didn't hurt that the someone happened to be the one person in the world I felt the safest and most comfortable with. No matter how absurd that sounded, considering our history and the fact that I always felt like I wasn't quite able to grasp something when I was with him. These things were far outweighed by how dedicated I knew Edward to be to me, even after he had more than done his duty as the one who had turned me. When his kindness, sensitivity, caring nature and warmth were added to the proverbial scale, any reasons I had for discomfort around Edward were no heavier than a feather in comparison.

My internal calculations were interrupted when Alice looped her arm through mine. I noticed then that Esme and Carlisle had went ahead of us, Carlisle's arm wrapped around her shoulders as they strode toward the park's main gate. Alice pulled me along, and, still attached to Edward, we also began moving that way. Emmet, Jasper and Rosalie walked a few paces behind us.

"You know Bella," Alice piped up, "it might be easier if you don't hold your breath. The point is for you to start adjusting, so you're going to have to breathe eventually, and it will be worse if you smell their blood all at once. Better to get the first exposure over now while we're further away and it's not as strong."

I nodded. I hadn't even realized I had been holding my breath, but now that I thought about it, I hadn't taken a breath from the moment the car had pulled up to the park. I bit my lip, readying myself for the onslaught of desire that was soon to accost my senses, involuntarily thinking about the first and only other time I had been anywhere near a human. Almost automatically I felt my stomach twisting, sweet venom pooling in my mouth. I stopped in my tracks, not wanting to put another step forward as long as my body was acting as a traitor to my own will. Then, just as quickly, the bloodlust vanished.

Edward squeezed my hand, speaking up. "Bella, please. You're going to have to try harder than that- Jasper is here to help, but-"

"Ok," I cut him off, understanding. Edward had clearly received all my emotions second hand from Jasper's mind, and he was right. I needed to get it under control if I expected Jasper to handle not only himself but me as well.

Slowly I took a deep breath, the warm, moist air swooshing into my lungs. Immediately, I smelled the scent of rain and greenery that I had become accustomed to. There were the sugary scents of a variety of blooming flowers, each distinct from the next, accompanied by the caustic aromas of car exhaust and a thousand other chemicals. But above it all there was the scent of human blood, sweet and pure, if still faint. I closed my eyes, tensing my muscles as I processed the delicious smell. I swallowed back a mouthful of venom, reminding myself of who I was, refusing to care that everything in me wanted just one taste of the forbidden liquid. Satisfied that I was in control, despite my still clenched muscles and the voracious fire that blazed in my chest and licked at my throat, I opened my eyes. I exhaled as I did, before taking in another breath. I felt everyone's eyes on me, including Carlisle's and Esme's from where they had stopped at the park's entrance, obviously pausing when I had. I searched out the only pair of eyes that mattered, turning my head to the right.

Edward stood there, and if I was grateful for his presence before, now I felt positively blessed. In this moment, I knew that Edward was my angel. His golden orbs searched my face, undoubtedly looking for clues to what I was thinking, his bronze hair falling forward slightly.

"I can do this," I affirmed, meaning and believing it fully for the first time. "Let's go."

"Alright." He responded simply, and we moved forward. I felt Alice tense slightly beside me, and I glanced over as we walked. I recognized the blank look of her features, but before I could ask her what she had seen, the blankness disappeared.

She grinned, eyes dancing as they flicked to Edward, acknowledging that he had already read her mind before proceeding to explain for me.

"I don't think you'll be needing me Bella," she said cryptically, her arm slipping out of mine. She skipped away before I could ask her to explain further, slipping underneath Jasper's arm several paces behind us, grabbing onto his hand where it hung over her shoulder.

"What was that about?" I asked, looking up at Edward. I worked hard to disregard the fire licking at the back of my throat as I did, taking in another gulp of air instead. I could feel the scent of blood getting heavier in the air, coating my mouth. I pretended I didn't care, purely out of defiance.

He stared ahead, calculating. A moment later, he returned my gaze. "Her visions just became clearer- for now, it looks like you're going to be fine."

I thought about this, wondering what Alice's definition of 'fine' was and contemplating the "for now" part of that statement. Did it mean I would make it through without trying to attack anyone in the park? Or that I just wouldn't hurt anyone- not that I wouldn't try? I came to the conclusion I'd rather not know. I'd rather just focus on what I was doing. This, in a true oxymoron, meant I needed to be distracted.

"Edward, could you distract me?" I asked, beginning to panic as we entered the park, leaving the parking lot behind. In the distance, I saw a mother and her two young children playing in a small stream. Not far from them, a father and son played catch while two older girls, around twelve, swayed back and forth on the swing set, giggling. I breathed as slowly as possible. The longer the break between each new wave, the easier the bloodlust was to deal with. If 'easy' was the appropriate word to describe the waging war between my moral repulsion and carnal desire.

"How?" he asked, as he mercifully turned us away from the children and onto a running path of asphalt.

I laughed despite myself. "Just talk. Say anything."

He paused, looking at me as the gears turned in his head, searching for a discussion topic. "You shouldn't always take Alice's fashion advice," he blurted. Thoroughly confused, I swallowed another mouthful of venom to question him, but he continued before I could open my mouth. "I just meant, I like that sweater. Blue suits you."

Well, mission accomplished. It was as if someone whipped out a fire extinguisher on the inferno within my chest- suddenly, the pain was the last thing on my mind.

"Thanks." I mumbled, feeling extremely shy as I turned to look at the trees on the other side of the pathway. If it were possible, I was sure I would have been blushing. After composing my face to hide my embarrassment, I turned back to look at Edward. I knew I had caught him off guard, noticing that he was looking at me intensely. His eyes were filled with the same emotion I had seen back at the house, the one I couldn't seem to identify. Not that it mattered- the effect was the same either way. I bit my lip, an entirely different kind of burning coursing through my body as our eyes locked- suddenly, I was extremely aware of Edward's hand on my own, and the way my hand rested within his palm and our fingers laced together. It took me back to that night months before, the night of my first hunting trip. A tingling, tickling sensation swept up my fingertips and expanded to incorporate every inch of my body. Though it wasn't the first time I had noticed how stunningly handsome Edward was, this instance felt entirely different than the others. Something fluttered inside me as I visually traced his chiseled features, so impossibly perfect and soft at the same time.

Then, without warning, the connection was broken. I heard the pounding of the running shoes on the pavement before any of my other senses gave warning. Then a puff of wind blew from behind me, carrying the scent of human blood. It was much more potent than what I had experienced so far, its effects much stronger, my distance from its source dramatically reduced. I struggled to not turn and drop into a crouch, gritting my teeth together and holding my breath mid-inhale.

"Edward." I whispered, a hint of desperation in my tone and unable to move. Though I knew I wasn't going to attack the girl, I didn't want to take the risk either. As if my mind wasn't impenetrable to his gift, he yanked me off the pathway, pulling me into the woods. I let out a sigh of relief, thankful to be just a few yards away from the young college student who pounded past on the pathway, blond ponytail swinging and iPod loud enough to be heard through her earphones- even if I didn't have enhanced hearing.

"Thanks for that," I smiled up at Edward, leaning against the tree behind me. We were still connected by our hands, and he stood close, blocking any possible route I might have taken to get to the girl. But now, with the danger averted, I was yet again keenly aware of our physical proximity. As I inhaled, I took in Edward's sweet smell. It nearly drowned out the other appetizing scents in the air, and I wondered how I had never noticed it before. Again, I flashed back to the final night in Forks when he had last saved me from taking a life. It was the only other time we had been this close. This was infinitely less upsetting than that had been, when I had seen the proof of what I was reflected in his eyes and had almost literally bit his head off. Yet, this was upsetting in a different way, because I was overcome with a flood of feelings that I hadn't been aware I had. There was no freshly newborn confusion or other intense, involuntary masking emotions to disguise, blunt, or distract from their effects. As if a blurry film was pulled back from my eyes, I truly 'saw' everything. All that I had spent the previous several months haunted by appeared clearly before me. The feelings of a missing piece, an uncertainty of how I fit in with the Cullens, something important just out of my reach, the way I could never completely let my guard down around Edward... it all made sense. I was dumbfounded by how painfully obvious it was. I looked directly into Edward's eyes, my own surely filled with wonder as image after image of intimate moments with him thundered through my mind's eye. For a moment, I was entirely…dazzled.

That is, until Alice, Jasper and Emmet slipped through the opening in the trees Edward and I had entered through, the sound of rustling leaves announcing their presence. As if stoked with a hot poker, Edward leapt back, letting go of my hand for the first time the entire evening. It felt like a piece of me went with him.

"There you two are!" boomed Emmett, eyes playful as he trundled up to us. "We were starting to wonder if maybe Bella had eaten the girl after all," he teased, tweaking my nose and wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes.

"Not funny," I declared, barely shaking the enchantment of the moment before, glancing over to see if Edward was affected in the same way. My attempt was futile, as Edward's face was a blank slate.

Emmet only gave a deep, chesty laugh in response.

"We came as quickly as we could," Alice explained, looking to Edward. "I had a brief fuzzy flash- but it looks like it was the clearer picture that came true!" she exclaimed, looking knowingly at Edward. I glanced between the two of them, curious at the warning glare he shot at her.

Even more unsettling and a further contributing factor to the feeling that I was missing something was the look on Jasper's face as he hung back. He was smiling slightly- something I wasn't accustomed to seeing so often on his usually serious features- and glancing back and forth between Edward and I.

Edward seemed to notice the same thing, and I recognized the look on his face that told me he had listened to everyone's thoughts present and wasn't happy about what he heard. He cleared his throat after clearly appraising the mental surroundings and broke the silence.

"It's getting dark, and I think its time we head back and find the others."

I nodded in agreement, making a gross understatement. "I know I've had enough for one evening." I didn't think I would fully process for days what had happened in the last hour.

Emmett laughed, breaking the tension. "Little sister- you have no idea what you're in for."

Though I didn't have Alice's ability, I had no doubt that Emmet was right as we all turned to make our way back to the parking lot where Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie waited.

**A/N: There you have it! By the way, I have a vague outline of how the rest of this story is going to go, and it involves about six more chapters. Sad times, I know. But that means I can finally finish some of my other abandoned stories soon! Anyway, please review : )**


	20. Chapter 19

19. Acceptance

**A/N: Hi y'all! So, I survived the semester and I am officially on a three-week break *does happy dance*…and I'm snowed in along with the rest of the East coast. And that means more updates! Barring the necessary family duties and any writer's block, of course. **

**Side note: The last chapter received very few reviews- I hope that wasn't a reflection on its quality. In any case, here's the next one- I hope it grants some insight into Edward : )**

_Edward's POV_

Ever since Isabella Swan had entered my life, stumbling in unawares, my simple, boring existence had become a whirlwind of unexpected events.

In a matter of minutes I had rebelled against everything I had been committed to and accomplished over the past ninety years. All the progress and time invested in my 'vegetarian' lifestyle- poof. It had been gone, destroyed by a small, insignificant human girl- all she had needed to do was trip her way into a Biology class.

Hours later, before she awoke, I made the decision to put Bella before myself. Those days were my first attempt at actively engagingly in selfless behavior. Certainly, my family had grown to be important to me and I loved them, but I had always been first in my own mind. Bella forced that to change immediately, pulling me out of my self-constructed isolation.

Finally, in the matter of weeks, Bella had led me to love in a way I had never before loved. I hadn't even thought it was possible, despite the three shining examples that I had personally and intimately observed for decades. Yet Bella had made the difference, causing my dead heart to lurch back to life and the soul I hadn't thought I possessed to soar.

In the span of a month, Bella had broken down every barrier I had ever thought to put up. Little had I known she was nowhere near finished, despite my attempts to return to the leaden pace of existence that that was both comfortable and familiar. I had firmly refused to accept the freedom I finally obtained as my last remaining wall came tumbling down that day at the piano. Instead, I had frantically set to work constructing more in an attempt to arrest any further developments, desperately unsure of how to exist outside of my personal cage.

I should have realized my resistance would be futile, as long as Bella was involved. She was contagious.

Everything changed in the park, and I knew it. And I don't mean that in the something-shifted-in-the-cosmos-and-I-sensed-it way. Something certainly did shift, but I only knew it from the flurry of visions that Alice didn't try to conceal, blatantly wanting me to see instead.

Of course, I couldn't blame her for insensitivity the first time. There was no way Alice could have hidden the brief flash she experienced as we walked through the parking lot, and the vision itself had been innocent enough. In it Bella and I were walking along a path alone, talking hand-in-hand while Bella's expression was shy and slightly shocked. Truthfully, it didn't reveal much.

So we were holding hands. I had honestly taken her hand at the car as a measure of safety- even if her touch granted me one of the greatest joys I had ever experienced. It was no different than my identical earlier action at the house, despite the thoughts that had raced through both Jasper's and Alice's minds. Yes, I had reached out, breaking my own rule against physical contact with Bella. But as it was now, taking her hand had been an act solely meant to benefit her and not implemented for my own indulgence.

As for Bella's expression in the image- it was to be expected. She often looked shy, no matter how much time we spent together. There was nothing to gather from the except that it seemed Bella would not be killing anyone today. Not that it had ever even been a possibility in my book.

Therefore, all I had done was steel myself to keep my emotions and desire at bay when Alice sauntered away, leaving Bella and I alone together.

Yet even steel couldn't resist Bella, nor her unexpected actions. Seeing how much she had needed me, I had scrambled to find anything to say to 'distract her', as per her request. Without thinking, entranced by the vision before me, I had blurted out the first thought that crossed my mind.

"You shouldn't always take Alice's fashion advice." Oh, for the love of God.

I was drawing on Alice's ramblings during the car ride over, of course. I was attempting to reaffirm Bella's decisions in an effort to build her confidence. Even in small things like wardrobe choices. Unfortunately, my point was not clear, as Bella's befuddled expression betrayed. I floundered for a better explanation, grasping for the words.

"I just meant, I like that sweater. Blue suits you." Nope, not better.

Immediately, I knew I had given Bella the tiniest of insights into how I truly felt about her. In my freshly constructed wall, Bella had already forced a crack.

Even if it was only the product of my pathetic excuse for expressing the captivating effect of Bella.

The positively irresistible look that graced her face in reaction, reminiscent of the blushing human Bella that had initially ensnared me, served to further exacerbate the damage. She was just so obliviously, unintentionally lovely, with her adorably humble demeanor. Already I felt bricks falling out of place, leaving gaping holes of access into my very core. I became so enthralled in her that I didn't think about shoving the bricks back into place, even haphazardly. I knew my mistake when Bella turned back to face me and I realized that all my feelings and desires were splayed openly across my face.

I saw a flash of recognition in her eyes, saw that she knew there was something out of place in the way I looked at her.

That fact alone was enough to cause further decay, as the crumbling of my protections became practically audible in my own ears.

In the moment, I wished nothing more than to confess everything to her, to tell her the depth of my love. Even more, I wished that I deserved to do so, and wondered if she could ever love me in return. For the slightest of seconds, I thought perhaps, if she did, I might be convinced to not care about the tipped scale I was attempting to balance. Maybe I could make her happy, despite everything- if it was what she wanted.

Then the human girl had approached, and the silent connection was temporarily broken as my need to protect Bella kicked in. I felt her tense, and wondered how she was able to control herself so close to a human. I understood her herculean effort as my name fell delicately from her lips.

"Edward." she said, all but begging. I acquiesced, pulling her out of harm's way.

The brief respite from Bella's piercing gaze, now more golden than red, was enough to jerk me out of my reverie. Frantically, I struggled to place the bricks back in place, reorganizing my thoughts and stacking one after another as I reviewed the multitude of reasons why my wishes should forever go unfulfilled. I pushed back senseless hopes, wants and needs, forced them to be contained. They were simply not fair, not justified.

My slapdash efforts were nearly successful, until Bella spoke.

"Thanks for that," she had said, her words seemingly inconsequential. But her voice's unfathomable beauty caressed my ears, and drew my attention back to her.

Obviously, looking at her was a mistake. Our physical proximity was enough to cause the pile of chipped and battered bricks that served as a sad excuse for some sort of barricade to tremble and sway. I hadn't allowed myself so near to her since the day at the piano- the conversation on the stairs just days before had been trying enough.

Add to my predicament what I actually saw when my eyes rested upon her, and the bricks crashed down yet again, bringing more along with them. This time, I couldn't even bring myself to pile them up again, entirely disarmed.

Aside from the breathtaking beauty she possessed, Bella's features were overcome with a fierceness I had never seen on her before, even in mid-hunt. The emotion was tinged with traces of a hundred others, and I wondered at how easy it was for me to read her face like an open book, no mind-reading or empathic required. In her tawny eyes I recognized realization, shock, wonder…and tenderness. The tenderness rivaled the fierceness, ultimately triumphing as they glided together to seamlessly form an unlikely union. It was an amalgamation that I realized fully characterized Bella herself. Yet, in this case the symbiosis was directed outward, and her eyes scorched my own as she stared up into them. For the second time in recent memory, my breath caught as emotions coursed through my veins with a fury gained from being restricted for so long. A moment longer and I would not have been responsible for my actions.

That next instant never came, as three familiar mental voices suddenly intruded.

I was spared, and was able to pull my gaze away from Bella as I turned in the direction of my encroaching siblings. Alice didn't make a sound besides her thoughts as she came, graceful as always. Yet, Emmett, ever so similar to a bear, rustled leaves and made an all-around noisy approach while Jasper followed behind. Instinctually, I moved away from Bella as cognition kicked in. I dropped her hand, but I didn't miss the way her fingers dragged roughly along mine, as if willing our hands to not part.

I noticed but didn't consider the action as I was finally able to begin processing the jumble of thoughts that came from the three vampires as they broke through the trees. Without the physical touch, proximity and piercing gaze of Bella to scramble my thought processes, I gained back a semblance of concentration. First and foremost Emmett's thoughts stood out, as he considered how to best embarrass Bella, feeling it his brotherly duty.

"There you two are!" he exclaimed, approaching Bella. "We were starting to wonder if maybe Bella had eaten the girl after all," he said, pinching Bella's nose.

"Not funny," she responded, face a mix of amusement and lingering bewilderment. Was it possible yearning was present as well?

My chest gave a small ache even as I kept my face calmly ordered, reacting to Emmett's tiny show of affection I could not allow myself, because of the entirely different meaning it would hold for me.

Yet, Emmett's sentiments would have made me smile, had my attention not instantaneously been grabbed by Alice's mind's eye and chiming voice.

"We came as quickly as we could. I had a brief fuzzy flash- but it looks like it was the clearer picture that came true!" her voice was laced with exuberance, and she meant her intentions to appear innocent to everyone else present.

I knew better.

Indeed, her statement _was_ true. She had come out of concern that perhaps Bella had slipped, despite her earlier vision. She hadn't truly believed it possible, having seen a much clearer picture shortly after the 'brief, fuzzy flash,' yet she wasn't without worry. Thus, this was not what bothered me. Instead, it was the several other future events repeatedly playing on her personal mental movie screen that poked at the anger within my chest. And the smug overtone of it all wasn't helping matters.

She knew that showing me those images would only cause me pain, because I could never allow them to happen. At least, I knew they _shouldn't _happen.

The loop was endless. Bella and I taking more walks through the park, alone and hand-in-hand. Bella and I in her room, lying in each other's arms, my hand chastely brushing through her hair. Bella and I dancing, slowly twirling around my room in the middle of the night. Bella and I, Bella and I, Bella and I…the images just kept coming, playing over and over again. The individual shots only became clearer with each subsequent showing.

I struggled to contain myself and smother a growl of contempt, settling for what I meant to be a menacing glare shot Alice's way. It didn't have the entire intended effect, most likely because all of my rage was intended more for myself than anyone else. Though I wanted to, I didn't have the heart to project it all outward.

Yet, the loop did stop. In defiance, Alice flashed one last image, the one she had shown me months before as she had berated me and made me promise to keep Bella happy.

_It hasn't changed Edward-its obviously only intensified. Why don't you just stop this madness? _

I narrowed my eyes at Alice's thought and she sighed internally, the beatific picture of Bella's joyous face disappearing from her mind.

_Fine- but you know you shouldn't bet against me._

As much as I hated to admit it, I did know that. I also knew my resolve was slipping- the evidence was emblazoned in my mind's eye, thanks to Alice.

It didn't help that Jasper wasn't much better than his insane pixie mate. To be fair, due to a multitude of discussions over the last few months, he kept his mental comments brief.

_Really Edward? You don't think it wouldn't just be easier to tell her how you feel? To accept it? I don't know how you stand keeping all of that inside…_

He trailed off as I shifted my death glare to him, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

_Alright. But feeling you and Bella together right now is driving me insane."_

'You and Bella?' What was Bella feeling? Was he implying we were feeling similar emotions?

O_f course not._ That would be insane. How could she? After all I had done, even if I accepted Bella's insistence that I wasn't a monster, I couldn't have earned that right. But my hopes refused to be squashed, desperately clinging to Jasper's internal word choice. They were worse than my walls that refused to stay upright, working together in treachery against me.

They were on their way to success. I glanced furtively over at Bella, curious and hoping to see something on her face again. Not surprisingly, her face was still an open book. However, mostly, all that appeared there was confusion as she chewed at bottom lip. I longed to reach over and pull it out from between her teeth, but restrained myself.

"It's getting dark, and I think its time we head back and find the others," I said instead, feeling a desperate need to get away, to think.

My statement was true, and Bella affirmed my suggestion. I got lost in my own world as we made our way back to the cars, noting how both Jasper and Alice hid their thoughts from me. Rather than be perturbed, I was grateful that they seemed to understand my wishes that the conversation be closed. Temporarily, at least.

With nothing interesting to listen to in my family's heads, I was overtaken by a wave of emotion, every dam within me broken.

I didn't even bother to consider the fact that I had forgotten my wall's bricks, leaving them behind me in the trees. It was okay- they were damaged beyond repair already.

After we returned home from the park, the rest of the evening had continued on uneventfully. At least it had for everyone else.

When we reached the parking lot, Esme, Rosalie and Carlisle had snuck a quick glimpse of Bella's irises, obviously tipped off to the possibilities by Alice. I rolled my eyes at their relieved thoughts, though I couldn't begrudge them their lack of faith- Bella was a newborn, though she had turned out to be little like any newborn we had ever heard of.

Mere minutes later we had arrived back at the mansion, with its light blue siding and dark blue accents the same as ever.

Except that now I inexplicably could do nothing but think of Bella at the sight of the color, imagining the way her satiny skin felt against my own and went perfectly with the shade of blue paint coating the house's shutters. I gritted my teeth together, enraged at the audacity of my heart's desire. As soon as I parked the car in the garage, I yanked the keys out of the ignition and leaped from the driver's seat, slamming the door behind me. It was the roughest I had ever treated the Volvo.

I did my best to not seem too eager as I rushed to my room, shutting the door behind me. I knew everyone would hear it close just a little too loudly, but couldn't bring myself to focus on their reactions. Instead I turned on the CD player and turned it up, not even bothering to care about what I had left inside it last.

It satisfactorily decreased the noise of the rest of the house to an indistinguishable dull roar, and I focused on the events of the past hour. I scoffed that it had only been an hour, while so much had happened. Of course, I shouldn't have been surprised, given my experiences with Bella. She did have a way of inspiring the rash, unthinking side of my brain.

I sat on the floor, back against the black leather couch considering this, until my mind slowly wandered.

At first it was just my memories of Bella today- her bravery, her determination, her smile, the feel of her hand in mine, her faith that I could protect her from herself, the glint of fire in her eyes as we had stood alone in the trees. These alone were enough to drive me insane with an urgent need to be near her, to experience her all over again, in person.

Worse were the images that Bella's face called up in my mind. Despite my will, I masochistically retrieved and began mentally flipping through Alice's visions. A hole yawned within my chest, created by a deep, possessive yearning. I couldn't stop myself from wishing with everything within me that the images would become reality.

And at that moment, I knew there was no way they wouldn't. My decision was made, whether I agreed with it or not.

There was no way in hell I could stay away from Bella any longer- she was the only thing in this world I wanted. I had always wanted her, from the very beginning. For the first time, I accepted that, damn the tipped scales and balance.

**A/N: Ahhhh…'bout time ;) Like you guys, I really, really, really want our beloved E and B to get together- so much so that this was initially going to be a BEAST of a chapter. As much as I know you all want to see this come together, I'm sure you can appreciate an update now instead of a thirty page chapter in four days- and well, either way, you can review and tell me what you think! : )**

**So you know, the title of this chapter (and a couple of references) are inspired by the song So Contagious by Acceptance- the band name fit the chapter, but the song describes what's going on- you should check out the lyrics. **


	21. Chapter 20

**20. Confessions**

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. ****Special shout-out to ****Starnani21for their** **wonderfully thoughtful reviews.**

_Bella's POV_

The entire ride home, a maelstrom of emotions raged within me, pelting forcefully at my insides. I sat silently in the front passenger seat, excruciatingly aware that the source of my internal tempest sat mere inches away.

As we pulled into the garage, I readied my hand to open my door the moment the Volvo stopped. I escaped up the stairs to my room as quickly as possible, imagining the hell I was putting Jasper through. It was all I could do to spare him. I was incapable of altering the emotions I felt, or mustering the desire to rein them in.

After all, Ihad just realized I was in love with my murderer.

I was in love with _Edward_.

_In love_ with him.

How had I missed that happening? _When _had it happened? And why, of all times, had I decided to figure it out while trying to not suck every human within a hundred yard radius dry?

I collapsed onto my bed, the weight of my realizations and questions pushing me downward. I pulled in a deep breath, attempting to calm myself. Maybe I was being melodramatic.

Ok, I was definitely being melodramatic. But was I overreacting?

That was the more relevant question.

I quieted my frantic thoughts, struggling to relax and allow myself to feel and think slowly. Ever so gradually, I felt the tension leaking from my limbs as I sank deeper into the bed beneath me, arms by my side and feet still planted on the ground. It occurred to me that I wouldn't have been able to accomplish the feat just a few weeks before and I was appreciative of my progress. I let my eyelids flutter close, and blocked out as much of the hushed conversations emanating from downstairs as was possible. At the moment I didn't care to hear how the rest of the family may be interpreting my actions. Eventually my mind began to clear, and focus returned.

My first objective was extraneous. There hadn't been a true doubt in my mind from the moment I had looked up, leaning against that tree in the park. I had know exactly what I felt in that instant but I decided I should be thorough.

Was I sure I loved Edward? My revelation _had_ come while we had been in an extremely intimate position. I smiled lightly at the fresh memory, my hand tingling with the ghost of his touch. Hmmm..perhaps my body was still betraying me with involuntary feelings. Perhaps I was imagining love where I only felt carnal desire.

I considered the possibility, but I swore the dead heart in my chest fluttered in protest and my mind began to spin, again flashing memory after memory of the moments I had shared with Edward. The whirlwind began with the scene from just under an hour before and stretched back for nearly six months.

The images were striking.

I pictured Edward's intense eyes, brimming over with fire, both in the park and as he had squeezed my hand in encouragement in front of his family. I recalled months of nights spent comfortably by his side, doing almost nothing. I thought of his mood swings, particularly on the day he had played the piano for me. I visualized the care and thought it had taken to retrieve pieces of my human past in the form of the pictures that hung on the wall of the room he had helped design. I remembered Edward's comforting embrace when I had first truly understood and mourned what I had become on that awful hunting trip. I thought of another hunting trip, another first, as he had shown me how to function in my new life, his hands gently but firmly gripping my shoulders in guidance. I replayed his voice in my ear as fire had burned every inch of me, purging mortality from my flesh. I contemplated the sound of soft velvet and ice cold touch in my final human memory.

Finally, the flurry was united as it returned to the present, to the most recent memory. I pondered the feel of Edward's hand leaving me own, and the ripping sensation of loss that still haunted me.

A common thread united each of these snippets; despite their wide range on the scale of pleasantness, Edward was always present. Every event that seemed most important to me, since the day I had so fatefully met Edward Cullen, included him. Looking in hindsight, I realized that though my very nature had certainly been altered, Edward was the most prominent and important change that had occurred.

Most of all, I couldn't come to regret that fact. I couldn't feel the horror I should have felt, given that he was the one who had taken my life. I knew I should have seen how unhealthy, how insane the connection was.

I couldn't do those things because I knew that the Edward I was attached to wasn't the same person that had coerced me into Forks High's student parking lot.

I knew this because Edward had been correct about at least one thing.

It had been a monster than had pierced my flesh and nearly drained my body of blood.

Only a monster could have performed the act. I knew that monster all too well, experienced its power and seen it face to face. Its face was one that changed, that morphed- that had been my own.

And that was how I knew that Edward and the monster were not one. That was why I had been able to forgive him all those months before. It was the reason I had so easily befriended him. Why I had now fallen completely in love with him.

The monster was bloodthirsty, demonic, red-eyed, evil, and soulless- all the things that Edward was not. Instead, Edward was everything I could ever wish to deserve, and I saw it in his numerous minute actions every day. He was kindness, gentleness, selflessness, joy and a thousand other redeeming qualities that had made him _good_- and set my own soul on fire_._

I sighed, recognizing that there was no question left in my mind or heart.

I was entirely and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen.

I bit my lip, savoring the feeling until reality struck. This was only the first point of many I had to consider. Slowly and grudgingly I moved my train of thought forward, only to have it come grinding to a halt, blocked by a new, fundamental question.

What was I going to do about this new found conviction?

I never got a chance to answer my question and plan a course of action. Instead, a series of other questions catapulted around my mind, seemingly spontaneously growing from the one before.

Did Edward feel the same way? Could he? What if he didn't? Why would he? Was I insane?

I felt my breath quicken out of habit as the answerless queries picked up the pace in their mental game of ping-pong. As several hours passed, my chest tightened, and panic unlike any I had ever known before, even when faced with the scent of human blood, flooded my body.

That's when I heard the slightest of knocks on the door, more than loud enough for me to hear.

Composing myself, I sat up and sucked in a breath to stop my purely emotional hyperventilating.

"Come in." I called, attempting to look like I hadn't just been in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I had severe doubts that my endeavors were effective.

The door creaked open, and in walked the source of both my elation and insecurities, in all of his glory.

If Edward had caught me off guard before with his good looks when I had been oblivious and distracted, the effect was now only amplified. I had no idea whether it was my own self-realization or the look of joyful determination lighting up his already attractive features that triggered this effect. Either way, it couldn't be denied. If my heart were capable of beating, it would have begun pounding out of my chest the moment he stepped through the door.

_Stop it_. _Get yourself together! _I internally chastised myself. Edward's presence in my room was a near nightly occurrence. There was no need to freak out. This was normal. Except nothing about this was normal- being in this room, in the presence of the man I had just realized I loved so fiercely- it was extraordinary.

"May I?" he asked quietly, gesturing to the bed.

I smiled.

"Of course," I responded, patting the fluffy white comforter under my hand, simultaneously scooting back and crossing my legs Indian-style so that I could sit facing him. He mirrored my posture, settling in with his hands in his lap.

I bit the right side of my bottom lip, pulling it in between my teeth as I contemplated how close we were, knees nearly touching.

He looked at my face searchingly, his eyes quizzical. Like I had often seen him do before, I knew he was trying to read my thoughts, to no avail. I could think of no other time I had been so grateful his power was disabled around me- I didn't want to imagine the embarrassment.

The corners of his mouth turned up into the slightest of crooked grins and he shook his head, failing to breach my mind's walls.

His eyes shot downward for an instant, then came back up to reach mine.

"It was quite an evening wasn't it?" he finally asked.

"You could say that." I answered, a teasing tone disguising how incredibly monumental the last few hours had been for me, in ways he couldn't possibly know.

"I'm proud of you, just so you know."

I quickly filled with warmth at his words, gratified by his praise. The sensation was short-lived, my mind flashing back to the blonde runner.

"Really?" I asked, omitting my first thought. "Because I almost attacked that girl."

He shook his head, brows knitting together and creasing his marble forehead. "No you didn't, and we both know it. Even if I hadn't pulled you out of the way, you wouldn't have bitten her."

"How do you know that? I was practically in attack position."

"Yes, you're body reacted in a natural fashion. But if you were going to kill her, you wouldn't have asked for my help and she would have been dead before I had a chance to stop you."

I contemplated this, considering how distracted we had both been prior to her approach. I supposed he wouldn't have been able to stop me in time had I made the decision.

I nodded my head slightly, accepting his reasoning and caught up again in the moments that had immediately followed his pulling me off the path.

"Well, then thank you," I offered shyly, keeping my other thoughts to myself.

A smile returned to his face and his eyes clouded over with thought in response. Suddenly, he was leaning forward, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together in front of him. His face settled mere inches from my own, and his hands brushed lightly at my jeans.

"Bella, would you come out for a run with me?" he asked unexpectedly, his breath gently brushing against my face and filling my senses with sweetness highlighted by warm overtones.

I wanted to tell him I would go anywhere with him. I considered saying I would do anything to spend every possible moment with him.

"Sure," I answered instead, sticking to guarded simplicity.

Yet again, a perfectly lopsided grin curled its way onto his face. I couldn't help but smile myself as he rose from the bed, offering his hand.

The feeling was so natural, so welcome; I didn't even think to consider the abnormality as my fingers laced with his. It seemed like it was the only way for us to be, bonded together like this. It was impossible to think that before today such physical connections had been nonexistent since that day by the piano.

My body was soothed by his touch, all notes and hints of previous panic erased as he pulled me down the stairs and out the back door, into the night.

As we ran, my mind wandered to other runs through similar settings. I thought of the pure freedom and exhilaration of my first run after awakening and contemplated the comfort of Edward's hand after my devastating realization of my new nature. To me, it seemed this setting was a perfect hybrid of the two- neither tinged by loneliness nor regret.

However, all three runs did hold one emotion in common- confusion.

I could no less deny I was perplexed about what my next move should be than I could have in either of the two previous instances. If anything, I was plagued by more confusion.

However, I decided that for the moment I didn't want to care. Instead, I reveled in the feel of Edward's skin against my own and the rush of wind and fauna surrounding me. Pure contentment washed over me, and only Edward's slowing pace brought me out of my carefree state.

I matched my stride to his, bringing myself to a full stop. I looked around, finding that we were in a quiet, remote clearing.

Again, I was struck with déjà vu. Certainly, it had vast dissimilarities with the meadow in Forks. The space was much smaller than the other, and had ragged edges that left it with a shape nowhere near a perfect circle. The grass here was short and had a rougher texture. Yet I couldn't deny the memories it brought up, nor the beauty supplied by the dotting of summer flowers in bloom.

Like on that day in Forks, the clouds uncharacteristically parted, though it was moonlight rather than sun that peaked through. The pale beams illuminated the clearing, reflecting off the whiteness of our skin, instead of sparkling diamonds.

Our hands had never parted, and he pulled me closer so that I was looking directly up into his pale golden eyes. The bright moon allowed a reflection of my own, and this time I saw my own yellow-orange ones glinting back in his dark pupils.

"Do you remember why I brought you to a similar place on that first day in Forks?" Edward's question reverberated through the near-silent forest, and transported me back to his tortured face. The image was in conflict with the reality in front of me- solemn yet filled with traces of excitement and expectancy.

"How could I forget?" I answered, infected by his serious tone. For the briefest of moments I saw a flash of regret flicker through Edward's eyes, before it was forced back by purposeful determination.

He nodded. "That day, I took you out there intending to explain to you who I was."

I looked questioningly into his eyes, wondering what his point could possibly be. Why was he bringing this up now?

"Tonight, I'm doing the same because I feel like the same description no longer applies."

I raised an eyebrow, coaxing him with my expression to continue. There was a long pause as I waited, before Edward's eyes went ablaze, as if a match had been thrown into a room full of gasoline fumes. The sight was shocking, yet enticing.

"Bella, I've never been able to resist you. At first, I assumed it was only your blood that drew me. Initially, it was. So I told you I was a killer, a monster."

I flinched at his words, but waited in silence for him to continue, still in the dark concerning his point.

"But, you've proven me wrong. Not only could I not refuse your blood, I couldn't refuse your spirit, your smile, your compassion…" he trailed off, eyes breaking with mine as he looked off into the dark for a moment, hand tightening around my fingers.

My mind raced at his words, and I felt a deep, raw hope bubbling up. I squeezed his hand back, matching his grip.

"And I've tried over these past few months, tried so hard to keep my distance. I just can't anymore Bella. You've brought me back to life. As crazy as it sounds, you've awoken my soul. Otherwise, there is no explanation for the way I feel. I no longer call myself monster and vampire alone. You've turned me into a man Bella- one who loves you, deeply and unconditionally."

I made the smallest of gasps, shocked at the end of his soliloquy. I stood in awe, amazed that the beautiful creature- _man_- before me had just said the very words I had so ardently wished for just minutes before. I couldn't speak, much less breathe. Lost in my elation, I didn't realize how long I blankly stood there until Edward tenderly, nearly imperceptibly, squeezed my hand.

"Bella?" he questioned lightly. I didn't respond, only beginning to bring myself back to my surroundings. "Bella? I don't expect you to reciprocate. I just couldn't hold my silence or distance any longer. Of course, if you wish, I can give you space. I could even leave. Speak the word and-"

My eyes snapped to his, possessed with fervor as I cut him off.

"I love you too," I offered in response, forcefully.

If I thought his eyes had been ablaze before, now they positively smoldered. Not another word was spoken as his free hand levitated through the air, resting on my cheek.

I closed my eyes, leaning into his palm. His thumb gently grazed over my skin, drawing its short path several times in succession before his fingers hooked under my chin, drawing it upward. Our eyes made contact, before our foreheads then noses followed suit. I sighed gently, relief flooding my body as months of unknown tension escaped and our lips came within inches of each other.

Finally, the last bit of distance closed, and we were no longer separate beings suppressing their greatest desires. Our mouths moved in tandem, his lips impossibly soft and firm at the same time. I hooked an arm around his neck, my fingers weaving into his hair as our reverent kisses served as flawless confessions of our love.

**A/N: And with that excruciating but rewarding writing experience, our beloved protagonists have finally pulled their heads out of you-know-where. **

**I'm frantically working on this story- I'm so excited to see it moving toward a resolution- but do not be distressed- the plot has yet to thicken once (or twice) more ;0. Of course, I'm sad to see it all ending. However, updates *should* speed up. You're reviews are exactly the fuel I need to accomplish this- they make me more happy than you could know, so…click the button!**


	22. Chapter 21

**21. Realities**

**A/N: Oh my goodness- you guys are amazing for all the sweet things you said in your reviews. I'm blown away :) Consider this your fluffy holiday present- and Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!**

_Edward's POV_

My mind spun at the sensation of Bella's lips on my own, months of pent up desire finally turned into a reality. In comparison, my imaginations of the moment were measly.

Enraptured, we spent untold minutes wrapped together in our embrace. Yet, as all things, it came to an end when I gently pulled back. As amazing as kissing Bella was, eventually my head cleared, allowing thousands of questions and necessary discussions to surface. Above all, I needed to hear Bella's voice and see her face to convince myself that this was real.

At our separation, I received a low growl.

I chuckled in response. I knew Bella was as mighty a predator as I was, yet hearing the grumble rip from her chest in this situation was amusing. For a moment, images of a kitten trying to make its will known flashed through my mind, only making me laugh harder.

Bella, however, was not nearly as entertained. "What?" she scowled, a flash on insecurity sweeping her face.

"It's nothing love," I said, my resolution to talk shattered. " I just wanted to hear those words come from your mouth again."

She instantly brightened, smiling coyly before she defiantly closed the gap between us again, looping both her arms around my neck.

"I love you?" she questioned, pretending she didn't know what I wanted.

I nodded and sighed, my forehead leaning against hers as my body shuddered with pleasure.

"Hmm…well, then, I love you, Edward Cullen." My eyes shifted close, yet more of my resolve to have a deep meaningful discussion disappearing.

"You have no idea how utterly happy that makes me," I said, disregarding the protests against my joy I would have conjured just hours before. "I love you too."

And in an instant, we were again wrapped back up in each other, lips crashing together more fervently than before.

Eventually, day broke, and reality crashed down on us with it. The rest of the night had passed quietly in the clearing, with Bella and I lying in the grass, just talking and exchanging meaningful kisses. But slowly, the moon had set and clouds had rolled in. The sun soon took its place, shooting its first beams through the cloud cover, resulting in a dim gray light that broke the magic of the darkness.

"We should get back. They'll start to wonder where we've gone." I mumbled grudgingly into Bella's hair, inhaling her sweet smell.

She lay with her head on my chest, arm resting over my stomach.

"Uh-uh." She muttered into my black button-up, shaking her head and tightening her grip.

I smiled, my fingers tracing lazy patterns between her should blades, over the knit blue fabric of her sweater.

"Love," I began, glorying in so freely expressing the depth of my feelings. "Its alright. I don't plan on leaving your side for a _very _long time. I just don't want them thinking anything has gone wrong."

She stopped burrowing into my chest, opting to rest her chin on it instead. I assumed she was ready to acquiesce at my reasoning, but her eyes were playful when they met mine.

"What if I'm not ready to share you yet?"

I rolled my eyes, though internally I was a warm mushy mess. I would never get over the fact that _she_ wanted _me. _It was the greatest gift I could envision.

"Then I'll just have to carry you back."

Her eyes narrowed, becoming little slits. "You wouldn't." she protested and pulled back a little, raising herself up on her hands, seeing the hint of mock danger in my face. The tips of her hair brushed against my face, curtaining my view so that she was all I saw. She was perfectly adorable.

Before, I hadn't planned on following through with my threat. However, the look on her face and the idea of her body so close to mine was suddenly too much to resist.

"You underestimate me." I stated simply, scooping her up and standing in one swift movement. I shifted her so that she was facing me, each arm hooked behind one of her knees.

"Edward!" she shrieked, genuinely surprised. Her legs locked around my waist, but her face was jubilant as she giggled. I was immediately lost to her and allowed my legs to lead us back to the house as the trees and brush whipped by.

When we arrived a few minutes later, the thoughts of my family were deafening. I stopped at the edge of our backyard, reluctantly setting Bella back on her feet while still gripping her hand, processing their internal comments as they sensed our approach.

"What is it?" she questioned, tugging on my arm.

"Just the thoughts of everyone inside- they're overwhelming."

She cocked an eyebrow at me, curious to know more.

"You'll see," I smiled in reassurance, pulling her toward the house.

She didn't protest, but followed along. Her trust was astounding.

Particularly considering that she had no idea what she was about to walk into.

Sometime in the middle of the night, someone had noticed our absence. On its own, that might not have caused the reactions I read in their heads, as I had occasionally accompanied Bella on night hunts before. Yet, this was different, as no one had forewarning and Bella had been hunting with Alice the night before in preparation for her outing.

Thus, finding us missing had left them all with questions. Personally, the fact that they noticed at all was amazing, considering how distracted with each other they could be at night. Of course, I was beginning to understand how that could happen, given how Bella had just consumed my every thought process.

Yet, they had noticed, and concern laced all of Esme's thoughts as we approached the house. On the other hand, Carlisle was already mildly berating me for not giving some kind of warning, though he had taken Alice's assurances that we were fine to heart and wasn't all that worried.

Alice, of course, had immediately searched our futures and seen everything that had happened the night before. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one who tipped them all off to our absence, just to turn the spotlight on us. It was not beyond her, and she had kept the details of the visions to herself. For that I was thankful, even if I wasn't attempting to keep secrets- that was impossible in my family. Instead, I just wanted a chance to handle the situation in my own way. From my family's thoughts, it didn't look like that was going to be an option.

For that reason I paused at the back door, feeling that I should give Bella a warning of the upcoming ambush.

I leaned down and prepared to whisper quietly in her ear. I had no doubt that at least a few of the hearing-gifted vampires beyond the door would comprehend every word, but I decided the effort was worth it.

"You should know they're all waiting for us." I muttered, lips brushing lightly against her ear. I noticed her shiver at the contact, and smiled to myself.

Her eyes were wide when they turned to look at me, both filled with mortification and curiosity.

"They are?" she asked.

I nodded. "Esme and Carlisle are worried something bad happened. Alice saw everything and Jasper has been feeling out our emotions since the moment we hit the tree line. They're keeping the information to themselves and no one else knows what's going on, but Emmett knows something is up and Rosalie is speculating about us." I offered apologetically, pulling info from everyone's head.

She pulled herself a little taller at my enlightenment, though her face convinced me she would be blushing if possible.

"Well we should get this over with," she said, stepping boldly up to the door handle. She pulled it open without hesitation, though I couldn't help notice her mutter something like 'stupid nosy vampire family' in the process.

The moment we stepped inside, Esme poked her head around the corner.

"You're back!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up before switching gears. "I was worried you know! You could at least have let us know you two might be going out."

Bella's façade of brazen confidence vanished, replaced by shame as she looked down at her shoes, muttering a "sorry". I smiled at Esme's mothering ability, shaking my head in disbelief.

"We're fine Esme," I said, smile replaced by grimace as not only Carlisle slipped into the entry way, but all four of my siblings tumbled down the stairs.

After a quick glimpse at their thoughts, I had never regretted belonging to such a large family more in my existence. I braced myself for what inescapable.

"Oh, I believe you're both more than fine." Alice nearly sang, leading the charge, Jasper in tow. _And don't you dare look at me like that Edward Anthony Masen Cullen- I think this more than calls for an 'I told you so.'_

Resigned, I sighed with the smallest iota of conviction, not even bothering with a warning glare. I just couldn't muster up much annoyance. Alice was, after all, an unstoppable force- and my emotions were much too preoccupied with the precious woman beside me.

Jasper noticed my feelings, offering a rare smile. _Sorry for this- but I'm really happy for you bro. _

I nodded slightly at him, taking note of the happiness he sent my way as proof before turning my attention back to the conversation at hand. During my brief exchange with Alice and Jasper, Bella had begun looking around, biting her lip nervously. As usual, she hated being the center of attention.

It wasn't helpful that Rosalie was staring both of us down, calculating and settling her piercing gaze on Bella. She squirmed momentarily until I looked down at her, offering a small smile that seemed to encourage her. She immediately drew herself up, her lip sliding out from between her teeth.

Carlisle cleared his throat, after reading each of our faces, recognizing the telltale signs of Cullen misbehavior. "Would someone mind telling me why this seems to be about something other than the two of them disappearing for a few hours?" _Now please, _he added for my benefit.

_You or me Edward? _Alice asked internally, smirking at me. Why did I have to have a sister bent on my public embarrassment? Or actually, considering everyone else's thoughts, siblings at all?

_Hmmm…_ Emmett thought, looking at Bella's slightly chagrined face and our entangled hands. _This could be fun…_

Rosalie was beginning to click the pieces together as well, though her thoughts were much more disinterested. _About time, _she mused, smiling at me with falsified innocence. Only Esme was still in the dark, too caught up in observing her children's knowing, mischievous expressions to notice Bella's or my own body language.

I cleared my throat, deciding I needed to take care of this as quickly as possible and stop the jokes for Bella's sake. My family really needed to find better forms of entertainment.

"Bella and I left the house last night because we need some privacy to…discuss some things. We lost track of time and I'm sorry for worrying you Esme and Carlisle," I stated, utilizing my most respectful tone and squeezing Bella's hand. It wasn't beyond my notice that I sounded a bit like a teenager caught after curfew, and I blamed the utter ridiculousness on Alice's conniving schemes. At the sound of my voice, Esme's eyes finally came to rest on us, a flash of knowledge inhabiting her gaze.

"Oh," she said quietly, before happily smiling at us. Her thoughts became instantaneously content, not questioning the relationship I had just covertly admitted to. _Look how happy he is. He's never looked this way before…_

Carlisle's eyes flicked to our hands as well, but he maintained his composure. _Congratulations son_, he thought mildly, guarding any other thoughts carefully.

Alice, on the other hand was not faring so well on the self-control front, bouncing on her toes excitedly.

"Don't forget the kissing!" she exclaimed, suddenly, the words bursting forth.

I hissed in her direction, scowling. Could she act more like a four-year-old? _What? It's true- don't be a prude Edward._

Unfortunately, Emmett broke down my intent to stare holes into Alice, guffawing loudly.

"Oh my. Edward and Bella sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…" he crowed.

Rosalie smirked, but elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ow Rosie- that hurt."

Carlisle cleared his throat, interrupting the scene that was quickly spiraling out of control. Briefly, I wondered if he ever regretted forming this ragtag group of insolent, immature 'children'.

"That's enough- thank you for explaining Edward. You, of course understood our concern last night, with Bella being so young…" he trailed off.

I nodded, images of red irises from his mind's eye flooding my own. "Certainly. Are we free to go now?"

"Always." Carlisle said, while Esme beamed with pride and relief. I shook my head at her thoughts of elation, but was warmed none the less by her intense concern for not only me, but Bella as well.

At Carlisle's cue, I pulled Bella upstairs, eager to get her away from Emmett's wisecracks and my family's stares.

I closed the door behind us when we arrived in my room, dimming the sound of more taunts.

"Sorry about that." I offered, leaning against the door and truly repentant. While I had read all their thoughts, I hadn't expected such a scene.

She shook her head, a look of amused embarrassment still on her face.

"At least it's over now."

"You obviously don't know my family." I retorted, thinking of the months of obnoxious remarks that were coming. She groaned, understanding the connotation.

"Well, then at least I have you to endure the torture with me."

My face softened at her words. "Now that is most definitely true. You have me forever."

She grinned. "Mmm…well, since you have so willingly given yourself up to me- what were we doing before this all got in the way?" she questioned teasingly, her free hand swinging up around my neck, pulling my lips to hers.

The next several months were lived in pure and complete bliss, with Bella by my side. True to my word in the clearing, I stopped keeping my distance during the day and never left Bella longer than was necessary. As a result, following the process of my first kiss imaginations, Alice's visions slowly became realities. Each once-blurry image turned into a crystal clear experience, a beautiful piece of my relationship with Bella.

Visits to the park were a necessity to Bella's conditioning, and came frequently. The trip was made several times a week before quickly escalating into a near daily occurrence that put us in the thick of human families. True to the visions, we spent each day walking hand in hand, observing those around us and laughing when Bella insisted I tell her what people around us were thinking. Some afternoons were spent in more silence, some in more intense conversations, but they were all passed together.

However, there were bits of our days that we were pried apart. Eventually, Bella became capable of making trips into town, seemingly fully acclimated to human blood. She accomplished the feat much more quickly than any newborn we had ever seen or known of before, and it opened up a whole other world to her. Soon enough, she was accompanying Esme to the hardware or antique shops, or begrudgingly drug off by Alice on shopping trips. It was a struggle for her, but she became stronger every day. She even inspired Jasper, who began intensely working on his own self-control.

Though Bella often spent parts of the day away, the nights were ours, just as before. When the others began slowly slipping away, so Bella and I retreated up the stairs- though, admittedly, our behavior was much more PG-13 than that of the rest of the household.

This was a result of my personal upbringing and formative years spent in a Victorian world, but also of my conscience. Though I couldn't have been happier, some small part of me still niggled at the back of my mind, reminding me that I didn't deserve Bella. As a result, I felt like the best thing I could do for both of us was to move slowly. It allowed Bella the option of escape if she deemed it necessary, and in theory, preserved a piece of my heart. In truth, there was never a piece of me that didn't belong to Bella, and I was fooling myself.

Yet, I stuck to my guns, and Bella and I spent our nights curled up in her bed, trading kisses and gentle caresses, along with hushed conversations. As it had done in the clearing, darkness brought a piece of magic with it for us, and it was the time when we most opened up to each other, digging up all the issues that we needed to discuss. Often enough they were simple conversations, but other times they turned much more serious. I wanted to know every piece of her, so I insisted on talking about her human memories and her thoughts and emotions through her transformation and the subsequent time I had spent keeping my distance. I wanted to reclaim each of those precious moments, and string them together like the most valuable sort of pearls. The same conversations were often turned to my perspective, and Bella demanded to know what I had been thinking and feeling as well. Soon, we had complete disclosure with each other, working through each painful memory and issue together.

A thousand other tiny everyday events marked the passing days, and soon December snow coated the ground. The holiday season fell with it, and despite the fact that everyone but Bella had celebrated it a hundred times, Carlisle and Esme insisted on Christmas. Carlisle made the demand based somewhat on religious pretenses, but also to appease Esme, our motherly guardian of tradition.

That was how we all ended up venturing deep into the woods of Vermont on the morning of Christmas Eve, searching for the perfect tree to drag back to New York. Eventually, Alice and Esme made the decision, and we all agreeably added to the consensus. Emmet and Carlisle downed the massive chosen evergreen, and shook it of snow. A little over an hour later we were back in our living room, surrounded by both brand new ornaments and those that, with memories attached, had become part of the tradition.

"Edward, won't you play something on the piano?" Esme requested sweetly, beginning to supervise the untangling of the lights. I nodded in response, taking a seat at the piano, smiling at Esme's thoughts of how this time of year made her feel human again. I played the opening chords of _Silent Night_, knowing that she wasn't the only one in the room that felt that way. In many ways, I supposed she knew that as well, and it was why she advocated for the annual ordeal in the first place.

My fingers danced over the ebony and ivory, working from years of memory. I utilized my freed attention to listen to my family. They argued and bonded over the placement of ornaments and who would place the star on the top. Their thoughts were much more content than their actions or words may have revealed, and Jasper flooded the room with a sense of peace, magnified by what he felt around him. Still playing, I turned to take in the scene, hearing Bella's tinkling laugh. It melded with the sounds of the family around her, and was the result of a jab she had just taken at Emmett for some embarrassing remark he had made to her. She even provoked a laugh from Rosalie, who had melted somewhat to Bella's presence recently, seemingly forgiving her for being part of the reason she had to leave her last home. Time really does heal all wounds, even for the immortal, I suppose. Or perhaps it was just the season.

Either way, the sight of her ignited a fire in my chest that was both entirely the same and different from the one that had blazed in biology nearly a year ago. Everything about Bella still enticed me- from the way her mahogany hair glinted in the lights of the tree to the way her eyes danced as she interacted playfully with my family. The true, complete, unfathomable joy on her face was the most beautiful sight. I couldn't help to think that she now truly belonged to the family.

Except for in the most literal sense. The one way that I wanted the most.

The intensity of my desire prevented me from being surprised when Alice's mind sucked in my attention, pulling me into the vision of the event I realized my fresh decision had concretely planted in the future. I only wondered about when it would become a reality, and if anyone else would notice Alice's tiny squeak of celebration.

**A/N: I know- it's cliff-esque. The next chapter is half written, because I actually started it more than a week ago, prior to realizing this one was necessary to fill the gap. It should be up a day or two after Christmas.**


	23. Chapter 22

**22. One Thing**

_Edward's POV_

A vampire's existence is summed up in one great oxymoron: speed and agility characterize our physical abilities while all else- internal and external- coasts by languidly. When the concept of time is easily abandoned within the outlook of eternity, soon enough the world slows down around you. You can be speeding through a forest on foot, or driving over a hundred miles per hour, but all else will appear to barely creep along. It's like someone has played a cruel joke, playing everything in slow-motion while you're on fast forward.

Before you realize it's happening, the same pace is internalized. Soon enough it's not just the outside moving slowly. Of course, internally everything biological has already been arrested by the frigid fingers of death. That is obvious in our never-aging, never-changing appearance. Less blatant is how thoughts, actions and beliefs are handed over to the same fate. At best, these things muck along, trapped in the viscous realities of eternity.

Beyond these effects of time, a vampire's nature becomes its own limiting factor, constricting the possibilities of development in any domain.

There is only supposed to be one final change, and it is forged by venom. Venom is supposed to the last catalyst a vampire ever experiences. From the day I woke up from my transformation over a century before, I hadn't been much of an exception. When my heart stilled, I became just as it was- cold and dead. Physically, emotionally and mentally I remained the seventeen-year-old boy I had been in 1918. Only the slightest of changes had developed over the decades, chipping away at the ice that- in hindsight- held me prisoner.

Even these tiny advancements had taken inordinate amounts of time due to the hard-headed resistance that seemed to be part of my nature. In most cases, pain was a necessary part of their accomplishment, just as it had been in my great metamorphosis.

The first shift occurred early and affected me deeply, but took years. My stint spent abandoning Carlisle's humane version of a vampiric lifestyle had brought great pain. The thoughts of those I had ruthlessly killed had haunted me, despite their horrific crimes. Though I regret it thoroughly, I also believe it was the first breach made in the glacial casing that had distorted my humanity. The slow process had pushed me not only into seeing the beauty and value of human life, but also into maturation. I grew up, for lack of a better explanation.

Since then, a few other minute changes had taken place. They included bonding with Carlisle and Esme as parental figures, overcoming my differences with Rosalie to accept her as a sister, and welcoming Emmett then Jasper and Alice into the family. These alterations were all derived from that first chink in my icy nature- my abstinence from human blood. All because I had, in complete defiance of everything vampire's are, found the ability to feel love and empathy.

Despite this handful of differences, up until nearly a year ago, I had been nearly identical to my newborn self. The world was still stagnant. _I_ was still stagnant, moving slowly in every way but the literal one. My character and emotions remained largely unchanged; I had yet been selfish, rash, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, and tacit. Above all, even though I hadn't understood it, I had been unhappy.

A year had made all the difference. It was only a mere orbit of the sun, 365 days, 8688 hours, 521,280 minutes. However you measured the time, it was a concept that hardly had meaning for me anymore. Yet, what once seemed insignificant had come and gone, turning over a century of everything I knew about myself on its head.

Now, an unprecedented level of change marked me inside and out, the result of uncharacteristic fast-paced transformation. I had practically undergone a full reconstruction- though, it was most likely better characterized as a breaking down rather than building up process. After all, it had taken a complete shattering of my defenses to accomplish.

Either way, the difference was nearly tangible, far surpassing even the effects of my decision to return to Carlisle eighty-plus years before. The other's noticed it to. I saw it in all of their minds, comprehended in each of their unique ways.

Jasper felt it- the love, the happiness, the _life_. My newfound vitality amazed and rejuvenated him. Alice saw its effects in her visions; saw the shift in my future. Carlisle and Esme each sensed it, so attuned and tied to me through their parental love. Observant Rosalie thought it was a vast improvement on the sullenness that she had never seen me without. Even Emmett wasn't oblivious, sincerely and profoundly happy that I seemed to be happy.

It was while I sat on the floor of my room, leaning against the black leather of my couch and lost in my own thoughts that I contemplated all of this. It was New Year's Eve and for once complete silence enveloped me in its cocoon. No melodic lines emanated from my stereo. With most of the family gone for the night, the house was devoid of the low buzz of mental voices that were a fixture of my existence. Only Bella had been left behind, resulting in utter quiet. In this abnormal, carefully orchestrated lull I mused over how I had come to this point, fiddling mindlessly with the small wooden box in my hands.

Basically, once I considered the totality of my experiences, I came to the conclusion that there was only one factor it all boiled down to.

Every single one my family members recognized this answer to my equation, and so did I.

Simply put, it was Bella. She was the singular influence that had brought me to this place and this moment. No, I was no longer self-centered. Instead, my universe had shifted to center solely on her. In the process it had brought my humanity back to the surface, pulling it from its century-old hiding place. I was a better person for her. In fact, I was whole because of her, no longer a shell imitating life.

And tonight I planned to tell her all of that, and more. Tonight, I planned to ask Bella to marry me.

"Hi," she breathed, stepping out into the hallway and closing her bedroom door behind her.

I stood in my usual spot, leaning on the wall next to my own door as I had waited for her. She looked especially lovely this evening. She wore a delicate midnight blue dress with thin braided straps that clung and flowed in such a way that accentuated her beauty. As if I wouldn't think she was the most gorgeous woman on the face of the earth if she was dressed in sackcloth.

"Hi," I grinned back, offering my hand from where I stood. She took it, her fingers settling easily into the spaces between mine.

I peeled my back from the drywall and we began walking. We moved at human pace down the stairs in silence until she spoke up.

"So, mind telling me what all this mystery is about?"

I turned to look at her, raising my eyebrows. I suspected she was dying to know what I had planned- I had only told her to meet me in the hallway at seven and sent my sisters to get her ready a couple of hours before. That didn't mean I was ready to reveal it all now.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I did that, now would it?"

She huffed in reply. "You know I don't like surprises."

My eyes narrowed for an instant, and a new stream of thoughts entered my head. What if she truly didn't like my surprise? What if this was a horrible idea? This could be a catastrophe…

The feel of Bella's fingertips on my furrowed brow caused my thoughts to pause, as well as my feet. She looked up at me, concerned as the fingers from her free hand smoothed my skin before sliding down the side of my face and back to her side. The sensation was like the brush of feathers, and the love endowed in it brightened my face and mood, reminding me of my intentions.

"I think you might enjoy this one- don't be so impatient Bella," I teased, masking my now deep-seated worry and anxiety.

She snorted, mumbling under her breath about 'moody vampire boyfriends.' Encouraged by her lighthearted jab, I made a demand.

"Close your eyes."

"What?" she asked, looking at me skeptically. I rolled my eyes.

"I severely doubt your enhanced hearing is failing. You heard me. Just do it Bella. You trust me don't you?" I asked, giving her my best pout and wide eyes. I would have to thank Alice for her years of example later.

Bella smirked, but complied. "Of course. Fine," she said, eyes drifting close.

"Ok, now keep them that way." She sighed and nodded her head.

Eyeing her carefully, I decided I was satisfied before whisking her up into my arms and carrying her downstairs to the living room. She shrieked, but kept her eyes closed.

"What are you doing Edward? Really, I-"

She trailed off as I sat her down and interrupted her words with a finger to her lips.

"You can look now."

Her eyelids fluttered open, and she glanced around the great room, quickly taking in her surroundings. I chuckled as her eyes widened.

Downstairs, where Esme had most of the walls knocked out to grant us a large space similar to the one back in Forks, the lights were dimmed. Furniture had been moved out to the garage, affording ever more space. Dozens of strings of tiny white lights had been hung, covering the ceiling and dangling in wide graceful arches that swept back to one corner. A few candles were scattered around, dotting the top of the piano and the mantle of the fireplace. Together, they cast the room in a warm glow accented by dancing shadows.

"Wha-, I mean where are-" she tried to question, entirely caught off guard.

I grinned, watching how the lights glowed off of her skin and her mouth stood agape in wonder.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. But why- how?"

I reached out, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her to me.

"Well, it was rather difficult. I had to enlist the help of everyone else, and then of course we had to get around you…"

"But I was here the entire time," she protested, leaning back so that she could scrutinize my face.

I shook my head, smiling at her disbelief. "Ah, well, you did go out to hunt a few days ago with Alice."

Her face remained shocked, evidently surprised that we had all been planning this behind her back for days.

"She already knew what I wanted, and I laid out my plans with everyone else while you two were out. Esme set it up earlier while Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle moved the furniture. Alice and Rosalie distracted you. Then they kindly granted me the house to myself for the evening," I finished, matter-of-factly.

She narrowed her eyes. "So you're the reason I was subjected to a round of 'Bella Barbie.'"

I laughed, skimming my nose along her jaw line. "Mmm…I suppose so. Although, I must admit that I'm personally enjoying the results." I practically heard her rolling her eyes, but I littered kisses down her throat to emphasize my point. When I pulled back, her attitude was noticeably softened.

"Well," she said, voice shaky. "I suppose you can be forgiven. If you answer my other question."

I stared at her blankly, honestly at a loss.

"Why?" she questioned simply, waving her hand around the room.

"Ah," I acknowledged. Nothing slipped by my Bella. "Can't I just want to surprise the most spectacular, gracious, beautiful woman I've ever met?"

She harrumphed at me and snorted through her nose, though her eyes danced with pleasure and her expression warmed.

"If you say so," she smiled, slipping her hand into my hair before ghosting her lips over my own. "What else might you have planned?" she murmured against my lips, sending soft vibrations through them.

It was only with extreme effort that I pulled back, pulling my arm out from around her waist. I trailed my hand from her shoulder to her wrist, taking her hand from its place at the nape of my neck. I lowered it with my own, keeping them linked together. If I didn't get some distance between us, I was never going to get through this evening. I would simply get lost in Bella.

"Do you remember the song I played for you on the piano that first time?"

Darkness shadowed her eyes, and it wasn't from the flicker of a candle. I felt my own stomach clench at the memory, and at my own ignorance. Bella only cautiously nodded. I continued on, determined.

"I told you that I just came up with it on the spot. That was true. I didn't tell you what it was inspired by- who I wrote it for."

Her eyes widened, knowledge manifesting in her features.

"That day, with you sitting next to me, was the first day I realized how I felt about you. It just came out through the piano. Honestly, it scared me."

"Why?" she asked solemnly. She seemed to be full of 'wh-' questions today.

"I didn't think it was right, given everything." She nodded, though her face was full of admonishment. We had discussed this before, though not in the context of the piano incident. She knew how I felt, and I knew that she disagreed with my line of reasoning. We had decided to agree to disagree long ago. There was no point in arguing- what was done was done. I had bitten her, and now I loved her. For whatever inexplicable reason, she returned that love

"Anyway, I haven't been able to ever forget that song, and I've been working on it. I wanted to play it for you."

All darkness vanished at those words, and her enthusiasm peaked. "Really?" she asked, excitement coloring her question.

I laughed. "Yes." I pulled gently on her hand, bringing her to sit next to me at the piano. We hadn't done this since that first time, and it felt like electricity hummed all around us. It tingled at my scalp, my fingers, through the piano, and in the air between Bella and I.

With one last glance at Bella, my eyes drifted shut and I began to play. The melodies and harmonies flitted together, slipping in and out of each other. The notes were still the perfect expression of everything I wanted to tell Bella.

The composition began darkly. It was haunting in the deepest sense of the word, reminiscent of the torment I had felt during those first few days. Slowly a higher, more delicate line folded its way in, contrasting with the darkness. They battled together, despairingly beautiful in their contrast. Clamoring tension rang through the fortissimo of the music until the lighter line finally climbed over the lower one. Slowly it began to dominate until the darkness was forced out, giving way to simple sweetness until it too faded away.

As the last high note vanished, I reluctantly opened my eyes, worried that the spell may break. Unlike last time, the magic was only amplified by reality. I should have known the real thing would be a thousand-fold better than its musical reflection.

Bella's gaze was latched onto my face, full of wonder and complete understanding.

"I love you too." She whispered, golden eyes shining in soft glow of the room.

With those four words, a fullness swelled in my chest and the time was suddenly right. I had planned a couple of other events for the evening- a few dances around the cleared living room floor and a hushed declaration of both my love and regrets. A new urgency cancelled these intentions.

Instead, I turned my body to face hers, slipping my hand into the pocket of my dress slacks. When it reappeared, the glossy wooden box lay in my palm.

"What is that?" Bella questioned, appraising the small object I cradled.

I smiled tentatively, nervousness bubbling up into my chest. "My mother's engagement ring."

Shock registered across her features. For not the first time that evening, I second guessed myself. Maybe this was too much too soon.

_No, not too soon._ I thought determinedly to myself.

If anything, I had learned it was useless to attempt to hold back on any matter concerning Bella. Such a move only postponed the inevitable future. I had failed every time I had pursued that course of action in the past, and my memory automatically began flipping through the catalogue of these failures.

Before I even knew her, I hadn't been able to resist Bella that day in Biology. In the end, despite employing every trick I knew, I lured her to the parking lot to selfishly claim her as my own.

My refusal to acknowledge the depth and quality of my devotion to her lasted much longer. But eventually that too had backfired and everything had forcefully come crashing down on top of me. That result was only comparable to the absolute incompetency I possessed in pretending those same emotions didn't matter.

In the end, Bella always forced my hand.

Tonight was no different as deep, pure, burning love ripped at my chest, begging to be released. I granted its request, taking each of Bella's hands in my own, setting the box on the black bench in between us.

With a final penetrating look into her eyes, I pulled every bit of courage I could muster from my blind devotion to the lovely creature before me, and spoke the only words that even came close to expressing what I wished for. They weren't what I had practiced for hours upstairs as I had waited for my family to finish and leave. They didn't confess everything that Bella had done to change and complete me. They did, however, reveal exactly how much her agreement would mean to me.

"Isabella Marie Swan- I have taken your life. Though I can hardly achieve fairness if you were to see fit to take me, all I can give you is my own existence. Will you do me the honor of accepting it and marry me?"

I felt her tiny hands clutch my own where they were united between us. Her breath caught, and her eyes glazed over slightly. I knew that if she were human tears would have spilled down her cheeks in streams. As it was, she remained silent for several agonizing moments. For those few seconds, all I could do was look adoringly at her, knowing that whether she took it or not, my existence already did belong to her.

Gradually, joy crept over her features, replacing disbelief. It blended and intertwined perfectly with absolute love, manifesting in her soft golden eyes. I vaguely recognized her expression as identical to the vision Alice had shown me for the first time nearly ten months ago and then again six months before- it was only more breathtaking in reality.

Seeing the scene that for months had both tortured and inspired me provoked feelings that nearly matched the exultation that shot through my heart in the very next moment. Bella opened her perfect mouth, taking in a breath as she readied herself to answer my question. Her reply was as simple and complex as my request.

"Yes." She whispered, every bit of her soul embedded in the single utterance, a grin spreading wide across her face.

A matching one curled across my own lips, and I pulled her left hand up with my own, gently flipping open the small cherry wood box with my right. I lightly brushed my lips across her knuckles before deftly pulling my mother's ring from the box. Slipping the diamond-ornamented band onto her ring finger, I had never felt more at peace.

It was a piece of my past uniting with my future and the significance did not slip by my notice. At last I felt that everything that I was- past, present and future- fit together, united by meaning- by Bella. She was the reason for it all, for everything that had ever occurred to bring me to this moment. I stared at her, enraptured by her stunning brilliance.

Meanwhile, she looked down at the ring with awe, angling it in the understated glow of the strands of lights. I watched, smiling as she soaked in the moment.

Then, inexplicably, her face contorted and she began gnawing on her bottom lip.

"Bella?" I questioned. She didn't respond. Worried, I reached up, pulling her lip gently from between her teeth as I tilted her face so that my eyes could meet hers. Could she be changing her mind? My dead heart ached at the thought.

The lights reflected off of her topaz orbs, revealing their sullen quality.

"What is it Bella?" I asked gently, in hardly more than a whisper. "Is something wrong?"

She paused, enough to tell me that there was something.

"No Edward," she said, voice not wavering. I looked at her sternly. Her voice was confident, but Bella was not a good liar. Something about her face gave her away and she knew it.

"Really- this is perfect," she paused, collecting her thoughts. "It's just, there is one thing."

I braced myself, readying for whatever she had to say. "Anything." I responded. I had no reservations- whatever Bella wanted, she would receive. I hoped my single word conveyed my determination.

"I-I…I love you with my whole heart. I do- and nothing is going to make me happier than being your wife and spending eternity with you."

My heart soared at her words, but I wasn't so distracted that I didn't feel the tiny tug downward. There was more to her profession of commitment. "But?" I coaxed.

She cast her eyes down, focusing on the pale cream carpet. She inhaled deeply, clearly feeling that what she had to say was monumental. After exhaling and inhaling once more, her eyes flicked back up to my own. A passionate conviction raged in their depths.

"I need to see my father."

Perhaps I shouldn't have promised 'anything.'

**A/N: Hopefully this chapter served as a character study of Edward. Congrats to several of you who guessed Edward was going to propose- I hoped you would. Any predictions? Any criticisms? Anything? If so, review! Please?**

**Oh, by the way, it is time for me to start considering what I shall be working on next- most likely one of my other abandoned works-in-progress (which can be found on my profile, of course). If you have a preference, I would love to hear it! Maybe I'll even put up a poll…**


	24. Chapter 23

**23. Time and Space**

**A/N: Sorry this has been on such a long hiatus- life happens. Hopefully you all will like this.**

_Bella's POV_

I never thought a shiny, sparkling piece of jewelry would ever catch my attention this way. It was only a simple combination of metal and stones, easily turned to a pile of dust with the pinch of my fingers. Yet I was completely enraptured by the small ring on my left hand. Nothing else existed as I continually angled it in the faint glow of the surrounding twinkle lights, studying it carefully. The tiny beams of light hit the platinum-set diamonds from above, splintering into rainbows as they fractured off in every direction. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

And it had nothing to do with karats, quality or luster.

The engagement ring was breathtaking for one simple reason- it meant Edward wanted me for eternity.

It wasn't that I hadn't known he cared for me before. I knew Edward loved me, and I wasn't one of those people who needed a ring as proof. I had never even wanted marriage before this moment.

The point was that Edward apparently wanted it, and it was his way of concretely and irrevocably linking himself to me. I'd be damned if I wasn't going to give him exactly what he asked for.

After all, I saw it as the least I could do. Though Edward had said he was giving himself to me as repayment for my immortality, I knew that was illogical. It took every bit of my exceptional self-control to bite back the absolutely true retort that he owed me nothing. This life did not put him in debt to me. I had never been happier than in these past six months and I didn't regret one thing that had happened in the past year. It was that sequence of events that had given me this indescribable joy and brought me to Edward. For that and his contrition, Edward had more than atoned for his actions, no matter how abhorrent they had been.

All of this played out in my head in a matter of seconds, but I didn't voice my thoughts. The discussion it would lead to was old and tired. There was no need for repetition. Edward knew exactly what I thought on the subject. And _I _knew that, deep inside, he disagreed vehemently with me despite the evidence that he was slowly moving past the guilt and shame. Yet each day, his kiss became less burdened, his touch less hesitant, and his lopsided smile more genuine. Above all, I knew that I was the one coming out on top of this entire scenario- agreeing to marry Edward was nothing in comparison to the promise of eternity with him.

I smiled to myself as my mind transported me to our future wedding. I had no doubt that Alice was squealing wherever the others were this evening, but I didn't dwell on the details she was probably considering. Colors, themes and wedding gown styles were the farthest things from my thoughts. Instead, I could only imagine committing myself to Edward for forever. I visualized his crooked grin and shining topaz eyes. I conjured up images of his strong jaw and our traded glances of unbridled pure love as we stood at an altar. I thought of our family looking on with adoration and excitement, rounding out and completing our lives.

Our family. I had never used the possessive in reference to the Cullens before, either out loud or in my thoughts. Previously, it had always been 'the' or 'Edward's.' No longer. The Cullens truly were my family now, though I had no idea when their role had switched over.

In the early months, I hadn't truly believed everyone's affirmations that I was one of them. The closest I had come were infrequent instances of noting their care and acceptance without taking the implications to heart. Now I couldn't imagine my life without meeting them. As much as I was meant to be with Edward, I was meant to be with them as well. I was whole with them by my side, supporting me.

Despite the annoyance, I cherished Alice's time spent listening to me and forcing fashion and girl talk on me. Emmett's references to me as 'little sister' and matching teasing took on new meaning. I was exceedingly grateful that Rosalie had come around, forgiving me for being part of the reason we had to move and accepting me as her sister. My heart warmed at the thought of Jasper's quiet but constant support, whether through words or a simple brush of his power. I appreciated Carlisle's and Esme's parental concern and care with new fervor.

Finally, I was going to truly be a Cullen. I would have a family, in a way I never had before.

The thoughts of family took me back to my personally created visions of the wedding, to the ceremony that would make my place as Edward's mate and the youngest member of the Cullen clan official. Images spun through my mind's eye again, rapidly firing with abandon. I retraced the lines of Edward's face, envisioned the small assembly looking on, relished the idea of walking down the aisle with Charlie…

Oh. Charlie. The thought came into my head unbidden, bursting furiously through my subconscious. I nearly gasped at the shockwaves the image sent rippling through my chest. The single name felt like a punch to the gut, coming from some dark abyss in my subconscious that I had forgotten about.

Suddenly, I was crippled by feelings I hadn't allowed myself to fully experience since the first night after my awakening. I hadn't truly thought about my human life or family in ages, though Charlie, Renee and what-ifs constantly lurked around the fuzziest recesses of my mind.

That wasn't the case now. Everything ripped through me in crystal clear clarity, and remorse and sadness eclipsed the bliss of the previous moment. I now stared at the sparkling object on my finger with desperation, clawing to regain control and revert back to my initial reaction. This wasn't right. I should be ecstatic. I had already dealt with everything I had left behind- hadn't I?

It wasn't until I felt Edward's soft touch on my chin that I snapped out of my haze. He used his thumb to gently pull my lip out from in between my teeth, and I registered that he was speaking to me. I hadn't even noticed I had reverted to my nervous habit.

"What is it Bella? Is something wrong?" For the first time, Edward's exquisite voice broke through my stress-induced cloak of silence. I forced myself to meet his eyes with my own. His hand still lingered beneath my chin, and his face was etched with concern, worry, and pain. My stomach clenched and coiled tight as I took in a shaky, labored breath. If I was unsure about whether or not I had dealt with being abruptly ripped from my humanity, I was undeniably positive that I held no resentments toward Edward. I didn't want to hurt him, and I knew my unexplained reaction was doing exactly that.

"No Edward." I was usually a terrible liar, and even I knew that I gave a pathetically unconvincing answer. Edward's face showed that he saw the untruth written all over me. I squirmed, moving my face out of his grip and looking over his shoulder to gather myself.

I wasn't being completely dishonest- despite the negative emotions clouding my heart at the moment, I was almost unbearably delighted that Edward wanted me. That had not changed- I wanted to make sure he knew that.

"Really. This is perfect. It's just- there is one thing."

Edward's response was immediate and emphatic. "Anything."

"I…I love you with my whole heart. I do- and nothing is going to make me happier than being your wife and spending eternity with you."

I meant every word I said, but I was stalling. We both knew it.

"But?" he questioned tentatively, the tiniest bit of fear and uncertainty worming its way into his question.

I averted my eyes and focused on the carpet, unable to look at him. I knew my imminent request was utterly ridiculous. But I needed it- there was no question about it. I took a deep breath before locking my gaze with his, hoping he had truly meant his earlier promise of 'anything'.

"I need to see my father."

Shock settled over his face, and his features almost immediately hardened. A tense silence filled the room.

"Bella," he began, tone careful. It reminded me of the voice he had used at times when the newborn inside me had peeked through my civilized and reasonable exterior. For some reason, it stoked a small fire of anger inside me. It felt patronizing. "You know that isn't…prudent."

I bit my lip. I knew he was right, but I couldn't give this up. Suddenly, something about this huge step forward into my immortal future was forcing me to consider the loose ends of my human past. Edward's reproving words only fueled my hostile determination.

"I understand that Edward," I replied, my voice obviously exasperated and petulant, even to my own ears. "But I…I can't really explain it. I need to see Charlie." Now I was habitually repeating myself. What an excellent way to make an intelligent, reasonable point.

Edward's eyes narrowed, appraising my face. We were still seated in exactly the same places on the piano bench, except we were no longer touching. My hands sat folded in my lap while one of his clenched the wooden box in one palm and the other balled into a fist on his other knee. He sat still for a long time, and I felt my own muscles tensing, worrying about what his next reaction would be. My teeth sunk further into my lip's flesh, causing the slightest of pain before Edward suddenly relaxed. His posture immediately changed and one leg swung around so that he sat straddling the shiny black bench, facing me.

He took my hand, gently pulling me closer. I let him, still amazed at his change in demeanor. I pulled one of my own legs up to bend it, positioning myself to look straight into his eyes.

His expression was softer as he rubbed small soothing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Can you try to explain?"

I let my eyelids drift shut for a second, focusing on the feeling his thumb on my skin and his smooth, velvety voice. I didn't want to explain. I didn't want to hurt Edward, and the only explanations I had would do just that. I felt prickling in my eyes, and I imagined the tears that should have been falling as I considered my dilemma. Before I could think of what to say, Edward's hand was under my chin again, pulling my face up.

"Bella, love, look at me." I grudgingly did as he said. All I saw was curiosity and love swirling in his irises, not the anger or frustration I expected. "You can tell me anything- don't hold back."

I blinked once before nodding. Of course I could. This was Edward. There was nothing else we hadn't talked about, and none of it was no more difficult than this was. It was just that I was as caught off guard as Edward was- I'd had no idea I still had these issues and was hardly prepared to fully explain something I didn't understand.

"Ok," I simply agreed despite myself, offering the smallest of smiles before beginning my attempt. Edward knew exactly how to talk me into anything.

"Edward, I love you. More than I will ever be able to express. And I am going to marry you, and it will make me the happiest woman in the world. But I just feel like there are things I need to deal with first," I gushed, flustered and desperate to let him no he was all I really needed.

Edward's expression remained the same, serene and open. I assumed being around Carlisle for a hundred years had taught him well.

"Like seeing Charlie," he offered, his tone neutral.

"Yes. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was just thinking about the wedding and I was so happy but then I started thinking about family and then I thought of Charlie and I just…I have to see him."

I knew I sounded like a broken record, but I couldn't help it. It was all I could think to say- I had no better explanation to give. I slumped in my seat.

Edward's hands immediately moved up to rest on each of my cheeks as he leaned his forehead against mine, a sigh of defeat brushing against my face. I breathed in the sweet smell, momentarily distracted.

His eyes were closed, and mine fluttered shut as well.

"You're determined?"

I nodded silently. He sighed again, then pulled back. His hand returned to making patterns on the back of mine. I fidgeted with the engagement ring on my left, using my thumb to rub the band.

"Ok. What do you mean by 'see?'"

I gaped at him in shock, surprised by how easily he accepted my insane demand.

"Just like that?"

He shook his head in amusement, a smile gracing his face for the first time since he had placed the ring on my finger.

"Well, I did ask you a question. But I also promised you anything."

I nodded my understanding. I couldn't believe this- I had braced myself for a shouting match, though the feel of the cool metal under my left thumb reminded me that I didn't want one.

I scrambled, trying to think of an answer. What did I really want? I knew I needed to reconnect with the past I had so violently been separated from. But what did that mean?

"Ummm…" I began, uncharacteristically speechless. "I don't really know. I need closure."

He winced at my words, guilt flooding his expression. I quickly continued, wanting to assure him.

"I just mean, I never really got a chance to say goodbye to Charlie. I miss Renee too, but at least I had sort of said my goodbyes when I came to Forks."

He nodded grimly. My previous humanity was one of the few things we had never talked about in all of our discussions over the past few months. We had focused on everything from my transformation forward, untangling the knotted mess we had both made. It just hadn't seemed productive to talk about something we couldn't change and that was so painful for both of us- until now.

Now I realized I had locked up all my regrets, believing there was nothing that could be done. Yet, now I was beginning to believe that there might be something I could to do to fix a fraction of it.

"Would just seeing him be enough?" Edward questioned.

"Like just checking in on him?" He nodded, bronze hair flapping down over his forehead.

I considered that. Mostly, I did just want to see that Charlie was okay and still living his life. I wanted him to have moved on from losing me. But my stomach clenched, and something said that just seeing my father wouldn't be enough reassurance.

"I don't know…."

He studied my face, reading it like an open book as he always did. He sat staring over my head for a long few minutes, stumped. I saw a war of reason and determination wage in his eyes- he was willing to do anything for me.

"Ok. You could write some sort of journal- something that says how much he meant to you and conveys how you feel, dated before you disappeared. We could go see how he is, then plant it somewhere without being noticed."

I considered his tactic. It would allow me to say what I needed to without risking Charlie's life by allowing him to know too much.

"Maybe that could work," I said tentative and unsure. But what else could I do? This was already an outrageous plan.

"Alright. I'll tell Carlisle when everyone returns. We can leave on the first flight out after that."

I nodded, genuinely grateful but also worried about whether it would be enough or not. Something irrational inside of me was dying to talk to Charlie face to face- to tell him I wasn't dead, and hear his gruff voice again. I stifled the thought, knowing it was entirely unreasonable and that Edward's plan was a good alternative.

Edward saw the grief on my face, and pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapped tight around me, one hand running calmly through my hair. His fingertips soothingly ran from scalp down to the middle of my back, and I relaxed against him.

I felt him bury his nose into the top of my head. "I'm so sorry Bella." He breathed.

For once, I let him apologize.

We sat like that for a long time. My mind drifted, flitting between thoughts of Charlie and marrying Edward. I never came closer to sleep than in Edward's arms.

A couple of hours later, as the tell-tale grey of a cloud-covered dawn invaded the house through the expansive windows, and the distinct sound of six approaching vampires broke my reverie.

I pulled back slightly so that I could look at Edward.

"Looks like we're not alone anymore."

"Mmm…and I didn't even use my time the way I wanted to."

I cocked my head to the side, feigning confusion. "How would that be?"

He grinned before leaning in, pressing his lips to mine. His mouth was gentle at first, and his hands drifted downward to my hips. His grip tightened slightly as his tongue ran along my bottom lip, requesting entrance.

I opened my mouth slightly and got lost in the kiss, emitting a small purr-like sound and pressing my body closer to his. My hand clutched at one his shoulders while the other played with the hair at the base of his neck. He pulled back slightly a moment later, grinning against my mouth just as the door swung open.

It banged against the wall, and Emmett's voice reverberated throughout the room.

"You two should get a room."

I took in a deep breath, smiling back at Edward before prying myself away from him. Every nerve cell in my body revolted against the direction of my movements, but I ignored the sense of loss as Edward pulled me to my feet by my hand.

My desire to keep kissing Edward was soon replace by embarrassment as I saw Carlisle and Esme were right behind Emmett. I fought the urge to hide behind my hair- I mean, it wasn't like they weren't all over each other all the time. But still…those were effectively Edward's _parents_…

"Shut up Emmett. Like you have room to talk," Edward defended.

Emmett grinned cockily, but raised his hands in a show of surrender. "Touché, little brother."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "I apologize for interrupting…"

"Don't worry about it," Edward quickly responded, grinning. "I just got a little caught up in Bella's acceptance of my proposal." He smiled down at me, and all the distress of a couple of hours before and the upcoming days melted away.

Rosalie, Alice and Jasper came through the front door just then, while Carlisle smiled.

"Congratulations- I'm glad to hear it."

Esme rushed forward, her arms tightening around my neck fiercely. I reached up with my free arm, returning the gesture. "Welcome to the family dear," she whispered into my ear. I smiled at her as she pulled away, matching her own content grin.

"Thank you." Sincerity dripped from my words, and Alice squealed and jumped up and down beside Jasper.

"Yes!" she cried. "Bella you have to let me start planning now- we have so much to do-"

I laughed at her enthusiasm, but Edward interrupted her. He was still smiling, but I noticed the seriousness of his voice.

"I'm sure it can wait a bit. Bella and I have something we need to discuss with Carlisle first."

Carlisle's expression became curious, but he didn't ask any questions though it was hard to ignore his short, silent exchange with Edward. Carlisle didn't miss a beat.

"My office?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright, come on up," he said, turning for the stairs after kissing Esme's temple. The others looked at use quizzically, but Emmett and Jasper were already wandering over to the entertainment center and picking up the controllers to the game console. Rosalie wandered off in the direction of the garage. Alice looked the most confused, and I saw her concentrate as she looked to her visions of the future for answers. She had obviously been distracted by wedding planning or she would have most certainly have seen what was coming.

Edward's arm slipped around my waist and we made our way up to the third floor and took our seats in Carlisle's study on his couch. He sat in the wingback chair across from us, and waited patiently for us to begin. He didn't even have to bother asking why we were there- Edward immediately launched into explanations.

"Bella and I are going to be leaving for a couple of days, and we thought we should let you know our plans."

A hint of surprise touched Carlisle's golden eyes, but he kept the rest of his face and words calm. "Go on."

Edward took a deep breath, but I chose to speak for him. This was my idea.

"I want to go back to Forks."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, but waited silently for me to continue. Edward squeezed my hand.

"I feel like I need some closure. I just want to go back and check in on Charlie- make sure he's okay."

Carlisle nodded, as if my crazy request made sense. "If that's what you need, then of course you should go. You know you have always been free here- I trust you to take all necessary precautions of course."

He gave pointed look at Edward, and I wondered what he was telling him. Before I could ask, Carlisle spoke again.

"I suggest you take a chartered flight. I know you have exceptional self-control Bella, but even your will may be tried on a plane full of humans in such a cramped space for several hours."

I nodded, taking Carlisle's gentle advice. Personally, I thought I would be fine if we hunted, but I was already pushing at some limits here.

"Ok. I'll call the airport- you two can go pack."

"Thank you Carlisle." Edward offered for both of us.

And like that, I was barreling back through time and space to what remained of my humanity.

**A/N: So, yeah…I think this makes sense. From Eclipse and BD, we know Bella was strongly tied to her family and would have regretted not getting a chance to say goodbye, no matter how much she was willing to sacrifice for Edward. This is how I think it would play out in my AU, given the unexpected nature of her change. I ask that you have faith- I really don't think I'm jumping the shark here…**


	25. Chapter 24

**24. Roadblock**

**A/N: Yes, it is time for a sporadic update. So sorry, next chapter is already written and will be posted in the next couple of days- this is the chapter that has been holding me back for forever. Seems the title became my own personal curse, ha…**

The plane ride to Forks was its own sort of purgatory. I was stuck, with nothing to do but think of my past and future while being unable to do anything about either in the present.

So I sat curled into Edward's side, his breath gently moving a few strands of my hair where his chin rested. In such a position, despite all my worries about the next few upcoming hours, I felt content. It helped me to not think, which was exactly what I needed at the moment if I wanted to avoid making any decisions. In turn, I had to accomplish that feat if I wanted to keep Alice and the rest of the Cullens from interfering.

When we had left the house in New York, I truly had intended on sticking to the plan Edward had come up with. The idea was nearly perfect - planting a journal gave me a chance to say what I needed to say to Charlie without endangering anyone.

The problem was that it left out Charlie. It was a selfish plan, meant to only bring me closure. But I didn't want Charlie to just be a piece of a mostly forgotten past. I realized I didn't want to leave Charlie thinking he had lost his only daughter. I didn't want him to carry around that sort of guilt when I could appease it. Most of all, I decided the loose ends in my past weren't what bothered me most. I was bothered by the missing threads in this new tapestry. This tapestry was already beautiful and far beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of- it just couldn't be complete without the most important bits of my past.

I knew I had to do something about that. But I also knew that I couldn't make a decision about a course of action too soon or Alice would call to warn Edward, and he wouldn't let me take any risks if he knew about them. I couldn't let my plans be derailed, even if I had no idea what they were at the moment. I fought my own anxiousness to keep my mind blank.

I waited until we touched down in Port Angeles and began our drive to Forks to even begin considering alternative options. I knew by that point I had an ample head start to accomplish whatever I decided.

"Edward?" It was the first time I had spoken since New York. I could sense it had been driving Edward insane. He knew me well enough to know when I was thinking, and he hated being in the dark about what was going on in my head. I visibly saw him relax when I spoke up, his hands unclenching the steering wheel and his shoulders rolling back and down.

"Yes love?"

I bit my lip, his casual confession of the depth of his feelings provoking the slightest pang in my conscience. I was about to lie to Edward, and I hated that I was fundamentally betraying his trust. Even if it was something that simply couldn't be helped. After all, with any luck I would accomplish my feat before he even realized what was going on. By then the benefits of my rash decisions would outweigh my treason. Or so I hoped.

"I was thinking…" I trailed off, monitoring Edward's face one last time for any traces of reactions or suspicion.

My search was in vain, as I saw nothing but concern etched into the contours of his face. Edward nodded almost imperceptibly at my given statement.

I continued, searching for any skills in dishonesty I possessed.

"I'd like to go to Charlie's alone."

Edward swallowed, his sudden blank expression proving his distaste for the idea even if his response pronounced no judgment.

"Why?"

I breathed in deeply, hoping against hope that he would believe my answer.

"I just feel like I have to do it myself," I began, preparing myself for what I was about to say, knowing I would hate myself for it for a very long time. "I need to be the one to finish off the last bit of my human life."

Edward's response was a sharp intake of breath, and it seemed to suck all the oxygen out of the car. My chest tightened, my heart impossibly wrenching in my chest, screaming at me to take it back. Instead, I sat frozen in my seat, waiting to see the damage I had done with my selfish statement.

Finally, Edward began breathing again though each of his quick, shallow breaths rattled in a way that reminded me of death.

When he spoke, there was no fight in his voice. His words made the expected counterpoint, but there was no conviction behind them.

"You know that isn't wise Bella- there are werewolves…" He trailed off, nothing left to say.

"I know," I agreed quietly. Perhaps if Edward hadn't been so wounded he would have heard the apology in those words.

"But," I continued, "I still need to do it."

He sighed heavily. "You have to do what you have to do Bella- but you must promise me to be careful. To not do anything to endanger yourself."

I let my eyes close, forcing my voice to not waver or betray the fact that I was planning on following my own definition of what was safe. I could hardly think he would agree with what I was about to do- I wouldn't have put him through this ordeal otherwise.

"Of course."

And with my simple agreement, Edward flicked on his blinker, maneuvering the car onto the familiar drive nestled almost indistinguishably into the tree line. We rattled down the drive wordlessly. I fought the urge to squirm. The clock had already started- time was ticking down until Alice called Edward. Surely she had already seen the sudden change in the future.

With this in mind, I climbed quickly out of the car as we came to a stop in front of the house that I remembered as my first home. There would be no time to revisit its interior- not now. Instead, I looked up at the pale unchanged outline of the white house, keenly aware of the sounds of Edward's footsteps coming around to the passenger side of the car. Oddly, he moved at a human pace. Later I would see that it was the weight of my words that slowed his movements.

His hand gently took mine, as if afraid I would pull it away. Ridiculous. His consideration only mired my soul further in the muck of my own guilt and shame. This was the price I could pay. There would be time to atone for my wrongs later.

But that didn't mean I couldn't attempt to ameliorate some of the effects now.

I squeezed his hand, gently tugging him closer and taking his other hand. The feel of his silken skin against mine made me shiver. Compulsively I ran my thumbs along the lines in his palms, something I found myself constantly doing. The action seemed to sooth Edward in some way, his jaw slackening just slightly under the glow of the nearly full moon. I smiled at how the shadows only seemed to bring out his beauty.

I leaned my forehead against his, feeling his breath brush lightly against my lips, chin and neck.

"I love you." I whispered simply, letting my hands drift up to his face and placing a feather-light kiss on his lips.

I didn't allow myself to get caught up in the soft firmness I found there or the temptation of how I knew he would taste. Instead I dropped my arms to my side, pulling myself upright.

I gave him one last look before turning around and running in the direction of the home that should have been.

I did my best to stay away from the roads as my feet carried me toward my father's neighborhood. A teenage girl running along the side of the road in the middle of the night would most certainly call the attention of a passing motorist. This was especially true given that the clouds had closed over the moon and rain now fell steadily from the sky.

I also found myself stopping occasionally to double check that a pungent trail was indeed too faint to be fresh and that there was no need to worry about running into wolves.

Despite my indirect route, I arrived suddenly at the edge of the woods behind the low brick house burned into the haze of my scattered human memories. I paused behind a massive oak, steadying myself under the reality that I was standing outside my human home. It felt surreal, like this place belonged in some past life or to someone else entirely.

Only the tinge of the scent of a human in the air struck a chord inside of me, and I recognized that the smell was that of my father. I may not have really known Charlie, but something primitive told me that I was linked to the blood of the person inside the house just several dozen yards away.

I crept from my observational point in the forest, only the quiet slosh of my footsteps in the waterlogged soil of the lawn and the pitter-patter of falling raindrops cutting through the silence. I hugged the side of the house, concealing myself as much as possible in the shadow of the structure and behind bushes. Finally, with the low drone of a TV becoming louder, I reached the front door.

I crouched beside it, listening. In addition to the sounds of Sportscenter there was a deep, low heartbeat. It was slow like the accompanying breathing, signaling, along with an occasional snore, that Charlie was asleep inside.

The familiarity brought back the vague impression of what I assumed was my first and only night in Forks about a year before- in my mind's eye I saw Charlie lying on the couch, a half-empty pizza box on the coffee table, asleep while the sports' highlight reel flashed on a TV screen. Though the memory was unremarkable, the force of the recollection nearly doubled me over. It was enough to validate what I was about to do- just being here was allowing me to reclaim bits of my human life, and I wasn't about to stop now that I had started.

I moved with determination up my own front stairs, only barely noticing how I had shifted to applying the possessive in the last few seconds to this place from my past. I deftly twisted the knob of the door, expected to feel resistance. I was shocked to find that Charlie still left his door unlocked as the piece of wood swung silently inward. Charlie continued snoring.

I crept into the entryway, taking care to twist the knob as I closed the door to avoid a telltale click. I took a breath, my lungs and nostrils filled with a multitude of familiar smells. Charlie's scent coated my throat, and there was only the slightest burning twinge. Even this vanished when I reminded myself whose blood this scent came from. Satisfied with my self control, I mentally prepared myself to enact the rest of my plan, internally reciting the words I had formulated.

The floorboard creaked just as I crossed the threshold between the entryway and the living room. I paused, turning to stone as I heard Charlie shift on the couch. I still couldn't see him, not having fully rounded the corner yet. Mercifully his breathing slowed back down and he fell back into his slumber.

By the time I reached the couch, I knew my heart would have been jumping out of my chest if it had been possible. It wasn't, and I was glad that my body couldn't betray me. It was difficult enough to decide what to do with my father lying directly in front of me. It was like a dream- the best I could imagine at the moment. I had never believed this- seeing Charlie- could be possible. Yet there he laid, his head awkwardly angled against the armrest of the couch, his face relaxed and mouth hanging slightly open. He looked much like the images my vague recollections conjured up, though the lines in his face were deeper and there was silvery gray streaking his dark hair.

Before I could restrain myself, my fingertips were lightly running down Charlie's arm until my icy hand nestled into his heated one. I gasped quietly when his grip tightened. I anxiously looked up, expecting his eyes to be open. Instead, they were closed and his breathing remained steady though a tension had developed around his eyes and in his forehead, further deepening his wrinkles.

"Bella." He breathed. His voice was so quiet I almost believed my vampire hearing was suddenly failing me.

"Bella." His voice was louder this time, and there was no mistaking it. "Bella!" he practically shouted, pain lacing my name as it fell from his mouth.

Instinctively I did something that I hadn't been entirely sure I would do. I had considered it and it was why I had wanted to come alone. But I realized in the moment that I hadn't truly made the decision before that moment. All reason, all sensibility was vanquished by the sound of my father's pain. I could take that pain away, and I acted without considering the repercussions.

"I'm here Charlie. I'm here." I said, my hand carefully squeezing his back. Whether it was the feel of my cold grasp or the tinkling sound of my voice that didn't fit his dream, Charlie was pulled out of his slumber.

He started, and I nearly jumped out my skin as well, though I maintained my hold. He shifted uncomfortable, and I heard bones cracking with the movement. He squeezed his eyes together then blinked several times, his head still positioned so he looked directly up at the ceiling. Then, noticing either that his arm was anchored to something or that his left hand was abnormally cold, Charlie turned his head. His eyes were wide open, but took a moment to focus.

But once they did, his action was swift. His gaze saw my hand first before shifting immediately up, locking with my own. His face drained of all color and his pallor turned green. It was apparent that he believed he was seeing a ghost as his pulse skyrocketed and his breathing quickened. He lurched up in order to push back from me, nearly tumbling over the back of the couch. He caught himself just in time, managing to maneuver himself so that he cowered behind it, hands gripping it for support.

"B-Bella," he stuttered, "No. No. You aren't real…I must have eaten too much or, or…" he trailed off, still looking at me with a mix of disbelief, fear, fascination and hope.

I swallowed before edging to the right just slightly. Charlie stayed frozen in place.

"No. I'm here dad. I'm Bella. I'm not a ghost."

"Impossible," he breathed, shaking his head. "Not possible."

"But it is," I retorted delicately, reaching out to take his hand again. He recoiled at the shock of my frigid skin temperature. I smiled reassuringly and reached out again, firmly holding his palm in mine.

"I won't hurt you," I promised, using my most persuasive tone. I need everything I had right now, even if it meant using some of my predatory charms. Charlie still looked terrified but I could see the curiosity rising to the surface though he was speechless. "I know I look different, but I'm still me."

"P-Prove it," he demanded petulantly, obviously gathering up all the courage he possessed despite the fear lacing his weak retort.

I frowned and paused, considering how I was possibly supposed to do that when I had few memories from before the change. Then, I remembered.

"When I was four, Renee left you and took me with her. It was raining, and I was wearing Mary Janes and a red rain coat. You were standing on the front porch when we drove away." I hoped Charlie would remember the only details I could recall- I assumed that if they were strong enough to transcend the flames they might be just as important to my father.

They were. Charlie swallowed and that small movement seemed to allow the rest of him to move. He took a minute step toward me and his hand rose to my cheek. His touch searched for some sort of proof, a reassurance that I was really there and not an immaterial vision.

"Bells."

I nodded, feeling my eyes prick.

"But you're so cold. And your voice, your eyes…" Charlie's eyes narrowed and hope waged war with logic within them. Vaguely, I was reminded to the tale of Little Red Riding Hood, and I worked to suppress a light chuckle. Instead, I replied with more reassurances.

"I know I'm different dad. But I'm not dead."

Charlie sighed, his hands dropping to his sides. He walked back around the couch, sagging into its worn cushions. "There was so much blood . And your clothes. No one could survive that Bells."

I evaluated his statement, knowing that his use of my name already revealed his desire to believe. I could sense enough about Charlie to realize that he wasn't really questioning me. He looked at me like a man who couldn't believe what he saw but didn't want the explanation either. He was my father, and he knew his daughter when he saw her. That was enough for him- he was only stating fact, tapping into his role as sheriff. He would accept whatever excuse I gave him, so long as it was plausible. This is what I had hoped for- that Charlie would just be glad to have his only daughter back and we could gloss over the details.

I shrugged my response lightly, sitting down on the couch next to him, trying to appear as human as possible.

" I still don't' remember much of anything, but I went into the woods that first day outside the school. I just wanted to find a couple minutes to myself. I must have wandered too far in, and I got lost. It was almost dark when I began to hear the howling. I tried to move away from it, but I was attacked by a huge wolf." I paused there for a moment, smiling coldly to myself at the irony of the statement. It had been the opposite of a wolf that had truly attacked me.

I continued after this secret consideration, wanting to just get past the lying as quickly as possible, hoping their outrageous nature really would be hidden by paternal love's blindness.

"I don't know why they didn't kill me, except that I had wandered close to a highway and I remember hearing the roar of a large truck. When the wolf was scared off, I pulled myself in the direction of the sound.

I got lucky. I thought for sure that I was going to die, but then someone picked me up at the last second. I didn't even hear them coming."

"Who was it?" Charlie interrupted, curious . I noted there was no conscious disbelief in his tone, thankfully.

I shook my head. "I don't know. When I woke up after all the surgery no one was there. Like I said, I didn't have many memories. The doctors just said I was fortunate…I couldn't even remember my name," I looked up then, hoping to see that Charlie was still with the story. His face looked horrified, but all still seemed well.

"Then how are you here? And why didn't I find you? I searched the entire state for Jane Does."

I swallowed, knowing this where my story got most unbelievable.

"I must have been airlifted. I was in Portland when I got a visitor. Carlisle Cullen was there visiting a friend to learn about reconstructive surgery- that's how he found me, and it explains all the changes." I gestured from my face up and down my body with my words, waiting to see Charlie's reaction at this newest revelation and the biggest leap in my incredibly unbelievable story. Yet again, Charlie's blind hope kept his skepticism minimal.

"Dr. Cullen? Why wouldn't he contact me- how dare he find you and not tell me!" Charlie was practically shouting and I could see the wheels turning in his brain as he considered a future confrontation with Carlisle. While not entirely desirable, I was just glad to continue with my prefabricated tale.

"He tried to tell me who I was. He wanted me to be able to see you again. But I wasn't myself, and was reluctant. He didn't want to force me into anything, so out of respect he pulled some strings to allow me to be released to him. It took some persuading of me and the hospital, but I went back with his family to South Dakota.

I've slowly regained my memories and, well…you can guess the rest," I finished slowly, exhausted by the great effort of trying to make my outrageous lies sound plausible.

Charlie sat still for a long minute, mulling it all over in his head while he stared at me through narrowed eyes. Then, suddenly, the tension in his face released. It was replaced by gratitude and tiredness.

"Remind me to thank Dr. Cullen."

I closed my eyes, relieved at his simple statement. Then I laughed, wrapping my arms around Charlie's neck. The hug was brief- I didn't want him thinking too much about how cold I was.

"I'll do that," I said once I had settled myself back into my seat.

"I've missed you Bells."

"I've missed you too." I couldn't have spoken truer words. "There is one more thing…."

Charlie grinned as if astonished and unsurprised all at once. "Shoot."

"While I was with the Cullens, I became good friends with their children. They have a son, Edward. He really helped me a lot dad, and we're…we're engaged."

There, I had said the one thing I most wanted to tell Charlie, other than that I wasn't dead.

"Huh," he said, pursing his lips as he looked around the room. He inhaled a couple of times, but didn't say anything at first. "Edward you say?"

I nodded, feeling every bit the teenage girl I was supposed to be. I even feared for Edward's safety for one silly moment.

The next I both realized that he was immortal and that Charlie wasn't turning purple.

"I can meet him?"

I took his request as acceptance, then nodded. After what I had just accomplished, I believed anything was possible- even telling my once-murderous vampire fiancé that I had lied to him in order to tell my father I had come back from the dead and that he now wanted to meet him.

"Of course."

After that we sat in the living room for a long time, just talking about what had gone on in Charlie's life while I had been absent. We discussed the other Cullens and that yes, he could call Renee, but only after he had met Edward and we talked about what to tell her. It was late, probably one or two AM when I left the house with promises to return by the next evening with details about meeting Edward.

I closed the door behind me. It said something about Charlie that he didn't even ask me how I had gotten there, given there was no car in the driveway but his police cruiser. I smiled, feeling more whole than I had in a long time as I slinked around the edge of the house. I was thinking about how to explain everything to Edward and whether or not Alice would have told him anything when I hit the tree line.

This preoccupation is probably why I didn't notice the obvious fact that I was being followed for a solid mile. Only when a small figure leapt from behind a tree right off my path did I come back to my surroundings. I skidded to a stop, restraining my natural instinct to attack.

"What the hell did you think you were doing!" Alice demanded, her voice strained but low and even.

I closed my eyes, sighing. "You should be more careful, I could have tried to rip your throat out for surprising me like that."

"Not an answer," she said simply, arms folded across her chest.

"She's got a point Bella," a voice agreed from behind me. I growled, whipping my head around, hair snapping in the air. It was Carlisle, and Edward, Emmett and Jasper were all with him. I heard the telltale signs that Esme and Rosalie had just arrive behind Alice and took a couple of steps to the left so I could face them all. Anger welled up in my chest as I realized just how deeply Alice had betrayed me. A phone call and an angry Edward I had expected, but this…

"Was it really necessary for the entire family to jet across the country?"

Alice snorted. "Yes, Bella. You should have seen the possible futures…"

Carlisle cut her off. "When Alice informed us of what you were going to do, it seemed appropriate for us to come. This way we're all here to help deal with Charlie." His voice was calm, and I couldn't see any anger in his peaceful demeanor. There was a glimmer of concern, but it vanished rather quickly.

I sighed, knowing that I had broken everyone's trust. "Don't worry, Charlie bought my story. There isn't any risk to him because he doesn't know anything."

"And what are you going to do when you get your dream wedding with daddy dearest and then none of us age?" Rosalie suddenly interjected, livid.

I shuffled my feet nervously. I had to admit that I hadn't gotten that far yet. "We'll figure it out," I assured myself as much as the rest of the family.

"I didn't agree to do anything, so I don't know about this 'we' you're talking about," Rosalie spat.

Edward, previously silent, suddenly angered. "Bella is family Rose. You can't disregard this."

My heart soared that Edward still cared enough to defend me, despite my transgressions.

"That doesn't mean it's my responsibility!"

Edward growled. Emmet tensed, stepping protectively in front of Rosalie. Carlisle slipped in between the two, opening his mouth to provide some sort of reconciliation.

Instead, it was Alice's voice that rang out.

"Shit," she said simply, eyes blank. "Run. The wolves are coming- I can't see anything. Run!"

There was a moment of silence, as we all looked at each other. Then, just as the sounds of barking and howling carried through the air to where the family was gathered, we turned. Carlisle led the way with Esme's hand in his, running toward the house. The rest of us followed loosely behind. Edward's hand took mine, giving a reassuring squeeze, proving that he held no grudge. I turned to look at him, seeing the two large wolves behind us and to the right. I gasped, realizing how close they were to Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett. Three more joined those two and I sucked in another breath, realizing the pack had grown. I was so preoccupied with this fact that I hardly noticed the two largest wolves- one black and the other a deep russet- were gaining on Edward and I. Before I could stop him Edward loosened his grip, turning to attack the black wolf, the closest one. I cried out, terrified. I tried to stop but Alice had materialized out of nowhere at my elbow, pulling me along.

But before long she too let go, splitting another wolf off in another direction, leaving me to allude the russet wolf. I considered turning back, but knew it would be no good. There was no way I could get around my pursuer. Without any plan, I continued to pump my legs faster and faster, containing the sobs that threatened to rip from my chest.

**A/N: Don't hate me…I feel like a traitor because I know so many of you don't like the wolves and you've been such faithful readers and then I went and slammed you with them. Please forgive me by leaving a review?**


	26. Chapter 25

**25. Fate**

_Bella's POV_

It's funny the places your mind can go when it should really be focusing on something else. That 'else' being chased through the woods by an angry pack of werewolves intent on pulling you to pieces with their razor-sharp teeth and claws. I _should _have been thinking about how to best win this fight and avoid being ripped apart. I _should_ have been considering how to get Edward and my family out of this alive. Especially since it was my request that had brought us back to Forks and placed us in harm's way. But I wasn't thinking about these things. Instead, of all the possible mostly irrelevant topics, my mind was focused on the philosophy of fate.

Here is how I saw it.

Sometimes fate becomes more than just some theory or excuse that people use to try and explain away things about their lives that can't be understood and don't seem to be changeable. Sometimes fate is a real, tangible fact of existence- a force that makes itself known suddenly, completely and irrevocably changing the course of an individual's life. I'm proof of that.

Unfortunately, fate isn't all about finding the love of your life or finding your place in the world or discovering your calling. Fate is too wild and unpredictable to be contained in that way. When it happens to you, there is no way to know what may happen, except to know that it is out of your control, and that the sort of changes pushed into motion by fate will touch every bit of you. The way you see the world and experience life, who you interact with, who you fall in love with, become friends with, form a family with- even death- it all changes from the moment the cosmos interfere.

All that's left to do once the universe interrupts your carefully laid plans is to go with it, see what happens, and make the best of it. Personally, I wouldn't have changed a single thing about my destiny- even if the powers that be decided I was to die racing through these woods, chased by him, with his cruelness radiating out of black eyes and unworldly beauty. Even if I was ultimately torn to pieces because of it, fate had never done anything more admirable than to give me love, and I was ok with whatever repercussions that may be required.

That, however, did not mean I couldn't try to avoid what seemed to be inevitable. If anything, my previous encounter with fate had shown that change could take place on a whim.

So maybe my thoughts weren't so fruitless after all. It was this thought that convinced me to follow a moment of intuition and stop dead in my tracks. As I whirled around, I heard the rest of my family working to lead the other members of the pack away, delving further into the forest as they tried to outrun them. I could have done the same, continued to lead them away. Instead, I stared down the russet-colored beast that chased me.

I don't know what caused the horse-sized wolf to pause. Maybe it was surprise or my non-threatening stance. But there was something that caused an unrecognizable softness to supersede the ruthless ferocity in his eyes. We stood staring at each other for a long, panic-filled moment. I have no way to know what he was thinking, but I knew I was waiting for him to spring forward and rip my head from my shoulders before I could think of anything I could say that might bring my redemption. The shaggy creature never did, instead cocking his head to the side, intently staring at me in consideration. With a very human shake of his head, the beast let out something that sounded like a sigh.

With that, I heard the sounds of howls and pursuit skid to a stop deeper in the forest. My brow knitted in confusion and disbelief as the wolf turned and disappeared behind several bushes growing closely together. Rustling noises came from behind the shaking leaves for several seconds, and tension built in my chest. What was happening?

Then the rustling stopped, and out walked a boy. His skin was the same russet tone as the wolf's fur had been, and his eyes carried the same weary and troubled expression in their inky depths. His movements were stiff and cautious, but it dawned on me that the main characteristic of his expression was recognition.

"Bella," he stated simply, without question.

I gulped, unsure of what I was expected to say. I studied the boy's face, gathering my own thoughts. I traced the plains of his cheekbones and nose with my gaze, noting the dark circles of exhaustion under his eyes. I saw how his body was both tensed and relaxed at the same time- muscles clenched but arms hanging idly by his side. He was a bit further away than would be normal between two people. Then again, we were vampire and werewolf, mortal enemies.

Except that through my murky human memories, I remembered a boy that I used to play with as a kid, when I came to visit Charlie in the summer. Then I remembered a much more recent evening, listening to a confrontation as it filtered up from the living room to where I sat in Carlisle's study. And then I had a name for the face that held a vague familiarity.

"Jacob," I answered, with the same measured conviction. His head lowered in an almost imperceptible nod, and more softness crept into his eyes.

"You're a vampire Bells."

I shut my eyes for the briefest of seconds, remembering the familiar nickname. It seemed like it belonged to someone else, someone who had existed a lifetime ago. Yet, at the same time, it fit perfectly.

I smirked at his obvious statement. "And you're a werewolf."

For the briefest of moments, I saw the corners of his lips attempt to pull up into an easy grin before slipping back into a firm line.

"I should kill you, just so you know." My stomach clenched in awareness that being pulled to pieces wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibilities. This could just be a minor interlude, a moment of discussion before I ceased to be.

"Why haven't you?" I asked, pretending to be courageous. The vibrato was blatantly false, even to me.

Jacob looked away, turning to the side for a moment. He let out a shaky breath before answering.

"I- I…I don't know. I was going to- but then you turned around. Why aren't you fighting?"

I shrugged. "I don't want to. I don't want to hurt anyone." I bit my lip. That was mostly true. I had turned around out of instinct- and not the vampire kind. This instinct was like the human piece of me had been speaking; telling me that maybe I could just give myself up and it would all go away. But I didn't think I could explain that out loud, and I really didn't want to hurt Jacob. Not now- not when I saw that he was just a person too. A person that I happened to have known in my human life, even if I only had the fuzziest recollection of him.

He swore under his breath, looking back up with all of his defenses down. "You sure know how to talk someone down Bella."

I just stared blankly at him. Was he not going to hurt me? He was supposed to be tearing me to bits right now. He swore again.

"I can't do it with you being all…Bella on me. I expected someone much less human. But Charlie is Billy's best friend and I just can't," he rambled, more talking to himself than to me. I stayed still, not wanting to do anything to catch him off guard.

"What about the others?" I asked, panic rising in my chest. What had happened while I had been standing here? Why had the noises stopped? Had the rest of the pack already gotten everyone else? Was my family gone? Was _Edward _gone? The thought ripped at my insides, threatening to tear a hole in my chest.

Jacob sighed. "I already told them to wait- to hold their fire, if you will. They're all on their way back."

Relief washed over me, and the tearing feeling ceased.

"Wait? How?"

He smirked. "Pack mind- they can all hear my thoughts when we're in wolf form. And I'm the alpha, so they have to listen to me."

"Oh," I said softly, as if that made perfect sense and wasn't at all strange.

"But that doesn't mean this is over," he continued, a hint of menace returning to his voice. "We're all going to have a nice little chat."

I nodded. It could have been worse- at least now we were using words instead of violence.

At that moment Edward and Carlisle broke through the trees into the small opening I stood in with Jacob. Behind them followed at least eight other russet skinned boys, surrounding Esme, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper. They all looked like Jacob, with shorn hair and taut muscles. They were nearly identical, except several of them looked incredibly young, one of them hardly older than thirteen. There was also one girl, and her eyes were hard as stone, set in her seething but beautiful face.

Suddenly, the space felt claustrophobic and filled with a tension that hadn't been there when it was just Jacob and me. All of the Quileutes looked warily at Jacob, questioning looks on their faces. Edward's jaw was clenched, but he appeared calm and I recognized the look on his face that told me he was listening to the thoughts around him. The rest of family looked around calculatingly, seeming to be considering the situation. Carlisle, on the other hand, calmly connected his eyes with Jacob's.

"Thank you for giving us a chance to explain Jacob," he said, voice as serene as ever.

Jacob's face drew together, obviously in distaste. "Only for Bella. And this doesn't mean everything is ok."

"Of course," Carlisle conceded. "But you didn't have to do this- you would have been well within the treaty guidelines had you attacked without speaking with us first."

Several of the Quileutes mumbled quietly at his words. "Damn straight." The girl's voice stood out above the others, while the youngest boy fidgeted uncomfortably.

Carlisle's voice cut through the murmurs. "Jacob, would you mind taking this back to our house? I can promise you there will be no violence. The pack, of course, could wait outside should we violate my word."

Jacob's eyes narrowed, flicking to me and then each of my family members. He looked uneasily at his pack, his eyes settling on the largest and seemingly oldest in the crowd. Only Jacob looked bigger than him, though he was certainly younger. He gave the slightest nod, but Jacob still looked contemplative.

"I bring one other with me. The rest of you wait outside- I only want to speak with you and Bella."

"No." I said softly, but forcefully. All eyes turned to me, piercing and curious.

I couldn't let Edward be outside, potentially in danger with all of the wolves. Jacob raised an eyebrow at me.

Carlisle spoke, reason coating his words. "Bella, I don't really think we're in a position to bargain right now."

I gave a frustrated sigh. "I won't talk without Edward," I said, defiant.

Jacob glanced quickly between the three of us, particularly focusing on Edward and me.

He shook his head. "Fine," he offered grudgingly. "I expect to meet you all there in ten minutes. If you don't, any chances of compromise are off and we _will_ find you."

His voice was threatening, and I didn't doubt his words for a second. His tone was repossessed by the ferociousness and ruthlessness that I had seen in his eyes earlier. Edward eagerly came to my side and we all ran at breakneck speed for the house.

We stopped when we pulled up to the front steps.

"Would someone mind explaining what happened back there?" Rosalie asked before anyone else had a chance to do anything other than halt their footsteps. Everyone rounded on me, curiosity on their expressions, but it was Edward who spoke.

"From what I could see in their minds, one moment they were all ready to attack, and then Jacob gave them an order to stop. I have no idea why- I wasn't paying attention to what was going on before that. I was too busy trying to fight off the one that was trailing me so I could get back to Bella."

"Looks like little sis didn't need any help on that front," Emmett offered teasingly, but with a worried and confused look on his face. I saw the way his arm was gripped tightly around Rosalie, and spotted his fear in the action.

All eyes returned to me, Jasper's particularly interested. I remembered the story of his past in the newborn armies of the South, and I knew he was trying to figure out how someone with no experience had gotten a werewolf to back down. He and Alice clung together as tightly as Rosalie and Emmett.

"Bella, love," Edward breathed into my hair, and I noticed his posture was no different. "What happened?"

I took a deep breath, wondering how I could possibly explain something I didn't understand.

"He- Jacob- was chasing me- I was sure we were all without hope. I didn't think I could do anything but give myself up- I figured I was the reason they wanted us, and maybe I could make it stop. So I turned around and stopped running."

"Bella," Edward chastised, his tone scandalized. "You are _not_ the reason they attacked. _I_ broke the treaty."

I shrugged. He may be right, but I didn't want to argue right now. There wasn't time.

"Well, I brought us back here. But that's beside the point. I turned around, expecting him to attack. But he paused too- and then he went into the bushes and morphed back into his human form." I left out the part about his change in expression, thinking that was too difficult to meaningfully recount.

"Why?" Esme asked, begging the question everyone else wanted the answer to. She was concerned, but I could see the hope building in her eyes as I tried to explain the inexplicable.

"I asked him and he said it was because I didn't fight back. He said I was more human than he expected- he mentioned Charlie."

My voice quieted at the end, thinking about Charlie. I began to wonder if all of this would be in vain. Would I break his heart all over again?

Carlisle's voice broke my reverie. "Is that everything?"

I nodded. "Hmmm…well, maybe we'll be able to talk this out. He obviously has some kind of soft spot for you Bella- we'll figure this out," he promised, smiling. His eyes were still tight, but I saw the same hope that was settled in Esme's features.

"Either way, it doesn't matter. We can take down these mutts if we have to," Emmett proclaimed chest puffing up. I looked at him hopelessly, wondering if we really could. Hadn't we almost lost just minutes before? Only the looks of fierce determination on my family member's faces checked my doubt- if we didn't make it, we were going to put up a fair fight. The thought was disturbing, and I gripped Edward a little tighter.

He patted my shoulder with his hand. "Shh…it will all be okay Bella," he promise, but I didn't miss the way his hold tightened as well.

I settled my head into his chest, cherishing every second, considering our uncertain future. Jacob cut through the tree line then, followed by the larger, older dark-skinned man I had noticed him look to earlier.

"Who is that?" I whispered into Edward's ear.

"Sam Uley. He was the alpha before Jacob. Jacob only took his place after you went missing and then we left town. He was suspicious and his determination to figure out what happened to you forced him to take the role he deserved by birthright. He keeps thinking about Charlie and playing with you as a kid."

I nodded. The last part wasn't that surprising, given what we had talked about just a bit before, but the part about why he was the alpha was. I didn't completely understand all of it- just that it meant that he was in charge and Sam Uley seemed to be his right-hand man. It was already apparent he respected him.

They stopped at the base of the stairs.

Carlisle opened the door, allowing them inside. They stepped through the door cautiously, and Edward and I followed with a last glance back at the rest of our family and to the woods where we knew the rest of the pack sat. It was an uneasy feeling to close the door behind us.

"Please, let us talk in here." Carlisle gestured to the dining room and we filed in. Carlisle swiftly pulled the drop cloth away, revealing the furniture that had sat unused for a year. Dust filtered through the air, catching the artificial lighting.

Jacob snorted. "A dining room?"

Carlisle didn't drop his cool façade. "It makes a decent conference area."

Jacob didn't say another word, sitting stiffly on one side of the table with Sam by his side.

Carlisle sat across from them, and Edward sat to his left, pulling me into the seat beside him. He clutched my hand in his beneath the table.

An eerie, uncomfortable silence descended. Carlisle was the first to break it.

"Obviously, we have broken the treaty. I acknowledge that." Sam's face was a steely acknowledgement of that fact, and he stared angrily at all three of us.

"Obviously," Jacob affirmed.

"But there is also some reason you have not followed through with the terms of the treaty. Thus, I would like to hear why. If you don't mind."

I wondered at Carlisle's civil tone, and saw that it caught Jacob and Sam off guard as well. They glanced at each other, and Jacob cleared his throat.

"I'd like to first hear what happened to Bella- from her," Jacob replied coolly.

Edward squeezed my hand in encouragement, and Carlisle nodded.

What was I supposed to say? _Edward attacked me in cold blood in the parking lot of the high school but its ok because I didn't die, I just became a vampire._ Or maybe, _Edward bit me, but he didn't mean it. _Somehow I just don't think they would understand either of those explanations. But I had to try.

I took a deep breath.

"Ok- but I don't want any interruptions until I'm finished," I demanded, channeling all of my inner strength and commanding their attention. Both Jacob and Sam slowly nodded. I studied them carefully before beginning.

"On my first day at Forks High, I was walking with Edward after Biology. I don't remember exactly what happened after that, because most of my human memories are really blurry and indistinct,"

"I do know that I followed Edward out to his car for some reason. The next thing I can remember is him biting me, and almost losing consciousness."

Jacob growled and tensed in his seat, but I gave him a pointed look. To my surprise, he eased back in his chair.

"Before that could happen, someone pulled Edward off of me and someone else carried me back here to Carlisle. I found out later Emmett and Jasper stopped Edward and Alice took me. Over the next several days, because Edward's venom was in my veins and it couldn't be stopped, I was transformed into a vampire."

I decided to leave out the part about burning and excruciating pain- I didn't think those things would be helpful to my case, and they would only hurt Edward. He was already wincing beside me, reliving his darkest days. I squeezed his hand and turned to give him a look of encouragement before turning back to the two pairs of black eyes that were staring at me.

"When I woke up, I was a little confused. Carlisle had explained a lot to me while I was changing, but I didn't believe it until I experienced it all. Edward was the one who showed me everything, and explained what had happened. I've never seen anyone so repentant, or so faithful."

I smiled at him lightly, but was interrupted by Jacob.

"Right," he said with a disdainful attitude.

"I said no interruptions."

He quirked an eyebrow but responded with an amused "Sure, sure."

"I chose to stay with the Cullens. I chose to hide when you came to the house a couple of weeks later in the middle of the night. I chose to not harm humans. I chose to forgive Edward. I chose to flee and go to New York. I chose to make this my family. I chose to allow myself to love Edward. I'm choosing to marry him, and I chose to come back to Forks so I could see my father and he can walk me down the aisle."

I finished, using the last bit of my air supply to finish my statement. I sucked in another breath, expectantly waiting Jacob's response.

"You talked to Charlie?" I nodded.

"What did you tell him?"

"I was attacked by an animal and somehow drug myself away. Someone found me, took me to get treatment, and Carlisle, as a doctor, heard about it. They took me in, I lost a lot of my memories, but they persuaded me to come back. I fell in love with Edward during that time, and now I'm marrying him, and want my dad to be there."

Jacob stared me down, considering.

Sam interrupted the strained silence. "That doesn't change the fact that Edward attacked you, obviously breaking the treaty. Are we supposed to stand by and not do anything about that?"

Edward spoke then for the first time since we entered the house.

"You're right. My life is forfeit. You can have it- just don't harm my family or Bella. They did nothing wrong."

A flurry of noise followed his statement. Carlisle shuffled in his seat. "Son, I don't think.."

"Reasonable," Jacob responded. Sam looked appeased.

"NO!" I cried out. I had their attention again.

"You can't do that. You may as well kill me as well. Yes, Edward attacked me. But it wasn't him- it was the instinct he battles gallantly every day. It was one slip, and an exception- my blood was more appealing to him than anyone else's has ever been. Please, understand…" my voiced cracked, and my body was wracked with tearless sobs. My chest heaved, and Edward's arms were around me in an instant. He cradled me to his chest and the room fell away, and only his soft velvet voice existed, whispering quiet comforts into my ear.

After a minute or so, Jacob cleared his throat. I composed myself, looking up at him with prickling eyes.

He sighed, and traded a look with Sam, who looked resigned. "Do what you have to."

"Nothing would make me happier that to dismember you right here on the spot bloodsucker," Jacob spat at Edward. My chest heaved again, and the ripping sensation from earlier returned, accompanied by terror.

"But," he emphasized, his gaze softening and settling on me, "There are complicating circumstances. Bella, though not exactly alive, seems to be happy. As much as I'd like to believe she's coerced, I just don't believe she would be able to lie this well." A spark of hope ignited, and the tearing paused.

"There's also the matter that Charlie has seen her, and I can't imagine taking his daughter away from him again. Not after what I saw last winter. She seems to have come up with a convincing cover story. If you can renew the treaty, I suppose we could let this slide."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What terms?" Carlisle asked, taking over the diplomat role again.

"Same as before. No mercy if another human is ever bitten again. Same treaty line- stay off of our land. Charlie and no one else ever discovers exactly what you or we are."

Carlisle nodded. I saw the relief on his face as well. "You have our word." He offered his hand to Jacob.

Cautiously, Jacob took it, shaking it twice before letting it go like it was poison.

As if synchronized, we all stood at the unspoken cue.

"We'll be going then," Jacob said, slipping out of the dining room and taking large strides to cross the great room and exit the front door. Only Sam paused for a minute by the door, shooting one last regretful glance back at us. I had the impression that this was not the outcome that would have occurred had he been in charge.

And like that, the wolves were gone. Esme flew through the front door, rushing to Carlisle's side, squeezing him tightly before giving him a passionate kiss. I averted my eyes, embarrassed. I instead caught the eyes of Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie. They all looked at us in astonishment.

We would have a lot of explaining to do, but for now I relished the comfort of Edward's arms, with the assurance that I would rest there forever.

**A/N: So, that's the last chapter before the epilogue. And it was the longest yet. Review and let me know what you think!**


	27. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**A/N: Wow. We're finally here. It's been quite a ride, and I want to thank you all for the favorites, alerts and kind reviews, especially the constructive criticisms, I received along the way. I'm both overjoyed and saddened to see this come to a close, and I hope that you all have enjoyed it as much as I have. You're readership has meant everything to me- it's amazing that **_**other**_** people want to read what I write. One last time…**

_Bella's POV_

I couldn't believe this was really happening. It was just too mind blowing.

After nearly dying- twice if you counted Edward biting me- I was back in Forks. And I happened to be wearing a white dress, getting ready to marry the love of my life, join the best family I'd ever known, and be given away by my father while my mother quietly sobbed into a handkerchief. All as a vampire.

How was this possible?

Someone, whether God or fate or whoever, had a really twisted sense of humor. Not that I was complaining- I was coming out on the best end of the deal.

Of that I was certain.

Even if I wasn't certain about walking down the aisle in about fifteen minutes.

Of course, it wasn't uncertainty about committing myself to Edward for forever. That was happening with or without the wedding that was planned to take place in the living room of the Forks Cullen home. Edward was the only thing I couldn't live without.

On the other hand, wedding dresses, flower arrangements, receptions and vows were not necessary. Not for me- they were all the result of Esme's, Alice's and Renee's planning. But I didn't resent them- Edward wanted to have them, and I wanted to give them to him.

I was only literally unsure about walking down the aisle. I suppose that was the human in me coming out- I just wasn't comfortable with being in front of everyone.

Even if that everyone was just Charlie, Renee, Phil, the Cullens and few of their vampire friends. The thought was terrifying, and somehow it showed.

"Calm down Bella," Alice ordered, fussing with my hair as she pinned on my veil, "It will all turn out beautifully."

I rolled my eyes, annoyed. "How do you even know I'm nervous?"

Rose laughed from across the room, where she was tweaking my bouquet. "Please Bella. You may not have a racing heartbeat, but you're the stillest I've ever seen you and you've stopped breathing- you're freaking out."

I sighed, laughing a bit. I hadn't noticed, but I probably did look a little like a deer in headlights. I swallowed out of habit, and took a breath. "Right, ok. But you both know I don't like crowds."

Alice guffawed. "Bella, there's hardly a dozen guests. That does not count as a crowd."

Looking in the mirror, I saw Rose nod. "She's right- if this makes you nervous, you should have seen mine and Emmet's third ceremony. Almost the entire town was there for that one."

Thankfully, just as Alice and Rose started to launch into recounting their various weddings, a tap came at the door, accompanied by two heartbeats. That meant only two people could be on the other side. I started for the door, but Alice beat me there. Even with my speed, it was difficult to move in the frilly, lacy contraption that was my wedding dress. It didn't help that Alice had seen who was coming.

"Hi Charlie! Hi Renee!" she trilled, opening the door wide. "Bella is just inside!"

I turned, shaking my head at Alice's excitement but smiling wide as I saw my parents enter the room. Though I had already seen them both several times over the past week, I felt my eyes prickle with venom. It was still nearly impossible to believe they were really there.

After all, I had went from thinking I would never see my parents again to standing in the same room with them.

The day after settling things with the wolves, I had visited Charlie again. Together, we had decided he should call Renee and tell her what had happened to me. After being convinced Charlie wasn't insane, she caught the first plane out with Phil. Renee had cried for a full twenty minutes before she was able to say anything other than "Oh my God." Renee was exactly the wreck I vaguely remembered, and I was grateful for it. Once she composed herself she had demanded hearing what happened to me from my own mouth, and I had retold the pre-formulated story. I emphasized that the majority of my memories were still gone, and therefore I didn't really wish to renew contact with anyone else or have them even know about what had happened. I used excuses of it being too difficult to explain, too painful, and not wanting to deal with people I couldn't remember.

After some begging, Charlie reluctantly agreed to keep the secret, the police chief in him revolting. Renee was just so glad to have me back that she cared little about anything else- except for meeting Edward. Once I told her that I planned to marry him, she had demanded immediately seeing all of the Cullens, right after crying some more and congratulating me.

That meeting had happened later that day- it was a strange sight to see my new and old families mingling together, vampire and human. Nothing could have made me happier, even though I knew that after the wedding I would have to limit my contact with my human family again, especially when I didn't age. Lies and sparse phone calls were the only future we could have, but I was just glad to have any kind of future that included my parents and a sliver of humanity.

In the end, with the help of some brown contacts and bold-faced lies, everything was working out like a fairytale. When I asked why everything seemed to be so easy, Edward explained that Renee, Charlie and even Phil were just so grateful to see me alive again that they buried all of their suspicions. I could hardly believe it, but considered myself lucky- ironic, considering how this had all started.

And now my mother was weeping all over herself, ruining her makeup as she went on and on about how beautiful I looked and how happy she was for me, her baby girl. Charlie looked like he could cry as well, but just stood by awkwardly for few minutes before clearing his throat.

"Bells, I think it's about time…"

I nodded, hugging my mother gingerly before moving toward Charlie. He hooked his arm with mine, patting my hand. He was becoming a pro at ignoring how cold I was. Renee slipped by me, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek as she went downstairs to take her seat. "I love you baby," she said, hiccupping as she swallowed tears. Alice and Rose followed just behind her, whispering encouragements so low and fast that only I could hear them while gracefully gliding out of the room in silver heels and dark blue bridesmaid dresses.

Charlie and I were all alone then, and he cleared his throat once more, shuffling uneasily from one foot to the other and avoiding my eyes.

"I love you Bells," he stated, surprisingly looking down at my face. I smiled, nearly warmed by the words. Yet the display of affection was still awkward, and I found myself wanting to move on.

"Love you too Dad- don't let me fall?" I asked, knowing there was no way that could actually happen.

He chuckled and the atmosphere relaxed. "I promise."

"Ok," I breathed, "let's go."

I reminded myself not to grip Charlie's arm too tightly as we moved down the staircase to the sounds of the traditional wedding march. I heard his heart beating loudly, and had no doubt that if I still had one, mine would be competing to be faster.

Despite moving so slowly, I was caught off guard that we had already turned the corner and reached the bottom of the staircase. Suddenly I could see into the living room. My stomach tightened for one quick moment as the small gathering turned its focus to my entrance. I immediately focused in on Edward's face, beaming at me from where he stood with Emmett and Jasper beside him. Carlisle was behind him, ready to perform the ceremony. Alice was bouncing by Rose, waiting at the makeshift altar, white and laced with an entire garden's worth of flowers.

Everyone was smiling, but it was Edward's lopsided grin that my entire existence seemed to hang on. I met his gaze, and all of my nervousness and apprehension melted into an amalgam of excitement and joy. I couldn't fathom why the he had forgiven me so easily after that night, but when Edward had simply called us even I had decided to take my own advice and not wallow in my guilt, vowing instead to love him unselfishly for the rest of my existence. I tried to communicate that promise all the way down the aisle- our eyes never broke contact and my surroundings slowly faded out, with the exception of the feel of Charlie's light kiss on my forehead as he placed my hand in Edward's. My eyes fluttered close for a moment under the weight of the contentment both sensations brought.

Then Edward and I took a step up together and Carlisle began speaking. I forced myself to pay attention and tuned back in to reality. I miraculously remembered where to say "I do" but focused more on the silent words of love in Edward's expression.

Before I knew it, Carlisle was uttering the words I never thought could mean so much to me. I never believed I needed the official proclamation. Yet something about the words, here in front of everyone I loved, was beautiful and healing.

"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen. You may kiss the bride."

With that, everything was worth it all. The pain of the transformation, the separation from my family, the loss of normalcy, and the months of confusion. It was all worth Edward. No price could have been too high. Overcome with a flood of too many emotions to identify, I bit my lip.

Then Edward was moving his face forward, and his warm but cold lips met mine. Unable to contain myself, it felt like every emotion I had felt over the past year was infused into that kiss. I hardly even heard the snickering of Emmett and Alice, or the quiet amused whispers between Esme and Renee. I certainly didn't care about any of it, even when Edward finally broke the kiss and I saw that everyone was just slightly embarrassed at our over the top display of affection.

I just grinned with Edward's hand in mine, ready to take on forever.

**A/N: Yeah- I know, cliché happily ever after. But it is cliché for a reason. **

**One last time, please, please review- I would love it if _everyone _who has made it to the end could leave their final opinion! **


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